Selfish
Moonbyul ft. Seulgi
 

I wanna be selfish
아직 많은 나의 Wish
세상의 기준을 맞추기엔
제 멋대로인 게 어울려 어울려

--

I wanna be selfish
I still have a lot of wishes
I don’t wanna adjust to the standards of the world
I’m better off doing it my way
 

---

“Unnie!”

 

Moon Byulyi looked up from her phone, a big smile quickly overtaking the scowl she had worn for the last half hour.

 

“Seulgi!” She cried, running up to her friend and engulfing her in a big hug.

 

“Oh dear.” Seulgi quickly pushed Byulyi back and held her at arm's length, a serious expression on her face. “Yongsun-unnie kicked you out again, didn’t she?”

 

Byulyi shifted uncomfortably under Seulgi’s intense gaze. “Uh, no.”

 

“Let me guess,” Seulgi sighed, “you kicked yourself out in protest, but she didn’t let you back in.”

 

Byulyi groaned, and pushed away her friend’s arms. “Yah! I called you out to have fun. Let’s go,” She grumbled.

 

Seulgi ran after her as she began to far-too-quickly march toward the arcade, their typical escapade whenever Byulyi called. “Unnie, did you apologize?”

 

“Yes,” Byulyi grinded out between her teeth, “of course.”

 

“Did you cry?”

 

“...No.

 

“Unnie.”

 

“No.”

 

“Unnie…”

 

Byulyi sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose with a thumb and forefinger. “Fine. Yes, I cried. I wailed against the door, but she still wouldn’t let me in. She’s mean and I hate her.”

 

Seulgi snickered. “You don’t hate her.”

 

Byulyi slapped her across the shoulder. “Whose side are you on? I mean, what kind of person can listen to their girlfriend cry and apologize and say she loves you without batting an eyelash?”

 

They arrived inside the arcade and greeted the owner, by now a friendly acquaintance, with a bow. Seulgi stuck a hand inside the pocket of her jacket and pulled out some change. “Probably the kind of person who does this almost every week?” she said nonchalantly.

 

Byulyi followed her toward the dance machine and popped in a few coins.

 

“As much as I like spending time with you, unnie,” Seulgi continued, “even Irene-unnie started asking me where I go every week.”

 

Byulyi looked up from the song selection screen for a moment to study her best friend. Embarrassed, Seulgi slammed the OK button and started up whichever song Byulyi had been hovering on.

 

Byulyi assumed her place with a smirk and easily hit the first few arrows that rose up. “So, you’re saying that she’s finally noticed you, huh?” Though her eyes remained glued to the screen, she could perfectly picture the rosy blush colouring Seulgi’s face whenever they mentioned her beautiful flatmate. “I’m surprise it has taken this long, but I knew you could do it.”

 

She reached over to give her friend a slap on the shoulder, narrowly missing a beat and breaking her combo, but it was worth it just to hear her friend whine.

 

“Unni-i-i-e, stop teasing me!” Seulgi cried. “I came out to have fun with you and help you forget about your problems, and this is how you repay me.”

 

“Don’t pout, Seul,” Byulyi laughed. “Thank you for coming out to meet me. I love you.”

 

Seulgi made a face, and swiped at her bangs as the song came to an end. “You’re gross, unnie.”

 

“Really though,” Byulyi said, her eyes on the screen as she properly picked a song this time, “What did she say? Did she look angry?”

 

Seulgi pulled her hair up into pigtails as Byulyi flipped indecisively between songs. “I don’t...think so. Anyway, this isn’t about me!”

 

Byulyi ignored her and pressed the button to play. “It’s been like four months since she moved in,” she said with a grin, “I want my Seulbear to have her happy ever after. Did she like the cookies you made last time?”

 

“Jeez, unnie, stop teasing me.”

 

“Are you blushing? Please tell me you’re blushing.”

 

“Aish, just play the game!”

 

“But the cookies—”

 

“She liked them. She said it was s-sweet.”

 

Byulyi stopped, effectively missing the next few seconds of commands and sending her health bar into a plummet.

 

“Unnie,” Seulgi cried, her feet moving in frenzied panic, “what are you doing? I can’t keep you alive—a-a-ah, I’m not good at this! Oh dear—ah! Unnie, please—Ah...game over.” Seulgi leaned back against the U-shaped handlebar with a deep sigh, and wiped the sweat off her brow with the back of her hand. “What the heck…we lost…” she groaned, dramatically throwing her arms out. “Why did you do that?”

 

“Irene called you sweet.”

 

“What? No, she said the cookie was sweet.”

 

Byulyi punched her lightly on the shoulder. “Obviously, cookies are sweet. Knowing you, you probably misheard, you silly bear,” Byulyi’s smile widened into a mischievous grin. “Irene is into you. We are going to have double dates. I’m going to be a bridesmaid.”

 

“You’re jumping too far!” Seulgi said, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “I don’t even have the courage to tell her how pretty she is.”

 

“Seul-ah, you’re always saying things without thinking. I’m sure you’ll slip up and tell her someday.”

 

“Unnie, that’s mean!” Seulgi cried. “I wish I could have your courage. You’re so brave, unnie.”

 

Byulyi scoffed. “If I was brave, I wouldn’t be here.”

 

Seulgi toed the down arrow of the dance machine with her sneaker. “You confessed to Yongsun-unnie though. I could never do that.”

 

“Oh, Seul,” Byulyi said, pushing her hair back. “You will.” She struck a pose with a hand on her hip and her finger pointed to the sky, high above her head, “the power of love compels you! And then!” She lowered her arm and pointed straight at Seulgi’s nose. “You’re going to ask her out and she’s going to say yes and then you’ll have beautiful little bear children. Oh! And we’re going to have double dates.”

 

“Unni-i-i-ie, sto-o-o-o-op…”

 

Seulgi groaned and shuffled off the platform, covering her ears as she headed toward the row of claw machines. But the older girl wouldn’t let up—she tugged at her shirt and went on: “Or! She’s going to ask you out, and you’re going to say yes, we’re going to have double dates, and then you’ll have beautiful little bear children, and I’m going to be a godmother. You should name one of your kids Daebakkie.”

 

“Unnie, you’re so annoying today,” Seulgi moaned. “And why would I name my child after your dog?”

 

“Well, technically it would be named after that soccer player’s kid.”

 

Byulyi pulled out a few coins from her jacket and handed a few to Seulgi, who took them with a quick thank you and turned around to give the claw machine a shot.

 

“Anyway,” Seulgi mumbled, “I don’t even know if Irene-unnie likes kids.”

 

“Well, she likes you, so…”

 

“Hey! I’m not a kid! You’re the one who loves the arcade so much. She doesn’t...she doesn’t think I’m a kid either! B-because I’m an adult!”

 

She glanced back over her shoulder. Usually, Byulyi would have turned her attention on the claw machine behind her by now, but instead she met her eyes with the most delighted grin on her face.

 

“Oh, my dear friend, you are so whipped.”

 

“You’re the whipped one,” Seulgi pouted. She turned back to her machine and started the game, smiling to herself quietly when she heard Byulyi do the same.

 

“Ugh, you’re right.”

 

They played in silence for a few minutes as they fiddled with the joystick to get the angle just right. The claws descended, one after another, followed by the mumbled encouragement of their respective players. “Come on, come on, come on,” Byulyi whispered under her breath. “Damn it!”

 

“No luck either,” Seulgi said with a sigh. “Round two?”

 

Byulyi nodded and received a few coins from Seulgi with an open palm.

 

“So what happened anyway with Yongsun-unnie?” Seulgi asked as she started up her game.

 

Byulyi twisted her joystick around in frustration before actually inserting money into the machine. “Just my usual stupidity.”

 

Seulgi nodded and hummed. “Did you shrink her favourite shirt again?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Did you slam the door in her face?”

 

“That was one time!”

 

“Did you—“

 

“No, I didn’t use all her lotion.”

 

Seulgi paused. “How did you know I was going to ask?”

 

“You always ask.”

 

“I really like her lotion,” she mumbled. “It smells nice.”

 

“I’ll get you a bottle for your birthday.”

 

Seulgi whipped around. “Really, unnie?”

 

Byulyi laughed, though she did not take her eyes off the prize her claw was hovering over. “You’re so easy to please.”

 

“That’s what Irene-unnie said too.”

 

“What?” In a moment of shock, Byulyi’s finger slipped, sending the claw down to grab the empty air. “Oh no, oh no. No-o-o-o!” She cried, pressing both hands against the glass. “I was so close…”

 

“Anyway,” Seulgi said quickly, not wanting to be interrogated for her momentary slip-up, “what really happened with Yongsun-unnie?”

 

Byulyi hugged the machine, seemingly in tears. Seulgi shook her head and tapped her on the shoulder. While they had been talking, she managed to dredge up a round stuffed hamster, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the way the older girl lit up when she held her prize out in front of her.

 

“Can I really have this?”

 

“Only if you tell me what’s wrong!”

 

“Aish, Seulbear is so cheeky now.”

 

Seulgi stuck out her tongue, but dropped the stuffed animal into Byulyi’s open arms anyway. “Thank you,” Byulyi said. She squeezed the hamster close and grinned.

 

Seulgi stretched her arms out behind her, puffing out her chest in a moment of pride, and mirrored her smile. “Now you have to tell me what happened, unnie.”

 

“Let’s go outside.”

 

“Unni-i-i-i-ie!”

 

Byulyi went outside with the hamster pressed against her chest. On her way out, she picked up a lollipop and left some money on the counter—she had seen the owner wrestling with some boxes in the back, and decided not to bother him.

 

“Here,” she said, handing Seulgi the big rainbow lollipop as they crossed the threshold.

 

“Thank you, unnie.” Seulgi held onto it with a childlike grin. She straightened out the clear plastic wrapper, then carefully placed it on top of the old arcade machine outside.

 

The lollipop had become their tradition whenever Byulyi called her out here. It was the simplest expression of gratitude, but Seulgi appreciated it nonetheless. The first time she received a lollipop from Byulyi, she’d ripped off the wrapper and jammed it into without a second thought, which resulted in several severe losses in Street Fighter when the sticky sweetness made increasingly uncomfortable.

 

Since that time, she began collecting the lollipops and taking them home with her, where she now had a growing bouquet. There were only four of them in her vase at home, but Seulgi hoped to one day gift all of them back to Byulyi when she eventually had the courage to ask Yongsun to marry her.

 

In spite of all the times Byulyi called her out here to sulk, she knew from the very bottom of her heart that they loved each other entirely. Seulgi didn’t know much about love, but she knew that the way they looked at each other was something very special, and she often found herself wishing somebody would look at her the same way. Somebody with straight black hair, perhaps, and a gaze that struck something terrifying and wonderful within her.

 

She shook her head and returned Byulyi’s quizzical glance with a shy smile.

 

“Best of three?” Byulyi asked. Seulgi nodded.

 

“Can I be Chun-Li this time?” Seulgi asked.

 

Byulyi raised a brow. “You know we can both be Chun-Li right?”

 

“Yeah, but it’s not fun.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Byulyi chuckled. “I’ll be Ryu.”

 

Halfway through the first round, Byulyi knocked Seulgi’s health down just far enough to fool around on her side of the screen. Her character jumped and squatted again and again as Seulgi, the tip of her tongue poking out from the side of in deep concentration, fired projectile after projectile. When none of her blue fireballs landed, she sighed and joined Byulyi in jumping around the screen.

 

“So, when are you going to tell me what happened with Yongsun-unnie?” Seulgi asked.

 

Byulyi’s eyes didn’t leave the screen. “I ate her cake.”

 

Seulgi stopped. “What? That’s it?”

 

“She bought a cake this morning and I ate it all.”

 

“Without her?”

 

“Without her.”

 

Chun-Li leapt up and kicked Ryu in the head.

 

“That’s cheap!” Byulyi cried. “Take this! Hadouken! Hadouken! Ha!”

 

“You’re cheap!” Seulgi yelled back, easily maneuvering Chun-Li out of the way. “Why would you eat all of Yongsun-unnie’s cake?”

 

“It wasn’t a very big cake. I was just hungry, and Yeba went out and left me alone with a cake.”

 

“That doesn’t mean you should eat it all!” Chun-Li fired off another fireball, which was promptly blocked.

 

Ryu jumped back to his corner of the screen, ducking when Byulyi said, “Oh, that’s not the worst part.”

 

“Oh no…”

 

“It’s our anniversary today. But I forgot. And I ate our anniversary cake.”

 

Seulgi stood up in horror. “UNNIE,” she cried. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

 

Byulyi looked up uneasily. “Um, winning this game?” She sent Ryu forward, landing several moves and knocking Chun-Li out—an easy feat considering Seulgi was still standing with her hands on her hips, looking as disapproving as ever.

 

“Unnie…”

 

“What?”

 

“You know that I really admire you, right?”

 

Byulyi stood slowly. “Well, thanks?” she said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck.

 

“I think you’re really cool. You’re not afraid to be yourself, and you’re not afraid to do whatever you want.”

 

“You’re going to give me a big head, Seul,” Byulyi chuckled nervously at the intensity of Seulgi’s expression.

 

“But sometimes,” Seulgi continued, crossing her arms, “and I hope you’ll forgive me for saying this, unnie, but sometimes, you can be really, really, really dumb.”

 

“W-wha—”

 

Seulgi placed both hands on Byulyi’s shoulders, and took a deep breath. “Unnie,” she said slowly, “Go buy a cake, go home to Yongsun-unnie, and apologize.” She leaned in a little closer, and looked her dead in the eyes. “Please.”

 

Byulyi pulled back and shoved her hands into her pockets. “I-I don’t know. It’s not that easy.”

 

“We’re going to the bakery,” Seulgi declared, grabbing her by the elbow. “You’re going to buy a cake, and you’re going to apologize.”

 

“Seul, wait,” Byulyi said. She dragged her feet to a stop, and gently pried Seulgi’s hand off her elbow. “Wait. I don’t...I don’t have any more money.”

 

Seulgi dug into her own pockets and flipped them inside out. Finding them empty, she looked up—horrified. “Me neither.”

 

Byulyi slapped a hand on her forehead. “You’re right. I’m such an idiot,” she laughed, just loud enough to garner a quick glance from an old woman passing by. “The kind of idiot who not only forgets her own anniversary, but eats a whole damn cake by herself, then runs away from her problems. This has to be the worst anniversary ever, Seul. I can’t even believe how dumb I am. You’ve really outdone yourself this time, Moon Byulyi.”

 

Seulgi tugged at Byulyi’s sleeve. “It’s not too late, unnie. Maybe you can make a cake?”

 

“It’s hopeless…” Byulyi groaned. “I .”

 

“Ah! I just remembered!” Suddenly, she ran back toward the store. Byulyi watched as she jogged up to the old arcade machine, then jogged back with the stuffed hamster she had left on a stool beside the machine. “Here!”

 

Byulyi held out both hands and received the hamster along with the lollipop she had given to Seulgi earlier. “You forgot these,” Seulgi said, grinning broadly. “Lasts longer than a cake, right?”

 

Her vision began to blur with unshed tears before Byulyi knew how to react. “Seul…” She mumbled into the top of the hamster’s head. “What would I do without you?”

 

Seulgi laughed, and slapped her on the arm. “Go home, unnie! Yongsun-unnie is waiting for you.”

 

Byulyi rushed forward and squeezed her friend in a tight hug, sniffling loudly against her ear as she pulled away. Seulgi cringed, but could not help smiling all the same.

 

“Fighting!” Seulgi said.

 

“Fighting!” She echoed. Then, with one last nod, she sprinted off in the direction of home, smiling as she pictured her love at the door.

 

Moon Byulyi might not be perfect—she might mess up from time to time—but she loved Yongsun more than anything, and she hoped that would be enough.

 

As she ran up the block with sweat dripping off her brow, Byulyi wondered if Yongsun would like the hamster and the lollipop. She wondered if she could forgive her, and if she could keep on forgiving her for every mistake she was bound to make in the future.

 

Breathless, she knocked on the door.

 

Long moments passed.

 

Finally, Kim Yongsun, queen of her heart, eyes rimmed with red opened the door and crossed her arms. “I’ve been waiting for you, you stupid fart.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Yongsun opened the door and reached up for a kiss. “I love you too,” she murmured into her lips. “Even though you make me mad sometimes.”

 

Byulyi pulled away, grinning broadly, held up her gift. “But I got you a hamster,” she declared proudly.

 

Yongsun pulled her inside and closed the door, pinning Byulyi down with a tight embrace.

 

“You’re stupid,” she mumbled against Byulyi’s neck, squeezing the hamster between them. “But I love it.”

 

Byulyi’s foolishly large grin widened, wrinkling the muscles around her nose.

 

“Happy anniversary.”

 

—-

 

As Seulgi walked into her shared apartment that day, she wondered if she would ever find the courage to live as freely and recklessly as Byulyi did. She wondered if she would one day experience these little games that lovers sometimes played. She wondered if she would be good at keeping track of anniversaries. Briefly, she pictured how wonderful it would be if she and Byulyi shared the same anniversary with their partners. Impossible as it seemed, she wouldn’t mind going on double dates with her favourite unnie.

 

“Welcome home, Seulgi.”

 

The vision of Irene—standing at the counter beneath the yellow kitchen light with a coffee mug in her hand and her glasses perched on the tip of her nose—halted all of her thoughts.

 

“I-Irene-unnie,” Seulgi mumbled, bowing clumsily in greeting.

 

“Is something wrong? You look a little red.” Irene placed her coffee mug on the counter and walked toward her, a worried expression knitted in her brows. Gingerly, she placed a hand on Seulgi’s forehead, unknowingly accelerating the younger girl’s heart beyond the threshold of normal. “You’re not sick, are you?”

 

Seulgi quivered, racking her brain for a coherent reply when, before she knew what was happening, she said, “Unnie, I think I’m in love with you.”

 

Irene froze, then slowly dropped her hand.

 

“S-Seulgi…I…”

 

Seulgi blushed, her ears burning as she buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry!” She cried, her voice muffled against her palm. “I didn’t mean to say that. Sometimes I just say things without thinking—ah Byulyi-unnie was right—I’m so embarrassed.”

 

“Seulgi, it’s okay,” Irene said gently. She lowered her hands from her face, and tilted her chin up with a smile. “I’m...very happy to hear that.”

 

Seulgi’s lower lip quivered, her heart soaring as Irene pulled her into a hug.

 

Maybe those double dates weren’t so impossible after all.

 

---

Notes: First of all, shout out to @danmuji_chan. Happy birthday, my dear friend! I had hoped to get this out to you yesterday, as I promised a birthday present within 24 hours. I guess less than 36 hours isn't so bad. So here it is! Happy belated birthday :) 

This is the first time I've ever written a piece based off an actual Mamamoo song, so please forgive me because this is pure trash and feels. I just loved Selfish so much, and it was just so cute. I kept telling people "Oh my god this has such a 'I got kicked out of the house by my wife' vibe to it' so I figured I might as well write it. I had a lot of ideas for Seulgi, since I'm kind of obsessed with powerful ace Seulgi from AIU, but I also loved the soft sibling vibe of Selfish, so I went for the unnie-dongsaeng 'give me stupid love advice' relationship. 

I hope you enjoyed this! It's been a very long time since I'd written and posted something in such a short period of time, but it was a lot of fun!