After making sure that his son had stopped crying and was lulled from the fright he had endured the last few days, he hit the end button on his cell phone. He was still in the same spot where Yunho had left him. His legs were numb as he stood up from his crouched position. He gripped at the feel of needles in his limbs. Slowly, he massaged his muscles and straightened up.

He threw his phone haphazardly on the bed and stumbled to the bathroom for a quick refreshing shower. His face twisted in distaste as he scratched his chin and his fingers came in contact with short bristles. Out of old reflex, he pulled open the first drawer and took out the bottle of shaving cream. He started to pour some in his hand when he realized that the product was from ten years ago. The company had long changed the packaging of their products over the years.

He swung the can inside the trash bin with a sigh and took one of the remaining disposable razors out. Pulling the door of the shower stall open and turning on the faucet, he adjusted the temperature. He stood under the spray, enjoying the sensation of hot water on his face, moisturizing his skin before he started to shave away the stubbles on his chin.

Freshly showered and with a towel secured around his waist, peace finally replaced the anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He looked around the room now that the worry vanished. He couldn’t help to notice the lack of plants and green. Aside from this small detail, everything else remained the same; the furniture, the decorations. All were exactly like how he remembered it when he left ten years ago.

“Guess not everything changes after all,” he murmured brittlely to himself. There were many memories lingering within these four walls; the laughers, the cries, the fights, and the kisses. An old itchiness brought back the same unpleasant ache in his chest and tears began to pool in the back of his eyes. ‘Why here? Why here, out of all the places?’ he wondered. 

He shouted his eyes, inhaling deeply until he regained control of his emotions. He turned to the door, twisting the handle. His gaze fell on Yunho’s board shoulders behind the counter. He watched with fascination the lawyer’s new easiness around the kitchen. Delicious smell hovered in the air until it reached his nostrils and his belly growled with hunger. His hands automatically grabbed his belly in an attempt to shush the riotous noise. 

The sound must be fairly loud since the lawyer’s body tensed visibly before he relaxed and slowly turned around. Yunho’s eyes widened in surprise when he saw a nearly Jaejoong by the doorstep. He forced himself to tear his eyes away from the alluring body. Instead of ogling, jealousy revived deep in his soul. He wanted so much to embrace the younger man and leave kiss marks everywhere on the alabaster skin to declare his claim again, although he knew fully well that he had no right, not now and probably not ever. He concentrated his eyes right above Jaejoong’s head only to fail miserably. Jaejoong was like a magnet luring him back. He saw how the younger man shifted from one foot to another when dense discomfort settled between them, emphasizing further the rupture of their relationship.

Jaejoong was disconcerted to recognize how Yunho seemed to scrutinize his body from head to toe. A tiny spark of something lighted again inside him. He cleared his throat and his dry lips. He forced his mouth to talk, but his mind hardly remembered why he even opened the door in the first place. “I- I want-” he mumbled. He could feel the intensity of Yunho’s stare on him, making him feel self-conscious and completely from inside out, baring his soul. It definitely wasn’t helping him concentrate. “Well, that’s awkward.”

Yunho chuckled softly and returned to stir whatever he was cooking on the fire. “Yes, indeed. It’s kind of expected. Maybe you should get dressed. Don’t want to have you sick again so soon, do we?”

‘Right, clothes.’ Jaejoong mentally smacked himself. “You have anything here I could wear for the day? I mean, can I borrow some clothes?”

“You don’t have to ask, just take whatever you want.” ...more than half of the clothes here are yours anyway.

Considering it as a cue, Jaejoong promptly ducked back behind the door, wanting to bang his head against the wall. He needed to get out of that tension and he wasn’t sure if he liked the way Yunho looked at him. His dark chocolate eyes were filled with love, lust, and greed. He could feel his skin crawl, responding involuntarily.

He smoothed a hand over the goosebumps on his arms while making his way to the dresser. His hands froze when he pulled open the first drawer. Shirts and sweaters were neatly folded and tucked from side to side; his shirts and his sweaters, the ones he had worn years ago. He pulled out a random one and tugged it over his head. Curiously, he went to the second drawer, where he used to keep his pants and jeans. He picked up the one on top and got dressed.

When he opened the door again, Yunho had already settled a steaming bowl of delicious sea fruit porridge on top of the counter. Wordlessly, he took place on the stool and started eating, carefully blowing on the spoon to avoid burning his mouth. He couldn’t help but moan at the delicious taste.

“Your cooking skills is getting pretty impressive,” he praised, taking another spoonful.

“And it’s pretty much the limit of what I can cook,” Yunho said, contentedly watching Jaejoong eat. “Do you want to take the rest? There’s some leftover.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Yunho couldn’t stop a foolish grin appearing on his face as he turned to the cabins, opening one after another, looking for a Thermos. 

“Bottom, second cabin from the left,” Jaejoong answered spontaneously without thinking. He took a sharp inhale, registering his words. He looked up warily at the lawyer when he reappeared in front of him after thoughtfully washing the thermos inside and out. “So… you kept the place.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Yunho replied sorely, looking around the apartment. “The location is really convenient.”

“And you- why did you keep all my stuff? I mean, Ara probably doesn’t appreciate having my stuff around when she lived here.”

Yunho frowned deeply and Jaejoong felt like he just said something he shouldn’t have. “Just because we are not together anymore, it doesn’t give me the rights to throw away your clothes or any of your belongings.” Yunho’s voice sounded disappointed and offended by his statement. “Besides, Ara never quite liked this place. She said it’s too cramped.” and...it’s not like I was able to bring myself to part ways with it after all.

Jaejoong let his head fall to his chest, somehow guilty even to think about such a thing. The breakup was hurtful, but the Yunho he fell in love with would never do that. Yet, years ago, he was also sure that the Yunho he came to love would never break his heart so mercilessly.

“I’m sor-”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Jaejoong. Take your time, I’ll go take some files in the guest room.” Yunho cut the apologize, giving a friendly pat on Jaejoong shoulder and let his hand linger there for a moment. “Where are you going today? Not work, I supposed.”

“No, I’m going to see… someone at the National Hospital,” the younger man shook his head. “I’ll just take the bus from here.”

“What happened to your car?”

“I left it at the hospital's long-term parking. I wasn’t feeling well on Friday morning. Didn’t want to take the chance and cause an accident.” Jaejoong shrugged, relishing the friendly gesture.

“I’ll give you a lift there. If JiEun knows I let you take the bus, she’ll talk my ears off,” Yunho offered and stepped away. “Oh, and you can come by anytime to pick your belongings if you still want them. I believe you remember where the spare keys are.”

Jaejoong gave him a small nod in reply, not looking up from his food. He listened to the retreating steps until they were silenced by the carpet of the guest room, the room where he slept for the first few nights after they moved in together. It was a time when their relationship was still hidden behind the door and Yunho’s mother appreciated his presence around her family. That was until she caught them kissing in the washroom. There were no excuses, no pretexts; it was clear they were not just close friends or roommates. The smile on her face faltered and she stormed out of the apartment. She gave Yunho cold shoulders for weeks before she finally requested her son to put an end to this unacceptable relationship. 

“Pitiful,” he sneered, shaking his head. If only he actually listened to her at that time. It would surely save him a lot of heartache and misery now. 
 

❖

Yunho stood in front of the full-length mirror by the wardrobe, fussing with his necktie. He tried to tie it just like how his father taught him, but his fingers didn’t seem to cooperate with his head, making the knot look like everything but how it should be. He grunted annoyedly, pulling the ends to loosen it to start again until he finally gave up and slid it in his pocket.

‘I’ll just ask Tiffany later.’

“Thirty-six and still can’t knot your tie?” Jaejoong leaned against the doorframe, shaking his head in disbelief. “How did you manage to work all these years in a law firm?”

“My brother tied them for me, then I just slid it on and adjust it properly.” Yunho shrugged and looked back at Jaejoong through the mirror and put on his blazer.

The paralegal chuckled light-heartedly and approached Yunho with lazy and slow steps. He stopped right behind the tall back, took the tie and pulled the collar up before he draped the piece of clothing over Yunho’s neck. Looking at the mirror over the board shoulders, he slid his hands under the other’s arms, choosing the right length and starting to tie a proper knot.

All Yunho could feel at this moment was the warmth against his back where Jaejoong’s chest touched him and the arms around him. He remembered how Jaejoong would always end it with a back hug; a simple gesture that he used to like and missed now.

“And you still tie it from the back,” he mused. “You are probably right; despite how beautiful you are, you’re not a woman.”

“No, I am not. Sorry to disapp