guilt and doublespeak

slapshot into my heart

~~~

 

 

At first, Jongin doesn't believe what he's hearing.

He doesn't after five whole minutes, either, and he feels every single nerve in his body shut down one by one when he finally processes Jungah's words a painstakenly long time later. Jongin doesn't know if he's just way too tired and or stressed to even be conversing with another human being right now, or if the shock coursing through his veins is getting the best of him, but the next thing he knows, he's opening his mouth to speak, even though he has no idea what to say.

"What?" he croaks, staring at Jungah, although his gaze is so unfocused he isn't even sure if he's even looking at her.

Jungah bites her lip. "Now, this is just what I'm assuming, so don't think any of this is set in stone or anything," she says, putting her hands up in defense. She sends Jongin a sympathetic glance. "You probably don't agree, though, right?"

It takes Jongin a whole three minutes to even register the fact that she's talking to him. He still doesn't know how to feel. Angry? Sad? Happy? He honestly doesn't know. What he does know, however, is that Sehun would never use him, because using other people is awful, and Sehun is not an awful person, Jongin is certain about that. He could elaborate on why he thinks so but the dizziness in his head is preventing him from doing so. 

"Of course not," Jongin finds himself blurting out before he can stop himself, and he's surprised at how stable his voice sounds. "Of course I don't," he adds, blinking in astonishment, as if he can't bring himself to believe that he's actually having this conversation. "I don't."

Jungah blinks before nodding slowly. "You know him better than I do, but it's just...well, earlier this week and this morning, he was extremely clear about me not telling anybody I had seen you two together, and I didn't understand jack when he first said it, so I ignored it. But then he asked me this morning if I'd told anybody, to which I said no, and he seemed hella relieved," she says all on one breath. "And then, the weirdest part is what he said when I asked him why he's so dead set on me not telling anybody," she adds and Jongin snaps his head up. "Wanna hear it?"

"Yeah!" Jongin exclaims, eyes still wide, as if he hasn't yet processed her words. "I wanna hear it."

"He literally said he doesn't want people to know," Jungah says, lively eyes darting back and forth between Jongin's sort of dull and tired ones for any sort of explanation. "Which is why I'm honestly wondering if he's using you or not."

Jongin blinks. "How...why...he wouldn't," he mumbles, mainly to himself. He wants to think even harder, but all he can think of right now is how disgustingly sweet Sehun was while talking to the little girl at the zoo earlier, and his worries briefly disappear. "He wouldn't do that."

"I'm just saying," Jungah says defensively, putting her hands up. "He's very weird." She stretches and checks the clock. "No but seriously, isn't it a little weird that he seemse to go to great lengths to make sure nobody, even his boyfriend's own sister, knows about the fact that you're together?"

Jongin shrugs, suddenly feeling extremely exhausted. "He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?"

"He's...so sweet and...he wouldn't," Jongin says simply. "I mean...he wouldn't. You've got it all wrong. I mean, he's my boyfriend, I'd know."

"Yeah, but, think about it, he straight up ditches you at school to be with his friends and only chooses to be with you when you're alone. That sounds like something only a loner desperate for attention would do," Junga says and Jongin visibly tenses at the sixth to last word. "Like, you know, someone who feels the need to be with somebody outside of school and whatnot to make up for the fact that they don't get enough love at home. I mean, don't get me wrong, he probably has his reasons, but may I ask, has he talked to you about it?"

Jongin blinks, feeling his body slowly sinking deeper and deeper into the chair. "Talked to me about what?"

"You know, why he's so secretive," Jungah continues, carding her fingers through one of her long pigtails. "It's not normal, it's weird, and the fact that he hasn't bothered bringing it up with you at all is just...I don't wanna jump to conclusions or anything here, I'm just...yeah. Just. Watch out."

Because jumping to conclusions is bad, Jongin thinks and almost chuckles. How Sehun's words from two weeks ago haven't left his brain yet is (not) a mystery to him. "He...he has his reasons," he says simply, fighting the urge to fall asleep at the table.

"Well then, I'd very much like to hear his reasons because this behavior isn't frigging normal," Jungah says before leaning in a little closer. "And believe it or not, I don't want you to get hurt," she adds and bites her lip when Jongin visibly tenses. "So please, talk to him because it can't go on like this."

Jongin tugs on a few strands of his hair. His head is still hurting from his argument with Jongdae and all he wants to do is go upstairs and sleep the rest of the day away. "Sehun wouldn't use me," is all he says before getting out of his chair, grabbing his backpack and bolting upstairs to his room.

 

~

 

For hours on end, Jongin paces back and forth in his room. His eyes are clouded with sleep and he can barely stay upright, but there's so much on his mind right now that he can't bring himself to just lie in bed. At some point, he remembers learing that a twenty minute nap can do wonders to boost one's brain activity and all Jongin can say to that is that it it's most definitely true, because the second he woke up he was struck with an overwhelming sense of nausea that refused to away, and it's all because of Jungah's words, which he had forgotten all about up until now. 

Jessica, Jungah and Jongdae have all given Jongin a lot to think about; maybe even a little too much, and the latter bites his lip in confusion as he tries to connect the dots, to no avail, and he ends up sitting down on his bed. As much as he'd like to trust his friends on any regular day, Jessica hasn't attended the (and his) school for years, Jungah doesn't even know Sehun (Jongin figures she has no right to jump to conclusions based on a few words Sehun said to her) and Jongdae, well, Jongdae is...Jongdae.

"ing hell," Jongin says out loud before flopping down onto his back and dragging both hands down his face. It's not that he believes what he's been told, it just that it's all too much at once for him, and his brain simply can't keep up.

Sehun would not use him. Jongin knows that. He refuses to believe that Oh Sehun; the emoji loving, cheesy, yet awfully romantic, sap, is using him for whatever illogical reason, and Jongin quickly dismisses the idea, shoving it to the very back of his brain. None of them know Sehun, he thinks before sighing deeply. 

In the corner of his eye, Jongin spots his backpack, which, ultimately, reminds him of none other than Sehun, and he bites his lip. For some reason,  Jungah, Jessica and Jongdae's words pop up in Jongin's head and he has to smack himself in the face with a pillow to get them to go away. Honestly, he doesn't understand why every single one of his friends seem to be ganging up on him all of a sudden. To be precise, Jongin doesn't understand what they all seem to have against Sehun; because Jongin has talked his way through the whole situation. Not with Sehun, perhaps, but with Baekhyun, and no matter how airheaded the latter may be, Jongin knows he doesn't have anything to worry about anymore. Because if Sehun really were using him, Jongin figures he would have found out at this point.

On a few occasions, such as the situation with Sehun seemingly refusing to tell Jessica his name earlier, Jongin admits he has, in fact, had to stop and think for a few moments, due to the strangeness of it all, but in the end he always found himself dismissing it as stress, fatigue and him overanalyzing every little thing. Not to mention Jessica, Jungah and Jongdae all know next to nothing about neither Sehun nor what's really going on, so Jongin figures that at the end of the day, it's their loss.

Sehun would not use him.

Checking the time on his phone, Jongin instantly forgets what he's thinking about when he sees that it's currently twenty minutes past four; also known as the time Sehun's (only) lesson ends. He wonders if it's best to wait until Sehun's meeting ends later today and wait for the latter to call, or to simply call him right now as he makes his way to said meeting, just to see how he's doing.

Inevitably, Jongin chooses the latter, and the next thing he knows, he's holding the phone to his ear.

 

---

 

As his hand comes to rest on the door handle, Sehun double checks to make sure his surroundings are void of any underaged girls waiting to sneak up and pounce on him before swinging the door open. Both his legs have fallen asleep as a result of sitting in the same position for one and a half hours straight, and all he wants to do right now is to head to his meeting and go home, after which he'll either take a nap or call Jongin. He figures he'll most likely end up doing the latter and he smiles slightly as he steps out of the classroom, books under his arm, all of which he almost drops right on his foot when he suddenly feels a pair of strong hands grab his shoulders.

"Nationals, can you be-ing-lieve it?!" Junmyeon exclaims right in Sehun's ear, making the latter flinch. "Hey, maybe you'll be able to sit out next month since we've proven we're able to perform as dandy as ever without you," he adds with a friendly (or so Sehun hopes) snicker, rightfully earning him a punch in the stomach from both Sehun and Chanyeol.

"First of all, shut the up," Chanyeol mutters, lowering his head as to not bang his forehead against the doorframe on his way out. "And second of all, does anybody know where it'll be held?" he asks, turning his head to look at the rest of the team, who all shake their heads in unision. "Okay then?"

Junmyeon nods. "I heard it's in New Y- mmf!" His hands come up and practically karate chop Chanyeol's arms in half when the latter scrambles to cover his mouth. 

"Shut it," Chanyeol hisses, looking around worriedly. "The last thing I want is for our bus to be followed by a dozen cars filled with screaming, hormonal teenage girls, wouldn't you think? Use your head, dimwit," he adds, flinching like he's been burned when Junmyeon bites his hand.

Trying to stop the ringing in his ear, Sehun curses under his breath before shaking his head, as well. "Could be, I really have no idea, we'll have to ask Coach in a few," he mutters, making his way down the hallway. He shudders because the mere thought of their sports bus being tracked and followed all the way to Nationals is enough to make him contemplate not going, even though he knows that isn't an option, because it's one of the main reasons he signed up for football in the first place. "Nice picture, by the way."

Junmyeon blinks. "What?" He stares at Sehun like the latter has grown a third leg when he suddenly beams. "Oh, yeah, right! Thanks! Took it like, three seconds before Coach walked right ing into me," he grits, rolling his eyes when Sehun and Chanyeol (and the rest of the team) emit loud cackles that echo down the entire hallway. 

"So that's why your phone's all cracked and ?" Chanyeol asks, smacking Junmyeon on the arm. "Okay, this is kinda obvious, but everybody needs to come to every single practice up until the 10th! Whoever ditches is history," he adds, turning around to face the rest of the team, who all raise an eyebrow.

"The 10th? That's...in two and a half weeks," one of them murmurs, scratching his head in confusion. "I thought Nationals was next month?"

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "I know that, Yifan," he huffs. "But since somebody," he continues with a pointed look at Sehun, who presses his lips together, "didn't show up to yesterday's training, I decided to take one for the team and make sure Coach arranged an extra practice match one week from today, so we'd all better train nice and hard." He beams in triumph when a wave of sounds of relief fill the air. "I'm the best, I know."

Sehun blinks. "So, a practice match before we head off to...whichever city Nationals is being held in?" he asks, cocking his head to the side. He almost breathes out a sigh of relief because despite being relatively on track, he won't deny that he's in desperate need of some extra training, just in case. He nods when Chanyeol nods. "Thank God."

"We should make Yeol the captain," Junmyeon mutters, chuckling a bit when Sehun squawks in protest. "I'm just kidding, dumbo, you do your job just fine," he adds sarcastically, repeatedly thumping Sehun on the back for reassurance. "Except for the times when, you know, you choose to ditch us all for...whatever it is that's so much more important than winning."

Man, do I need better friends, Sehun thinks to himself and as much as he'd love to smack Junmyeon's grin clear off the latter's face, he can't, because Junmyeon is right. The result of year's worth of training he's had to pull through just to get to this point is drawing unbearably close, and the thought of accidentally screwing something up; for instance, distracting himself too much, and ending up sabotaging the entire game next month makes him want to retch. He makes a mental note to deactivate all his social media account until Nationals are over because he really, really, needs to get his head in the game. Not that he doesn't think it is, already. In fact, Sehun figures his head has been in the game longer than Junmyeon and Chanyeol's heads put together. 

Sehun instantly loses his train of thought when he feels his phone vibrate, and because he's a little bit distracted, he retreives it out of his pocket without thinking twice.

 

 

      

                J

           Calling...

ANSWER        DECLINE

 

 

"'J'?" Junmyeon asks, eyeing Sehun's phone. "Who the hell's that? That's oddly...unspecific."

Sehun bites his lip, feeling his nerves buzz. Jongin calling him at school is agitating enough on its own, but what's even more agitating is having his team; precisely, Junmyeon and Chanyeol, looming over him like a pair of overgrown, curious giraffes, and Sehun hopes he doesn't break out into a sweat as he keeps his gaze fixated on the faceless image on the screen before him. 

"Another one of his girlfriends, who the else," Chanyeol sniggers, and Sehun promptly whacks him upside the head because he knows for a fact that the former is aware of how much he despises remarks like that. "I'm just kidding, ow, Sehun, you bastard-"

Blocking out Chanyeol's loud, irritating strings of 'Ow, ow, ow' and 'I think I'm gonna dieeeeeee', Sehun's eyes nervously dart around his surroundings. His phone vibrates in his hand and he feels himself grow even more anxious each time it buzzes in his palm. He doesn't know if it's the stress of running three minutes late to his meeting or the anxiety of literally having his entire team watching him (and his phone) like a hawk, but either way, he finds himsef pressing 'Decline' before he even has a chance to process what he's doing.

"Nobody," Sehun says simply, hoping Junmyeon and Chanyeol will back away, while shoving his phone in his back pocket. "We're running late, we should-"

"Don't tell me they found a way to get around the whole 'blocked number' thingy," Chanyeol says, astonished. "I thought they stopped doing that last year," he adds, scratching the back of his ear.

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, which is so perfectly groomed and styled Sehun is on the verge of asking him if he's gotten them done at a salon, but he chooses not to (since that would be equivalent to suicide). "Who even was that?" he asks, promptly moving out of the way when a few girls shoot him suggestive looks. "ing , when will they stop."

"There was no caller picture or anything, so probably just some random bimbo," Chanyeol mumbles before turning to face Sehun. "Hey, wanna stay back after training and practice passing?"

Sehun bites his lip. In all honesty, he'd rather talk to or do something with Jongin but then again, the fear of possibly screwing something up before next month (or the 10th, for that matter) gets the best of him and he nods. "Sure, but you owe me a pizza afterwards," he says as a matter-of-factly, not giving Chanyeol a chance to decline or approve before turning the corner and rushing towards their meeting room.

 

---

 

Jongin bites his lip when the monotone beeping sound fills his ear and he turns his phone off. Figuring Sehun decided to stay behind after class, he rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling.

Sehun would not use him.

Sehun would never use him.

Why would he, anyway, Jongin thinks to himself, counting the glow in the dark star stickers above him. "I would've figured it out by now", he says out loud, running a hand through his hair and closing his eyes. He honestly wishes his friends (and family) would stay out of his business and let him and Sehun do their thing, because having both Jongdae and Jessica, as well as Jungah, on his backs all at once is seriously stressing him out. 

Speaking of Jessica, Jongin is suddenly reminded of what Junmyeon posted on Instagram and he feels a light bulb go off above his head. If he remembers correctly, Nationals is next month, and he wouldn't want to miss it for anything in the world. Jongin grabs his phone and hesitates when he's about to type something to Sehun, because he figures the latter is still in class, and he's about to huff in irritation when he gets another idea.

Pressing 'Find', Jongin quickly types out 'Kim Junmyeon' and clicks on the first profile that comes up. 

Junmyeon's profile is filled to the brim with football photos and selfies of the latter looking so triumphant Jongin almost thinks it's rather cheesy, but he scrolls down a bit and clicks the 'Add Friend' button after realizing he has to add Junmyeon as a friend in order for him to message each other.

Jongin will be in the front row, cheering Sehun and his team (but mainly Sehun) on the day Nationals arrives, he's absolutely sure of it. Come to think of it, Jongin has never even seen Sehun play; he's never even seen the latter in his uniform, and the fact that his thoughts will come true in a little less than a month makes the brunet feel giddy with excitement.

 

---

 

"...We've been training vigorously for the past few months just to get where we are now," Sehun says, leaning against the table, around which his teammates are sitting. "The opportunity we've all been awaiting is just around the corner, and I want to see each one of you out on the field, after school, passing and tackling like your life depends on it, both until the 10th and month-" He briefly pauses and glares at Junmyeon when the latter places a hand on his pocket, seemingly reaching for his phone. "Is there a problem?"

Junmyeon freezes, hand hovering above the pocket of his jeans. "No, it's-" He cuts himself off when every member of the team turns to look at him, and he slowly sinks down in his chair and clears his throat. "Nothing, sorry. Go on."

"Can it wait?" Sehun asks, cocking his head to the side.

Nodding, Junmyeon rubs his neck. "Yes."

With a small hum, Sehun looks at every single person sitting around the table with an excited and encouraging glint in his eyes. "I'll stay behind and help anybody with passing if needed, you know where to find me," he says with a bright grin. "If there aren't any questions, I'll hand it over to Coach," he adds, turning on the projector and walking back to his seat when hums of approval fill the air.

When Sehun takes a seat, he brings his chair closer to the table and crosses his legs, careful to avoid kicking Yifan and Chanyeol, before he listens to the sounds of his Coach setting up the projector. Sehun nearly yawns in boredom because he doesn't know how many times he's had their field positions explained to him and, since he's pretty much an expert on it already, he figures he can lean back and take it a little easy just this one meeting. 

However, Sehun's eyes automatically land on Junmyeon, and he watches as the latter takes the opportunity to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone across the table. Sehun almost giggles because he knows how harsh he can be when it comes to his friends using their cell phones while he's talking, he really does, and he thinks it's hilarious how Junmyeon seemingly doesn't give two craps as he turns on his phone less than nine feet from their Coach. If their Coach was anything like Sehun when it came to the no phone rule, the latter figures Junmyeon would have been permanently banned from their weekly meetings after the first week.

Sehun watches Junmyeon's eyebrows furrow as soon as his eyes land on his phone, the latter tapping on the screen once with a rather hesitant look on his face, which looks rather foreign to Sehun, before shoving his phone back in his pocket and turning his face to look at the Coach. Sehun doesn't think anything of it, however, and leans back in his chair and tries his best to focus on the diagrams being projected onto the wall, but not before reaching across the table and scolding Chanyeol and Yifan for typing away on their phones (probably messaging each other, he assumes).

 

----

 

Jongin is hastily out of his slumber when he feels something buzz somewhere by his head, and he jumps a little before sitting up and grabbing his phone, a smile creeping up his lips.

 

 

Facebook

(Just now) Kim Junmyeon accepted your friend request.

 

 

He quickly opens up Messenger and begins typing.

 

 

New Message

To: Kim Junmyeon

hi!!!!!!! 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋 i heard you made it to nationals! 😁🏈🐶 congrats!!! just a question, what day is

 

 

Jongin stills. He assumes messaging Junmyeon straight away is a little (correction, very) creepy, so he opts to wait a little while before doing anything else.

It's not until he realizes that it's 8:30 o'clock, as in, Sehun's meeting has definitely ended and the latter is free, that Jongin curses himself for even adding Junmyeon in the first place and he contemplates removing the former as a friend but decides against it for reasons unknown.

Suddenly feeling extremely sleepy, again, despite the fact that he's already slept for four hours straight, Jongin opens up his and Sehun's text conversation, typing out a message before putting his phone down and closing his eyes.

 

To: Sehunnie~

hope your meeting went well!!!~ ❤❤❤

 

 

 

 

10:00 PM

 

Slamming his locker shut, Sehun grimaces when a bead of sweat trickles down the side of his face and into his mouth. His right shoulder is a little sore and his arms feel like they're seconds away from falling clean off from all the passing and throwing he's been doing, but he feels even more sorry for Chanyeol, who ended up bruising one side of his head after Yifan may or may not have tackled him with a little more force than necessary, which caused Chanyeol to have to sit out during the rest of practice. Sehun's legs are already beginning to tense up and he winces when he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, a cramping sensation surging through his calf. 

Sehun wipes his face with a towel before folding it up and putting it in his duffel bag, along with his jersey and shoulder pads after unclipping and removing the latter. He hears Yifan singing in the shower a few feet away, the consistent sounds of the water running making it impossible for Sehun to hear his own thoughts. He removes his sneakers, putting them in the bag and placing his regular shoes on the floor. 

The water turns off two minutes later and Yifan emerges, a towel wrapped around his waist. Upon closer inspection, Sehun notices a handful of bruises on the former's arms as he makes his way towards his own locker. 

"Kyungsoo forgot to gimme back my bus card," Yifan mumbles under his breath and, before either Chanyeol, Sehun or Junmyeon have time to react, he's bolting towards and out the door less than ten seconds later, apparently forgetting the fact that he isn't even wearing any underwear.

Chanyeol blinks. "What a weirdo," he mumbles, adjusting the ice pack on his head. Sehun wonders how he's managing to sit upright, let alone how he's still functioning after getting headbutted right in the temple.

"I don't even think Kyungsoo's got his card," Sehun snorts, putting his deodorant away and removing his undershirt, which is practically stuck to his torso. He puts his towel on the space next to him before removing his thigh and knee pads, and he swears to God he can feel Junmyeon's gaze burning holes in his back and he fights the urge to wrap his towel around his bare body. 

Carelessly throwing his shoulder pads into his locker, and ignoring Sehun's panicked cry of 'don't damage them before next month!', Junmyeon chuckles. "It's a miracle Coach hasn't kicked him off the team yet," he says while putting on a clean shirt, closely followed by his jeans, socks and shoes. "Man, am I glad it's Friday tomorrow, I'm barely even alive at this point," he adds with an inhuman noise of agony.

Sehun grabs his phone and automatically smiles when he reads Jongin's text, although Junmyeon and Chanyeol's questioning gazes quickly make him put it away somewhere deep inside his bag. "It's a miracle he hasn't kicked you off the team yet," he mumbles, ignoring Junmyeon's surprised squawk. "How're you holding up, by the way?" he asks, turning to face Chanyeol.

"Just peachy, thanks," Chanyeol says all too sarcastically before he jumps a little when he hears the Coach calling his name outside the changing room. "Hun, stop gawking at your phone, I'm sure whatever your girlfriend wrote can't be that important," he adds with an amused huff of annoyance, standing up and making his way towards the door. "Later, es."

Watching the door slam closed, Sehun shakes his head in amusement. In the corner of his eye, he sees Junmyeon staring at him and he has to clear his throat in discomfort. "Uh."

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow. "Hm?"

"Aren't...aren't you gonna shower?" Sehun stands up and rubs the back of his neck. Even though Chanyeol can be awfully irritating at times, he won't admit that having the former around can be oddly comforting. Sometimes. 

"I'll miss my bus," Junmyeon says slowly. He's silent for a minute before continuing. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

Visibly tensing, Sehun promptly feels his entire world come to a stop but he hastily swallows the lump in his throat. The last thing he wants is for Junmyeon to get suspicious. "Sure."

"Okay, I have no idea why I'm asking you this," Junmyeon starts, deliberately avoiding Sehun's eyes, much to the latter's surprise (because if there's one thing he knows, it's that Junmyeon always looks people in the eyes while he's talking). "But uh..."

"What is it?" Sehun asks, raising an eyebrow. His heart is racing and he wants to bolt towards the door but he remains glued to the floor. "What?"

Junmyeon clears his throat. "You know...you know that uh...your friend? The...the dude?" he asks and blinks when Sehun visibly stills. "...What's the matter? Did something crawl up your ?"

"Uh." A bead of sweat trickles down Sehun's temple and he honestly doesn't know if it's because he's been running back and forth across a field for four hours or because every single nerve, capillary and cell in his body feels like it's about to explode. He keeps his gaze fixated on the cracked paint behind Junmyeon's shoulder. "What dude?"

"Y'know," Junmyeon says, "the one you gave your number to a little while ago, if I remember correctly." He stares at Sehun expectantly. "Remember? In the cafeteria like, two weeks ago? The one who doused your in milk?" he continues when Sehun remains silent. "Holy Sehun, sit down for a second, you look like you're gonna faint any minute."

In his semi dazed (and sort of terrified) state, Sehun barely registers Junmyeon guiding him towards the bench and before he knows it, he's sitting down. His tongue feels like sandpaper and his head is spinning so fast he has to grab onto his duffel bag to keep himself upright. "I...uh."

"You know who I'm talking about, right?"  Junmyeon asks, cocking his head to the side. "Damn, dude, take it easy next time, you look constipated as hell," he adds, scratching his head. Interpreting Sehun's silence as a 'yes', he continues. "Right, uh, feel free to call me stupid for this, but, yeah, that guy, I can't remember his name, Jong...Jong-something? Anyway, you know his friend? Not the dark-haired, weird one but the red-"

"There's nothing going on between us," Sehun croak-garbles before he can stop himself, and before he's even able to process Junmyeon's second question. His eyes are wide in both fear and surprise, and he ignores the way his chest seems to coil when he utters the words. "There's, there's nothing," he says, almost like he's trying to reassure himself instead of trying to convince Junmyeon, who only shoots him a confused glare.

Junmyeon blinks. "O...kay?"

"Nothing," Sehun blurts out, trying to fight back the feeling of bitterness pooling in his stomach. "Okay?" He bites his lip, gaze darting between Junmyeon's confused eyes and he runs a stressed hand through his damp, matted hair. Despite the fact that he's wearing nothing but a towel and his underwear, he feels like he's been put inside an oven. "Nothing."

"Okay," Junmyeon repeats in a low tone. He's about to say something else when his eyes fly open. "Damn, my bus!" He rushes towards his bag, grabs it and slings it over his shoulder. "I'll uh, see you tomorrow," he mumbles, quickly opening the door and running out.

Sehun stays bolted to the bench for a good ten minutes, a wave of different emotions; particularly relief and guilt, crashing down on him to the point that he fears he might suffocate. It actually takes Sehun a while to fully process the fact that Junmyeon is no longer in the room, and when he does, his hands move of their own accord as they scramble through his duffel bag for his phone, which he finally locates after practically dumping half the contents of his bag out on the floor. 

His hands shake as he attempts to press the buttons on the screen, but Sehun finally manages and puts the phone as close to his ear as he possibly can, and he hears Yifan shouting something incoherent on the other side of the door but he's too distracted to care (let alone let Yifan back inside).

Sehun feels his train of thought come to an abrupt halt roughly twenty seconds later; the longest twenty seconds of his entire life. 

"Sehun?"

"Hey," Sehun blurts out, finding it difficult to keep his composure since his brain is going haywire, and he hopes his voice isn't too shaky and or raspy. 

"How was your meeting?" Jongin asks, voice extremely husky, making it difficult for Sehun to believe it's really him. On the other hand, the latter thinks it sounds awfully...enticing. 

Sehun clears his throat so he won't sound like nails on a chalkboard. "Uh, it was uh...um." He mentally slaps himself and fidgets with the towel in his bag, which is drenched in sweat. "It was...okay." He swallows, his heart racing for unknown reasons. "Why uh, why do you sound like that?"

"I just woke up," Jongin chuckles. "Or to be exact, you woke me up," he adds, clearing his throat. "Anyway, what's up?"

Way too much. "Nothing much, I was wondering if you'd uh," Sehun says, crossing his legs, gaze fixated on the flickering light in the shower rooms. "Like to come here?" He bites his lip, eyes darting around the room.

Jongin is silent for a minute. "Now? It's like, really late- Oh yeah, right, you said I could visit yesterday, didn't you? Silly me, I'm not fully awake yet." He laughs sheepishly before humming a little. "Sure, if I don't fall asleep before getting there, that is."

"You better not," Sehun says sternly but he follows it up with a hearty chuckle. "No but seriously, hurry, it's lonely here." He finds it strange that he isn't freezing his behind off since he's only wearing underwear, but he figures it's a Jongin thing; the ability to make him feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside despite it being freezing cold. 

"Yeah, yeah," Jongin hums, and Sehun hears the sound of rustling in the background as he gets off his bed. "I'll be there in twenty, but you better make it up to me later for dragging me out of bed at eleven at night," he adds and immediately goes quiet when he realizes the innuendo of his words. "Oh my God-"

With an unattractive cackle, Sehun instantly feels his mood lighten. "Christ," he mutters under his breath, shaking his head a little. Typical Jongin. "I mean, I could try," he blurts out before he can stop himself, and nearly falls off the bench laughing when Jongin emits the most high-pitched noise of surprise he's ever heard in his life. . He mentally slaps himself because not only did he sound awfully cheesy just now, but he's got a series of images in his head which he'd much rather not think about at the moment.

The other end of the line is alarmingly silent for a long, long time and Sehun internally panics because that could mean two things: either Jongin literally died of embarrassment or he got so weirded out he decided to hang up. Both scenarios absolutely terrify Sehun and he hurries to say something. "Hel-"

"God, I was actually starting to miss your cheesiness," Jongin laughs and Sehun nearly screams in relief upon hearing his voice. "So thanks, I guess." 

Sehun hears the sound of a door closing and blinks because how did he get out of bed and out of the house that fast. "And I was starting to miss your face, so we're even," he says, leaning back against the locker, chuckling a bit when he hears Jongin squawk. "Hurry over now, please." He stands up and removes the towel from his hips, carelessly tossing it on top of his duffel bag. "I'm gonna hang up so I'll be freshly showered when you get here!"

"I am hurrying!" Jongin huffs. "Hold your horses, I need to make it to the bus first," he mumbles and Sehun hears something that closely resembles the sound of shoes against gravel.

Sehun blinks. "Bus?"

"...Yeah?"

"Why're you taking the bus?"

"Of course I'm taking the bus!" Jongin exclaims. "What'd you think I'd do, flap my arms?"

"It's like, a ten minute walk," Sehun retorts, running a hand through his still sweaty hair. "Don't be lazy," he adds and suddenly, he gets an overwhelming urge to squeeze the brunet and never let go.

"I'm not lazy! Look at me, I'm actually putting in effort to see you so you won't have to walk home alone in the dark!" Jongin says teasingly before Sehun hears the sound of an engine. "Bus is here! See you soon!" he practically hollers into the receiver before the line is cut off.

Staring at his phone for a while, Sehun chuckles in amusement before putting it inside his duffel bag and zipping it shut. He imagines Jongin running to the bus, bedhead blowing in the wind, and almost splits his entire face in half when he (unconsciously) smiles. Nevertheless, he hurries towards the showers and turns one on. He figures making Jongin wait while he showers would be rather awkward, to say the least.

 

~~~

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kaileidoscopic
fyi: i'm aware that k.p is actually 5'8...XD

Comments

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Beauty_21 #1
Chapter 14: This story is amazing! And the way you write is so good too. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
Pxnellyxq #2
Chapter 51: Sehun and Kai’s issues were making me feel all anxious. Could feel it in my TUMMY
Pxnellyxq #3
Chapter 6: YES
Pxnellyxq #4
Chapter 5: I WAS LEGIT SQUEALING
eriealin24 #5
Chapter 17: Ah I thought J was only dramatic but there Sehun goes ... what a dramatic couple
eriealin24 #6
Chapter 16: Jongin you’re a ton s of overthinking damn you can just call him but you chose to be dramatic ksisnsnskd I’ll see what’ll happen
eriealin24 #7
Chapter 5: Lsisjskskdksk this so relatable I wanna cry
My mom would scold me if I made noises but akskmssmns
eriealin24 #8
Chapter 3: Me at 3 am be silently squealing every chapters coz it’s so relatable skskskdkdkj
trulyuta #9
Chapter 64: <span class='smalltext text--lighter'>Comment on <a href='/story/view/1222787/64'>author's note + images</a></span>
i never ever leave comments on aff. but holy you deserve this so much and i wish i could express my gratitude beyond just a mere comment because holy i think this story kind of changed my life?? but in a really good way. it just reminds me that the important things in life are in the people around you and sometimes its importnat to make the first move, to go and pursue things on your own. this was so beautifully written, i love that you considered every little detail like the puff of air that whooshes out when you sit on a beanbag or how hot air also whooshes out when you lift a blanket youve been under too long and yes u are just a genius . sorry for my rambling i just am kind of emotional that ive finished this fic but id be goddamn lying if i said i didn't enjoy every ing moment of it. The way you wrote their dynamics oh my god, you're just really great and writing and creating dialogues/actions that make sense irl too and i was so so immersed in the story the whole time. like there were moments when i went oh my ing god fbsvfjhvjdfvj because i was like oh god i know that feeling, thats awful. everything about this was so perfect and realistic from the progression of their relationship, their fights, how they resolve. just perfect. oh god i cant believe i havent read this fic before being such an avid sekai reader but this fic deserves so much more love than its gotten and i just. oh my god bless your heart for writing this masterpiece i will be thinking about it for days to come. thank you so so much and i hope that you never give up writing because you have a genuine talent for painting a clear picture and making the reader feel and just. ugh i felt the love you put into the fic so thank you. thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

edit: also when i first clicked on it i missaw(is that even a word?? god) the word count and i thought this was a 47k fic...i was wrong but damnit i am so glad i was wrong. i have to be honest im pretty emotional after finishing this fic bc i feel like ive lost a friend or something...but thank u. i love this so much
Oneandonlysekai #10
Chapter 63: Thank you for the beautiful SeKai love story. I love it!! It was quite long story, but I really wanted to read more.. Sehun and Jongin are so cute. I was angry with Sehun’s behavior and felt sorry for Jongin some parts, but after settled down their relationship... that was sooo lovely. Sehun really love Jongin and took care of him unbelievable good... Your writing style is amazing. I could imagine every little details.