~~~

11:11 PM

Letting the strawberry frosting travel down his throat, Sehun feels his phone buzz for the seventieth (yes, he's counted) time in the past hour. His hand automatically reaches for his back pocket. Another random girl he's never met before messaging him on Facebook, asking to be his prom date. Great. With a huff, Sehun gently places his phone beside him, hoping it won't fall off the rock he's sitting on before shoving the remainder of his cupcake into his mouth, balling up the wrapper and carelessly tossing it over his shoulder. He's no fan of littering, he actually cares a great deal about the environment and global warming. However, in his defense, Sehun figures he's got much more important things to worry about right now than the potential environmental risks of strewing cupcake wrappers all over the ground.

He hears Vivi barking inside the house behind him, begging to be let out, but Sehun remains seated on the large rock, doing his best to block out Vivi’s loud booms as he stares up at the sky before him. He has been sitting out here for well over an hour now and, frankly, Sehun feels his bottom going numb, but he pays it little to no mind as he fixates his gaze on the glittering white orbs which are unevenly distributed across the black canvas above, almost as if somebody carelessly strewed them out whilst in a big rush. Sehun stares at the stars, which haven’t moved at all in the past hour, and he would know considering the fact that he came out here first thing when he got off the bus earlier. After stopping by the bakery, which was, surprisingly, still open, and picking up a strawberry frosted cupcake, of course.

Sehun sighs, his breath leaving his mouth in the form of a cloud of white steam. He chews on the cupcake, and even though he hates sugary foods, he would be lying if he tried convincing himself that the sweet taste didn’t make him feel a tad bit better about, well, everything. There’s still a giant lump in his stomach, which only grows when the pastry is added to the mix, however, and Sehun has to close his eyes and take a deep breath to pull himself together.

He wonders what Jongin and Yifan are doing right now. Honestly, Sehun doesn’t want to know, and he could definitely continue living just fine without knowing, but he won’t deny that there’s a spark of curiosity somewhere inside of him, no matter how much it hurts him to think about it. Perhaps Yifan is buying him a teddy bear, or meeting his dogs, or meeting his sister, or watching a scary movie with him, or-

Sehun momentarily tears his eyes away from the sky above to focus on the steep hill that’s situated a mere ten feet from the rock he’s sitting on. Now, during the entire time he’s lived here, which roughly corresponds to a little over six years, not once has he thought about peeking his head over the edge, out of curiosity, to find out what lies beyond the seemingly bottomless pit of nothingness. However, right now, Sehun wouldn’t mind doing so. In fact, he also wouldn’t mind flinging himself right off the edge and into whatever abyss might lie below. He figures, no, he knows that breaking every single bone in his body would feel like being tickled by a feather compared to having to endure heavy feeling of pure nothingness that’s been plaguing him for about a week now (or, if he’s going to be honest, around three years, but even so) even longer.

He doesn’t regret walking away earlier. In fact, Sehun is at least 100% sure that he only did Yifan and Jongin a favor by ridding them of his presence, and Sehun bites his lip because Jongin’s words (which he can’t remember, but they’re there, alright) are still circulating in his mind, and Sehun can’t get rid of them no matter how hard he tries. On another note, once again, he’s extremely thankful for the fact that he was born with what society seems to call a ‘Resting face’ because Sehun is pretty sure that if he made the mistake of expressing how he really felt earlier, when it was only him and Jongin alone in the room, he would definitely have given Jongin and Yifan something to laugh about on their way home.

However, Sehun sort of wishes he hadn’t thought about stoicness, because the next thing he knows, he’s thinking of Mona Lisa, which in turn makes him think of a song he listened to a few months ago by a group he can’t remember for the life of him. But Sehun clearly recalls hearing a lyric which has been burned into his mind for four days straight; something along the lines of ‘There’s nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for’, and Sehun clearly remembers the icy feeling that filled his gut immediately after hearing it, and he feels his chest deflate in defeat. He never thought a song would speak to him that much, since he sort of hates modern music in general. The line has been playing inside his head non stop since he left the building an hour or two ago, and Sehun shivers when a cold gust of wind passes.

Squirming a bit, Sehun winces when his bottom protests and it takes him a minute to find a new, comfortable position that won’t take a toll on his behind. His phone buzzing again only reminds him of the probably hundreds of letters that had been stuffed inside his locker earlier, all from random girls begging him to go to the prom with him on Friday. Sehun remembers cackling upon reading them because, honestly, he doesn’t know if he’s just got a warped view on love, or if thinking you have a chance with somebody you’ve never met simply because they’re good looking and popular is solely a female thing. Sehun figures it’s probably the latter, and he groans out loud before fixating his gaze on the brightest star he can find right now. It makes him relax a little, but only a little.

Thinking about prom only reminds Sehun of the gut-churning fact that he is, no matter how much he hates the idea, in fact, going to be crowned the Prom King on Friday (if he chooses to go, that is, but, given the fact that he’s Oh Sehun, he figures that he’s sort of obligated to), there’s no doubt about it. And normally, anybody would be overjoyed, but if Sehun is going to come clean, the thought of getting a plastic crown placed on his head for doing absolutely nothing special makes him want to die, because he already despises having the entire school on his back for simply looking a certain way, and the very, very last thing he wants is to be rewarded for it.

Well, that, and also because being crowned the Prom King ultimately means there’s going to be a female counterpart who will in turn be crowned the Prom Queen, which in turn means that Sehun is going to be forced to dance with her all night. He has to swallow the bile that creeps up his throat at the thought.

To be honest, Sehun doesn’t know any girls he’d like to dance with at the prom. In fact, he doesn’t even have any female friends so he figures practicing any dance would be downright impossible. Even though his dancing skills are nothing to boast about, he isn’t terrible at it, but he doesn’t want to, and Sehun emits an inhuman noise at the thought of having to dance with some bimbo he doesn’t even know, nor like, for that matter. He desperately wants to skip the event overall, and perhaps use the practice match on Saturday as an excuse not to go, but deep down, he not only knows that the entire school (and maybe even country) will turn against him if he bails, but also because, even worse, he knows he’ll run into Jongin and Yifan for sure. Sighing, Sehun figures he’ll have to distract himself (maybe his queen will come to good use, after all) in one way or another. On another note, Sehun doesn’t even want to think about the amount of hate mails and letters he’ll receive until the day he graduates (or even after that) if he chooses to ditch the prom, and he wants to claw his eyes out.

He figures he won’t have to stay very long, maybe an hour or two; Sehun figures he’ll show up, accept the crown and sneak out the back door before going home and throwing the darn piece of plastic in the trash can. And if he’s lucky, he’ll manage to successfully avoid running into Yifan and Jongin in the process, too. Sehun figures he doesn’t necessarily owe his queen (he hates wording it like that, but he has no idea what else to call her) an explanation for his sudden disappearance and if he does, he’ll cook up something in the last minute (the game, for instance. He figures that’s a reasonable excuse not to stay back and dance until four in the morning). The problem, however, is that, no matter how badly Sehun wants to ditch the prom, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to, for the sole reason that he’s Sehun, and he knows that, and he hates the entire world for it. He finally settles for hiding out in the bathroom while mentally rehearsing his moves for the match until the godforsaken dance is over. He figures his queen will have to deal with it.

When he looks up at the sky again, Sehun blinks in surprise when he sees that all the stars seem to have burned out. He stares up at a pitch black canvas with nothing on it, like it’s waiting to be filled, and he bites his lip. He looks for the brightest star in the sky, the one he saw earlier and last week while on the phone with Jongin, only to not find it anywhere and Sehun bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t know if stars can choose to make themselves visible (and twinkly) for certain people only, but Sehun figures that if he’s correct, Yifan is probably getting an eye full at the moment. When Sehun averts his gaze, he swallows when he barely makes out one star, a single star, burning ever so slightly on its own somewhere in the deepest parts of space, and Sehun has never felt more at home.

Because that’s what he is: A lonely, dying star that’s missing the bright, lively light that he used to have (and needs) to keep him alive.

Another ice cold gust of wind passes and hits him right in the face and Sehun’s eyes roam around the empty, dark slate before him. His chest feels heavy in defeat and he wishes it were possible to launch oneself into the deepest parts of space. Again, he thinks about what Yifan and Jongin are doing right now. Sehun figures they’re probably watching some horror movie while doing things he doesn’t want to think about right now and, as much as Sehun wants to clench his jaw and grit his teeth in fury, he only sighs in defeat because he knows for a fact that it would be pointless and downright unnecessary.

Sehun knows that his entire team will be running around the school like headless chickens all day tomorrow, both due to the prom and the match the following day, and even though Sehun knows he probably, no, definitely, won’t be feeling the hype for the former, he’d be lying if he said that his nerves weren’t in complete shambles right now because of the match and Nationals. As hard as he’s been training lately, he can’t help but feel that he’s been way too distracted each time, like Junmyeon kindly pointed out a few days ago, and if he could, Sehun would happily ditch the prom to practice in the field behind the sports hall all day. He knows for a fact that he won’t be able to take his mind off the upcoming match(es) starting tomorrow, not to mention his coach will be harsher on him than ever before, given that it’s their last practice match before they take the bus to New York, and Sehun mentally braces himself for the absolute chaos that awaits both him and his team tomorrow.

Sometimes, Sehun wonders if it’s even worth it, because for as long as he can remember, signing up to be the captain, as it seems, has only done him more bad than good, and the current hecticness is doing nothing to disprove that. As much as he adores the sport and gets a kick out of it each time he puts on his helmet, he always finds himself questioning if it’s really what he wants to do, and the subsequent buzzing of his phone half a second later, almost as if on cue, only makes Sehun question it even further. His love for the sport has definitely faltered over the past year or so and despite the fact that the fact would have caused Sehun to suffer a mental breakdown two years ago, he only to presses his lips together as he keeps his gaze fixated on his shoes, not knowing how to feel. However, he dismisses it purely as his brain re-wiring itself due to the stress of Nationals and Sehun has to take a deep breath to pull himself together. A strong breeze passes by and Sehun watches as it picks up the balled up cupcake wrapper before it quickly tumbles down the hill (or, bottomless pit).

After a few minutes of clearing his head, Sehun checks his watch and moves to stand up, figuring he needs his beauty sleep if he’s going to drag himself to the two-hour long meeting that his coach will definitely want them all to attend after school tomorrow, as well as the inevitable, vigorous four hours of training that he’ll have to pull through. Sehun curses when he tries squirming, only for his behind to protest and he groans, about to literally throw himself off the rock (he’s honestly beyond caring at this point) when his phone buzzes next to him. Normally, Sehun would ignore it like the plague, but this time, his phone is buzzing repeatedly and he quickly understands that it’s no message, and since he knows for a fact that he hasn’t added his number on any of his social media profiles, he figures he can bring himself to answer, even though all he wants to do right now is sleep.

With the screen illuminating a small part of the darkness, Sehun picks up his phone, not even bothering to check the caller ID. “I’m about to go to bed, what do you want?” he asks, because it’s definitely Chanyeol calling to know if he’d like to practice passing. “You still owe me a pizza, by the way, don’t think I’ve forgotten.” On the other end of the line, he hears a small sigh and he blinks. “What? Did something happen with you and Jongd-”

“You’re not doing anything in particular tomorrow, right?” Sehun hears a very, very familiar voice say and the latter nearly drops his phone.

As he tries recovering from the shock, Sehun briefly feels his mind blank out and he subsequently struggles to rack his brain for an appropriate response. “Uh, I, no? I mean, I have a meeting and training and all that, but-” He mentally slaps himself. “Yeah, I mean, no, kind of? Wait, sort of. Yes. I do, but it shouldn’t be too much of a hassle.” He bites his lip. “Why...why do you ask?”

On the other end of the line, Jongin emits an audible noise of relief. “Good, because we need to talk.”

~~~