Jaejoong collapsed against the wall beside the door. His mind was blank; he even couldn’t digest what had just happened inside this room. All he knew and remembered was the furious face of his ex-boyfriend, the hate, the remorse, and the rage. He had never seen such emotions on Yunho before and it scared him somehow, but who could he blame? 

JiEun stormed toward the entrance with the intention to follow her brother and confront him. However, Jaejoong was fast enough to block her way out of the room. He slowly shook his head when her questioning gaze turned to him.

"Let me freaking go knock some sense in that head of his!" she shrieked in frustration. “The bastard, he had no right to threaten you.”

“Have you forgotten how your brother is? He doesn’t get angry often, but when it explodes, he won’t listen. Let him calm down first.”

“Seriously, Jaejoong? He just threatened to take Yunhwa away from you and you just f-” JiEun bit back a curse as her eyes shifted back to the sleeping boy, completely oblivious about what just happened, “...and you want to let him calm down? Are you out of your mind?”

“Talking to him now will only make things worse.” Jaejoong offered her a small reassuring smile that actually meant for himself. “I know my rights and Yunho also knows them. The best offer he would be able to get from a court ruling would be regular visitations.”

JiEun looked at him with hesitation, then surrendered as she went back to her chair. She watched her nephew’s face, a replica of her brother’s younger self. “We should have told him. This isn’t the kind of surprise someone wants to find out while stumbling into a room.”

Jaejoong remained silent, agreeing to her words. He carefully sat on the bed, hand brushing his son’s soft hair. A part of him was more than relieved that Yunhwa didn’t wake up. It would only make the situation even more out of control. Dealing with Yunho’s anger was one thing, but he had no idea what he would do if Yunhwa saw everything. He didn’t want his son’s first impression of his father to be this cold and callous man.

“Jae...” she called softly, asking for his attention. “Yunho’s life is a mess right now. He’s lost. I know I have to right to ask you this. But please be kind with your words.”

Jaejoong frowned in confusion but nodded anyway at her request. He bit back his tongue when his curiosity pricked. Just before the phone call, Yunho seemed to be doing fine. Actually, he had never seen Yunho this happy for a really long time, not even when his wife was around him. A little something had always been missing in his eyes, a sparkle of… well-being.

❖

It was mid-afternoon when Jaejoong left his son’s room. The doctor decided it would be wise to keep Yunhwa in the hospital until the end of the week despite his son’s dejection. The little crisis frightened him and JiEun, expecting problems, some kind of complications in the diagnostic. Nonetheless, they couldn’t blame the kid for it.

A nine-year-old Yunhwa should be outside, running around in the park with his friends. Instead, he was condemned to rest with minimal exercises. For his typically hyperactive son, it was pure torture to explain to him why he couldn’t play soccer anymore. 

He was still trying to calm his fast-beating heart when he arrived in front of Yunho’s office. Seeing the room was empty, he turned a perplexed glance to the legal assistant. 

“Hey Tiffany,” he smiled at her, “Do you know where I can find Yunho? There’s something I need to discuss with him.”

“He’s taking his day off and doesn’t want to be disturbed. Do you want me to make an appointment for you?” she asked with her professional voice, opening the planner.

“Actually, it’s personal matters.”

immediately formed an O sharp and she nodded knowingly. She discreetly looked around, pulled out a post-it where she wrote down a too-familiar address. “Mr. Jung will be available tomorrow morning around 10.”

“Ten is fine. Thank you so much.”

Jaejoong left the building with the small piece of paper in his clenched hand. When he pulled his car outside of the apartment block where he used to live, Yunho's car was parked right in front of his and Jaejoong mentally thanked Tiffany for the nth time.

Jaejoong let his feet guide him through the familiar path to the apartment. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door; once, twice. Nobody answered. He started to wonder if Tiffany might have told him the wrong address. He tried again before reaching in the crack between the floor and the wall for the spare key. He let himself in.

He gasped at the mess in the apartment. It was nothing like what he saw the last time he was here. Containers of delivered-food lay on the kitchen counters. The dining table was turned into an improvised office desk. Papers and files were dumped haphazardly covering the whole surface.

Yunho was nowhere to be seen. Jaejoong called out Yunho’s name. Only silence answered him. He sighed, kicking his shoes off. He went to the kitchen to heat some water, went to the wardrobe to look for a winter jacket and filled a bouillotte with warm water.

If things hadn’t changed much from the past, Jaejoong knew exactly where Yunho would be. There was a park two blocks away from the flat where kindergarten kids usually went to play in the afternoon. With the sun shining timidly between the clouds, it was a nice day for them to come out and enjoy the winter day.

Jaejoong smiled as he saw the lawyer on one of the benches. Yunho always came here whenever he needed space and time to think. However, his smile faltered the moment his eyes fell on the pained face. He should be delighted by Yunho's misery, but for some reason, there was no enjoyment. Instead, he just felt as miserable, or perhaps even more.

Only in his blazer and hands red from the cold wind, Yunho watched the children laughing and playing in the snow a few feet away. The utter sadness in those dark chocolate eyes made Jaejoong’s stomach twist. He knew without a doubt that Yunho would be a great father. Family was important for him. Maybe Yunho could really consider Yunhwa as part of his family. Deep, deep down, Jaejoong already know that Yunho would love his son unconditionally. It was his own fear of rejection that let Yunhwa grow up without a father. He wasn't as strong as he thought he was.

Jaejoong approached the older man. His mind was running miles per hour as he searched for something intelligent to say. He was done lying to himself. He wanted his son to meet his father. He had waited for too long. In a way, he understood Yunho’s anger.

He had spent the last decade wondering how his ex-boyfriend would react knowing that he hid a secret this big from him. He imagined various scenarios, too many actually. However, what just happened today wasn't any of them. The way Yunho found out about his son was worse than anything he could have imagined.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asked as he stopped in front of the lawyer, draping the coat over his frozen body.

Yunho thanked him with a forced smile, the light never reaching his eyes. “No, Jaejoong, never at you. Angry at myself actually,” he answered, sliding his arms in the sleeves and then pulled the coat tighter around him. “I shouldn’t have taken it out on you this way. I’m sincerely sorry about it.”

Jaejoong hummed softly, neither accepting nor refusing the apology. Instead, he just crouched down in front of the lawyer. Carefully, he pulled Yunho’s right leg straight. His hands gently massaged the sore knee, making the other hissed at the sharp pain. Though they didn’t know each other when this old injury happened, Jaejoong had always been the one to nag him about being careful.

When nobody else seemed to remember how fragile his knee had become, Jaejoong was the one to tend him, to massage the overstretched ligament. Those gentle hands used to soothe the pain... just like now. And all this time, he was a self-absorbed to the most considerate person in the world. How blind was he back then? How selfish was he now to even think that Jaejoong intentionally kept their son away all this time? It may be human to put the blame on others to forget one’s own guilt. But what a terrible excuse.

He let out a faint moan as Jaejoong pressed a warm bouillotte on his knee. Tears were stung at the back of his eyes when he watched the younger man. He didn’t deserve this tenderness, not after the unintelligent words said in the hospital. He wanted to apologize again, to tell Jaejoong how sorry he felt right now. Instead, he reached out, wanting to caress the sadness away from Jaejoong’s face.

The paralegal caught his hand midway, bringing them to the hot water bottle. “Here, it’ll warm your hands a little. If you end up having a cold, I won’t let you see Yunhwa until you’re fully recovered. Understand?”

“Crystal,” Yunho answered immediately as he watched Jaejoong sat down by his side on the snowy bench. They fell into heavy silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Finally processed Jaejoong’s words, his head snapped toward the paralegal. “Can I really see my s- him?”

Jaejoong didn’t answer. He wasn’t ready to let Yunho back into his life, but life itself had been playing tricks with him ever since he settled in Seoul. He didn’t think he had ever gotten over the stupefaction of seeing Yunho parking his car beside his the morning of his interview. The shock struck him hard, paralyzing his whole body. Before he registered what he was doing, he had already ruined the perfect black paint on the luxury sedan.

Yunho’s cold hand carefully settled on his leg, grabbed his attention. He turned to look at the lawyer. His eyes shifted down when he felt a slight squeeze on his thigh, seeing how his knees bounced restlessly. A sign of nervousness that didn’t go unnoticed to Yunho.

“No pressure. I will do whatever you want, and I apologize for earlier. My temper got the best of me.” The lawyer retracted his hand when Jaejoong remained silenced. He remembered that he didn’t have the right to ask for anything. Especially not after the little scene he caused at the hospital. “I didn’t know what I expected, but I definitely did not expect to see a child, my child nonetheless. I’m sorry for shouting at you and threatening you. You must really hate me now.”

“I did hate you. For a really long time.” Jaejoong sighed, eyes fixing in the scenery in front of him. “Yet, nothing will change the fact that you’re his biological father. Either or not you have the right to be part of his life is debatable, but I shouldn't be the one to keep the two of you apart. Go slowly, follow his flow, meet him when he’s ready.” 

“Whenever he’s ready and I’ll be good, I promise.” Yunho nodded at him, making no effort to hold the grin forming on his face.

“Sweep that stupid grin away, I’m still mad at you!” Jaejoong scoffed. “Also, don’t you dare use that lawyer tone on me again.”

“Yes, sir.” Yunho gave him a sharp nod of the head, putting two fingers beside his head to scouts’ salute. As they both fell back into silence, he watched the kids playing, wondering how his son was in kindergarten. Was he a nice and kind boy or was he the little troublemaker? “Is this the reason why you dropped out of college?  Why didn’t you tell me? I would have never left your side if I knew.”

“You say this now, but back then, would you really have stayed?” Jaejoong sighed. The sound carried years of pain and question. He paused when a little kid passed by and waved him hello. He smiled sweetly before his face turned solemn again. “We just broke up and you would probably just laugh me off if I told you I was pregnant. For God’s sake, just look at me. I’m a man with a genetic mutation, I’m nature’s loophole.”

“No Jae, you are perfect and nothing less than that.” Yunho slid closer to Jaejoong until their legs almost touched. He had the urge to throw an arm around his ex