~~~

Jongin wipes his eyes. His ears are still ringing from the slamming of the door mere seconds ago and his eyes dart around the room in blind distress. It's almost as if his brain is screaming at his legs to move but he can't bring himself to, no matter how much he wants to or tries to. As a matter of fact, Jongin is still in mild shock over miraculously running into Sehun less than twenty minutes ago, because the last person he expected to see at half past ten in the evening was the latter, although Jongin figures he probably should have expected that considering the fact that Sehun is the captain, after all.

As much as he wants to scream at the top of his lungs, since he's pretty sure he's been bottling up God knows how much in the past few minutes, Jongin can't bring himself to do so, either, because that would require emotions, which he certainly doesn't have at the moment. Or, he figures that he most likely does, it's just that there must be some sort of numbing layer settling and slowly replacing the filter between his brain and his heart. Either way, all Jongin knows as of right now is that he solely feels like a shell of whoever he was before he just so happened to walk into the godforsaken room. Now that Jongin thinks about it, he's pretty sure that he would've said a lot more (witty) things if it wasn't for Yifan, because the latter practically radiated some sort of (extraterrestrial? Jongin isn't sure) vibe that seemed to latch themselves onto the brunet's throat and prevent him from choking out the words. And, if he's going to be honest, Jongin sort of, really, hates Yifan for that, and the latter patting his shoulder reassuringly isn't doing anything to help.

"Should we go now?" Yifan asks and it's not until he reaches up to seemingly ruffle Jongin's hair that the latter flinches like he's been burned. "What's the problem?"

Taking a step back, Jongin eyes Yifan intently. "Why'd you have to say that?" he chokes out, cursing his inability to hold back his tears as they come flowing freely down his face, and he's certain that they aren't doing his words any justice. "Look at what you did!"

Yifan raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean-"

"He's gone, you made him leave!" Jongin babbles, blindly pointing to the door behind them. In all honesty, he barely even knows what he's saying himself, and he knows he probably shouldn't be opening his mouth in the first place, because Yifan is a nice guy, but that doesn't stop the feeling of anguish that settles in Jongin's stomach from spreading across his entire body the longer he looks at the taller. "Why'd you do that!"

"I didn't do that," Yifan says quietly, slowly reaching up to pat Jongin's shoulder again, but he lowers it when the latter visibly tenses. "Did he hurt you again? I heard a bunch of things in there," he adds, eyes glazing over with concern. Normally, Jongin would find it rather adorable, but right now, he just wants to get out. 

Jongin shakes his head. The mental image of when he, for reasons he's already forgotten, grabbed and threw either a tennis or a badminton racket right at Sehun's face pops into his head and he shivers. In his defense, Jongin knew Sehun was going to dodge it, because Jongin is fully aware of the former's amazing reflexes, because Jongin, surprisingly enough, would never, ever in his entire life have thrown anything at Sehun if he knew that there existed a possibility of it striking and possibly hurting him. Come to think of it, Jongin feels sort of really crappy about taking advantage of Sehun's godly reflexes as an excuse to possibly injure him, but Jongin, even though he's already forgotten 90% of what went down earlier, clearly remembers acting in a fit of blind rage, so he figures that somewhat excuses what he did, regardless of the fact that he would never be able to forgive himself if he ended up actually hurting Sehun. When he thinks back to Yifan's question, Jongin wants to say something along the lines of 'No, but I could have hurt him', but he decides against it because he assumes it wouldn't sit right with Yifan. 

Yifan, slowly growing anxious due to the silence, lightly shakes the brunet to get him to snap out of his semi trance. "Hey, answer me, did he hurt you? I need to kn-" His sentence is abruptly cut off when Jongin harshly smacks his hand away, and he blinks in surprise.

"No, he didn't ing hurt me, damn it!" Jongin exclaims and immediately regrets it because of all people, Yifan is the least deserving of getting yelled at and Jongin knows it darn good and well, but he can't help himself, not right now. "That sound you heard, that was me! And whaddya mean, 'I didn't do that'?" he adds, face contorting into a grimace. As much as he wants to bolt out of the room, he's genuinely curious for whatever reason.

"I'm not the reason he left, you know," Yifan says and even though his voice is as calm as usual, even the brunet can sense a hint of irritation in it. "He chose to walk out, I was just standing here." He eyes Jongin sternly and suddenly, the latter feels like a small child getting scolded by one of his parents. 

Clenching his jaw, Jongin runs a frustrated hand through his hair. As (unfortunately) correct as Yifan may be, Jongin can't help but think (and know) that things most likely would've turned out better, a lot better, hadn't the taller been present earlier, and the thought of possibly preventing Sehun from leaving so they could talk everything out (Jongin figures you'd need to be a special kind of idiot not to realize that) in peace makes him want to walk back into the equipment room, retrieve a baseball bat and whack Yifan upside the head with it. He doesn't know how good Yifan's reflexes are, but Jongin hopes for his and the former's own good that they're at least somewhat on Sehun's level. Because as much as Jongin wants to agree with Yifan, simply because he's Yifan - the man of reason with the caterpillar-like eyebrows, Jongin doesn't want to, because Yifan is talking about Sehun like the latter is just some nobody, which only makes the urge to beat the taller to smithereens with a baseball bat grow even stronger.

One thought leads to another and, the next thing he knows, Jongin's brain is being bombarded with images of Sehun sitting on the floor in pure defeat, and Jongin clearly remembers how badly he wanted to walk over and comfort the latter only to restrain himself in fear of possibly, in Jungah's own words, 'falling back in love' again. And even though he's proud of himself for being able to hold back, Jongin would give an arm and a leg to go back in time, because the way Sehun practically radiated of anguish and defeat earlier is enough for Jongin to break every single rule in the book, no matter how disappointed Jungah may be in him afterwards. He isn't sure if that makes him weak or whatever, but at this point, his head is spinning, his heart is threatening to split open, and the urge to hit Yifan in the face is only growing stronger by the second, so Jongin can safely come to the conclusion that he doesn't care. Weak or not, Jongin knows, no matter how riskful it may be, that he'll do whatever it takes right now, even if he'll have to pay the ultimate price by falling back in love and never being able to crawl back out again.

Now, Jongin doesn't know if it's his brain coming to drastic conclusions or whatever, but deep down, somewhere he can't quite put his finger on right now, he can't help but feel that Sehun feels the same exact way. 

"Are you okay?" Yifan asks, nearly making Jongin jump out of his own skin. He watches as the brunet stumbles a bit before chuckling a little. "Well, shall we go?"

"Why are you talking about him like he's just some...nobody?" Jongin blurts out before he can stop himself. He scratches the back of his neck when Yifan's features contort into a look of confusion, and then mild irritation.

"Don't do this," Yifan huffs, clearly frustrated. "I mean, I know it's common to think that way right after a, well, breakup, but listen, I hate to be so frank, but, he is a nobody," he adds and the brunet promptly sees red. "He's a loser, a loner, and believe me when I say that you're much, much better off without him." He looks at Jongin with an unreadable look and it takes every fiber in the latter's being not to reach out and strangle him on the spot.

Jongin doesn't know if the overflow of emotions, which are crowding his head and threatening to melt his brain, are at fault for what he does next, they probably are, but either way, he finds himself growling low in his throat in irritation before reaching up and shoving Yifan ever so slightly, although the latter does stumble back a bit. "How can you talk about him like that? You ing-" he seethes, unable to finish his own sentence due to the vile taste making its way up his throat. He doesn't know if it's because he's already heard these words before or if it's something else, but either way, he feels as if a grenade has exploded somewhere deep inside his gut and quite frankly, he doesn't care. 

Yifan quickly regains his composure and brushes himself off. "Look, it's best to move on, I'm not just telling you this for s and giggles," he says sternly, clearly unfazed by Jongin's question, which only fuels the latter's fury. "Come on now, you're clearly the smart type, you should know for a fact that Oh Sehun isn't the only guy on the planet. I know moving on is easier said than done, but you need to at least try."

Gritting his teeth, Jongin balls his hands into fists. His head is so clouded with rage and irritation that he's unable to form coherent sentences. "What are you- What are you even-" 

"He's a jackass, a loser with no friends, and my guess is that he's only keeping you with him because Nationals is stressing him the hell out," Yifan says with a humorless chuckle. "A conceited blowhard, in other words. Anyway, I'm not sure how to formulate this any differently, but he doesn't care about you, if what I saw the other day says anything," he adds and Jongin wants to cry. "He's got the tiest personality, I don't know if you know, but he's never dated in his life, and it's no surprise as to why." He shrugs casually and the brunet wants nothing more than to slap him silly.

Jongin nods. "As a matter of fact, I do," he says, hoping his voice doesn't sound too shaky. It sounds surprisingly steady, much to his relief. 

"Well, he dated this one girl a while back," Yifan says, apparently ignoring Jongin's remark. "You know, you remind me a little of her." He looks at Jongin with an eyebrow raised. "If I remember correctly, he brainwashed her into thinking he loved her for the longest time, only to ditch her for an entire month so he could train for one of our games, but she held on the whole time since he'd already planted it in her head that he loved her more than anything. I mean, he did spend time with her, but it was nothing special, and after the actual game, he broke it off and left her wondering what the hell she did wrong, you know? I don't want the same thing to happen to you," he says all in one breath whilst eyeing Jongin intently.

Still processing Yifan's words, Jongin bites his lip. A million different thoughts are coursing through his head right now, majority of them being those of pure and utter confusion, but he chooses to remain silent because he has absolutely no idea what to say. What he does know, however, is that he's seriously beginning to regret running into Yifan earlier after practice and he wishes the latter had never stopped by his locker earlier this week. .

"Point is, he's not worth your time or your efforts," Yifan says casually before patting Jongin's shoulder. "Okay?"

Jongin nods slowly, even though he's not listening. There's only one thought, or rather, question, pin-balling around his head right now, and as much as he wants to shut up and simply walk out of the room, curiosity quickly gets the best of him and he opens his mouth. "Has Sehun actually told you this, or is it just another one of those Sehun-related stories that always gets passed around the school on a regular basis?" he asks and blinks when Yifan visibly stills.

"Well," Yifan says, much quieter this time, while running a hand through his hair. He seems to contemplate his words for a long time before he shakes his head. "No, but it's something everbody knows, and he's never actually denied it himself, so."

Jongin knows that talking back to Yifan might be a little dangerous, because he has absolutely no idea what the truth is, but he'd rather risk making a fool out of himself than let somebody hate on Sehun without legitimate reason, no matter the circumstance. "Maybe because he knows it's pointless? Because he knows that idiots like you will keep twisting everything he does and says to the point of no return, so in turn he ends up not bothering to tell people the truth?" He's glaring daggers at Yifan even though his stomach is bubbling with uncertainty. "Because he knows people won't believe him anyway?" 

Yifan bites his lip in irritation. "He's had plenty of time to come clean, years, actually. He's got absolutely no reason to h-"

"Because you people never give him a chance!" Jongin exclaims and instantly regrets it when his voice echoes in the room and it bounces off of every wall in sight. Well then. He clears his throat and lowers his voice significantly, his heart racing for reasons he can't explain. "You know, he actually told me something when we went out for the first time," he adds, ignoring the way his heart flutters at the memory. "He went into grave detail about how frustrating he thinks it is that people make assumptions about him just because he's so insanely popular. He told me that there are two types of people in the entire school, those who love too much and those who should learn to love." He has to stop and blink because how does he remember this right off the bat??? "And he basically said that it was pointless to try to explain just about anything about himself to anybody because people either won't care, since they don't actually give a about him save for his looks, or they won't freaking believe him because he's a goddamn football player, and you know how football players always lie about who they really are." He rolls his eyes sarcastically before eyeing Yifan sternly. It's not until a thick silence settles in the air that he suddenly feels extremely foolish, and he clears his throat before feeling his face heat up. "I mean-"

"What are you even trying to say?" Yifan asks after a long period of silence, an unreadable look on his face. 

Feeling his heart speed up all over again, Jongin swallows before clenching his fists. "People will always talk and twist his words whether he wants them to or not," he says simply, fidgeting with the strap on his duffel bag. His face is completely dry but he'd have nothing against bursting into tears again. "I've heard so many people call him a loner and whatnot and, if I'm gonna be honest, I'm kind of glad he is, 'cause if I were in his shoes, I'd much rather be a loner than be friends with s like you," he adds and promptly braces himself for the black eye that he's certain he's going to be handed momentarily. Except it never comes, and instead, a low, empty chuckle fills the air and he flinches.

"Come on, I've known him way longer than you, don't talk like you know what you're saying," Yifan says, although there's no bite in his voice. "I'll help you get over him if you want me to. Just don't make this harder for yourself, it won't be worth it in the long run, I promise," he adds and ruffles Jongin's hair, to which the latter replies by forcefully shoving him away. "Come on-"

"I'm so ing tired of hearing the same old thing about him," Jongin babbles, seemingly to nobody in particular. He feels the filter between his brain and his mouth getting cut off and frankly, he doesn't mind, because he needs to clear his head right now before it has a chance to explode. "And it just that you idiots never give him a chance to explain himself and thus go on making up your own stories about him, which you then proceed to hold against him for years, I mean, I know how much he loves his sport, why do you people need to make it so difficult for him? I mean, he's already got idiots in front of him who fawn over his appearance as well as idiots in the back who do nothing but assume things about him, he's already got it real ing difficult, so I doubt that his own teammates, who know just as little as everybody else, turning on him is the last thing he wants. You even said it yourself, it's been like this for years, so it's no goddamn surprise that he isn't opening up to anybody, let alone you, 'cause he knows it'll all fall on deaf ears in the end, anyway, and you know it damn good and well." He eyes Yifan intently before continuing. "He doesn't have it easy, how would you feel if you had to deal with the entire school attacking you from both ends on a daily basis, while simultaneously, having nobody to back you up because everybody either avoids you or doesn't care enough about you to support you?" He has to stop and take a breath (and also to process everything he just said), but his gaze remains fixated on Yifan, who hasn't moved an inch.

Yifan remains glued to the floor for a full two minutes before he reaches up and runs a hand through his hair. Jongin has no idea if he's gotten through to him, he figures he hasn't, and the thought makes him all that more angry. "You're only digging yourself a deeper hole here, I hope you realize that-"

"This has nothing to do with us; me and him," Jongin exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. He's sort of lying, however, and knows it. "You don't need to love someone to know that they deserve respect, it's common goddamn sense, Christ," he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. He honestly doesn't care if Yifan is right, because truth is, he figures he's already dug himself a hole and fallen into it ages ago, and he isn't planning on getting out anytime soon. "I mean-"

"Listen to yourself," Yifan says sternly, "you're only going to get hurt, why can't you realize that? He's brainwashed you and you're only going to find out the hard way if you keep doing...this." He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. "And are you seriously implying that what he did to you is okay?" he adds, raising an eyebrow and staring at Jongin like the latter has grown a third arm.

Jongin growls in irritation. "No, and as a matter of fact, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him for it," he says, ignoring the way his gut churns at his words, because it's true. "However, I think you're even worse, going around and treating him like some heartless bastard when you've never even given him a chance to explain himself. Damn it, you've literally heard everybody's side of the story except his, isn't that just idiotic? And what the hell is accusing him of he probably didn't do, and things he definitely isn't, going to do? How'll it do you any good? People like him need support and encouragement; somebody who'll take their time to listen, and since you're on the same team, one would think you'd take the time out of your sad life to listen to what he has to say instead of dismissing him as a lonely freak and choosing to go by lies." His vision is getting blurrier by the second, but he doesn't pay it any mind. "I know you think that what I'm saying is total bull but I'm the only one who he's actually opened himself up to, at least to a certain degree, and I can assure you that he isn't the womanizing, callous, heartless bastard you all make him out to be, and I would know!"

"I've been on the same bloody team as him for nearly four years-"

"And I probably know more about him than you ever will!" Jongin yells, not even bothering keeping his voice down, before he points to the wide open doors to the equipment room. "In there, he cried; he was obviously trying to hide it, but he was; he looked absolutely terrifed when I cried, and you know what? Despite that, he comforted me, and tried his hardest to make sure I was happy. Now, I may be talking out of my own here, but I highly doubt a callous, heartless bastard would tend to somebody they allegedly didn't give a about before themselves. And don't you dare try giving me since you weren't even there!" He would mention the time when Sehun comforted him when he cried a little more than a week ago, but he decides against it. Not to mention he really doesn't want Yifan to know about that. 

Yifan audibly exhales before looking around the room. Jongin half heartedly expects him to punch him in the face. "What...what exactly are you trying to achieve by telling me this?" he asks softly after a frighteningly long period of silence. He stares at the brunet with an unreadable expression, and Jongin prays to God that Yifan isn't contemplating whether or not he should slap him. "I mean...why are you saying this to me, of all people?"

"Because," Jongin says, unable to hold it in any longer after his voice cracks significantly. "Nobody deserves to be left alone without anybody to talk to or trust, and if you had the slightest ounce of compassion or empathy in you you would know that." He bites back the sob that's threatening to escape his throat, which is also preventing him from opening his mouth and continuing. He chooses to, anyway, since he knows he'll probably end up breaking down either way later on. "You said it yourself, you've known him for nearly four years, you're aware of everything he's been through, why haven't you been sticking up for him? Although it's probably useless since he'll probably get suspicious if you come to him now, but still." He swallows the lump in his throat before wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. "And I'm telling you this-" His sentence ends in a loud sob and he mentally slaps himself. "-Because I want him to know that I support him and would never leave him no matter what." But it's too late for that now, he thinks and doesn't even bother holding back the series of sobs that subsequently leave his lips. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, Yifan moves a little, probably because the weight of his bag is taking a toll on his shoulder. He looks down at Jongin, who's got his head lowered, with a look that can only be deciphered as a look of pity. Inevitably, and much to Jongin's distaste, he dodges the latter's question. "Any point in asking why?"

Wiping his eyes, Jongin swallows the painful lump in his throat that won't seem to go away no matter what. "I know what he did was wrong, and I'm probably a fool for even thinking this, but- Damn it, he's the most amazing person I've ever freaking met and I'm more than willing to allow myself to be 'brainwashed' if it means helping him get back on his feet again, since I doubt he's been like this forever," he says lowly, mainly to himself, before emitting a humorless chuckle. "Especially since you people aren't doing jack to make things better."

Yifan shakes his head in disappointment. "Jongin, he hurt you-"

"He's got nobody, don't you ing get that?" Jongin chokes on the lump in his throat as he fights the urge to claw at his eyes since the tears just won't stop coming. "He's broken, and I'd much rather make sure he gets the support he needs before he moves on and ends up possibly hurting somebody else, if he even thinks of himself as good enough for anyone, that is, which I surely hope he does because God knows he's got a heart of gold, but how the hell would you know." He stifles a sob and quickly wipes at his eyes, the adrenaline rushing through his veins preventing him from thinking straight as he runs a hand through his hair. His mouth, tongue and throat are all dry and he curses himself for forgetting his water bottle at home. "So please, just...listen to him because he obviously needs it," he adds and he feels his gut churn when Yifan shoves his hands in his pockets. 

Nodding a little, although Jongin (highly) doubts its out of genuinity, Yifan makes sure Jongin is finished speaking before he does so himself. "I doubt it's going to work," he starts and quickly closes his mouth when Jongin emits a loud growl. "Okay, what-"

"You've never actually tried to, have you?" Jongin asks, lifting his head to look at Yifan, as he feels his insides grow incredibly hot. He interprets Yifan's silence as a 'No' and nearly chuckles. Of course. "On the other hand, I have to agree with you, since I also doubt he's going to want to listen, but only because it'll be the first time you've actually bothered to show him the slightest ounce of sympathy and or empathy in what, three and a half years?" he adds and this time he actually does chuckle, although it's as far from humorous as one could possibly get. "So how ing dare you stand here and try to tell me all about how he's got the 'tiest personality' when in reality, you don't know jack ." 

Yifan sighs in what the brunet assumes must be pity, because he doubts it's empathy. "You're clueless, my friend."

"You're not so fram from it yourself," Jongin seethes, clenching his fists. "Call me a fool or hopeless or whatever the hell you want, but this is how I see it and I'm never gonna change my mind no matter how badly you clearly want me to." It feels as if somebody has planted trillions of tiny land mines inside each one of his organs and he swears to God that they're all going to be set off at once if Yifan says another word.

Much to Jongin's relief, Yifan doesn't say anything, and the latter only shoots Jongin another one of his unreadable glares before reaching into his pocket, pulling out the spare key to the equipment room and throwing it so it lands by Jongin's shoes, before turning on his heel and swiftly making his way towards the door. Jongin follows Yifan with his eyes as the latter swings it open without a word.

It's not until the loud banging sound of the door closing rings through the air that Jongin feels every single ounce of adrenaline in his system disappear without a trace, and he subsequently feels his knees giving in before he slowly slides down the wall, an empty look in his eyes as he stares into the equipment room, to which the doors are standing wide open, almost as if they're beckoning him to come inside. Jongin doesn't want to, though, because he's certain that Sehun's perfume is still lingering somewhere in there, by the goals, so he promptly refuses. He'd much rather sit on the cold, hard linoleum floor and risk his bottom going numb.

Jongin rests his head against the wall, trying to pull himself together, because trying to control his thoughts is like trying to herd cats; downright impossible. He groans before burying his face in his hands and inbetween his fingers he sees the rusty key to the equipment room, lying neglected on the floor where Yifan had carelessly thrown it a minute ago. Jongin doesn't bother crawling (he figures he'll have to, since his legs most certainly aren't working) over and pick it up. In fact, he figures he'll have to spend the night in the gymnasium with the lights on, and he clenches his jaw before bringing his legs closer to his chest. His head feels awfully heavy so he opts to rest it on his arms. Jongin figures that a ride home is well out the door at this point, so he realizes that spending the night curled up in the sports hall is probably his only remaining option, and he's about to lift his head so he can pull out his phone and text Jungah that he won't be home tonight when he stills, because he no longer smells the scent of rubber and sweat. In fact, when he inhales a few more times for good measure, Jongin is certain that he smells what must be cigarette smoke, and he nearly jumps out of his own skin when a deep voice shatters the silence.

"Spot on."

~~~