“Okay, guys,” Hongsik says from the front seat as they pull up to Kihyun’s childhood home, “she said he isn’t doing too well, so don’t put too much strain on him.”

“We know how to treat our lead vocalist, hyung,” Minhyuk sighs in exasperation, his hand inching closer and closer to the door handle despite the vehicle still moving. Hyunwoo chuckles at his excitement, unable to keep himself from doing so due to his own. He hadn’t believed it when their managers had called them last night to tell them about this trip. He honestly didn’t even truly believe it when he’d come to pick them up.

He’d only dared to hope this all wasn’t some sort of sick joke when they turned down the road to Kihyun’s house, and, now that he sees it, his heart beats impossibly fast. He finds it hard to breathe, and his vision zeroes in on the domestic setting.

“So, he isn’t getting any better?” Changkyun asks meekly from the back, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip. Jooheon coos and pats the maknae’s knee, trying for an encouraging smile.

“Just because he isn’t doing too well right now doesn’t mean he isn’t doing better than last we’ve seen him,” Jooheon consoles him. He then turns his gaze towards their manager up front, adding in a, “Right, hyung?”

Hongsik doesn’t meet their eyes in the rearview mirror, having been fully briefed on Kihyun’s current condition and unable to break it to his boys.

“Just… don’t expect too much, Heonney,” is all he can say, and the group falls silent behind him.

Kihyun isn’t aware of much throughout the day, but his strength suddenly perks up when he hears a garble of familiar voices in the hallway outside his room. He struggles to sit up, and reaches weakly for the beanie on his bedside table. He knows it won’t do much for his visuals, but as least it’ll save the others from seeing his bald spots.

When his bedroom door opens, Changkyun immediately is by his side, hugging him round his waist. The boy feels cold, and he can’t help but desperately wraps his arms around his dear maknae. His heart pangs in a dull sense of grief within his chest, as he knows this is the last time he’ll be seeing them, and he bites hard on his bottom lip to keep his emotions in check. He has to remain strong for them.

“Jesus, Kihyun-ssi,” Minhyuk comments, stepping slowly into the room. “You... You look…”

“I look like Death,” Kihyun finishes for his same-age friend, his voice coming out much stronger than it has in days. Minhyuk picks at his bottom lip with his fingers, a nervous tick. The others behind him shuffle on their feet, and Changkyun tightens his hold around his hyung. Kihyun forces out a light chuckle for their benefit, and his mother gives them a tight grin.

“Call me if you need anything,” she tells them all, and she leaves them. The others come in one by one, circling around him like anxious vultures. He gives each of them a meaningful smile, attempting to set their minds at ease, until he sees him. Hyunwoo. The love of his life.

The lie crumbles away only to reveal the fear he’s been keeping inside all this time.

“Um… I wanted to speak with each of you,” Kihyun finds himself saying, in a sharp breath at the gravity of his own words. “I know you’ve all figured out by now that what I have is terminal, and, just in case I don’t make a miraculous turnaround or anything, I wanted to clear the air with everyone.”

Everyone grows stiff at this, but nod all the same. Kihyun nods as well, and sets a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. He glances down, silently saying he’ll start with the maknae, and the others nod in understanding before leaving the room.

Kihyun hadn’t planned to do this, or else he’d have asked his eomma to stock up on Kleenex. He also would have planned something to say, just to not sound like a babbling moron on the last day he speaks with the men he’s come to consider family.

Of course, Changkyun isn’t much better. He turns into a human faucet practically the moment the others walk out the door. Kihyun can’t help but coo at his dongsaeng’s actions, and holds him as tight as he can despite his thinning limbs. He pulls the boy away, but only to wipe at his tears.

He tells Changkyun how important it is to put himself out there, to not shut people out just because the situation is tense or awkward. It’s a habit he’d noticed back when they first met during No.Mercy, and one that the rapper uses to blame himself with for how long it took them all to become so close. He reminds Changkyun that, despite his worries, he belongs in MONSTA X, and they wouldn’t be where they are today without him.

Changkyun assures him he’ll remember, but just so long as the older gets better. Kihyun only laughs at this, though it turns into such a violent coughing fit it obviously scares the maknae. He squeezes Changkyun’s hand consolingly, and kisses the boy’s cheek before he has to excuse himself.

Jooheon comes in after Changkyun practically runs from the room, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. The older rapper smiles widely at Kihyun, his energetic personality making a welcome shift in mood.

The vocalist tells Jooheon to not work so hard all the time, that life has more to offer than just writing lyrics. He tells his dongsaeng to try and find someone, because love is the best kind of inspiration. Jooheon only hums and nods his head, though Kihyun can see a flicker of something in his eyes that tells him he’s listening. The man’s smile becomes more strained the more they go on, and before long Jooheon excuses himself, as well, though he says it’s more for Kihyun’s benefit than his.

Hyungwon has always been one of the more sensitive members of the group, crying at shows like Produce 101. Of course, he argues that’s because he knows what it’s like to be on a show your entire livelihood depends on, but that doesn’t do much to subdue the teasing.

He cries now, though it’s quiet and not around Kihyun. The vocalist can see the redness in the dancer’s eyes, though, can see how he slumps forward as if his energy is spent. Kihyun reminds him, like the maknae, that it’s okay to open up to people. He reminds the slightly-younger that he loves him no matter what, that he’ll always be a brother—albeit a tiresome one—to him. And, even though Kihyun may not always be around physically, his spirit will always be there to shake him awake in the mornings.

Hyungwon leaves after that with a shaky chuckle, clearly doing his best not to burst out into tears again. Hoseok and Minhyuk come in at once, Hoseok clinging tightly onto the younger for strength.

Kihyun had been worried about Hoseok making it through this. Out of all the members, Hoseok has always been the most sensitive. Despite his wanting to be known as a tiger, he’ll always be the skittish little bunny fans and members alike know him as. But, it seems as though Minhyuk’s presence is enough to help him keep away the waterworks until they’re out of the room.

The man reminds them both there’s more to life than just producing music and singing, as he had with Jooheon. He tells Minhyuk to stop being so hard on himself, to just accept himself as he is and move on, warts and all. He tells his same-age friend that dating in the group is alright, because they’re all adults and can handle any breakup that comes. So, if he wants, he should take the next step with Jooheon as they all had been expecting him to.

For Hoseok, he tells him to grow a spine, for lack of a better phrase, and make a move on Hyungwon already. They’ve been waiting for the two to become official ever since No.Mercy, Kihyun reveals, and it’s beyond time that they do it already. Hoseok stutters out that he isn’t good enough for Hyungwon yet, the typical response, but both Minhyuk and Kihyun shut him up with an unamused glare.

Finally, after they leave, it’s Hyunwoo’s turn. The bulky man barely fits through Kihyun’s small doorframe, his shoulders brushing the doorjamb as he enters. Kihyun does his best to keep his smile plastered on, but it falls as soon as the door closes behind him.

“Hyung…” Kihyun mutters, his voice cracking weakly, “I’m sorry.” He feels his throat constricting and his eyes begin to water as his heart aches so much he’s sure the pain will kill him before this “disease.” Hyunwoo’s by him in an instant, his big body causing the bed to dip under his weight. His brow furrows in concern, and he takes Kihyun’s hand in his. Kihyun gulps down his tears, telling himself he has to remain strong.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you forever, like I promised,” he goes on to explain. “But, I did my best to give you the rest of my life. I hope that’s okay…” He adds the last part as a sort of joke, but neither laugh.

“Don’t talk like that, Kihyunnie,” Hyunwoo mutters, his voice warming Kihyun’s cold, clammy skin. “You’ll get better soon, just wait and see. In a couple days you’ll be back onstage performing with us, and you’ll be coming home every night bickering with Minhyukkie and getting Changkyunnie to help you in the kitchen. You’ll be fine.”

A single tear falls down Hyunwoo’s cheek as he speaks. His voice is lower than usual, thickened by grief. Kihyun smiles affectionately, chuckling breathily as he meekly reaches up to wipe away the tear. The sight causes a tear to eek out the corner of his eye.

“Aigoo,” he teases halfheartedly, causing Hyunwoo to chuckle under his breath. “We can’t both be crying when you leave, or else the others will know something’s wrong.”

“Because you lying here looking like crap doesn’t do that enough,” Hyunwoo jokes sarcastically, and Kihyun playfully pouts.

“Yah!” he protests. “I’m totally rocking this deathbed look… Really, the magazines have heard, and I’ve got a photoshoot scheduled after you guys leave.”

The two share a small smile, the tense atmosphere growing warm and familiar. Hyunwoo leans forward and kisses his love’s forehead, not even noticing the freezing sweat that covers his pale skin. Kihyun sighs contentedly at the touch, his eyes falling shut.

“Hyung,” he mumbles, finding it quite impossible to open his eyes again as the exhaustion of handling all these emotions from the past two hours. “Could you stay with me? I think I’m going to rest for a little bit…”

“Of course,” Hyunwoo replies almost immediately. Kihyun feels the bed shift, and the sound of footsteps follow. He hears the door open, and Hyunwoo’s murmured tones. He’s already drifting off, though, so he doesn’t bother making out what the older is saying. Hyunwoo’s warmth returns only a moment later. Kihyun is swept into his arms, and he snuggles into the older man’s chest with what little strength he has left.

“I love you, Hyunwoo…” he mumbles, the last dregs of his consciousness floating off as soon as the last syllable leaves his lips. He’s pretty sure Hyunwoo returns the statement, but he hears it as if from far away, in a different place altogether…