[CONTENTID1]The idea of you and him[/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]'But I still love him.'[/CONTENTID2]

[CONTENTID3]“Happy New Year!” Sandeul and Baro appeared at the door and grinned to the people inside the room. They had rent a suite to have New Year party on 1st. Seokjin welcomed them in and the two quickly sat together with Chen and Jaehwan. “Where’s Baekhyun and Chanyeol? Hyunsik also didn’t arrive yet?” Sandeul asked as he sat. Chen handed two cans of beer to them while Seokjin sat down with them.

“The two had schedule so I didn’t come with them.” Chen answered. “Did Jiho call you guys? He didn’t reply Seokjin’s invitation.”

“No.” Baro answered for that. “We didn’t hear from him.”

“Hyunsik said he’s still on the way.” Seokjin said after he checked his phone. “How’s New Year with you two?” Seokjin asked as he sipped he drink. Sandeul smiled.

“Busy schedule. Doing things here and there. I can’t even have a proper rest.” Sandeul said. Baro nodded. “I miss you thou, Hwanie.” Jaehwan looked at Sandeul and just smiled.

“My answer is like usual.” Sandeul laughed and took his can to cheer with Jaehwan’s. Jaehwan just chuckled and they talked about life. Throwing random stupid jokes, laughter filled the room as well. Not long after, the bell rang again and Chen went to get the door.

“Yo.” Chen greeted the newcomer. “Oh, you two are here too.”

“Party started without us?” Voices heard as Chen let them in. The group smiled when they saw the guys.

“Come on, we’re hungry. Chanyeol, Baekhyun.” Seokjin called and pulled Hyunsik’s hand to sit. They gathered in a circle. The topic diverted into few gossips among the idol.

“Do you guys heard about recent story about Got7?” Sandeul said. They looked at Sandeul. “Someone saw Jackson dates a girl. They suspect it was Youngji.” Chanyeol chuckled.

“Well, I heard too. They’re good friend turned lover, wasn’t it? Any evident thou?” Chanyeol asked. Sandeul shrugged.

“Still a rumor.” Baro added. “How nice with that easy relationship.” They looked at Baro for explanation. The guy grinned. “I mean, you’re having a close friend then suddenly falling in love…”

“Well, hard to have male-female being close friends right? Mostly become couple in the end.” Seokjin said. Hyunsik hummed.

“Yeah, even male-male best friends could be something.” Hyunsik said and that made someone stiffened. Seokjin noticed that and eyed the guy. He didn’t say anything and just listened to Sandeul told more about the gossip he brought up just now.

“Oh.” Chen suddenly brought attention to him. He nudged Baekhyun beside him. “Didn’t you have things to tell us? You said you’re telling something tonight.” Chen said and looked at Baekhyun. Everyone turned to the said guy as well. Baekhyun was flustered and rubbing his nape as his eyes met with Chanyeol. Chanyeol smiled and nodded.

“Eum, guys. I have something to say.” Baekhyun said nervously. Everyone was waiting for the next word. “I-”

“I’m dating Baekhyun.” The sudden word from Chanyeol made everyone turned to him. Chanyeol just gave a smile. “You guys won’t mind right?”

“Hell, you two are dating?” Sandeul said, pointing to Baekhyun and Chanyeol back and forth. “You guys are in love?” Baekhyun blushed and looked down while Chanyeol just smiled, nodding softly. Sandeul gasped. “Heol.”

“This is something…” Baro said lowly. Chanyeol just smiled to the word and his eyes caught Jaehwan. Jaehwan just smiled back.

“Glad you sort it out.” Jaehwan commented. Chanyeol grinned; he scooted closer to Baekhyun and took the hand. Baekhyun looked at their hand before looking up to Chanyeol.

“Thanks. I owe you so much, Jaehwan.” Jaehwan nodded. Seokjin looked at them before raised his glass.

“This needs a toast. You guys won’t belittle of their relationship and will give blessing, right?” Seokjin said. Chanyeol chuckled and took Baekhyun’s glass, giving to the smaller. He raised his can too. Baekhyun smiled to that and joined.

“I’m happy as long as you’re happy.” Chen commented. Baro nodded and joined Chen to raise their can.

“Well, I have no right to stop you guys because it’s your life. But be careful.” Sandeul advised. The couple nodded. Jaehwan raised his glass.

“Be happy, you two.” Jaehwan said and they made a toast with a big laughter. The topic now changed to tease the new couple in which made them blushing so much. Sandeul and Chen had their great time teasing the two. Seokjin sipped his drink as he glanced at Jaehwan.

Jaehwan smiled seeing the happy glint around the new couple. The two didn’t release their hold; Baekhyun was curling into Chanyeol’s side whenever they about his blushing face. Chanyeol in the other hand kept smiling while trying to protect his boyfriend from teasing but he got the same blow as well making his cheeks red. Seeing the happy couple, he felt a prick deep down his heart even though he genuinely was happy for them. Jaehwan didn’t notice he kept consume the alcohol, and also Seokjin’s worried eyes.

Seokjin knew there’s something Jaehwan kept inside for so long. He figured it had something to do with his sudden changes, and perhaps if he’s right, it had something to do with Taekwoon. Seokjin still remembered that night, he saw Taekwoon and Minhyuk where Jaehwan was looking. But Seokjin still couldn’t figure out the real reason. He just guessed and he worried whenever he watched Jaehwan. Seokjin noticed how fake Jaehwan’s smiles that he didn’t even remember how the genuine one looked like, he doubted that he ever saw it or not.

“Eh, I hope you guys didn’t do things openly in the dorm.” Chen suddenly said as he pointed to the couple. “I didn’t want to hear voices.”

Chanyeol raised his brow. “But you like-” Chen slapped Chanyeol’s mouth.

“You two are in relationship, be faithful to each other. I don’t think you need me to give a word about relationship, right?” Chen said as he looked at Chanyeol and Baekhyun. Sandeul cooed.

“Oh, Chen. You sound so gentleman.” Chen glared at Sandeul. Sandeul laughed. Jaehwan laughed a bit together with them. Seokjin frowned when Jaehwan chugged another glass of beer.

“Hey, you’re drinking too much already.” Seokjin reached to stop Jaehwan. Everyone turned to look. They started to notice Jaehwan’s condition.

“He’s drunk.” Baro commented. Jaehwan protested Seokjin taking his glass in slur. He was fighting against Seokjin to get his glass back. Seokjin was trying to reason with him while sending a look at the rest for help. Hyunsik got the hint and quickly helped Seokjin to distract Jaehwan so that they could bring Jaehwan to rest. But Jaehwan kept saying he wanted to go out and eventually making his way out successfully. The friends were trying to catch him but then Seokjin stepped out first.

“I will send him home, not very drunk anyway. Sorry for the leave. You guys have fun.” They just nodded and trusted Jaehwan to Seokjin. Seokjin quickly went to catch Jaehwan. “Woah.” Luckily he managed to catch Jaehwan from falling as he was leaning against the elevator door. “I’m sending you home.”

“No, I can go myself. Go back and have fun with the others.”

“Don’t be stupid. You’re too drunk to even walk properly. I can’t let you in trouble. You’re my responsibility outside VIXX.” Jaehwan chuckled.

“Thanks mom.” Seokjin rolled his eyes. He brought Jaehwan to his car. When Seokjin started the engine, Jaehwan reached to tug Seokjin’s sleeve. “Not the dorm.” Seokjin exhaled.

“I know.” Jaehwan just smiled with closed eyes and curled into the seat. Seokjin glanced at him before sighing. He drove out from the basement and went to the direction of the usual place.

Seokjin brought Jaehwan to the bed. He huffed after lying Jaehwan on the bed. “He’s hella heavy.” Seokjin muttered under his breath as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry… and thanks, Jinie.” Seokjin turned. Jaehwan was mumbling something, rubbing his eyes to look at Seokjin. Seokjin gave a little smile when their eyes matched. Jaehwan closed his eyes. “Will you stay?”

“Do you want me to do so?” Jaehwan exhaled.

“I don’t know.” Jaehwan closed his eyes. Seokjin looked at him for a while before scooting closer. Feeling the movement, Jaehwan moved a little. He had been sobered a bit in the time Seokjin brought him here. Seokjin wordlessly wrapped his arms around Jaehwan. Jaehwan didn’t push it, closing his eyes tighter while clutching Seokjin’s shirt. Soon, sobs broke down in the room. Seokjin exhaled and rubbed Jaehwan’s back.

“Jaehwan…”

“They are so happy…” Seokjin furrowed a bit but didn’t question anything. Jaehwan sniffled. “I’m happy for them but… I feel sad. Why I didn’t get to have happiness like them? Why our relationship turned like that…” Jaehwan bit his lips. “I know I have my own fault but it’s hard to trust hyung again. I don’t know, people judge me being overly sensitive but… how to feel happy if I keep feeling insecure… I deny all this time… but I still love him. I love him, Jinie.”

“Jaehwan…” Jaehwan bit his lips.

“I love Taekwoon hyung. I never stop loving him. I thought by drifting away, I can forget him. I thought by doing the things, I will be happy. I thought the little attention and pride with the things going on with you and the rest, the , I will be fine and feel whole again.” Jaehwan sobbed as he reached to touch his chest. “But this big hole, this emptiness isn’t going away. I… I don’t know. I don’t know what I want anymore. I don’t know how to be happy again. And still, I hate myself when the idea of him with Minhyuk looks so happy hurt me the most.” Seokjin felt his heart clenched as he listened to Jaehwan’s sobs and stutters. He brought his hand to pat Jaehwan’s head, giving some comfort words. He didn’t entirely understand the problem but he knew Jaehwan had suffered so much. Ever since he knew Jaehwan, this was the first time ever Jaehwan cried this hard in front of him.

Seokjin kept Jaehwan companied till the next morning. When he woke up, Jaehwan already left with a message in Seokjin’s inbox. ‘Thanks, Jinie. And please forget everything I said last night.’ Seokjin didn’t feel very happy to the last word but he knew it must be hard for Jaehwan too if he asked. He decided to just keep the secret to himself.

Jaehwan shot a glare when he was stopped from leaving the practice room. “What do you want, Lee Hongbin?” Hongbin didn’t give any emotion on his face. He was used to Jaehwan being sharp with him, well he did the same previously. Hongbin looked at Jaehwan.

“I want to talk with hyung.” Jaehwan snickered.

“I don’t think we have things to talk?” Jaehwan sassed. Hongbin took a breath, pushing Jaehwan into the room and locked the door. Jaehwan raised his brow. “Yah.”

“I need to say something to you.”

“I don’t want to hear anything.” Hongbin groaned.

“You need to, hyung. I’m not going to let you go before I could talk again. I don’t know how but you somehow like having a sixth sense that you know I want to talk with you so you avoided me until today.” Jaehwan chuckled.

“Think whatever you want.” Jaehwan bickered back and crossed his arms. Hongbin took that as Jaehwan would stay to listen.

“First, I’m sorry.” Jaehwan looked at him. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for fighting you and for everything I done to you. I’m sorry I know I’m very wrong and this might be late to apologize, but it’s something that I should do.” Jaehwan shrugged.

“I don’t really need that. It won’t change anything. Just… let’s forget everything and do our own things, not that we can return to the way it is.” Jaehwan said nonchalantly. Hongbin looked at him.

“But hyung…”

“You’re done right? I’m going.” Jaehwan wanted to walk away but Hongbin stopped him.

“No. I’m not finished yet.” Jaehwan stared at Hongbin. “Second, that day Taekwoon hyung is right. We didn’t do anything, it was me advancing on him and it was me trying to get him that way. I was desperate, I want him, and I love him. I do that with the mind that I could have him if I make him fall.”

“Why you explain this to me?”

“Because you misunderstand Taekwoon hyung that day. Because of me.” Jaehwan shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Hongbin