“I see.” That is all he said to comfort me. It wasn’t good enough is it? But what more can I say when this is the very truth. Another lingering silences fall between us. I think both of us were calculating our next words. “Even as Cao Cao, my passing hurts you?” he ask, looking steady ahead. “Yes. Everyone lost that day. Liu Bei lost a great general, the nation lost a great man and I lost the man I love.” I said trying to hide the hurt I felt. Another long silence again. How many more silence will we have to go through to get back to our cheerful days?

He broke this silence by saying, “I’m not gonna lie about this, but I do felt a familiar presence when I first met you in Jedha. I know I never meet you before, but something about you just felt familiar. Driven by my curiosity, I decided to get to know you a bit more and look at us now. Best friends, brothers and partners. I would never thought in a million years that you can ever be as cruel as Cao Cao, Baze. I’m just so speechless about everything.” Again, another sting to my heart as the man I love hates me for something, or rather, someone that I once was.

Another long silence and all I can do is just look the gun on my lap. I couldn’t look up as I don’t have the heart to face him. He clearly hates me and I don’t blame him. As a matter of fact, I hate myself too. But I couldn’t change the past as much as I wanted to. So what should I do? What can I say to make thing alright?

“Well, the past is in the past. We didn’t choose to be what we once was. Everything is as The Force wills it.” He said smiling while he turns to me. I plant my gaze firmly on my gun as I have no guts to face him. He sounded like Chirrut and not Guan Yu. Chirrut forgives more easily as he understand how the universe work. But will Guan Yu forgive me despite the lesson Chirrut brings? He knows I’m shutting myself away from the world because I’m blaming myself for the things that had happen. This is a habit I inherit as Baze and Chirrut knows this too well as it happen too many time before in Jedha.
 

He put his hands on mine and hold it. A gesture that I assume he is not mad at me, at least, not completely mad at me. There and then, I dare to look up at this man. He place another hand on top of mine and say “Everything is as The Force wills it. Baze, I believe there is a reason why we meet each other again in this lifetime in Jedha. We both have done so many wrongs in the past and this is our chances to make things right again. I believe we’re destined to meet again to correct the wrongs. To start over. A second chances, not only for me, but for you as well. We both take this chances and grab it hard. Remember the things we done as Baze and Chirrut? How we defend The Temple of Whills and the people in it? How we kept the faith strong? Well, that is more on me, but….” We both chuckle. It’s true that he is the one with the stronger faith in The Force. I shrug it off as complete nonsense only a mad man will believe. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that, we did what we can to be someone different and I dare say we did a very good job at it. We literary joined a suicide squad for god’s sake.” I smiled in agreement.

“As much as I could not see nor understand what you done as Cao Cao, I could see the effort you put yourself into as Baze. I don’t know if you know you have to right your wrongs as Baze, but you take every chances there is to correct your wrongs. I might be blind, but I am not ignorant of your action, kindness and love the things you believe in, especially when it’s about me. I can say that you approach me the right way this time instead of forcing me to leave a cause I believe it. No matter how many life time it is, you still jab at the things I believe in.” He said annoyingly. Again, I can’t deny that this is true because I never really believe the things he believe in. As Cao Cao, I laughed and chuckle at the idea of his eternal peace. As Baze, I give sarcastic comeback about his believe in The Force. I guess something is hard to change?

He let out a sigh of annoyances and say “I can say that I can forgive all the wrong you have done. To me and the people I care about, but I can never forget what you have done. The only reason why I can forgive is because I saw the effort you put in. You took great care of me and the things that I care and believe in. Well, tangible ones only, but it’s more than you have ever done or share as Cao Cao. It’s safe to say, I appreciate the changes. I guess that is how you got me falling for you. You are not easy, but then again, I was never easy.” He said with a sadden smirk on his face. All I can do is just listen to his voice while I look at the plain white nothingness in front of me.

I never once dare look at him while he talks, as I felt guilty for the troubles I have cause despite his reassurance that he forgive me. “I guess we both needed this second shot at life. We were both very difficult and hard-headed person who will never meet at the middle for anyone other than those we share similar faith. I believe we will learn something from every life time had in the living world. I guess what we learn as Chirrut and Baze is that we can meet in the middle despite our contrasting differences. We can meet in the middle and live in peace and maybe fall for each other for that very differences. We get a second chances to see the beauty in each other’s differences. Everything is as The Force wills it.”

He places his warm hands on my face. Cupping it while gently forcing me to look at him. Warm summer hands paired with icy winter blue eyes. This is Chirrut. My Chirrut. “Don’t be angry at yourself for your past as you have done very well in correcting it. I forgive you and I love you. Everything is as The Force wills it.” He said smiling while I reply with a playful smirk. “And please don’t make fun of my faith in The Force anymore? It did bring us together for the second time and it did brought you here to me after all. So do you still not believe in The Force?” he ask as he look half-jokingly. “The force is with me. I am one with the force.” I said unwillingly. “And that’s my man”