Chapter 3
StarchildrenStarchildren
Jinki watches as Junghee stares into nothing. Taemin is talking about a professor that has been unfair during his first two lectures but neither Jinki nor Junghee actually listens to him. Jinki is worried. Junghee hasn’t been herself ever since he found her staring at the lagoon. There is something bothering her but every time he tries, she shakes her head and changes the conversation topic. That in itself is odd because Junghee has never been one to keep secrets.
Taemin sighs when he realizes they’re not listening and gets up from his seat. Jinki looks up and tilts his head questioningly.
“I’ll find Jongin,” he says and then leans down to press his lips to Junghee’s cheek. Junghee almost jumps out of chair at the touch and Jinki tries to force the smile away from his lips. There is something wrong.
Kibum watches as Minjung wraps a string of kelp around her wrist, only to let it loosen and repeat the motion. She’s staring at nothing in particular and Kibum finds it odd.
He has tried suggesting they search the outskirts of the bottom before the steep drop, he has suggested they find the wrecks and look for treasures. He even suggested looking for fishermen struggling in the ocean but none of his suggestions make Minjung excited. It’s not right.
He backs a little away and collides directly with another merperson behind him. Taeyeon giggles and pats his shoulder when he turns around and creates a small whirlpool under his tail.
“I’m okay,” she says. “What are you looking at?”
She lifts herself in the water so she can look over his shoulder and Kibum flicks his tail and forces her down again when he creates a small current below her.
“Your curiosity is going to kill you someday,” he says and Taeyeon rolls her eyes.
“Says you,” she says but doesn’t make a new effort to look towards the tapairu. Kibum looks over his shoulder when Taeyeon swims back to the hapori. She’s right, though. Kibum and Minjung used to be curious. Now there is something bothering his best friend and he can’t figure out what it is.
Junghee shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t sit at the edge of the lagoon and almost hope for the zaffre-haired woman to appear. It might as well have been an illusion. Junghee doesn’t really understand what she saw that day and she doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly here again. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for and the memories of the day she almost lost her best friend still haunts her, yet she’s still here, still waiting for something that can’t possibly have had happened to happen again.
She sighs and lays down so she can stare at the sky through the treetops. The sky is blue and the sun is casting its golden rays through the scattered leaves. Junghee can feel the heat even in the shadows and she closes her eyes and lets it overtake her. The lagoon feels magic like this but it still bothers her that she has seen the other woman in the water. It makes no sense.
She knows Jinki has been fascinated with legends ever since they were kids but they can’t possibly be real. Junghee yawns and gets back into a sitting position.
When she opens her eyes, she stares at the still water and sighs again.
Minjung shouldn’t be here. There are many things to see in the open ocean, many things to explore with Kibum, yet Minjung finds herself in the lagoon more often than not. She wants to see the human girl again. It scares her to know that she’s been seen, it scares her that humanity might find them because of her, yet she still feels pulled towards the lagoon, towards the human with the nadeshiko pink hair.
The other girl isn’t there, though. That’s for the best really, because Minjung has to stop looking for her, even though the sight of the empty edge makes her disappointed. She slips below the surface and closes her eyes. She’s trying to listen to the silent water around her but she hears nothing but her own inabilities to really listen.
When she opens her eyes again, she sees the dark murky water around her; sand rising from the bottom and making the water seem darker. It’s broad daylight above the surface but Minjung keeps digging into the sand with her tail, obscuring the view of the human world she needs to hide from.
“Hey Jinki,” Taemin says and wraps his fingers around Jinki’s wrist. Jinki turns around to look at him and fumbles with a book when it almost slides out of his hands. Taemin quickly reaches out to help Jinki with the book as well.
“Mh?” Jinki asks and sends Taemin a smile.
“Have you seen Junghee?”
Jinki shakes his head. Taemin purses his lips and nods a little.
“I’m sorry,” he says and Taemin shakes his head.
“No, it’s okay. Tell her I’m looking for her if you see her, okay?”
Jinki nods and watches as Taemin turns around and leaves him in the hallway, shoulders slumping. Jinki takes a deep breath as he stares at the hallway, hoping to see Junghee and Taemin round the corner with laughter because they pranked him but nothing happens. People go and people come and time stands still while Jinki stands in the hallway.
“Hey Kibum,” Taeyeon says and reaches out towards him. Kibum floats on the waves with his eyes closed and Taeyeon barely catches his fluke. The touch makes Kibum surprised and he dips below the surface instantly, only to watch Taeyeon follow him.
“What?” he asks annoyed. He doesn’t like being disturbed when he’s floating. Taeyeon lowers her gaze for a second or two before she looks up again.
“Do you know why Minjung is in the lagoon so often? She doesn’t want to talk to me and I kind of miss her company,” she says and Kibum raises an eyebrow. Why would Minjung be in the lagoon? It’s not time for the ahoroa ceremony nor are there any important meetings for the hapori. There are no news of anything that could require a meeting in the lagoon either. He shakes his head a little and Taeyeon nods in understanding.
“Hey Taeyeon?” Kibum says and Taeyeon widens her eyes. “I’ll talk to her.”
He sends her a smile and Taeyeon sends him a small smile back before she turns around and starts swimming back towards the hapori. Kibum lets himself float in the waves again, tail flicking the surface lightly as he lets the sun warm his face again. He needs to find a way to get her to open up again before he loses his best friend.
Jinki doesn’t really mean to when he follows Junghee after school. He has skipped his last lecture for the first time in weeks and it’s really not on purpose but Junghee barely coming to school and her seeming more and more lost is worrying him. It’s on time he does something and when he can’t get her to talk, he has to do something differently.
Jinki doesn’t really like the idea of following Junghee because he knows what it’s like to keep secrets. Maybe that is the reason he’s doing it anyway. He knows he should trust Junghee to open up to him when the time is right, but there is something that compels him to take action nonetheless.
He follows Junghee to the lagoon and the atmosphere is strange. The last time he was here, he was here to say goodbye. That was weeks ago and he hasn’t felt the need to go here afterwards.
Junghee, however, is watching the water with a distant gaze and it reminds him of the last time he sat down beside her and spilled his thoughts, his nightmares and his belief that something was there in the water. Junghee doesn’t say anything, however, and she doesn’t turn around to look at him.
Jinki stands a few meters behind her and observes his best friend. Birds are calling out to each other around them and somewhere on the forest floor a hedgehog is looking through the bushes in search of food.
Junghee lowers her head and Jinki feels his heart skip a beat at the thought of Junghee jumping but she doesn’t. She stays on the edge, gaze tilted towards the water. Jinki feels the need to see what she’s looking at but he doesn’t step closer. Instead he turns around, scared of the need to go close. He thought he was done with the lagoon but here he is, the need for answers and the horrifying voices of his nightmares returning to his memories.
Jinki leaves the lagoon and promises himself to talk to Junghee tomorrow instead.
Kibum doesn’t really mean to sneak up on Minjung except maybe he does. He wants to figure out why she has been isolating herself. He doesn’t mean to surprise her, though, and he doesn’t expect her to lurk just below the surface, looking longingly towards the human world. He sinks against the wall and observes her. She’s not blowing bubbles with her hands like she usually is and she’s not smiling. Her fingers are playing with vegetation from the walls of the lagoon and she’s focused on something above the water.
When Kibum lifts his head, he finds the shadow of a human sitting at the edge of lagoon, looking at the water beneath as well. He shudders but stays where he is. Minjung doesn’t seem affected by the human. There is something so inherently wrong with the picture that Kibum can’t help but feel the unease settle in his body.
This is the image of him when he was obsessed with laws and lagoons and humans months ago. The memories that Kibum has tried so hard to bury in the past months are suddenly flooding his mind, reminding him of the human he shouldn’t have saved.
He shakes his head so violently that it causes ripples in the water. Minjung doesn’t react to his presence, however. Kibum can’t imagine that she hasn’t felt the water upset by his movements and although she’s not sensitive like he is, she cannot have ignored that.
The more he watches her stare at the human world, entranced by something that cannot be explained, the more he feels the need to stay as well.
It scares him a little because Kibum doesn’t want to sink back into the fear of questioning himself and their purpose. He doesn’t want to look for answers in the human world that scares him and he doesn’t want to associate the lagoon with humans. He doesn’t want to be here and he doesn’t want Minjung to be here either. It feels almost cursed. Ever since he saved the drowning human, everything has changed.
Kibum bites his lower lip when he leaves Minjung alone in the lagoon, unable to stay longer with the memories flooding his mind. He’ll have to talk to her when he finds her in the open ocean later.
The sun is setting behind her and Junghee wraps her cardigan a little closer around her shoulders in an attempt to fight off the cold. She doesn’t want to leave the lagoon.
She has spent the past two weeks near the lagoon and nothing has happened so far. Junghee has almost convinced herself that it was a hallucination, that she dreamt the woman with the zaffre-colored hair breach the surface of the lagoon. This is the last time she’s here. She has promised herself that.
Junghee makes a move to stand when the water suddenly stirs in the lagoon and there she is, the woman with the zaffre-blue hair. Junghee widens her eyes and almost loses her balance and topples into the lagoon. Her gasp has the other woman turning her head in Junghee’s direction and the two women stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. This time the woman doesn’t disappear, however. Junghee leans a little closer to the edge and blinks to make sure she’s really seeing her.
“A… Are you okay?” she asks, the wind carrying her voice towards the water.
“You haven’t seen me,” the woman says instead. Junghee blinks again. She’s absolutely sure she’s seeing her. This can’t be a hallucination.
“Do you need help?” Junghee asks and the woman shakes her head, the long hair floating on top of the water.
“Please just forget about me. Don’t come here anymore,” the stranger says. Junghee bites her cheek and nods. She’s about to ask why the other woman is in the water, when she dives again and Junghee swears she sees the flick of a tail before she disappears.
The water is getting darker as the sun sets on the sky and Minjung is staring at the human world from her spot in the lagoon. She’s been here for hours, observing the human girl on the edge. She’s been here often in the past few weeks, always looking towards the water as if she’s looking for Minjung.
Minjung knows she could just ignore her, could just pretend she was never spotted but the other girl is making it so impossibly hard to just forget. Minjung knows that she has broken the laws plenty of times with Kibum; she knows that she has been searching for treasures at the wrecks and followed fishermen just to cut their nets to save the fish. Minjung knows that she could turn this into no big deal because with the human there alone it doesn’t seem like she or the hapori is in any grave danger of being caught, skinned and eaten or put into small containers and on view.
Still, it bothers her that she cannot fix this. So, she’s here now with courage that has been hard to find and the only solution she can think of.
Minjung has promised herself to also tell Kibum how incredibly stupid she has been but not before she has dealt with it. She wants to tell the human girl to just forget about her. If this human girl is anything like the fishermen and the sailors, she won’t be difficult to convince. Humans are doubtful creatures by nature, that’s what the past weeks of observation have convinced her.
When the human makes a move to stand, Minjung breaches the surface. Her heart is beating so loud in her chest she’s convinced she won’t be able to do anything but she still stays with her shoulders above water, locking eyes with the human. It makes fear crawl down her spine but mixed with the fear is an excitement that shouldn’t be there.
“A… Are you okay?” the human asks and Minjung wants to answer, wants to say no, but she doesn’t because she’s not here to have a conversation.
“You haven’t seen me,” she answers and feels the vibration of her voice. She can almost taste the mix of feelings that’s surging through her body as she says the words and she just hopes that the human doesn’t detect the nervousness in her voice.
“Do you need help?” the strange human asks again and Minjung wills herself to forget the kindness from a human that thinks Minjung is human as well.
“Please just forget about me. Don’t come here anymore.”
When Minjung utters her words, she feels constrict. She wants to dive again, hide at the bottom of the lagoon and scold herself for her stupidity but she needs the confirmation that the human girl is going to forget her.
When she nods, Minjung turns around and dives below the surface again. She flicks her tail and powers through kelp and vegetation as she finds a spot for herself at the bottom.
“Jinki!” Junghee says and startles her best friend.
“Long time no see,” Jinki says and Junghee rolls her eyes.
“Do you still have the old book about legends and myths your grandmother gave you?”
Jinki closes his notebook with star notes and nods. “Yes, why?”
“Can I borrow it?” she asks and Jinki crosses his arms and looks at her.
“What do you need it for?” he asks and Junghee sighs.
“Does it say anything about mermaids? Is there such a myth?” she asks. Jinki almost falls from his chair in surprise.
“Why do you ask about that?”
“Just answer me,” Junghee says impatiently and Jinki sighs.
“Yes, there are myths like that. Plenty of them. Mermaids are not exactly uncommon legends; did you never listen to the lagoon guide?”
Junghee waves his answer away.
“I meant, in your book.”
Jinki raises an eyebrow.
“Why do you ask about that book specifically? You can just look it up on the internet.”
Junghee deflates and pouts.
“Because I trust your grandma. The internet is kind of unreliable.”
Jinki chuckles a little.
“Right,” he says. “But yes, there is also a legend of mermaids in the book. Don’t tell me you believe in mermaids?”
“Can I borrow it?” she asks again, evading his question.
“You who teased me with the Starchildren wants to borrow my book because you want to look up mermaids? Mermaids don’t exist Junghee.”
Junghee raises an eyebrow.
“Says you who believes our souls are created of stars. Can we stop discussing my intentions and you can just answer me on whether or not I can borrow your book?”
Jinki sighs and nods.
“Sure. But only if you let me in on your research because I’m tired of you being isolated and seeing you sad. I miss my best friend.”
Junghee looks up with a surprised gaze before she softens into a smile and wraps her arms around him.
“I’ll come by later and we can have an evening of stargazing and being best friends like when we we’re 12,” she says and Jinki nods a little.
“I’m looking forward to that,” he says. “Oh and by the way, Taemin is really worried about you. Maybe you should spend a day with your boyfriend as well.”
Junghee nods a little with a guilty smile. Maybe she should spend a day with her boyfriend as well.
“Kibum!” Minjung exclaims and surprises Kibum who’s catching herring. He turns around with half a herring hanging out of his mouth and he raises an eyebrow in question. “We need to talk.”
Kibum swallows the fish and nods a little.
“What’s up?” he asks and forgets the feast behind them so he can focus on his best friend.
“I’ve done something really ed up,” she says and Kibum tilts his head in question. She grabs his wrist and drags him towards the steep end. Kibum swims beside her, letting her drag him away from the hapori. When she stops, they’re 50 meters from the submarine volcano.
“Why here?” he asks and sinks towards the bottom where he starts looking through the sand with his hands.
“I don’t want anyone to listen in on us,” she says and that gets Kibum’s attention.
“So what did you do that was so bad?”
“I got spotted by a human.”
Kibum gapes and lets go of the crustacean he has just dug from the sand.
“What?” he asks and Minjung nods a little.
“I didn’t mean to,” she whispers. Kibum knows that, however.
“How?”
He still can’t fully believe it. Minjung sinks towards him and places herself on the bottom as well.
“When you saved the human in the lagoon, what made you come back?” she asks instead of answering his question. “Was it the human?”
Kibum raises an eyebrow in pure disbelief.
“No,” he says. “I really don’t like the human world and you know that. Wait, the lagoon? Did you get seen in the lagoon?” he exclaims. Minjung shushes him.
“Kibuuuum,” she whines and Kibum sighs.
“You’re an idiot and you know it.”
Minjung nods and pouts a little. Kibum rolls his eyes and hits her tail lightly with his hand.
“I dealt with the human, though,” she says and Kibum widens his eyes.
“You killed the human?!” he asks loudly and Minjung shushes him again.
“Of course not, you idiot.”
Kibum doesn’t get it. Minjung takes a deep breath before she begins to explain. Her explanation only has Kibum even more incredulous.
“You really are an idiot,” he says but his lips tilt upwards in a smile and Minjung giggles a little. A large shadow over them has them both looking up. Kibum’s stomach growls and Minjung laughs out loud. “And you robbed me of my dinner because the whales have probably eaten all the herring by now.”
Kibum looks towards the humpback whale that swims past them towards the herring school with a pout on his lips and a frown between his eyebrows. Minjung just shakes her head.
“Let’s go to the wrecks! We’ll find something better!” she promises. Kibum just rolls his eyes but he follows the celadon-colored tail as Minjung starts towards the wrecks, away from the submarine volcano.
Jinki laughs and grabs a marshmallow he can put on his stick. Junghee leans back in her chair and looks towards the star-filled sky. The telescope stands to their left, pointing at the sky and the bonfire in front of them heats up the already warm summer night. Jinki’s parents have long since left them alone to go to sleep but the two friends are still awake.
The old book Jinki has inherited from his grandmother is open on the legends of creatures of the sea and his notebook of star constellations are open on the latest page.
When his marshmallow is roasted to a golden caramel-brown he removes it from the fire and gently plucks it off the stick with his lips. He has missed spending time with Junghee like this. It’s carefree and there are no secrets between them right now.
Jinki likes these evenings. They were common when they were younger, staying up late on their vacations to watch the stars and discuss the legends Junghee didn’t believe and Jinki so adamantly and stubbornly wanted to prove was real.
“What would you do if the Starchildren legend really turned out to be real?” Junghee asks when Jinki the sugary residue from his fingers. He shrugs a little.
“I don’t know,” he says and looks up and gets eye contact with her.
“Eh?” she says. “You should totally get a Nobel prize in philosophy or something!”
That has Jinki laughing and he sends her a smile before he reaches out to grab another marshmallow.
“That doesn’t exist Junghee,” he says and Junghee snorts offended. “Do you believe in mermaids after reading the legend?”
Junghee sighs a little.
“I don’t know. You know, you’re the superstitious one of us. Remember when I saved you from Chaewon and her gang in middle school when they were mocking you with the legends calling you a nerd?” she asks and Jinki forgets his marshmallow momentarily to look at her with a frown.
“You didn’t save me,” he mumbles and Junghee laughs out loud. Jinki shoves her in her chair and almost makes her topple over and she screams. It has him laughing out loud.
It isn’t until Junghee laughs and points to his marshmallow he realizes that it has turned coal-black and there’s a small flame at the corner. He sighs and blows out the flame before he puts the stick with the burnt marshmallow on the plate that had earlier held biscuits. Junghee sends him a smile and turns back to the sky.
Jinki is just happy he has his best friend back.
Kibum laughs and hoist himself onto the sharp rock. He rests his back against the dry stone and lets the small waves tickle his flukes. Minjung rests her elbows on a smaller rock beneath him and looks at him.
“You’ll get seen,” she says and Kibum snorts a little.
“It’s night, Min. And also, if I get seen, at least I’m not the only one.”
He sends her a smirk and Minjung reaches up to smack his hip. He chuckles and uses his hands to sit up so he can look down on her. It’s been a long time since they have been together at the cliffs.
They never used to sit on them like this but with the moon being hidden by the clouds right now there is minimal danger of being spotted. Not only because only idiotic humans enter the cliffs at night but also because he hasn’t felt a lot of artificially created waves from boat engines in the waters today. There is always the risk of meeting great whites but for some reason, the risk hasn’t deterred either of the two young merpeople in going to the cliffs.
Kibum is just happy to have his best friend back as adventurous as she has always been.
Minjung slaps his tail again and Kibum reaches a hand down so he can hoist her up on the rock as well. They’re sitting close together, Minjung’s pectoral fins making Kibum’s smooth tail itch a little but he doesn’t complain. This is more important than pushing her back into the water.
“What did the human look like?” he asks after a while and Minjung raises an eyebrow.
“What?” she asks. Kibum just looks at her incredulously.
“The human that spotted you,” he says and Minjung bites her cheek while in thought.
“She was pretty,” she says and Kibum laughs a little.
“Oh, come on. Are you for real right now?”
Minjung snorts offended and pushes him towards the waters. Kibum barely keeps his balance and he scowls at her, his flukes hitting the rock hard in annoyance.
“It’s true!”
Kibum repeats her in a mocking tone and this time Minjung pushes him off the rock for real. The water makes a splash when he hits it and Kibum lifts his flukes above water so he can purposefully splash Minjung. She laughs as she wiggles off the rock as well and hits the water. Her best friend is glaring smugly at her and she sends bubbles his way with her hands. Kibum rolls his eyes but still dives towards the rocks beneath them, Minjung following him.
Taemin rests his chin in his hand as he stares out of his open window. The streetlights are obscuring the view of the clear sky and Taemin wishes he could turn them all off so he could look at the stars only.
Tonight is worse than usual. The longing and loneliness he has been trying to suppress for years is back again and it’s stronger than it usually is. He wishes he could call Junghee but he knows she’s with Jinki tonight. He also knows that deep down it all it doesn’t change anything. Taemin loves Junghee, but she isn’t enough to remove his loneliness when it overtakes him like this.
It’s been like this since Taemin was young. He doesn’t understand exactly what it is because Taemin has never been neglected and he has never had any reason to be lonely, yet there are still things missing from his life, things he cannot explain, an undeniable loneliness that surges through his bones.
On these nights, he usually turns to the sky but living in the middle of the city often makes it difficult to really look at the stars. On these nights, he envies Jinki and their house in the suburbs and his telescope.
Taemin sometimes sits on the rooftop of the apartment building and looks at the stars on the nights where the loneliness feels suffocating but he can’t find it in himself to walk there tonight. Tonight, all he wants is to find what it is that is making his life so empty in the sky, but the stars don’t talk and they don’t have the answers.
Taeyeon’s sharp dorsal fin cuts through the ocean as she swims south. She isn’t a fast swimmer so she can’t swim too far from the hapori if she wants to get back but she needs to get away from known waters. Swimming on the surface is usually dangerous but it’s best way for her to gauge how far she is and it comforts her to feel the waves on her back.
The starry sky blinks down at her but Taeyeon is too caught up in her own anxiety to notice. She feels lonely. This is not a new feeling in particular.
When she was young she blamed it on her family being separated from haporis and ever since she and her mother found the hapori where she has spent the remainder of her life, she has blamed her loneliness on the separation from her father. Deep inside, however, Taeyeon knows that it’s not the truth. There is something out there that is missing from her life and it makes no sense.
She stops and lifts her head above the surface so she can look at the horizon. She tilts her head towards the stars and closes her eyes, lets the night sky soothe her, just a little, before she dives again, this time deeper than before.
The surface area is dangerous at night but the deep waters aren’t exactly safe either. Taeyeon isn’t particularly concerned about predators tonight, however. All she wants to do is to swim and forgets, all she wants to do is heal.
There is something wrong tonight, the feeling of emptiness is stronger tonight – and Taeyeon dislikes the feeling. The deep waters don’t have answers, however, and Taeyeon is left on the bottom, looking towards the surface where the moon shines through the water and illuminates everything in a soft light. If only there was a way to figure out what she’s missing.
Taemin sighs when he realizes they’re not listening and gets up from his seat. Jinki looks up and tilts his head questioningly.
“I’ll find Jongin,” he says and then leans down to press his lips to Junghee’s cheek. Junghee almost jumps out of chair at the touch and Jinki tries to force the smile away from his lips. There is something wrong.
Kibum watches as Minjung wraps a string of kelp around her wrist, only to let it loosen and repeat the motion. She’s staring at nothing in particular and Kibum finds it odd.
He has tried suggesting they search the outskirts of the bottom before the steep drop, he has suggested they find the wrecks and look for treasures. He even suggested looking for fishermen struggling in the ocean but none of his suggestions make Minjung excited. It’s not right.
He backs a little away and collides directly with another merperson behind him. Taeyeon giggles and pats his shoulder when he turns around and creates a small whirlpool under his tail.
“I’m okay,” she says. “What are you looking at?”
She lifts herself in the water so she can look over his shoulder and Kibum flicks his tail and forces her down again when he creates a small current below her.
“Your curiosity is going to kill you someday,” he says and Taeyeon rolls her eyes.
“Says you,” she says but doesn’t make a new effort to look towards the tapairu. Kibum looks over his shoulder when Taeyeon swims back to the hapori. She’s right, though. Kibum and Minjung used to be curious. Now there is something bothering his best friend and he can’t figure out what it is.
Junghee shouldn’t be here. She shouldn’t sit at the edge of the lagoon and almost hope for the zaffre-haired woman to appear. It might as well have been an illusion. Junghee doesn’t really understand what she saw that day and she doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly here again. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for and the memories of the day she almost lost her best friend still haunts her, yet she’s still here, still waiting for something that can’t possibly have had happened to happen again.
She sighs and lays down so she can stare at the sky through the treetops. The sky is blue and the sun is casting its golden rays through the scattered leaves. Junghee can feel the heat even in the shadows and she closes her eyes and lets it overtake her. The lagoon feels magic like this but it still bothers her that she has seen the other woman in the water. It makes no sense.
She knows Jinki has been fascinated with legends ever since they were kids but they can’t possibly be real. Junghee yawns and gets back into a sitting position.
When she opens her eyes, she stares at the still water and sighs again.
Minjung shouldn’t be here. There are many things to see in the open ocean, many things to explore with Kibum, yet Minjung finds herself in the lagoon more often than not. She wants to see the human girl again. It scares her to know that she’s been seen, it scares her that humanity might find them because of her, yet she still feels pulled towards the lagoon, towards the human with the nadeshiko pink hair.
The other girl isn’t there, though. That’s for the best really, because Minjung has to stop looking for her, even though the sight of the empty edge makes her disappointed. She slips below the surface and closes her eyes. She’s trying to listen to the silent water around her but she hears nothing but her own inabilities to really listen.
When she opens her eyes again, she sees the dark murky water around her; sand rising from the bottom and making the water seem darker. It’s broad daylight above the surface but Minjung keeps digging into the sand with her tail, obscuring the view of the human world she needs to hide from.
“Hey Jinki,” Taemin says and wraps his fingers around Jinki’s wrist. Jinki turns around to look at him and fumbles with a book when it almost slides out of his hands. Taemin quickly reaches out to help Jinki with the book as well.
“Mh?” Jinki asks and sends Taemin a smile.
“Have you seen Junghee?”
Jinki shakes his head. Taemin purses his lips and nods a little.
“I’m sorry,” he says and Taemin shakes his head.
“No, it’s okay. Tell her I’m looking for her if you see her, okay?”
Jinki nods and watches as Taemin turns around and leaves him in the hallway, shoulders slumping. Jinki takes a deep breath as he stares at the hallway, hoping to see Junghee and Taemin round the corner with laughter because they pranked him but nothing happens. People go and people come and time stands still while Jinki stands in the hallway.
“Hey Kibum,” Taeyeon says and reaches out towards him. Kibum floats on the waves with his eyes closed and Taeyeon barely catches his fluke. The touch makes Kibum surprised and he dips below the surface instantly, only to watch Taeyeon follow him.
“What?” he asks annoyed. He doesn’t like being disturbed when he’s floating. Taeyeon lowers her gaze for a second or two before she looks up again.
“Do you know why Minjung is in the lagoon so often? She doesn’t want to talk to me and I kind of miss her company,” she says and Kibum raises an eyebrow. Why would Minjung be in the lagoon? It’s not time for the ahoroa ceremony nor are there any important meetings for the hapori. There are no news of anything that could require a meeting in the lagoon either. He shakes his head a little and Taeyeon nods in understanding.
“Hey Taeyeon?” Kibum says and Taeyeon widens her eyes. “I’ll talk to her.”
He sends her a smile and Taeyeon sends him a small smile back before she turns around and starts swimming back towards the hapori. Kibum lets himself float in the waves again, tail flicking the surface lightly as he lets the sun warm his face again. He needs to find a way to get her to open up again before he loses his best friend.
Jinki doesn’t really mean to when he follows Junghee after school. He has skipped his last lecture for the first time in weeks and it’s really not on purpose but Junghee barely coming to school and her seeming more and more lost is worrying him. It’s on time he does something and when he can’t get her to talk, he has to do something differently.
Jinki doesn’t really like the idea of following Junghee because he knows what it’s like to keep secrets. Maybe that is the reason he’s doing it anyway. He knows he should trust Junghee to open up to him when the time is right, but there is something that compels him to take action nonetheless.
He follows Junghee to the lagoon and the atmosphere is strange. The last time he was here, he was here to say goodbye. That was weeks ago and he hasn’t felt the need to go here afterwards.
Junghee, however, is watching the water with a distant gaze and it reminds him of the last time he sat down beside her and spilled his thoughts, his nightmares and his belief that something was there in the water. Junghee doesn’t say anything, however, and she doesn’t turn around to look at him.
Jinki stands a few meters behind her and observes his best friend. Birds are calling out to each other around them and somewhere on the forest floor a hedgehog is looking through the bushes in search of food.
Junghee lowers her head and Jinki feels his heart skip a beat at the thought of Junghee jumping but she doesn’t. She stays on the edge, gaze tilted towards the water. Jinki feels the need to see what she’s looking at but he doesn’t step closer. Instead he turns around, scared of the need to go close. He thought he was done with the lagoon but here he is, the need for answers and the horrifying voices of his nightmares returning to his memories.
Jinki leaves the lagoon and promises himself to talk to Junghee tomorrow instead.
Kibum doesn’t really mean to sneak up on Minjung except maybe he does. He wants to figure out why she has been isolating herself. He doesn’t mean to surprise her, though, and he doesn’t expect her to lurk just below the surface, looking longingly towards the human world. He sinks against the wall and observes her. She’s not blowing bubbles with her hands like she usually is and she’s not smiling. Her fingers are playing with vegetation from the walls of the lagoon and she’s focused on something above the water.
When Kibum lifts his head, he finds the shadow of a human sitting at the edge of lagoon, looking at the water beneath as well. He shudders but stays where he is. Minjung doesn’t seem affected by the human. There is something so inherently wrong with the picture that Kibum can’t help but feel the unease settle in his body.
This is the image of him when he was obsessed with laws and lagoons and humans months ago. The memories that Kibum has tried so hard to bury in the past months are suddenly flooding his mind, reminding him of the human he shouldn’t have saved.
He shakes his head so violently that it causes ripples in the water. Minjung doesn’t react to his presence, however. Kibum can’t imagine that she hasn’t felt the water upset by his movements and although she’s not sensitive like he is, she cannot have ignored that.
The more he watches her stare at the human world, entranced by something that cannot be explained, the more he feels the need to stay as well.
It scares him a little because Kibum doesn’t want to sink back into the fear of questioning himself and their purpose. He doesn’t want to look for answers in the human world that scares him and he doesn’t want to associate the lagoon with humans. He doesn’t want to be here and he doesn’t want Minjung to be here either. It feels almost cursed. Ever since he saved the drowning human, everything has changed.
Kibum bites his lower lip when he leaves Minjung alone in the lagoon, unable to stay longer with the memories flooding his mind. He’ll have to talk to her when he finds her in the open ocean later.
The sun is setting behind her and Junghee wraps her cardigan a little closer around her shoulders in an attempt to fight off the cold. She doesn’t want to leave the lagoon.
She has spent the past two weeks near the lagoon and nothing has happened so far. Junghee has almost convinced herself that it was a hallucination, that she dreamt the woman with the zaffre-colored hair breach the surface of the lagoon. This is the last time she’s here. She has promised herself that.
Junghee makes a move to stand when the water suddenly stirs in the lagoon and there she is, the woman with the zaffre-blue hair. Junghee widens her eyes and almost loses her balance and topples into the lagoon. Her gasp has the other woman turning her head in Junghee’s direction and the two women stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. This time the woman doesn’t disappear, however. Junghee leans a little closer to the edge and blinks to make sure she’s really seeing her.
“A… Are you okay?” she asks, the wind carrying her voice towards the water.
“You haven’t seen me,” the woman says instead. Junghee blinks again. She’s absolutely sure she’s seeing her. This can’t be a hallucination.
“Do you need help?” Junghee asks and the woman shakes her head, the long hair floating on top of the water.
“Please just forget about me. Don’t come here anymore,” the stranger says. Junghee bites her cheek and nods. She’s about to ask why the other woman is in the water, when she dives again and Junghee swears she sees the flick of a tail before she disappears.
The water is getting darker as the sun sets on the sky and Minjung is staring at the human world from her spot in the lagoon. She’s been here for hours, observing the human girl on the edge. She’s been here often in the past few weeks, always looking towards the water as if she’s looking for Minjung.
Minjung knows she could just ignore her, could just pretend she was never spotted but the other girl is making it so impossibly hard to just forget. Minjung knows that she has broken the laws plenty of times with Kibum; she knows that she has been searching for treasures at the wrecks and followed fishermen just to cut their nets to save the fish. Minjung knows that she could turn this into no big deal because with the human there alone it doesn’t seem like she or the hapori is in any grave danger of being caught, skinned and eaten or put into small containers and on view.
Still, it bothers her that she cannot fix this. So, she’s here now with courage that has been hard to find and the only solution she can think of.
Minjung has promised herself to also tell Kibum how incredibly stupid she has been but not before she has dealt with it. She wants to tell the human girl to just forget about her. If this human girl is anything like the fishermen and the sailors, she won’t be difficult to convince. Humans are doubtful creatures by nature, that’s what the past weeks of observation have convinced her.
When the human makes a move to stand, Minjung breaches the surface. Her heart is beating so loud in her chest she’s convinced she won’t be able to do anything but she still stays with her shoulders above water, locking eyes with the human. It makes fear crawl down her spine but mixed with the fear is an excitement that shouldn’t be there.
“A… Are you okay?” the human asks and Minjung wants to answer, wants to say no, but she doesn’t because she’s not here to have a conversation.
“You haven’t seen me,” she answers and feels the vibration of her voice. She can almost taste the mix of feelings that’s surging through her body as she says the words and she just hopes that the human doesn’t detect the nervousness in her voice.
“Do you need help?” the strange human asks again and Minjung wills herself to forget the kindness from a human that thinks Minjung is human as well.
“Please just forget about me. Don’t come here anymore.”
When Minjung utters her words, she feels constrict. She wants to dive again, hide at the bottom of the lagoon and scold herself for her stupidity but she needs the confirmation that the human girl is going to forget her.
When she nods, Minjung turns around and dives below the surface again. She flicks her tail and powers through kelp and vegetation as she finds a spot for herself at the bottom.
“Jinki!” Junghee says and startles her best friend.
“Long time no see,” Jinki says and Junghee rolls her eyes.
“Do you still have the old book about legends and myths your grandmother gave you?”
Jinki closes his notebook with star notes and nods. “Yes, why?”
“Can I borrow it?” she asks and Jinki crosses his arms and looks at her.
“What do you need it for?” he asks and Junghee sighs.
“Does it say anything about mermaids? Is there such a myth?” she asks. Jinki almost falls from his chair in surprise.
“Why do you ask about that?”
“Just answer me,” Junghee says impatiently and Jinki sighs.
“Yes, there are myths like that. Plenty of them. Mermaids are not exactly uncommon legends; did you never listen to the lagoon guide?”
Junghee waves his answer away.
“I meant, in your book.”
Jinki raises an eyebrow.
“Why do you ask about that book specifically? You can just look it up on the internet.”
Junghee deflates and pouts.
“Because I trust your grandma. The internet is kind of unreliable.”
Jinki chuckles a little.
“Right,” he says. “But yes, there is also a legend of mermaids in the book. Don’t tell me you believe in mermaids?”
“Can I borrow it?” she asks again, evading his question.
“You who teased me with the Starchildren wants to borrow my book because you want to look up mermaids? Mermaids don’t exist Junghee.”
Junghee raises an eyebrow.
“Says you who believes our souls are created of stars. Can we stop discussing my intentions and you can just answer me on whether or not I can borrow your book?”
Jinki sighs and nods.
“Sure. But only if you let me in on your research because I’m tired of you being isolated and seeing you sad. I miss my best friend.”
Junghee looks up with a surprised gaze before she softens into a smile and wraps her arms around him.
“I’ll come by later and we can have an evening of stargazing and being best friends like when we we’re 12,” she says and Jinki nods a little.
“I’m looking forward to that,” he says. “Oh and by the way, Taemin is really worried about you. Maybe you should spend a day with your boyfriend as well.”
Junghee nods a little with a guilty smile. Maybe she should spend a day with her boyfriend as well.
“Kibum!” Minjung exclaims and surprises Kibum who’s catching herring. He turns around with half a herring hanging out of his mouth and he raises an eyebrow in question. “We need to talk.”
Kibum swallows the fish and nods a little.
“What’s up?” he asks and forgets the feast behind them so he can focus on his best friend.
“I’ve done something really ed up,” she says and Kibum tilts his head in question. She grabs his wrist and drags him towards the steep end. Kibum swims beside her, letting her drag him away from the hapori. When she stops, they’re 50 meters from the submarine volcano.
“Why here?” he asks and sinks towards the bottom where he starts looking through the sand with his hands.
“I don’t want anyone to listen in on us,” she says and that gets Kibum’s attention.
“So what did you do that was so bad?”
“I got spotted by a human.”
Kibum gapes and lets go of the crustacean he has just dug from the sand.
“What?” he asks and Minjung nods a little.
“I didn’t mean to,” she whispers. Kibum knows that, however.
“How?”
He still can’t fully believe it. Minjung sinks towards him and places herself on the bottom as well.
“When you saved the human in the lagoon, what made you come back?” she asks instead of answering his question. “Was it the human?”
Kibum raises an eyebrow in pure disbelief.
“No,” he says. “I really don’t like the human world and you know that. Wait, the lagoon? Did you get seen in the lagoon?” he exclaims. Minjung shushes him.
“Kibuuuum,” she whines and Kibum sighs.
“You’re an idiot and you know it.”
Minjung nods and pouts a little. Kibum rolls his eyes and hits her tail lightly with his hand.
“I dealt with the human, though,” she says and Kibum widens his eyes.
“You killed the human?!” he asks loudly and Minjung shushes him again.
“Of course not, you idiot.”
Kibum doesn’t get it. Minjung takes a deep breath before she begins to explain. Her explanation only has Kibum even more incredulous.
“You really are an idiot,” he says but his lips tilt upwards in a smile and Minjung giggles a little. A large shadow over them has them both looking up. Kibum’s stomach growls and Minjung laughs out loud. “And you robbed me of my dinner because the whales have probably eaten all the herring by now.”
Kibum looks towards the humpback whale that swims past them towards the herring school with a pout on his lips and a frown between his eyebrows. Minjung just shakes her head.
“Let’s go to the wrecks! We’ll find something better!” she promises. Kibum just rolls his eyes but he follows the celadon-colored tail as Minjung starts towards the wrecks, away from the submarine volcano.
Jinki laughs and grabs a marshmallow he can put on his stick. Junghee leans back in her chair and looks towards the star-filled sky. The telescope stands to their left, pointing at the sky and the bonfire in front of them heats up the already warm summer night. Jinki’s parents have long since left them alone to go to sleep but the two friends are still awake.
The old book Jinki has inherited from his grandmother is open on the legends of creatures of the sea and his notebook of star constellations are open on the latest page.
When his marshmallow is roasted to a golden caramel-brown he removes it from the fire and gently plucks it off the stick with his lips. He has missed spending time with Junghee like this. It’s carefree and there are no secrets between them right now.
Jinki likes these evenings. They were common when they were younger, staying up late on their vacations to watch the stars and discuss the legends Junghee didn’t believe and Jinki so adamantly and stubbornly wanted to prove was real.
“What would you do if the Starchildren legend really turned out to be real?” Junghee asks when Jinki the sugary residue from his fingers. He shrugs a little.
“I don’t know,” he says and looks up and gets eye contact with her.
“Eh?” she says. “You should totally get a Nobel prize in philosophy or something!”
That has Jinki laughing and he sends her a smile before he reaches out to grab another marshmallow.
“That doesn’t exist Junghee,” he says and Junghee snorts offended. “Do you believe in mermaids after reading the legend?”
Junghee sighs a little.
“I don’t know. You know, you’re the superstitious one of us. Remember when I saved you from Chaewon and her gang in middle school when they were mocking you with the legends calling you a nerd?” she asks and Jinki forgets his marshmallow momentarily to look at her with a frown.
“You didn’t save me,” he mumbles and Junghee laughs out loud. Jinki shoves her in her chair and almost makes her topple over and she screams. It has him laughing out loud.
It isn’t until Junghee laughs and points to his marshmallow he realizes that it has turned coal-black and there’s a small flame at the corner. He sighs and blows out the flame before he puts the stick with the burnt marshmallow on the plate that had earlier held biscuits. Junghee sends him a smile and turns back to the sky.
Jinki is just happy he has his best friend back.
Kibum laughs and hoist himself onto the sharp rock. He rests his back against the dry stone and lets the small waves tickle his flukes. Minjung rests her elbows on a smaller rock beneath him and looks at him.
“You’ll get seen,” she says and Kibum snorts a little.
“It’s night, Min. And also, if I get seen, at least I’m not the only one.”
He sends her a smirk and Minjung reaches up to smack his hip. He chuckles and uses his hands to sit up so he can look down on her. It’s been a long time since they have been together at the cliffs.
They never used to sit on them like this but with the moon being hidden by the clouds right now there is minimal danger of being spotted. Not only because only idiotic humans enter the cliffs at night but also because he hasn’t felt a lot of artificially created waves from boat engines in the waters today. There is always the risk of meeting great whites but for some reason, the risk hasn’t deterred either of the two young merpeople in going to the cliffs.
Kibum is just happy to have his best friend back as adventurous as she has always been.
Minjung slaps his tail again and Kibum reaches a hand down so he can hoist her up on the rock as well. They’re sitting close together, Minjung’s pectoral fins making Kibum’s smooth tail itch a little but he doesn’t complain. This is more important than pushing her back into the water.
“What did the human look like?” he asks after a while and Minjung raises an eyebrow.
“What?” she asks. Kibum just looks at her incredulously.
“The human that spotted you,” he says and Minjung bites her cheek while in thought.
“She was pretty,” she says and Kibum laughs a little.
“Oh, come on. Are you for real right now?”
Minjung snorts offended and pushes him towards the waters. Kibum barely keeps his balance and he scowls at her, his flukes hitting the rock hard in annoyance.
“It’s true!”
Kibum repeats her in a mocking tone and this time Minjung pushes him off the rock for real. The water makes a splash when he hits it and Kibum lifts his flukes above water so he can purposefully splash Minjung. She laughs as she wiggles off the rock as well and hits the water. Her best friend is glaring smugly at her and she sends bubbles his way with her hands. Kibum rolls his eyes but still dives towards the rocks beneath them, Minjung following him.
Taemin rests his chin in his hand as he stares out of his open window. The streetlights are obscuring the view of the clear sky and Taemin wishes he could turn them all off so he could look at the stars only.
Tonight is worse than usual. The longing and loneliness he has been trying to suppress for years is back again and it’s stronger than it usually is. He wishes he could call Junghee but he knows she’s with Jinki tonight. He also knows that deep down it all it doesn’t change anything. Taemin loves Junghee, but she isn’t enough to remove his loneliness when it overtakes him like this.
It’s been like this since Taemin was young. He doesn’t understand exactly what it is because Taemin has never been neglected and he has never had any reason to be lonely, yet there are still things missing from his life, things he cannot explain, an undeniable loneliness that surges through his bones.
On these nights, he usually turns to the sky but living in the middle of the city often makes it difficult to really look at the stars. On these nights, he envies Jinki and their house in the suburbs and his telescope.
Taemin sometimes sits on the rooftop of the apartment building and looks at the stars on the nights where the loneliness feels suffocating but he can’t find it in himself to walk there tonight. Tonight, all he wants is to find what it is that is making his life so empty in the sky, but the stars don’t talk and they don’t have the answers.
Taeyeon’s sharp dorsal fin cuts through the ocean as she swims south. She isn’t a fast swimmer so she can’t swim too far from the hapori if she wants to get back but she needs to get away from known waters. Swimming on the surface is usually dangerous but it’s best way for her to gauge how far she is and it comforts her to feel the waves on her back.
The starry sky blinks down at her but Taeyeon is too caught up in her own anxiety to notice. She feels lonely. This is not a new feeling in particular.
When she was young she blamed it on her family being separated from haporis and ever since she and her mother found the hapori where she has spent the remainder of her life, she has blamed her loneliness on the separation from her father. Deep inside, however, Taeyeon knows that it’s not the truth. There is something out there that is missing from her life and it makes no sense.
She stops and lifts her head above the surface so she can look at the horizon. She tilts her head towards the stars and closes her eyes, lets the night sky soothe her, just a little, before she dives again, this time deeper than before.
The surface area is dangerous at night but the deep waters aren’t exactly safe either. Taeyeon isn’t particularly concerned about predators tonight, however. All she wants to do is to swim and forgets, all she wants to do is heal.
There is something wrong tonight, the feeling of emptiness is stronger tonight – and Taeyeon dislikes the feeling. The deep waters don’t have answers, however, and Taeyeon is left on the bottom, looking towards the surface where the moon shines through the water and illuminates everything in a soft light. If only there was a way to figure out what she’s missing.
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