Ryeowook faintly remembers the feeling of coming back home. The thought of his mother cooking and his father stealing chopped food. He barely remembers their laugh and how warm his house, felt as three of them sat down to eat dinner. He knew that after losing that feeling, he seeks all his life for that. He thought he found it in Siwon and his parents, but it was only an illusion. Because as time passed, Ryeowook only remember, he didn’t know the feeling of having home. His mind and heart tricked him for believing Siwon was what he seek for.

Ryeowook now know what home is. It’s a warm hand that can hold you, It’s a bright smile that lift your heart and salty tears that break your soul. It’s wishing that person, happiness despite of your own . Home is a place and so is a person. It’s a thing that your heart will always seek for and Ryeowook found it.

It didn’t take much for Ryeowook to sell his firm. He knew that lots of people opposed his decision, but he knew he did a good thing. Instead of merging, he sold it to the company that wanted to team up with him. Ryeowook sorted his matters with Siwon and Kyuhyun. Despite them hurting him deeply, he didn’t hold a grudge. He couldn’t, after he realized that what Siwon and he had was a mistake. But even if he forgets them, he couldn’t meet them. Siwon contacted him and so Kyuhyun to say that his decision was reckless, but he didn’t listen to them. He stayed in touch with them, but only for the time being. He knew once he leave that city he will never see them again, not talk to them. He gave back everything that Siwon left in his apartment. He contacted the one of the real estate companies and put on sell his apartment as well. He knew he couldn’t stay in that city once he realized his home and life wasn’t there.

After breaking up with Siwon and selling his company two months have passed. His life in the big city was about to end once he put the last box of his stuff in his car. He looked for the last time at the empty room of his apartment. He threw out everything, leaving necessary things in his car. He chuckled at the thought that he had so little of things that he considers important; family album or favorite books.

The clock started beeping and Ryeowook looked up at his phone. A screenshot of the sea, he clearly remembers showed up and Ryeowook realized it was already time to finally move out. It was finally the time to end a part of his life and start a new one, where he hoped was his home.

He locked the door to his apartment for the last time and went down. He put the box he was holding in the car and for the last time looked up at the window in his apartment.

‘Farewell.’ He thought with a small smile and drove off. He knew that his future wasn’t certain. That he was driving without any hope for happiness. But Ryeowook, probably for the first time in his life, took that risk and didn’t settle for known path. All he had was hope. Hope for the future.

The sun shone above the clouds, above Ryeowook’s moving car. He passed fields after fields. Colorful meadows and green forests stay behind as he moves further to the one destination he had in mind. He knew his first time traveling to the seashore would bring him something good. His one hand was one the steering wheel and one in the opened window. The wind tossed his hair, swept over his tired eyes, but he was driving, further and further. He knew he will not rest, he will not feel at ease until he doesn’t reach the old house, see the old man sitting on the patio, but mostly, Ryeowook will not rest until his eyes will not land on the ones he learn to love; crystal clear and dark like the sea.

The sun was slowly setting when Ryeowook reached the familiar road. He passed already closed restaurant. It was there, when he first heard about Changmin’s struggles. He passed the woods, turning to the familiar road to the inn. Soon he will be in place he called home, soon he will see the man that opened his heart and pour the warm love inside. At first Ryeowook was drowning, unable to distinguish his feeling, but he was sure now. He was sure of his attachment more than he was sure of anything else in his life.

He hoped, wished that everything wasn’t in vain yet. He knew leaving everything behind was a huge risk, but he was willing to sacrifice his life to start anew in new place in the real love, in true home.

The sky turned yellow and orange, when Ryeowook parked his car in the exact same spot he first did it. He noticed a lot of cars around the inn. He knew it was almost start of the summer and the inn was visited often. Without any time to spare, Ryeowook exited the car and rushed towards the inn, but suddenly halted his moves. His strength, his will to see that one person suddenly turned into dread and he got scared. He feared of rejection, of the fact that even the only person he learned to love and see as his home would reject him.

Ryeowoook hand halted on the doorknob of the main door. And he stood there few second, unable to move even an inch. Then, as if the sea was calling him, he heard the waves. The sea breeze gently caresses his face, making Ryeowook turn around and look at the sea.

The sunset was breathtaking and before Ryeowook realized he was going down the path towards the beach. Something was pulling him there. And without looking away at the gorgeous beauty of the nature he went down. Without thinking, once he stepped into the beach’s sand, he took off his shoes. The first touch of the sand made Ryeowook smile at the feeling. His feet sink further into it as he looked up at the sunset scenery. His breath hitched and heart beats faster when he noticed a figure in the sea. Ryeowook would recognize that back everywhere. That man’s shirt was plastered to his body and his hair were slightly wet. He didn’t notice Ryeowook. The sudden strong sea breeze made the tall man straight up and his lungs lost air for a second when he heard that voice. The voice of the person he longed to see and hear, called his name:

“Changmin!” Ryeowook yelled as he moved towards the sea. The sand turned wet under his feet, but he didn’t notice the difference. His vision, his all senses were glued and focused on that man in the sea. “Changmin!” He yelled again and without realizing, his eyes turned watery.

Changmin finally turned around. His eyes were shining with tears as well. He couldn’t believe that Ryeowook was there and he knew it wasn’t a dream. He dreamt of Ryeowook too many nights to realize that this one there, standing next to the seashore was the real person. He didn’t know he should smile or cry. He longed for Ryeowook for so long. He knew it would be hard to live without the other man, but he decided not to ruin his happiness. He knew that his heart would be shattered into a million pieces, but he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness, if he knew Ryeowook was happy. Now, he didn’t know what Ryeowook was doing here, and even if he didn’t wish to hope for something, his heart ached sweetly at the thought of maybe… He opened his mouth to speak but Ryeowook interrupted him:

“Changmin you must know I come back here with nothing else than my heart. I left everything behind, despite the fact that I recall my past now. But that doesn’t matter. What matter to me now is the present. You must know that what I felt for Siwon was not love, not a deep one. I thought I loved him, but I was fooled by myself. I thought I would always be alone, so I hang on him, on us… but I was blind…” Ryeowook stepped closer to Changmin. The sea water wet his feet, then ankles as he walks towards the other man. He didn’t mind the water and how wet he could get. It never mattered to him when Changmin was with him.

“What you mean by it?” Changmin turned fully towards him. He moved in the sea to reach Ryeowook as well. He saw Ryeowook’s teary eyes and couldn’t stop his own tears to fall. His heart was beating like crazy. Seeing Ryeowook back was one thing, but hearing him, speaking to him was the other thing. He couldn’t not hope that Ryeowook come back here so see him, to be with him.

“… You told me everything is for a reason, now I see. He gave me the feeling of being with someone, and I’m grateful for him. But it wasn’t love. With you, in these few days I learned and experienced things I thought I should already have with Siwon. You gave me the feeling of being part of the family. You showed me how it is to truly feel and open yourself to someone. I learned that you were my home. Someone said a home is not the place, but warm hand that held us when we are falling or drowning. And I was drowning in the loss of my memories, but you hold my hand and pulled me out….” Ryeowook finally reached Changmin, whose face was showing disbelieve and hint of hope. Ryeowook wished they hoped for the same thing. He reached for Changmin’s hand and the other man grasp his palm tightly. They looked at their joined hands and smiled despite tears in their eyes. Both longed to see and touch the other, so hard that they felt the ache in their hearts.

“I’m truly touched by your words. I never said that, but I always hoped you will pull your hand for me to reach. I waited for it the moment we first spoke to each other.” Changmin said these words quietly and Ryeowook’s palm. Their eyes locked as Ryeowook speak: “Your words make me feel at ease. It was you, who didn’t judge me and blame me. It was you who said it’s ok to forget. And I know even if one day I may lose my memories again, you will still say it’s ok and held my hand. It will be you, I hope it will be you who will create my memories with me and never turn around to see the past. I hope it will be you whom I will love all my life. Because Changmin, my memories may be erased, but my love will still linger in my heart. Till the sea breeze stops to blow and my last breathe, escape my lungs, my heart will always love you. I will always love you. Will you accept me? Will you accept my love?” Ryeowook asked, but instead of hearing the reply as soon as he asked, his eyes shone with happiness when Changmin eyes mismatched from delight and he smiled at him. Changmin’s radiant smile was so blind, that Ryeowook couldn’t surpass his own smile. And when he smiled Changmin leaned closer and rest his lips on Ryeowook’s. The first touch of their lips made their heart beat steady in unison. They tasted their salty tears in the kiss, but they turned sweet. They were worth it as they finally felt at peace, like in home. Their arms circled around each other’s bodies and they deepen their kiss. Their kiss was soft yet spoke about their feeling more that any other act. They longed to be able to touch each other so intimately, yet so innocent. And when Changmin finally stopped them, he could only utter: “Of course I will, because I love you as deeply as the sea.”

As soon as Changmin spoke these words, the sea breeze blew strong and the sea waves pushed them towards each other. They held each other and chuckled once their hands held the other’s. Like the first time they interact, despite the cold water and the depth of the sea, they held their hands, knowing that as long as their hands are joined nothing bad will happen. Even forgetting seems to not be something dreadful. And they stay there in the water, looking at each other with love and hearts on their palms, while the sea breeze gently their cheeks.

Memories resemble sea breeze. Some wind blows are stronger, some faintly gentle, almost invisible as if you don’t recall them, nor see them. But they are constant. They never leave you. They stay, despite your not noticing them. They stay, faintly drifting in the maze of sea made from memories. They would stay with you despite everything. Memories even if you don’t remember them, makes you who you are.  And some would wind up as time pass, making you forget about them, and some would remind, gently making you remember of the past, like a sea breeze breathe.

The End