It was the morning before the day of their first ever live performance. Jackson lay in bed thinking over the last few weeks. He hadn’t slept to well the night before, in fact he hadn’t been sleeping well for a while; his anxieties growing more and more every day. Jackson was usually a very confident person, rarely afraid of any kind of public situation however this was really scaring him. He tried to quiet his worries repeatedly, telling himself that they had practiced enough; it was only a 20minute slot etc. It didn’t work though. He sighed, not bothering to move out of bed, watching the dust float through the sun beams coming through his window. His phone started to ring. Momentarily he searched frantically around his bed for before finally finding it. It was Jaebum.
“Hello.” Jackson answered.
“Hi Jackson.” Jaebum replied. Jackson tried to convince himself that his heart didn’t skip when he heard him say his name. Since they had made up from the argument everything had been much better, they were now quite good friends and rarely bickered anymore. However, Jackson’s feelings had not changed much, despite trying to go on dates with other people, despite trying to convince himself that he wasn’t in that deep, despite all his efforts nothing had changed really. He figured the only thing that could make it go away was time. Eventually it’d go away, he hoped and to that hope he clung to desperately, for without it he would not have been able to face Jaebum for the past five weeks. It was okay though. He was happy. It helped that Jaebum didn’t really know of his feelings yet.
“You okay?” Jackson asked, confused as to why Jaebum had called him.
“I’m okay…how are you doing?”
“I’m okay too.”
There was pause at the other end of the line. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?”
Jackson took a deep breath. “Honestly, so so nervous.” he said with a slight laugh.
“Me too.” Jaebum nervously giggled back. There was silence for a moment. “We’ll be okay won’t be we?”
Jackson noticed the touch of vulnerability in Jaebum’s statement although he said it with an affirmative positive tone. Despite the cool, confident exterior, Jackson thought maybe Jaebum needed comforting too.
“Yeah, we’ll be okay. Of course we’ll be okay we’ve been practicing so much I can play the whole set backwards in my sleep.” Jackson tried to sound confident. he didn’t believe his own words but Jaebum laughed softly.
“Good, just phoning to make sure we all know that we’ll do great tomorrow and that band practice is in an hour so get out of bed.” Jaebum said, his usual authoritative tone returning to his voice.
“Urgh no, I don’t want to.” Jackson groaned, pulling the duvet up over his face.
“I knew you’d still be in bed! Ha!” Jackson could almost hear Jaebum’s grin.
“Yeah I am! So? I haven’t been able to sleep for the past five weeks.” Jackson huffed in a light-hearted manner.
Jaebum paused for a moment. “Are you really that worried?” he asked, his voice soft.
Jackson thought for a moment “Yeah…if I knew I’d be like this I wouldn’t have started the band.”
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s natural to be nervous, but you’re right; we are going to be okay. You can play really well and I know you’ve been practicing non-stop. Let’s just try to enjoy ourselves tomorrow, no matter what happens.” Jaebum’s words reassured Jackson hugely. Hearing that it will be okay from someone else made him believe that himself a bit more, especially when that someone was Jaebum.
“Yeah let’s try to enjoy it.” Jackson repeated.
“Who knows, tomorrow could be the beginning of great things, better mark it in the calendar.” Jaebum joked, Jackson half-heartedly laughed back while turning his head to look at his calendar hanging on the wall. He felt like he was forgetting something…
“!” Jackson shot up.
“What, what is it?” Jaebum asked, sounded concerned.
“Youngjae.”
“Youngjae?”
“Youngjae’s birthday tomorrow.” Jackson panted out before dropping his phone on his bed and running out his room into Youngjae’s. It seemed Youngjae was just out of the shower and was about to get dressed when Jackson burst in causing him to screech and dive under his duvet.
“Jackson get out.” He shrieked.
Jackson ignored him, climbing onto his bed at the speed of light, pining him down through the duvet.
“Why didn’t you remind me it was your birthday tomorrow?” Jackson questioned harshly.
“What? I don’t know just get out!” he didn’t move. Youngjae sighed “Obviously because we have more important things on tomorrow.”
“More important things? What’s more important that the anniversary of your birth?”
“Stop being dramatic and get off me.” Youngjae wriggled under him. Finally, Jackson got off and took some steps back.
“You should have told me; it’s going to be difficult organising stuff at such short notice.” Jackson said, rubbing his forehead.
“No! We have the performance.”
“Well it’ll have to be afterwards, don’t worry I’ll sort it.” He said before leaving the room as fast as he had entered.
“Jackson-” Youngjae began but stopped, realising there was no point.

Jackson went back to his room and picked up his phone, intending to make some phone calls. He saw he hadn’t hung up, the call was still connected to Jaebum.
“.” Jackson muttered under his breath, realising the hurried messy way he had ended the call. He was about to hang up but then stopped. He tentatively lifted the phone to his ear.
“Hello?” he said quietly.
“Hello.” Came the reply.
“You stayed on the line?” Jackson questioned, voice going back to normal loudness from the surprise.
“Yep, wanted to know what happened.” Jaebum replied, somehow not sounding irritated at suddenly being abandoned.
“Oh it’s just…I forgot Youngjae’s birthday.”
“You forgot Youngjae’s birthday?” a note of mocking and disbelief in his voice.
“Yeah well you know…band stuff. I’m guessing you didn’t?”
“Nope, I’ve got his present all sorted.” Jaebum boasted.
“And what about a party?”
“What about a party?”
“He has to have a party!” Jackson exclaimed loudly. “Never mind I’ll sort it. I’ll see you later for band practice. Bye.”
“Bye.” Jaebum managed before hanging up.
After making some calls, primarily to Jinyoung, Jackson had managed to arrange and party that would have guests and food and drink and music. It would be after the show and Jinyoung’s place. Although it wasn’t perfect Jackson felt pretty proud of himself. Suddenly he was looking forward to the next day.

***

Fifteen minutes before they were on to perform for the first time as a whole band in public. This was it. An hour before Jackson had felt strangely calm, almost as if in a kind of trance, now it was hitting him what was about to happen. Jaebum stepped up beside him.
“You’re going to do brilliantly.” He said in a calm matter of fact way. “What are you going to do?”
Jackson looked up at him, he eyes were calm and sincere and then Jackson felt a small feeling of peace inside him.
“I’m going to do brilliantly.” He nodded. “What about you? What are you going to do?” Jackson asked just as Jaebum was about to turn away.
“Me? I’ll do better than brilliantly.” He winked, making Jackson snort. He cal;ed the other members over, it was time to go on.

***

And in a flash it was over. It didn’t feel like twenty minutes; it felt like two. As Jackson stumbled off stage he tried to recall what had just happened but couldn’t pin point any exact occurrences, just a sense of elation. It went well, that’s all he knew at that time, at that’s all he needed to know.
Suddenly he was being hugged. He hugged back, somehow knowing it was Youngjae. He then hugged Mark before looking around for Jaebum, who somehow was standing right beside him.
“We did brilliantly.” The man grinned before pulling Jackson into a tight, although all too brief, hug.
“Yeah, we did, didn’t we?” Jackson smiled, still in a slight daze. He looked at Jaebum’s face. He was smiling broadly, Jackson had never seen him look so happy, and it filled him with joy. However, it also made him oddly sad as he thought of how he wished that smile was for him and only him. It was a strange thing to think about then, but his brain really was having a hard time processing everything. He just looked at Jaebum, with his beautiful smile and-
“Jaebum.” A female voice called out. Jackson and Jaebum both turned in its direction although Jackson quickly looked away. It was Jaebum’s girlfriend. As soon as she had seen them she stilled, Champagne bottle in hand, a sad expression on her face. Jaebum looked at her and smiled, very unaware of how close he was standing to Jackson and how they had been staring at each other.
“Jaebum, I think…I think we should talk.” She muttered out, turning around and walking out. Jaebum frowned, seemingly having come back to his senses slightly.
“I better go.” Jaebum said.
“Yeah okay.” Jackson nodded.
“I’ll see you at Youngjae’s party okay.” And then he ran off. Leaving Jackson alone, however Jackson felt quite content, still buzzing from the performance. He found Youngjae and Mark and left.