Jeonghan stared into his computer screen, his motionless hands on the keyboard mirrored the look on his expressionless face. His co-workers who had walked past his office cubicle gave him a worried look. But then again, Jeonghan has had that look on his face for a few months now whenever he was working alone. At first, his co-workers tried to cheer him up without prying on what went down in his personal life. But after a few weeks of buying him coffee every morning, asking him how his weekend was to get him to have a friendly talk with them and them receiving an answer no longer than one sentence, they kind of just gave up. It was such a different aura around him now especially when he used to be so cheerful and all smiles at work. It made them worry even more when when a week ago, Jeonghan had shown up to work on Tuesday morning as he had called in sick on Monday, with his eyes red and swollen. They knew something was up but they also knew they had to keep a professional front in the workplace. They couldn’t discuss his personal life. They just hoped Jeonghan knew they were there if ever he needed someone to talk to.

Jeonghan didn’t notice the worried glances he was getting from his co-workers from time to time. He had spent the last half hour trying to write an article for the fashion magazine he worked for, but no ideas were coming to his mind. Most likely because his thoughts were occupied by what happened this morning before he went to work.

Jeonghan was just about to leave his apartment when his phone made a ‘ding!’ sound. He went and grabbed it from his clutch bag and almost dropped it when he saw who the message was from. Seungcheol. With wide eyes, Jeonghan stared at his phone for a couple of minutes wondering why the heck Seungcheol had messaged hm. He hadn’t talked to the man in months. The last conversation they had with each other was during the night he initiated to end things with him. The night when Jisoo found out about everything. The night when Jeonghan watched his world fell apart right in front of him. Neither of them had made an effort to contact each other. ‘What for? There’s nothing for us to talk about. Everything’s turned to . I’ve ruined my relationship and he’s ruined his friendship with Jisoo.’

If you were to ask Jeonghan if he held a grudge against Jisoo’s former friend, he wouldn’t be able to give you a clear answer. Jeonghan was mad, yes indeed he was. But he was mad and he despised himself, not Seungcheol. He was the one who slept with another man, albeit drunkenly that one night. He was the one who made that choice to continue his affair whilst fully knowing it was wrong and could hurt the love of his life. He was the one who failed to control himself and his urges. And he was the one who hurt Jisoo the most. So why should he be angry at the person whom he cheated with? Jeonghan knew he had himself to blame. But he also knew that if Seungcheol hadn’t given into temptation and his self-loathing, then none of this would happen. So Jeonghan had a complicated feeling towards the other man. Because he was half of the reason why Jeonghan was hurting, why Jisoo was hurting. The other half was Jeonghan’s failure to keep his promise of not hurting the man he loved so much. And it was that complicated feeling towards Seungcheol that made him sigh deeply before swiping at his phone screen to read the message.

“Can we talk? I can’t really say what I want to say through text or call. I need to speak with you personally. Meet me at Jam Jam Cafe at 1pm.”

Jeonghan was confused. He didn’t know why Seungcheol wanted to talk to him now. Seungcheol had been keeping it on the down low socially. He hadn’t heard anything from or about him since that night. What was still left to be said? A part of him wanted to ignore the message. To just completely forget about the person who stood in the middle of his and Jisoo’s relationship. But another part of Jeonghan wondered if Jisoo had somehow contacted Seungcheol and talked about what happened. Jeonghan knew Jisoo wasn’t the confrontational type so he was hesitant to believe that Jisoo actually did something like that. But if there was something that Jeonghan was now, it was being so desperate to hear just anything about his ex-lover. ‘Maybe Jisoo did talk to him. I just want to know how he’s doing right now,’ Jeonghan thought. So he put aside the thoughts that it would be uncomfortable and awkward to meet up again with the man whom he cheated and slept with for a couple of months. He replied with a short message.

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

Jeonghan looked at the time on his computer. It was almost one in the afternoon. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and took an equally deep sigh. He could do this. He’d meet up with Seungcheol for Jisoo. Because the only reason why Seungcheol would contact him after all this time was because of Jisoo. Right? It had to be about Jisoo.

When Jeonghan arrived at the cafe, it was crowded and all the tables were already full. He had to look around for a bit before he found a familiar looking man sitting at the far right of the vicinity with a cup of coffee in front of him. Jeonghan gulped. He suddenly started getting dizzy. It was as if his mind was trying to recall all the memories he had shared with this man. Bad memories. He didn’t want to remember them again. All the skin-to-skin contact, all the sounds and noises, all the pants, the moans and the heavy breathing from all those nights he had spent with this person. He wanted to bury them in a place in his mind where they could never be retrieved from ever again. And then just like a tsunami wave, he was hit by all the guilt he had felt and bottled up all these months. His hands started shaking and he suddenly had the urge to vomit. He felt sick. He felt sick of his own body as he remembered the touches and attention his body had willingly received from a man he didn’t love.

Jeonghan wanted to leave, he shouldn’t have decided to come in the first place. But then he saw a flash of the face of the person he loved and missed so much in his mind. That’s right, he decided to come because of Jisoo. He was willing to go through this feeling of excruciating guilt and pain. He was willing to be reminded again of his infidelity if it meant there was a chance for him to have a bit of information on how his ex-boyfriend was going. A voice calling his name interrupted Jeonghan from his thoughts. He looked at the table where Seungcheol was sitting and saw he had his hand raised to gain Jeonghan’s attention. He walked over and tried to steady his trembling hands.

“How have you been?” Seungcheol asked as soon as Jeonghan sat down. He didn’t have to ask. He knew Jeonghan wasn’t doing well and seeing him now after so long, it was evident physically. He could tell that Jeonghan had lost weight. His cheekbones that were already defined before, were now even more protruding. His cheeks had sunken a bit and his eyes looked soulless. Not that he himself looked any better though, it was just less obvious with him since he had always been the more muscular type. If Seungcheol had been kept up most nights by his conscience ever since that night when the truth came out, well now after seeing Jeonghan like this he knew he’d be even more sleepless if that was even possible at this point.

“I’m fine,” Jeonghan answered. He didn’t have time for useless chitchats, he needed to know why Seungcheol wanted to speak with him. “So, why did you want to meet up?”

“I…” Seungcheol didn’t know where to begin. He looked to the side and tried to gain his composure back. Why did he want to meet up with Jeonghan again after so long? Was it even right to ask Jeonghan to see him again even after everything that happened? He was the reason for Jeonghan and Jisoo’s breakup. If only he didn’t let his mind be clouded with selfishness at the time. He only thought of himself. He was hurting so much when his ex-girlfriend Nayeon broke up with him that he decided to not care about what the people around him was going to feel. Until it was too late. The numbness he felt was replaced by an agonising feeling of guilt. Seungcheol didn’t know which kind of pain was more tolerable. But his conscience was eating him alive. He knew Jisoo didn’t deserve this. He was shown nothing but kindness by this friend of his whom he met in high school. And even if Jeonghan was disloyal to his own relationship with Jisoo, Seungcheol also knew he had suffered enough. ‘It’s time to put every broken pieces back together.’

“You…” Seungcheol started again. He took a deep breath and looked Jeonghan in the eye. “You have to get back together with him.”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened and his brows furrowed. ‘What?’ Jeonghan thought. He was confused. Just last week, Jisoo broke Jeonghan’s heart by making it official that he wanted nothing to do with him anymore. So why was Seungcheol saying this to him? Jeonghan didn’t understand until he thought of something.

“Did Jisoo speak with you?! Did he say anything about me and him?!” Jeonghan was hysterical but he tried to keep his calm as they were in a public place.

Seungcheol was shocked by the sudden increase of volume in Jeonghan’s voice. He shook his head lightly. “No… I haven’t talked to him ever since that night. I tried. I really did but all my calls and messages were ignored and he deleted me in all of his social media. I tried to talk to him personally but he went back to LA for a bit. When I heard that he was back in Seoul, I tried to go to his office building but the security and receptionist said that he didn’t give me the confirmation to come up to his office floor.” He gave Jeonghan a sad smile. “I don’t think he ever wants to see my face again.” Jeonghan remained silent. Seungcheol was probably right about his last sentence and Jeonghan wasn’t going to comfort him.

“But… I’ve decided that even if I can’t be friends with him anymore, I have to show him my deepest apologies by making him realise that you two are meant to be together. I know this sounds so hypocritical coming from me. But you two love each other. I know it. I felt it. And…” He paused and swallowed as he felt that his throat was clogging up. “And Jeonghan, I am so sorry for ruining everything. It was selfish and stupid of me to be blinded by pain that I didn’t care if I was hurting my friends.”

Jeonghan sat and listened to each and single word that came out of Seungcheol’s mouth. His eyes slowly watered. This was the first time Seungcheol had apologised and he knew he didn’t deserve that apology because he too was at fault. He cleared his throat before he spoke. “I don’t deserve your sorry. I’m equally at fault here. But we both know who should receive your apology. Just too bad he isn’t here to hear it. And to be honest with you, I don’t think he even wants to hear it. He doesn’t want to see either of us.”

“But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. Especially you.” Seungcheol answered back. Jeonghan saw the determination in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say because yes, he wanted nothing more right now but to be together again with Jisoo. To feel him again in his arms. Jeonghan wanted nothing more but to prove himself again and make Jisoo feel that he never stopped loving him. They broke each other’s hearts and Jeonghan knew that Jisoo was the only one that could repair his. He hoped that he was the only one to heal Jisoo’s too. And at the back of his mind, as he was sitting in this cafe, he silently prayed that there was no one else trying to mend Jisoo’s broken heart.

“I… I just miss him so much. I want to hug and kiss him and tell him I love him over and over again,” Jeonghan started. His eyes watered even more as he let all his thoughts come out. “I want him back in my arms so so so much…” Jeonghan felt tears starting to pour. “But… But the look I saw in his eyes last week… They just felt so cold. I don’t know if he could ever forgive me. And god I don’t even know if he still loves me. If he could still love me again.”

“He loves you.” Seungcheol stated. Jeonghan heard the clarity and certainty in his voice. Jeonghan wiped the tears on his face with his hand. Seunghceol looked him in the eye and repeated, “He still loves you.” Jeonghan wanted to believe him so badly.

“How are you so sure? I broke my promise and I hurt him so much,” Jeonghan asked as he held back a sob.

“Because he wouldn’t feel this hurt and be this broken if he didn’t love you with everything he’s got. And that kind of love is not easy to forget.” Seungcheol answered, sincerity overflowing in his eyes and tone of voice. And for the first time in months, Jeonghan felt his mind starting to clear up. The mere mention of the possibility that Jisoo’s love for him was still there, albeit hidden at the moment, was enough for his strength to slowly fill his body up again.

“We both made mistakes,” Seungcheol continued. “But that shouldn’t define our future.” He reached out his arm and gently squeezed Jeonghan’s resting hand on the table as if telling him to be brave and take another chance. Jeonghan felt Seungcheol’s desire to right the wrongs when he held his hand.

The look of resolve and conviction in Jeonghan’s eyes were evident as Seungcheol said the next words.

“You both loved each other so strongly. And a love so strong can weather through anything. If you’re willing to fight for it,” Seungcheol squeezed his hand once more before letting go, “Jeonghan, fight for it.” He was answered back by a nod full of determination.

Unbeknownst to the two of them, the very person who they both hurt in the past witnessed their conversation through the glass window.

To be continued...

~ ~ ~

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I guess this is still a JiHan fic. ;’P Even if this chapter was a JeongCheol heart-to-heart conversation. And I’m sorry that it was so cheesy. :’D

More drama in the next chapter… Or maybe I might decide to finally add in some fluff. We’ll see. :)

Which ship are you rooting for in this fic?

And as always, comments are appreciated! <3

Oh btw, if you guys didn’t know my Adorkable Jisoo IG is currently deactivated and tbh I don’t know if I ever will reactivate it again. So I’m not sure what to do with my other fic since that story was supposed to include stuff that I post on my IG haha. But I’ll figure that out some other time. :P So sorry to those who have been waiting for an update. T_T

Also! I wish the happiest birthday to my UB, the forever maknae in my eyes no matter how old he gets, the lovable, idiotic goofball Oh Sehun! <3 <3 Happy birthday Hunnie! :D (yes yes it’s time I finally let my readers know that Jisoo isn’t actually my ultimate bias. :P)

Until next time,

Adorkable Jisoo ~