Chapter 2
StarchildrenStarchildren
The moon is full and lighting up the roads like a small sun in the dark streets. Jinki is standing on the porch, telescope tilted towards the sky as he stares at the stars. Some are blinking a little, making him remove his eyes from them so he can turn around and note it down in his little notebook.
On the table behind him is an old book spread open on the pages that tell the legends of starchildren. The need to go back to the water still sits in him and he knows the water still has something to teach him, but getting back into the legends he had been so obsessed with before he almost drowned has been easier now that he has been grounded.
Jinki crosses out an old star that seems to have vanished, either in its death or to become the soul of another human on Earth according to legends. Jinki knows the former is more likely but he finds the legends of the latter more interesting. When he turns back to his telescope he yawns and fiddles a little with his phone. It’s 3 in the morning and he must be up again at 6.30.
He leaves the telescope on the porch under the night sky as he hurries back inside and climbs into bed. Jinki doesn’t sleep peacefully. He keeps trashing in his sheets, dreams that should have left, back to haunt him in the middle of the night. He wakes up an hour before his alarm but he’s too scared to fall back asleep. He doesn’t know why the dreams are back.
It is dark around him, the moon unable to shine its light down here. Kibum hasn’t been able to rest for the past hours after he got the news of his pāpā’s passing. His māmā has been worried about him, he can feel it in the waters. He also knows that she’s not the only one who are worrying but Kibum has been ignoring everybody as best as he can. If he had been able to, he wouldn’t have been listening to the worry and sorrow that translates into the water but he can’t suddenly stop listening to the water.
He fumbles with his fingers, intertwines them into kelp before he releases it and starts over again.
Kibum hasn’t seen his pāpā in years. The tāne had left when he was a nohinohi, but Kibum has regularly been calling out to him throughout the water, smiling whenever he got answers back of his well-being. Now, however, there is no one to answer his lonely call and none of the wahine are able to communicate through the water like he is.
Kibum bites his lower lip and tugs too harsh on the kelp. It breaks off and tangles around his fingers and Kibum sighs a little. He wants to be better at handling his sorrow but for some reason, isolation seems like the only solution. He hasn’t told Minjung but he knows that she knows. It would have been impossible for her not to have overheard her māmā when she got the message. Kibum also knows that Minjung would love to be there for him if he needs her. He just isn’t sure he really needs her.
He flips his tail and propels forward slowly, almost colliding with a longfin mako shark. Kibum ignores the slow swimmer when he seeks towards the surface again and finds the hapori.
Junghee looks at Jinki disapprovingly. Jinki shrugs a little and tries a smile.
“What?” he asks innocently, booklet in his hand. Junghee just casts a glimpse at the booklet again and Jinki sheepishly hides it behind his back.
“Why are you joining the excursion to the lagoon again? Do you really have a death wish?”
Jinki can hear how distressed she is in her voice. He doesn’t have a death wish but ever since she found him at the lagoon he has been forbidden access there. This, however, is the perfect excuse. Jinki shouldn’t really care about the lagoon anymore, but now that the dreams have come back and is haunting him again, it makes sense to go back. He needs to find the answers to his questions of his survival.
“No?” he answers and Junghee sighs and reaches behind him so she can snatch the booklet from him.
“I’m coming with you.”
This has Jinki’s eyes widening.
“What? No! You don’t have to.”
Junghee just looks at him with a glare and starts looking through the booklet. The last page is a fairytale of a species of mermaids staying in the lagoon. According to the fairytale the lagoon is magical. She snorts. Jinki leans over so he too can read the fairytale. When he finishes, he chuckles.
“You don’t believe in this, right? You’re not constantly there because you’re stupid enough to believe mermaids exist, right?” Junghee says and Jinki rolls his eyes.
“Come on, I’m not stupid.”
“You believe in starchildren, so you never know. Tell me why you want to go so badly?”
She looks up and gets eye contact with him and no matter how much Jinki wants to look away, he can’t. Junghee may be petite but when she decides on something, it’s impossible to convince her otherwise.
“I … I have nightmares after the almost-drowning. I don’t want to die, but I just want to see the lagoon again. Is it weird?”
It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders when he finally admits that he has nightmares. He can’t possibly tell about his hallucinations and the weird drive that calls him to the lagoon but he can tell her about the nightmares. Junghee raises an eyebrow and then nods.
“Yes, it’s weird,” she says. “But you have always been weird and I love you so I’m coming with you to make sure you don’t trip and drown for real this time.”
She then hands the booklet back and Jinki chuckles.
“You’re the best,” he calls after her as she leaves to find her next class. Junghee just raises her hand above her head in a wave.
“You should come, Kibum,” Minjung tries. He’s hiding in a small cave. “They’re going to blow bubbles to honor his memory. You know, he was well-liked…”
Kibum sighs a little and flips his tail a little, just enough to generate enough current to push her away.
“That’s the problem,” he murmurs and hopes Minjung doesn’t hear him. He’s not that lucky, however. The tapairu has an excellent hearing.
“Talk to me, Kibum… Please…”
Minjung doesn’t like begging but it has been a week and Kibum has been hiding in the cave for almost all of it. They barely talk and he barely eats and she’s getting worried. This is more worrying than the human in the lagoon and while she still doesn’t understand what the big deal is, she tries to forget it for his sake.
“The water is filled with so much sorrow,” he says after a while and Minjung swims closer so she can look at him. “I can’t stand it. Everybody is grieving and it’s so hard.”
Minjung reaches a hand out to gently touch the scales of his tail and then hands it towards him.
“Come on. It’ll get better. You’re not alone, I promise. I may not be able to listen to the water, but I can listen to you.”
She smiles when Kibum grabs her hand and lets her pull him from the cave.
“I’m sorry,” he says but Minjung shakes her head.
“Come with me to the tangihanga. It’ll be over then. Your māmā is still going to grieve, but the rest of the hapori will start thinking about other things. The water will calm down.”
She squeezes his hand slightly and Kibum sends her a small smile.
“If only I could turn it off,” he says and chuckles a little. It’s forced but it has Minjung smiling a little.
“Hey, I understand. You have me.”
They look at each other in silence before Kibum lets go of her hands.
“Uhm… Min?” he says and she nods a little. She tilts her head to the side. “About the lagoon…”
This has her feeling uneasy and a chill slips down her spine.
“Yeah?” she says and fears the worst. Kibum just sends her a smile.
“I … No, nothing. We should prepare for the tangihanga.”
He leaves her in front of the cave, his seashell colored tail disappearing in the horizon and Minjung looks after him. There is still something bothering him but she’ll get him to spill soon enough. Now she needs to attend the tangihanga for his pāpā and that is far more important than any human will ever be.
The water in the lagoon is dark and scary. The bottom is hidden under the dark water but Jinki knows how deep it truly is. He shivers a little and feels Junghee’s hand on his arm pull him a little from the edge. The guide talks about the vegetation and the animal life that is seemingly unique to the lagoon and the area around it. Jinki doesn’t really listen. The water is calling to him, trying to tell him the answers but he can’t interpret them. If only he could get close without drowning.
A strong urge to jump down suddenly fills him and it scares him so much that he takes a few steps back, toppling over Junghee and both of them end on the forest floor. The guide looks at them with a raised eyebrow before he continues talking about the birds that can be found in the treetops.
“What?” Junghee asks concerned but Jinki shakes his head.
“I must’ve fallen over a root or something,” he says and gets up before he helps her up. Junghee doesn’t say anything but she knows it’s not true because there are no roots sticking up of the ground here.
The sky is dark and cloudy, not even stars showing. Kibum is staring up from where he’s hidden in the vegetation. It has been a long time since he returned to the lagoon but now that he’s here he finds it hard to leave. He wants to but for some reason feels compelled to stay. There are things he needs to know and now that he’s here, it’s like the water is keeping him captive until he finds the answer. He sighs a little and dips under the water, that obscures the dark sky above.
Kibum had felt awful during the tangihanga, but not because of the ceremony or the grief that rippled through the water. The knowledge that he has crossed boundaries and violated the law by saving a human in the lagoon makes him feel guilty. His pāpā and māmā don’t deserve a son like him.
He cannot change the past, however and as much as it bothers him that Minjung convinced him to save the human, it is now something else that keeps him in the lagoon, staring at the human world. It still scares him and he doesn’t like it, doesn’t want to associate with humans, but there are things it can teach him and answers it will give him. Answers Kibum is longing for and afraid to find.
Jinki looks through the old book he has been given. The pages are yellow and easy to tear so he moves them gently. The legends of the world have been collected in this book but there is one legend Jinki has always liked. The myth of the starchildren, of souls being born of stars. It creates unique humans and souls, all born out of the goodness in the heaven and it takes the phrase a star in heaven to another level. Jinki has always been fascinated with the idea that every human has a star inside of them and that is why he has tracked stars for as long as he can remember.
When he almost drowned, however, it had been overshadowed by the longing towards the water.
He shifts in the bed and stretches his arms above his head before he turns back to the book. He hasn’t found the book to look through the starchildren myths, though. He has the book in his lap to find another legend of creatures in the sea.
Jinki never really believed in any of the myths in the book outside of the starchildren, but the guide that had led the excursion to the lagoon had spoken of those creatures and it has him curious. Jinki sinks into his pillow when he finds the legends and starts reading.
Kibum looks through the box on the wrecked ship. There are plenty of pearls but those are not in his interest. Kibum is looking for something else that can help him unravel the mysteries of the human world that may help him in interpreting the answers he can’t find in the lagoon.
He rarely comes to the cliffs because they’re dangerous and although they’re deadly, a lot of humans still sail through here daily. The chance of getting spotted in broad daylight is high but Kibum can’t look in the evening when the great whites lurk around in the darkness of the night.
He dives further into the shipwreck and around a corner, only to find himself in what looks like the captain’s area. There are a lot of scary technology Kibum has never seen before, worn by the sea, but it’s still proof of humans and their capabilities.
Kibum rattles through the chains that keeps the door on the other side locked when he sees the shadow to his left. He sinks to the floor as fast as he can and feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest. What are great whites doing here now? He can feel the danger in the water. The predator is large, 4 meters at least and it’s looking for prey. Kibum bites his lower lip while he slowly starts twirling his index finger in small circles. It keeps his scent close to him and allows him to stay hidden as the shark swims past.
Kibum doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor of the shipwreck, heart beating in his chest, but when he finally leaves the shipwreck with fast tail flicks, the shark is nowhere to be seen.
Junghee isn’t entirely sure what has her staring down the lagoon in the afternoon. She knows Jinki hasn’t been here for a couple of days, and really, she shouldn’t be either, but she’s curious and she wants to know what makes Jinki come here. She knows that he has nightmares but that can’t possibly be the only reason and she doesn’t understand why he would seek out the place he nearly died. So there has to be something else. Junghee told Taemin about it, asked him if he wanted to come but Taemin hadn’t been able to, which means that she’s here alone.
She’s sitting on the edge, looking at the dark water that nearly swallowed her best friend months ago, when she sees a few bubbles near the wall. She directs her attention to the place, stares it down as she watches how more and more bubbles surface. And then, just as she’s about to turn her gaze away, a woman with zaffre blue hair breaches the surface. Her skin is pale in contrast to the hair. She stretches her arms above the water and laughs towards the sky. Junghee is staring, unable to tear her eyes away from the woman. No one is allowed to swim in the lagoon so what is she doing down there?
Junghee wants to call out to her, wants to ask if she needs help to get out, but then the woman turns her head and stares into Junghee’s brown eyes and Junghee shivers. The woman blinks twice before she widens her eyes in horror and dives under the water again, ripples on the surface the only sign to prove that she was ever there.
Minjung bites her lower lip as she watches Kibum talk to Taeyeon and Bora. She wants to understand and Kibum isn’t talking. No, that’s not true, because Kibum did tell her that he felt bad for saving the human because the lagoon is sacred. Minjung never really understood that, however, but she wants to do her best to understand why Kibum has been avoiding the lagoon. There must be something, right?
She sneaks into the lagoon under pretense of finding a shell she must have lost weeks ago during the tangihanga, but the more she stares at the human world, the less she understands it.
Minjung gets bored soon and starts blowing bubbles with her hands. It’s a favorite past time of hers, a habit she doesn’t realize she has. The brown and green of the vegetation surrounding the lagoon piques her curiosity not long after, however, and Minjung breaches the surface to look at it more closely. Maybe if she observes it closer, the answer Kibum won’t tell her will come to her.
She stretches her arms above her head, towards the sun and lets the heat warm up her body, before she feels a laugh bubble up through . Minjung loves the lagoon. She loves the deep water, the sun and the serenity that is usually found here.
She turns her head to the side only to look directly at a human girl sitting on the edge opposite of her. Slowly she lets her arms sink below the surface again. The human has nadeshiko pink hair and deep brown eyes and her skin is tan in the most gorgeous way Minjung has ever seen. She blinks once, twice until she realizes that this is a human, an actual human, and the thought has her terrified.
When Minjung dips under the water, it only now occurs to her that she has been spotted. This is not good.
Jinki turns towards his notebook filled with star observations and he starts dotting down the results from the night’s star watching. Taemin leans over him while he eats his cupcake.
“What’s that?” he asks and Jinki looks at him disapprovingly.
“Where’s Junghee?” Jinki asks instead and Taemin shrugs.
“Sick.”
Jinki raises an eyebrow but doesn’t counter Taemin. Taemin should know what his girlfriend is doing, but Jinki isn’t fully sure he believes it. It’s not his business, though, so he’ll stay out of it.
“Really, though, what is it?” Taemin says and eats the last of his cupcake. Jinki sighs a little.
“Stars…” he says and Taemin raises an eyebrow in question. Jinki ignores him.
It has been a week since he last went to the lagoon, but as he turned back to the myths of the starchildren, the nightmares ceased again and the need to go watch the deep waters has been less these past days. Jinki appreciates it, though. Staring into the water is unnerving and he still isn’t able to find the answers he’s looking for.
Kibum counts the nohinohis before he sends them off towards the ocean sunfish. Taeyeon laughs at him from behind a coral and he looks back over his shoulder.
“What are you doing back there?” he asks and the kōhine shrugs a little.
“Nothing,” she says but Kibum knows it isn’t the truth. He swims towards her and Taeyeon backs a little away, her small tail not as efficient for swimming as Kibum’s.
“Have you seen Minjung?” he asks and Taeyeon shakes her head a little.
“Nope,” she says. Kibum hasn’t seen Minjung very much in the past 24 hours. He knows she went to the lagoon because the water ratted her out but ever since then, it has been impossible for him to pick up her wipes. It should have worried him but Kibum can’t really find it in himself to be extremely worried about her.
Minjung has always been like this. She’s adventurous and often swims far away, just to see new things. It’s just rare that she does it on her own. Kibum frowns and Taeyeon laughs at him.
“Don’t worry too much. Hey, did you find what you were looking for last week?” Taeyeon asks and reaches out towards Kibum. Kibum pulls back and shakes his head.
“Nah, maybe it’s on time I stop thinking about it too.”
Taeyeon tilts her head in a question but Kibum shakes his head, looks over his shoulder and widens his eyes when he sees one of the small nohinohis drifting away with the current. He doesn’t say goodbye when he whips around and hurries off to save them.
The next time Jinki goes to the lagoon, he’s driven by a strange desire to say goodbye. It’s not a desire to die or to leave the world, but a desire to leave the lagoon behind. He hasn’t been plagued by thoughts in the past few weeks. It’s a desire to put the past behind him and to stop thinking about what could have happened and why he survived the drowning. There are things he needs to learn and if he keeps getting drawn to the lagoon, he is never going to break free. Jinki doesn’t want to come here anymore.
It surprises him, however, when he finds Junghee sitting on the edge, staring at the water. Her hair is unkempt and her clothes askew but she doesn’t react to his arrival. Jinki tilts his head as he observes her and when she sways a little in the wind, he fears she’s about to jump into the lagoon. Junghee stays on the edge, however, her legs tucked under her as she continues to look at the water. Jinki silently approaches her and sits down beside her, 20 centimeters between them.
“Hey,” he says in a low voice and Junghee whips her head around to stare at him.
“Jinki!” she says in a slight panicky voice and Jinki can feel the worry slinking down his back. “I … What are you doing here?” Jinki looks at her before he turns towards the water.
“Saying goodbye,” he says and hears Junghee’s breath hitch. “Not like that.”
He turns around to send her a smile and he can see how she slowly relaxes in his company.
“You know,” Jinki starts. “When I fell into the lagoon, I was supposed to drown. I can’t swim and I was sinking towards the bottom. I had no idea what way was up and what way was down. Actually, I had almost found peace. There were voices in the water. It sounds stupid but I guess my hallucinations were pretty strong.”
Jinki turns to look at Junghee, who just listens to him with wide eyes. This is things he has never told anyone.
“I don’t know how it worked but something pushed me towards the surface. That’s the only reason I survived. I don’t know how to describe it but I knew right then that I had been saved by something. So, I came here for answers but there were no answers. The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed but I had nightmares and I heard the voices in my sleep and I felt so drawn towards the water. There seemed to be something I had to learn.”
He sends her a small smile.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything. Knowing you were supposed to die and yet still being alive had me feeling kind of crazy.”
Junghee nods a little when Jinki stops and turns to look at the water in the lagoon again. It feels odd to say it out loud. He’s not sure he likes the feeling if he’s honest, but now that he has said it out loud there are no take-backs.
“I get it,” Junghee says and Jinki turns back to look at her. She isn’t looking at him. “Do you still have nightmares?”
Jinki shakes his head, but Junghee doesn’t see him.
“No. It’s on time I leave the trauma behind, right?”
Junghee nods a little and then turns her head towards him.
“Thanks for trusting me with this,” she says and Jinki sends her a small smile. “You’re forgiven for making me worry so much.” Jinki chuckles and wraps his arm around her shoulder.
“Why are you here?” he asks and Junghee shakes her head a little.
“It’s so calm out here. I think it might have become my new favorite spot in the forest,” she says and looks at him with a small smile. Jinki just nods. It is calm out here. But it is not the reason she’s here. He doesn’t want to pry, however.
The next time Kibum goes to the lagoon, it’s to stop looking for answers. He saved a human in the lagoon despite the lagoon being sacred but the past is the past and it should stay as that. He can’t continue feeling guilty for it and he can’t continue looking for answers he doesn’t find and he’d rather be able to come here during the next ahoroa ceremony to celebrate with his māmā and the rest of the hapori without feeling captive. He also misses the way the water talks to him in the lagoon, the whispers hushed and gentle compared to the ocean water without the uncertainty of the unknown. Kibum doesn’t want to be limited by his past actions anymore.
He drifts into the lagoon and settles against the lagoon wall, only to find the celadon colored tail above him. Kibum raises an eyebrow as he watches Minjung’s tail hold her close to the surface. She’s staring at something above her and Kibum gets curious. He slowly moves closer to her and lets his fingers trail up her tail until he reaches the lionfish pectoral fins on her hips. Minjung startles at his touch but sends him a small smile when she notices she isn’t in danger.
“Hey,” she says and turns back towards what she was looking at. Kibum follows her gaze and notices that she’s looking at the edge and the human world above them.
“Hi,” he says. “What are you doing here?”
Minjung just shrugs a little and her hair floats softly around them both.
“I’m just looking. Why are you here?” she asks and Kibum sighs a little.
“I’m going to stop looking for answers.”
Minjung turns to look at him with a confused look when he says it.
“Answers?” she asks and Kibum nods.
“Yeah, it’s been weighing on my mind a lot. You know, the lagoon is sacred and that I struggled with the fact that I saved the human. Every time I entered the lagoon it felt like I was being suffocated with the fact that I betrayed the hapori but at the same time, it felt like the human world could give me answers to a question I’m not really sure I ever understood. It’s just the feeling of staring at the human world and knowing that there is something I have to do. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve been looking for these stupid answers to these stupid questions and I’m tired of it. I want to be here for the ahoroa ceremony with you all and not feel like I betrayed everybody. I want to come here and listen to the water and forget myself and the human. So I’m here to put it behind me.”
Minjung looks at him when he finishes.
“Kibum,” she says and Kibum sends her a smile.
“It’s really no big deal. Sorry I didn’t tell you. Pāpā died and I wasn’t really prepared for that, so... I think it was when I was looking through the shipwrecks that I realized that the human world can’t answer me anyway.”
Minjung widens her eyes at that.
“Looking through the shipwrecks?”
Kibum blinks at her.
“Yes?” he says with uncertainty. Then Minjung breaks into a wide smile.
“Why didn’t you invite me?” she asks and Kibum chuckles.
“I almost got eaten by a great white monster.”
Minjung shakes her head but winds her arms around him in an embrace anyway.
“I’m so glad my adventurous best friend is back. None of this guilty feelings over humans. Promise me to tell me if you ever feel like that again,” she says and Kibum nods and pulls her closer against him.
“You too,” he whispers into her ear. She stills but doesn’t let go of him and Kibum doesn’t say anymore. She is keeping secrets but Kibum isn’t going to pry.
On the table behind him is an old book spread open on the pages that tell the legends of starchildren. The need to go back to the water still sits in him and he knows the water still has something to teach him, but getting back into the legends he had been so obsessed with before he almost drowned has been easier now that he has been grounded.
Jinki crosses out an old star that seems to have vanished, either in its death or to become the soul of another human on Earth according to legends. Jinki knows the former is more likely but he finds the legends of the latter more interesting. When he turns back to his telescope he yawns and fiddles a little with his phone. It’s 3 in the morning and he must be up again at 6.30.
He leaves the telescope on the porch under the night sky as he hurries back inside and climbs into bed. Jinki doesn’t sleep peacefully. He keeps trashing in his sheets, dreams that should have left, back to haunt him in the middle of the night. He wakes up an hour before his alarm but he’s too scared to fall back asleep. He doesn’t know why the dreams are back.
It is dark around him, the moon unable to shine its light down here. Kibum hasn’t been able to rest for the past hours after he got the news of his pāpā’s passing. His māmā has been worried about him, he can feel it in the waters. He also knows that she’s not the only one who are worrying but Kibum has been ignoring everybody as best as he can. If he had been able to, he wouldn’t have been listening to the worry and sorrow that translates into the water but he can’t suddenly stop listening to the water.
He fumbles with his fingers, intertwines them into kelp before he releases it and starts over again.
Kibum hasn’t seen his pāpā in years. The tāne had left when he was a nohinohi, but Kibum has regularly been calling out to him throughout the water, smiling whenever he got answers back of his well-being. Now, however, there is no one to answer his lonely call and none of the wahine are able to communicate through the water like he is.
Kibum bites his lower lip and tugs too harsh on the kelp. It breaks off and tangles around his fingers and Kibum sighs a little. He wants to be better at handling his sorrow but for some reason, isolation seems like the only solution. He hasn’t told Minjung but he knows that she knows. It would have been impossible for her not to have overheard her māmā when she got the message. Kibum also knows that Minjung would love to be there for him if he needs her. He just isn’t sure he really needs her.
He flips his tail and propels forward slowly, almost colliding with a longfin mako shark. Kibum ignores the slow swimmer when he seeks towards the surface again and finds the hapori.
Junghee looks at Jinki disapprovingly. Jinki shrugs a little and tries a smile.
“What?” he asks innocently, booklet in his hand. Junghee just casts a glimpse at the booklet again and Jinki sheepishly hides it behind his back.
“Why are you joining the excursion to the lagoon again? Do you really have a death wish?”
Jinki can hear how distressed she is in her voice. He doesn’t have a death wish but ever since she found him at the lagoon he has been forbidden access there. This, however, is the perfect excuse. Jinki shouldn’t really care about the lagoon anymore, but now that the dreams have come back and is haunting him again, it makes sense to go back. He needs to find the answers to his questions of his survival.
“No?” he answers and Junghee sighs and reaches behind him so she can snatch the booklet from him.
“I’m coming with you.”
This has Jinki’s eyes widening.
“What? No! You don’t have to.”
Junghee just looks at him with a glare and starts looking through the booklet. The last page is a fairytale of a species of mermaids staying in the lagoon. According to the fairytale the lagoon is magical. She snorts. Jinki leans over so he too can read the fairytale. When he finishes, he chuckles.
“You don’t believe in this, right? You’re not constantly there because you’re stupid enough to believe mermaids exist, right?” Junghee says and Jinki rolls his eyes.
“Come on, I’m not stupid.”
“You believe in starchildren, so you never know. Tell me why you want to go so badly?”
She looks up and gets eye contact with him and no matter how much Jinki wants to look away, he can’t. Junghee may be petite but when she decides on something, it’s impossible to convince her otherwise.
“I … I have nightmares after the almost-drowning. I don’t want to die, but I just want to see the lagoon again. Is it weird?”
It feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders when he finally admits that he has nightmares. He can’t possibly tell about his hallucinations and the weird drive that calls him to the lagoon but he can tell her about the nightmares. Junghee raises an eyebrow and then nods.
“Yes, it’s weird,” she says. “But you have always been weird and I love you so I’m coming with you to make sure you don’t trip and drown for real this time.”
She then hands the booklet back and Jinki chuckles.
“You’re the best,” he calls after her as she leaves to find her next class. Junghee just raises her hand above her head in a wave.
“You should come, Kibum,” Minjung tries. He’s hiding in a small cave. “They’re going to blow bubbles to honor his memory. You know, he was well-liked…”
Kibum sighs a little and flips his tail a little, just enough to generate enough current to push her away.
“That’s the problem,” he murmurs and hopes Minjung doesn’t hear him. He’s not that lucky, however. The tapairu has an excellent hearing.
“Talk to me, Kibum… Please…”
Minjung doesn’t like begging but it has been a week and Kibum has been hiding in the cave for almost all of it. They barely talk and he barely eats and she’s getting worried. This is more worrying than the human in the lagoon and while she still doesn’t understand what the big deal is, she tries to forget it for his sake.
“The water is filled with so much sorrow,” he says after a while and Minjung swims closer so she can look at him. “I can’t stand it. Everybody is grieving and it’s so hard.”
Minjung reaches a hand out to gently touch the scales of his tail and then hands it towards him.
“Come on. It’ll get better. You’re not alone, I promise. I may not be able to listen to the water, but I can listen to you.”
She smiles when Kibum grabs her hand and lets her pull him from the cave.
“I’m sorry,” he says but Minjung shakes her head.
“Come with me to the tangihanga. It’ll be over then. Your māmā is still going to grieve, but the rest of the hapori will start thinking about other things. The water will calm down.”
She squeezes his hand slightly and Kibum sends her a small smile.
“If only I could turn it off,” he says and chuckles a little. It’s forced but it has Minjung smiling a little.
“Hey, I understand. You have me.”
They look at each other in silence before Kibum lets go of her hands.
“Uhm… Min?” he says and she nods a little. She tilts her head to the side. “About the lagoon…”
This has her feeling uneasy and a chill slips down her spine.
“Yeah?” she says and fears the worst. Kibum just sends her a smile.
“I … No, nothing. We should prepare for the tangihanga.”
He leaves her in front of the cave, his seashell colored tail disappearing in the horizon and Minjung looks after him. There is still something bothering him but she’ll get him to spill soon enough. Now she needs to attend the tangihanga for his pāpā and that is far more important than any human will ever be.
The water in the lagoon is dark and scary. The bottom is hidden under the dark water but Jinki knows how deep it truly is. He shivers a little and feels Junghee’s hand on his arm pull him a little from the edge. The guide talks about the vegetation and the animal life that is seemingly unique to the lagoon and the area around it. Jinki doesn’t really listen. The water is calling to him, trying to tell him the answers but he can’t interpret them. If only he could get close without drowning.
A strong urge to jump down suddenly fills him and it scares him so much that he takes a few steps back, toppling over Junghee and both of them end on the forest floor. The guide looks at them with a raised eyebrow before he continues talking about the birds that can be found in the treetops.
“What?” Junghee asks concerned but Jinki shakes his head.
“I must’ve fallen over a root or something,” he says and gets up before he helps her up. Junghee doesn’t say anything but she knows it’s not true because there are no roots sticking up of the ground here.
The sky is dark and cloudy, not even stars showing. Kibum is staring up from where he’s hidden in the vegetation. It has been a long time since he returned to the lagoon but now that he’s here he finds it hard to leave. He wants to but for some reason feels compelled to stay. There are things he needs to know and now that he’s here, it’s like the water is keeping him captive until he finds the answer. He sighs a little and dips under the water, that obscures the dark sky above.
Kibum had felt awful during the tangihanga, but not because of the ceremony or the grief that rippled through the water. The knowledge that he has crossed boundaries and violated the law by saving a human in the lagoon makes him feel guilty. His pāpā and māmā don’t deserve a son like him.
He cannot change the past, however and as much as it bothers him that Minjung convinced him to save the human, it is now something else that keeps him in the lagoon, staring at the human world. It still scares him and he doesn’t like it, doesn’t want to associate with humans, but there are things it can teach him and answers it will give him. Answers Kibum is longing for and afraid to find.
Jinki looks through the old book he has been given. The pages are yellow and easy to tear so he moves them gently. The legends of the world have been collected in this book but there is one legend Jinki has always liked. The myth of the starchildren, of souls being born of stars. It creates unique humans and souls, all born out of the goodness in the heaven and it takes the phrase a star in heaven to another level. Jinki has always been fascinated with the idea that every human has a star inside of them and that is why he has tracked stars for as long as he can remember.
When he almost drowned, however, it had been overshadowed by the longing towards the water.
He shifts in the bed and stretches his arms above his head before he turns back to the book. He hasn’t found the book to look through the starchildren myths, though. He has the book in his lap to find another legend of creatures in the sea.
Jinki never really believed in any of the myths in the book outside of the starchildren, but the guide that had led the excursion to the lagoon had spoken of those creatures and it has him curious. Jinki sinks into his pillow when he finds the legends and starts reading.
Kibum looks through the box on the wrecked ship. There are plenty of pearls but those are not in his interest. Kibum is looking for something else that can help him unravel the mysteries of the human world that may help him in interpreting the answers he can’t find in the lagoon.
He rarely comes to the cliffs because they’re dangerous and although they’re deadly, a lot of humans still sail through here daily. The chance of getting spotted in broad daylight is high but Kibum can’t look in the evening when the great whites lurk around in the darkness of the night.
He dives further into the shipwreck and around a corner, only to find himself in what looks like the captain’s area. There are a lot of scary technology Kibum has never seen before, worn by the sea, but it’s still proof of humans and their capabilities.
Kibum rattles through the chains that keeps the door on the other side locked when he sees the shadow to his left. He sinks to the floor as fast as he can and feels his heart beating rapidly in his chest. What are great whites doing here now? He can feel the danger in the water. The predator is large, 4 meters at least and it’s looking for prey. Kibum bites his lower lip while he slowly starts twirling his index finger in small circles. It keeps his scent close to him and allows him to stay hidden as the shark swims past.
Kibum doesn’t know how long he stays on the floor of the shipwreck, heart beating in his chest, but when he finally leaves the shipwreck with fast tail flicks, the shark is nowhere to be seen.
Junghee isn’t entirely sure what has her staring down the lagoon in the afternoon. She knows Jinki hasn’t been here for a couple of days, and really, she shouldn’t be either, but she’s curious and she wants to know what makes Jinki come here. She knows that he has nightmares but that can’t possibly be the only reason and she doesn’t understand why he would seek out the place he nearly died. So there has to be something else. Junghee told Taemin about it, asked him if he wanted to come but Taemin hadn’t been able to, which means that she’s here alone.
She’s sitting on the edge, looking at the dark water that nearly swallowed her best friend months ago, when she sees a few bubbles near the wall. She directs her attention to the place, stares it down as she watches how more and more bubbles surface. And then, just as she’s about to turn her gaze away, a woman with zaffre blue hair breaches the surface. Her skin is pale in contrast to the hair. She stretches her arms above the water and laughs towards the sky. Junghee is staring, unable to tear her eyes away from the woman. No one is allowed to swim in the lagoon so what is she doing down there?
Junghee wants to call out to her, wants to ask if she needs help to get out, but then the woman turns her head and stares into Junghee’s brown eyes and Junghee shivers. The woman blinks twice before she widens her eyes in horror and dives under the water again, ripples on the surface the only sign to prove that she was ever there.
Minjung bites her lower lip as she watches Kibum talk to Taeyeon and Bora. She wants to understand and Kibum isn’t talking. No, that’s not true, because Kibum did tell her that he felt bad for saving the human because the lagoon is sacred. Minjung never really understood that, however, but she wants to do her best to understand why Kibum has been avoiding the lagoon. There must be something, right?
She sneaks into the lagoon under pretense of finding a shell she must have lost weeks ago during the tangihanga, but the more she stares at the human world, the less she understands it.
Minjung gets bored soon and starts blowing bubbles with her hands. It’s a favorite past time of hers, a habit she doesn’t realize she has. The brown and green of the vegetation surrounding the lagoon piques her curiosity not long after, however, and Minjung breaches the surface to look at it more closely. Maybe if she observes it closer, the answer Kibum won’t tell her will come to her.
She stretches her arms above her head, towards the sun and lets the heat warm up her body, before she feels a laugh bubble up through . Minjung loves the lagoon. She loves the deep water, the sun and the serenity that is usually found here.
She turns her head to the side only to look directly at a human girl sitting on the edge opposite of her. Slowly she lets her arms sink below the surface again. The human has nadeshiko pink hair and deep brown eyes and her skin is tan in the most gorgeous way Minjung has ever seen. She blinks once, twice until she realizes that this is a human, an actual human, and the thought has her terrified.
When Minjung dips under the water, it only now occurs to her that she has been spotted. This is not good.
Jinki turns towards his notebook filled with star observations and he starts dotting down the results from the night’s star watching. Taemin leans over him while he eats his cupcake.
“What’s that?” he asks and Jinki looks at him disapprovingly.
“Where’s Junghee?” Jinki asks instead and Taemin shrugs.
“Sick.”
Jinki raises an eyebrow but doesn’t counter Taemin. Taemin should know what his girlfriend is doing, but Jinki isn’t fully sure he believes it. It’s not his business, though, so he’ll stay out of it.
“Really, though, what is it?” Taemin says and eats the last of his cupcake. Jinki sighs a little.
“Stars…” he says and Taemin raises an eyebrow in question. Jinki ignores him.
It has been a week since he last went to the lagoon, but as he turned back to the myths of the starchildren, the nightmares ceased again and the need to go watch the deep waters has been less these past days. Jinki appreciates it, though. Staring into the water is unnerving and he still isn’t able to find the answers he’s looking for.
Kibum counts the nohinohis before he sends them off towards the ocean sunfish. Taeyeon laughs at him from behind a coral and he looks back over his shoulder.
“What are you doing back there?” he asks and the kōhine shrugs a little.
“Nothing,” she says but Kibum knows it isn’t the truth. He swims towards her and Taeyeon backs a little away, her small tail not as efficient for swimming as Kibum’s.
“Have you seen Minjung?” he asks and Taeyeon shakes her head a little.
“Nope,” she says. Kibum hasn’t seen Minjung very much in the past 24 hours. He knows she went to the lagoon because the water ratted her out but ever since then, it has been impossible for him to pick up her wipes. It should have worried him but Kibum can’t really find it in himself to be extremely worried about her.
Minjung has always been like this. She’s adventurous and often swims far away, just to see new things. It’s just rare that she does it on her own. Kibum frowns and Taeyeon laughs at him.
“Don’t worry too much. Hey, did you find what you were looking for last week?” Taeyeon asks and reaches out towards Kibum. Kibum pulls back and shakes his head.
“Nah, maybe it’s on time I stop thinking about it too.”
Taeyeon tilts her head in a question but Kibum shakes his head, looks over his shoulder and widens his eyes when he sees one of the small nohinohis drifting away with the current. He doesn’t say goodbye when he whips around and hurries off to save them.
The next time Jinki goes to the lagoon, he’s driven by a strange desire to say goodbye. It’s not a desire to die or to leave the world, but a desire to leave the lagoon behind. He hasn’t been plagued by thoughts in the past few weeks. It’s a desire to put the past behind him and to stop thinking about what could have happened and why he survived the drowning. There are things he needs to learn and if he keeps getting drawn to the lagoon, he is never going to break free. Jinki doesn’t want to come here anymore.
It surprises him, however, when he finds Junghee sitting on the edge, staring at the water. Her hair is unkempt and her clothes askew but she doesn’t react to his arrival. Jinki tilts his head as he observes her and when she sways a little in the wind, he fears she’s about to jump into the lagoon. Junghee stays on the edge, however, her legs tucked under her as she continues to look at the water. Jinki silently approaches her and sits down beside her, 20 centimeters between them.
“Hey,” he says in a low voice and Junghee whips her head around to stare at him.
“Jinki!” she says in a slight panicky voice and Jinki can feel the worry slinking down his back. “I … What are you doing here?” Jinki looks at her before he turns towards the water.
“Saying goodbye,” he says and hears Junghee’s breath hitch. “Not like that.”
He turns around to send her a smile and he can see how she slowly relaxes in his company.
“You know,” Jinki starts. “When I fell into the lagoon, I was supposed to drown. I can’t swim and I was sinking towards the bottom. I had no idea what way was up and what way was down. Actually, I had almost found peace. There were voices in the water. It sounds stupid but I guess my hallucinations were pretty strong.”
Jinki turns to look at Junghee, who just listens to him with wide eyes. This is things he has never told anyone.
“I don’t know how it worked but something pushed me towards the surface. That’s the only reason I survived. I don’t know how to describe it but I knew right then that I had been saved by something. So, I came here for answers but there were no answers. The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed but I had nightmares and I heard the voices in my sleep and I felt so drawn towards the water. There seemed to be something I had to learn.”
He sends her a small smile.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything. Knowing you were supposed to die and yet still being alive had me feeling kind of crazy.”
Junghee nods a little when Jinki stops and turns to look at the water in the lagoon again. It feels odd to say it out loud. He’s not sure he likes the feeling if he’s honest, but now that he has said it out loud there are no take-backs.
“I get it,” Junghee says and Jinki turns back to look at her. She isn’t looking at him. “Do you still have nightmares?”
Jinki shakes his head, but Junghee doesn’t see him.
“No. It’s on time I leave the trauma behind, right?”
Junghee nods a little and then turns her head towards him.
“Thanks for trusting me with this,” she says and Jinki sends her a small smile. “You’re forgiven for making me worry so much.” Jinki chuckles and wraps his arm around her shoulder.
“Why are you here?” he asks and Junghee shakes her head a little.
“It’s so calm out here. I think it might have become my new favorite spot in the forest,” she says and looks at him with a small smile. Jinki just nods. It is calm out here. But it is not the reason she’s here. He doesn’t want to pry, however.
The next time Kibum goes to the lagoon, it’s to stop looking for answers. He saved a human in the lagoon despite the lagoon being sacred but the past is the past and it should stay as that. He can’t continue feeling guilty for it and he can’t continue looking for answers he doesn’t find and he’d rather be able to come here during the next ahoroa ceremony to celebrate with his māmā and the rest of the hapori without feeling captive. He also misses the way the water talks to him in the lagoon, the whispers hushed and gentle compared to the ocean water without the uncertainty of the unknown. Kibum doesn’t want to be limited by his past actions anymore.
He drifts into the lagoon and settles against the lagoon wall, only to find the celadon colored tail above him. Kibum raises an eyebrow as he watches Minjung’s tail hold her close to the surface. She’s staring at something above her and Kibum gets curious. He slowly moves closer to her and lets his fingers trail up her tail until he reaches the lionfish pectoral fins on her hips. Minjung startles at his touch but sends him a small smile when she notices she isn’t in danger.
“Hey,” she says and turns back towards what she was looking at. Kibum follows her gaze and notices that she’s looking at the edge and the human world above them.
“Hi,” he says. “What are you doing here?”
Minjung just shrugs a little and her hair floats softly around them both.
“I’m just looking. Why are you here?” she asks and Kibum sighs a little.
“I’m going to stop looking for answers.”
Minjung turns to look at him with a confused look when he says it.
“Answers?” she asks and Kibum nods.
“Yeah, it’s been weighing on my mind a lot. You know, the lagoon is sacred and that I struggled with the fact that I saved the human. Every time I entered the lagoon it felt like I was being suffocated with the fact that I betrayed the hapori but at the same time, it felt like the human world could give me answers to a question I’m not really sure I ever understood. It’s just the feeling of staring at the human world and knowing that there is something I have to do. Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve been looking for these stupid answers to these stupid questions and I’m tired of it. I want to be here for the ahoroa ceremony with you all and not feel like I betrayed everybody. I want to come here and listen to the water and forget myself and the human. So I’m here to put it behind me.”
Minjung looks at him when he finishes.
“Kibum,” she says and Kibum sends her a smile.
“It’s really no big deal. Sorry I didn’t tell you. Pāpā died and I wasn’t really prepared for that, so... I think it was when I was looking through the shipwrecks that I realized that the human world can’t answer me anyway.”
Minjung widens her eyes at that.
“Looking through the shipwrecks?”
Kibum blinks at her.
“Yes?” he says with uncertainty. Then Minjung breaks into a wide smile.
“Why didn’t you invite me?” she asks and Kibum chuckles.
“I almost got eaten by a great white monster.”
Minjung shakes her head but winds her arms around him in an embrace anyway.
“I’m so glad my adventurous best friend is back. None of this guilty feelings over humans. Promise me to tell me if you ever feel like that again,” she says and Kibum nods and pulls her closer against him.
“You too,” he whispers into her ear. She stills but doesn’t let go of him and Kibum doesn’t say anymore. She is keeping secrets but Kibum isn’t going to pry.
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