Someone comes into my room and sit on the chair beside me. Ah, I guess I really miss that guy. He even comes to my dream. But why this dream feels so real. I ask but there is no answer. I know it’s not a dream. I know he was there. I wake up and open my eyes but I can’t see anything. I told the nurse to turn off the light before. Well, there is no different though if I turn it on. So it’s better to save energy. Through the dim light from the corridor and my weak vision, I can see a human-shape shadow sitting in front of me.

He sounds sick. Maybe that is the reason he didn’t visit me today. He apologizes for what he said yesterday. Then he talks about his childhood. Now, I can understand the reason why he was extremely mad. If I can portray our personalities, we are like two different poles. I always do everything by myself and don’t want to depend on others. Meanwhile, he always does everything for others and depends on others. I can feel it. He is very sincere, kind and pure hearted. But I was not expected he went through painful life. Behind that childish and annoying act, there were tears and hurtful memories.

I say it. Thank you. I had said that word countless times but this is the first time I have ever said that word with sincerity. He sounds so tired and before he leaves, I ask him his name. But, his serious mode is already switched to annoying mode. He doesn’t tell me his name just because some of non sense and ridiculous reason that makes me confuse. Since I was used to his ridiculous jokes, so I respond it with another ridiculous answer. Hearing what he said about his past make me so embarrassed. I am not grateful. I have so many friends who care and love me unconditionally while he must go through so much hardship just to make a friend. 

The nurse wakes me up this morning. I need to eat my breakfast and get ready to go to therapy. This morning as I open my eyes, the object that I see is getting clearer. According to Dr. Agust, I was 65% recovered. Before going to my therapy, I ask the nurse to help me make a call. I want to call Lisa and inform her I will be home today. I also want to tell her about my condition so she won’t be too surprised. But, she doesn’t pick it up. Maybe she wasn’t at home. But it still morning and today is a weekend so she supposed to be at home right now. I can’t be late for therapy so I give up and will try to call her again after lunch.

My last therapy before discharged is as fun as usual. I invite Dr. Agust to come to Art Week exhibition and he says he will come if it’s free. I laughing and tell him not to worry because he will be invited as an honored guest and there won’t be any charges. I thank him and I promise although I already discharged, I should keep doing the therapy, at least once a week until I totally recover. Before I leave, I ask him why he doesn’t put an eye bandage, but he said I didn’t need it anymore.

The nurse escorts me to my room. When I see the pay phone, I ask her to permits me make a phone call. I call Lisa again but she doesn’t answer. Then I call Jimin and tell him I will discharge today, maybe around 2 PM. He said to call him back when I about to leave, so he can pick me up. I finally come back to my room. This is the first time I see the room which I stayed for 1 week. I walk toward the window and open it. I vaguely see the scenery. It’s green and most likely a park. The spring breeze come through the window. He was right. The scenery from my room is nice.

I go to the closet and find my bag and take out some clothes. I go to the toilet to changes my hospital gown. I look at my reflection in the mirror. With this blurry sight, I can tell I indeed look like Sadako. I guess I am totally a mess. I touch my hair and then smell it. Yuck! How can I live with this kind of hair? I realize I haven’t take a bath for a week too. Since it difficult for me to take off my leg and arm cast, I decided to only wash my hair.

With so much difficulty I successfully wash my hair. I sit on the bed. This refreshing feeling makes me feel sleepy. Slowly I lie down and fall asleep. It’s already 01:45 PM when I wake up from my short nap. Why doesn’t he come? I clearly told him I will leave the hospital after therapy. Which means it’s around lunch time. But it’s almost 2 PM and yet he hasn’t come. The nurse comes and asks me what time I will leave. I tell her I am waiting for someone. I would like to say goodbye. And also, I really want to see his face.

I turn on the radio and wait for him. It’s already 4 PM but he still doesn’t show up. I am so annoyed. There is nothing I can do. I don’t know anything about him. That’s why the only thing I can do is waiting. I am so hopeless. I decided to pack my belonging and rechecking all corner to make sure that I already pack it all. Then my eyes caught something. The pink colored box hiding behind the basket of apples. I take and open that box. There are pictures inside it. I focusing my eyes on looking at that picture.

There is a picture of a window and the views which you can see through the window. I turn the picture and there is a sentence written on it “I hope you can enjoy this beautiful scenery from your window”. I take a look at another picture. It’s a radio and “Hey, I am radio. Let me be your friend when you are bored” sentence written behind it. I look at other pictures. An orchestra conducted by children, a park with a pond and a bench, a cake box, and two kids running. And there are so many pictures of a woman wearing a hospital gown. She is wearing a cast on her right leg and arm. She was sitting on the wheelchair, looking through the window, watching an orchestra, eat a cake, has her hair tied up and so much more. There is also a very scary picture. That woman has scary red-eyes drawing on her eye bandage and she looks very scary. Each picture has a message on it but I can’t manage to read all of them because it makes me dizzy if I try to focus.

I close my eyes for a while to make it rest. After I get rid of my dizziness, I continue to look at the picture. The last one is not a picture. There is only a sentence written on it. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I am focusing my eyes on reading it. But then my eyes are getting blurry. It’s so blurry as my tears suddenly appear. “Nice to meet you”. There is nothing I can see on the last picture beside that sentence.

I can’t describe my feeling. I am so angry at first because he just left this box instead of saying goodbye in person. But, that anger slowly turning into sadness. I can’t say goodbye to him and thanked him for the last time. Then I am so confused why he doesn’t want to see me. I try to find a reason why he doesn’t come and my brain keep thinking about any possible reason started from the most normal until something that beyond imagination. And suddenly I feel so scared.

I try to calm my mind and try to think straight. First, who is he? Why he always in the hospital? There are three possible answers. He works in the hospital, he has a family or friend who was sick so he comes to visit, and the last one he is a patient. But, he always comes in uncertain time. Sometimes he comes in the morning, sometimes in the afternoon, after dinner and even at midnight. I don’t know much about the hospital and the doctor works hour, but did the doctor also has their own work hour? I mean, they can’t just leave their post or something, right? If he just visiting his family or friend it can’t be done anytime. The hospital has a certain visiting hour. It can’t be. He can’t be a patient, right?

I really don’t want to think he is a patient but I can’t help it as I started to remember what he said to me. Last night, he said something about incurable disease, and at that time he asked me what will I do if I only have a few days to live. Moreover, he sounds so tired yesterday and he said he was kind of sick. So, maybe he doesn’t come because he won’t come but he can’t come? No, no, no. It can’t be. It’s not Korean drama, right? No, I don’t want to think about that. I won’t let my imagination to go wild.

A nurse come into my room and tell me Jimin just called. He said he just finished his practice and will arrive in one hour. Suddenly I remember about that guy story about nurse Rose. I ask her about her name and bingo, she is nurse Rose.

“Mrs. Rose, do you know about the guy who comes to visit me? That guy who have a deep voice,” I ask her.

“Ah, him. Yes, I know. Why do you ask? I thought you were a friend since he always coming here almost every day,” she replying.

“No. We weren’t friend. I don’t even know his name. And he doesn’t want to tell me. Hmm, Mrs., perhaps do you where is he now?” I get so excited because finally, I can meet him again.

“Of course, I know,” she smiled.

“Could you tell me where is he?” I can’t hold my happiness, but she seems to hesitate to answer. I know there is something wrong. Maybe that guy already anticipating in so he made a prior notice to Mrs. Rose.

“I will close my eyes. You can just me there. I just want to say goodbye. Moreover, I will leave when my friend comes,” I try very hard to persuade her so I can meet that guy.

“Well, then. I will you. As my last present for you since you always finish your meal. Wait a moment I will take an eye bandage,” she smiles and leaves my room.

***

I am still waiting for her to open her eyes. She hasn’t regained consciousness since yesterday. I hold her hand and staring at her face. It’s so painful to see her laying down here. She used to be a bright and cheerful girl. She is the lights who guide me walking through the dark tunnel. She always comes whenever I get depressed and need someone to talk to. She never complains or sad although she was diagnosed with heart disease. She lives her life like nothing happens and spread her positive energy to everyone around her.

I always come to the hospital to accompany her getting a therapy since we were in elementary school. At first, I did it because I want to skip school. But slowly, I turn it into my duty. I don’t know why she always comes to the hospital once a week, then I ask the doctor about her disease and when will she could recover. The Doctor told me if she keeps getting a treatment and didn’t eat avoided food, she will get better. That’s why I need to keep accompany her and watch what she eats. I trust him.

Someday, I found out that her disease is incurable. I come to the hospital and ask her doctor how long will she live. But then the doctor said she won’t die if she gets a treatment and didn’t eat food that can damage her heart. I didn’t believe him. I know it’s incurable. I protesting and beg her doctor to cure her. I am not moving from his room until he told me she will completely recover again. The nurse called her and she immediately comes and takes me home. She told me not to worry, she will be fine. She won’t die. I should trust her. I am crying but I can’t help but trust her.

I like her since we were a kid, but I never tell her about my feeling. I already make up my mind and about to tell her, but she suddenly said she has someone she likes. Unfortunately, it was only one-sided love. I could tell how much she loves that person. I don’t want to ruin her happiness. Moreover, I know I will never win against that person.

I didn’t know who that person is. It’s not because she didn’t tell me but I don’t want to know. Every time she wants to introduce that person to me, I always reject her. I hate that person. She has changed since she met that person. Someday, I found out she eat something that she isn’t supposed to eat. Recently she always overworks herself. She isn’t supposed to get too tired. I was so angry. But I got even angrier because I know she did that because of her one-sided love. I scold her but she said she just want to have fun and do something that she wants to do with someone that she loves before she dies. I feel like she just abandoned her own life for that person. I swear if anything happens to her, the only one to blame is that person.

She was hospitalized since last week because of her condition is getting worse. The stress she got from the exam also worsening her condition. But what’s make her getting more stress was because she can’t get in touch with that person. I told her to stop thinking about it because it can affect her health, but she won’t listen. Two days ago, I want to introduce her to my new friend. But she suddenly faints. I take her to her room. Fortunately, nothing happens to her. She told me she saw that person in the corridor. She was so upset because that person seems to don’t believe her. She can’t get in contact with that person and was so shock after met that person here. She said although they live together for 3 years, she still can’t make that person to truly accept her. She began to cry as she told me she just wants to get accepted at least as a friend. She doesn’t wish anything beyond that. Although that person can’t love her back, at least she wants to be that person best friend. I hate it. I hate it when she talks about that person. I feel so helpless. I can’t do anything. The best I can do is just listen to her and comfort her.

Today, after lunch, she suddenly got a heart attack. I am so scared and panic but fortunately she can be saved. My eyes are totally swollen. I keep crying since the last two days. It seems like I have a tears spring in my eyes. No matter how much I cry it can’t be dry. Every time I see her helplessly lying down on the bed with all this equipment to support her life, I can’t hold my tears to falling down.

Someone knock on the door and I immediately wipe my tears. Mrs. Rose enters the room along with that girl. She is not wearing a hospital gown anymore. She seems like she is ready to leave.

“Mrs., is he here? She asks.

“Yes. He is here. You can talk to him. I will leave you here. I will wait outside,” Mrs. Rose smiles at me and leave us.

“Hey, are you there?” she asks me. I want to answer her but my voice won’t come out. Maybe because I cried too much.

“Ah, you don’t even want to answer me now. Then, just keep quiet and listen to what I am gonna say. I know you were so annoying but I don’t hate you. To be frank, I am so happy because you always come and visit me. Losing my vision and left alone in the silence room is very pathetic. Lost my vision really breaks my heart. I feel so pathetic and I feel like I was dead. But, thanks to you, I can feel alive,” her voice is shaking. Suddenly my vision is getting blurry. This damn tears can’t stay still. They really want to jump out from my eyes.

“I don’t know how ugly your face is. You even don’t want me to see your face. I know I ever made fun of your face, but I was just kidding. I didn’t mean it. And for your information, I am not the types who judge the person by their look. Although I can’t trust my friend, it doesn’t mean I am such a petty person,” she complaining.

I know you are not that kind of person. But you are never can’t imagine how ugly I am. At first, I just said it for fun but somehow it’s come true. I am so ugly and I can’t show my face to you.

“I have changed since I met you. I was a stubborn and selfish girl. But then you tell me to depend on others, to trust others. Maybe you don’t know about it but, I trust you and I really depend on you. While you were not coming to visit me, I feel so frustrated and sad. When you left me alone at the park, I really want to cried for help but I didn’t do it. Because I trust you. I know you will come, so I wait for you. That exhibition too. Do you know why I decided to participate? Because I believe in you,” she barely talks because she trying so hard to holding back her tears.

I have changed too. Thanks to you. I learn how to love myself and not depend on others so much. I can stand on my own feet too. I cover my nose and mouth with my hand so she can’t hear my sobbing voice.

“You ever said you want to talk to me because I am blind. But, now, since I can see again, you aren’t going to meet me anymore. But still, it’s unforgivable. You haven’t told me about your confession. It’s unfair. How could you know everything about me but I didn’t know anything about you,”

I do really want to tell you. But the fate not allowed it. And actually, I haven’t told her yet. I am still a coward until now. By the way, I wish I don’t know anything about you too either. I wish I can turn back the time when I simply know you as a blind girl. That’s why I don’t need to hate you. I really wish I can pretend that nothing happens between us. So I won’t live with this complicated feeling. And, it’s better because you don’t know anything about me. And I wish you will never know it.

“I don’t know the real reason why you don’t want to meet me again. You don’t even want to tell me your name. Honestly, I am so upset and mad at you. Why do you want to just disappear like nothing happened? After what you told me, after what you did to me. And, why? Why did you do it to me? Why can’t you just disappear quietly? Why should you leave those pictures? Why?” she is crying. This is the first I see her crying. I can’t hold myself seeing her crying so sad like that. It makes me feels like a sinner.

I want you to forget me. I am an ugly sinner who doesn't deserves your forgiveness. I want you to forget me, but somehow I don’t want it either. My deepest heart desperately wishing you won’t forget me. I want to show up and confidently say my name out loud in front of you. But I can't. You already know the reason. I hate you. I really hate you. But I can’t ignore you. I do really want to disappear like nothing happen.

“Everything… Everything that you won’t be able to tell me, I know you have a strong reason behind it. I come here today to say my last farewell. I am sorry if I ever said something bad to you. Last time, I said something really horrible. I never wish you to die soon. I hope you will live for a very very long time,” after remain silent for a while, she continues to speak.

As expected from you. Now I know why she loves you so much. This charming, lovable, kind, and independent woman like you. I totally a loser compared to you. That’s why I hate you. Ah, why I wasn’t born as a lucky person. The fate I received it’s too cruel. Why should I have to face this fate?

“And thank you for everything. I won’t live as a pathetic stubborn and selfish girl anymore. I will trust my friend from now on. Those precious memories that you gave, I will cherish it. Thank you,” her voice is not shaking anymore. Maybe, she finally able calm herself down. She reverses her wheelchair. Perhaps it was the signal she has done talking about what she wants to tell me. But, before she reaches the door, she stops.

“Ah! Can you see something different from me? I getting prettier, am I? See, I am the type who always keep my promise. The first thing I did when I got my vision back is washing my hair. Now, you can’t call me Sadako again. Hehehe… Anyway, I want to leave for good. So, I hope we can forgive each other. I wish you a happy life. Ah, I am very glad I can say everything I want to say. Now, It’s time to say goodbye. Well, goodbye, my handsome friend! It’s nice to meet you too!” she almost hit the door but fortunately, Mrs. Rose come and save her. I look at her and waving my hands. Yeah, I wish you happiness too. Live well and… goodbye.

My tears keep falling down on my cheek even after she left. I am so glad I have ever met someone as amazing as her. Although it’s only a week, but she drastically changes my life. I really want to tell her what in my mind, but I can’t speak a word. But, I know it’s better if I didn’t say anything. I look at the girl who sleeps beside me. Now, I know why this girl can abandon her life. We all don’t want to die in regret and do everything we want to before we die.

***

Two weeks later…

“Dr. Agust!” the bright-smiled girl walking towards middle age man in a rush.

“Oh hey, Ms. Kim! It’s been a long time!” that middle age man called Dr. August greet her.

“What’s with that sarcasm. We just met yesterday. Do you really hate me so much? Anyway, I am glad you want to spend your precious weekend to coming here,” she gave that man a glass of champagne.

“Does this champagne is the advantage I got as a honored guest? Then I will take it. Speaking of which, from all your pictures that hanged here, this one is really… Hmm… What should I say, it’s different and… unique,” he stared at the picture which located in the corner.

“Yeah, you are right. But this pictures has a really deep meaning for me. Just like the title, “The Traces”. This is my traces which I missed for a week. It’s very meaningful gift for me,” she also stared at the picture and smile but her eyes look sad.

“You were blind for almost a week. How could you get this pictures?” he asks her again.

“No, it’s not me who take it. I met a guy when I got hospitalized. That person is the one who take it. That person, I don’t even know who he is. I don’t know his name too. Sometimes, I thought he wasn’t real too. Maybe he just my imaginary friend. I heard when someone is very depressed or stressed their imagination becomes so real. That’s what I think. Despite being real or not, I still grateful to meet him,” she answers it sadly.

“Jisoo-ya! Prof. Jeon is looking for you!” the black haired man calls her over.

“Oh Yoongi-sunbae. Wait a moment, I’ll be there!” she replied to that man and then apologize to Dr. Agust because she has to leave him.

“Don’t you feel sad? She didn’t recognize you. She even thought you weren’t real,” Dr. Agust talk to the tall handsome guy who stands beside him after that girl leaves him.

“It’s kind of sad, though,” that man replied.

“But why did you turn your back suddenly? She won’t recognize you anyway,” he asks that man as they walk.

“I can’t face her. I don’t know why. My body was automatically turned after I saw her,” that man deep voice sounds so sad and his lips showing a bitter smile.

They keep looking around the exhibition hall and stop at the castle picture.

“In the fairytale, the cursed prince always looks for his true love. His true love is the one who will accept him as he is despite his ugly face. But then, there is a witch who wants to stop that so she tried to kill the girl. In the end, the witch always loses. But, do you ever think what would happen if the witch kills the girl? What does the prince suppose to do then to lift his cursed?” that man ask Dr. Agust a random question.

“It’s simple. Find another girl. If that girl was dead, then she wasn’t his true love. The curse said it will be lifted by his true love. But didn’t mention she only have one true love, right? Logically speaking, most of the king is having more than just one wife. And the prince soon will be the king, right? So it’s not a crime to have another girl. It’s just his fate,” he answer sounds ridiculous but it surprised that man.

Drrt… Drrt… That man phone is vibrating and he immediately answers the call. His face looks so anxious while he is talking on the phone.

“What was that? Emergency call?” Dr. Agust asks that man.

“Yeah, it’s from the hospital. They were looking for me now,” he answer it.

“Okay. Anyway be careful,” looks like Dr. Agust understand the purpose of that call.

 “Sure. Enjoy the exhibition. Tell that girl, she indeed a great photographer,” he is bowing to Dr. Agust and excuse himself.

***

I know it’s forbidden to running on the hospital corridor. But I can’t think straight right now. I gasping for breath when I arrived in front of her room. Her family was there. I tried to catch my breath and after calm myself, I knock on the door. I greet her parent then they leave me alone with her. I sitting down beside her and grab her hands.

“You were here, Taehyung?” she talks with a low voice. I am nodding.

“I am glad. How are you? It’s been a long time since I see your face,” she opens her eyes and looks at me. She looks so weak.

“I am fine,” I don’t know what should I say. My mind is going blank.

“You know. You are the most handsome guy I have ever met. I am not lying. That’s why, stop thinking that you are ugly, weird or stupid anymore. You’ve change. Starts from now, you should trust and learn to love yourself too. Thinking about yourself is not selfish. Someone need to love themselves first then they can love others,” she began her daily lectures which I never heard for a while. How could she still able to talk so well with this condition. I can’t say anything because I bite my lips so hard telling myself to not cry.

“Moreover, you are a strong person. You always stand with your own feet. So, never ever say you can’t do anything by yourself. This is your life, not others. No matter what they say, you should believe in yourself. If you have a faith in yourself, then they will have their faith on you too. So, you should do what your heart told you to do. You promise?” she slightly moves her pinky finger.

“I promise,” I promise her as I linked our pinky fingers. She smiles. She pauses for a while to gained energy because she hasn’t finished her lecture.

“Taehyung, I am sorry I lied to you. I said I will always by your side and I won’t leave you. I said you should trust me, but I can’t keep my promise. I am sorry. I really deserve to be blamed,” her voice is getting lower so I should get closer to her.

“It’s okay. You didn’t break your promise. No matter how far you go, I know you never leave me,” I promise to myself I will win this war against my tears. I should show her my handsome smiling face.

“I am glad. I thought you will hate me,” she closed her eyes but she keeps smiling.

“I never hate you. I actually… actually… I… I like you. Even if you love another person. I still like you,” I really hate myself. I can’t make a proper confession.  I really want to look cool. The one who said practice makes perfect it’s not completely true. I practicing so hard to saying that word but still stuttering when I said that.

“I knew. Thank you for loving me,” she looks at me with her beautiful eyes and shows me her best smile I have ever seen. I am glad. I am so glad I can say it. I am very glad.

“Taehyung, I am so sleepy,” she said. My hands suddenly shaking and I lost my strength as I see her peaceful face.

“I will call your parent so they can say a goodnight to you,” I try to regain my strength and call her parent who wait outside her room. They walk in a hurry.

“Mom, dad, I am very sleepy,” I could barely hear her voice.

“Then, you should sleep,” said her mom while she gently brushes her hair.

“Sleep well, my little girl. Have a sweet dream,” his dad tightly hold her hands. Then both of them give her the last goodnight kiss. She sleeps peacefully tonight.

***