Dongwoo’s thirteen when he hears his soulmate for the first time. His mother’s words of ‘Darling, don’t be alarmed, you will hear your soulmate’s thoughts one day and it’ll be magical.’ runs through his mind like a broken record that he actually wants to keep. The ‘You may be confused at first, but it’s a wonderful thing to experience, so don’t be afraid. It’s completely natural and you will hear them many times.’ is always quick to accompany the idea, making him feel more at ease with the possibility of being able to hear his soulmate one day. While memories of all the times that his mother and father had filled his head with stories about the various things they had learned about each other without needing to speak or having been miles apart, Dongwoo finds himself excited as soon as he hears a voice that isn’t his own.

It’s a voice that has a childlike lilt to it and it reminds him of the days before he had turned thirteen and had sprouted up six inches, or had started puberty, his voice cracking here and there as it had deepened. His body feeling as if it’s been trapped in a cage, almost as if he’s a rat in some weird lab experiment, due to all the aches in his joints that have accompanied the growth spurts, while hair and other oddities pop up in places where he’s never had to deal with it before.

It’s weird, but supposedly natural, and he’s quick to wonder if the voice that sounds suspiciously like a boy in his head has just started puberty or is a couple years shy. The other is most likely younger than him, but not too much younger—Dongwoo may not be an adult just yet, but he’s not a child either, and he can’t help but feel a little thankful that he and his soulmate don’t have too large of an between them. The thought of them meeting in high school or middle school or even in college seems kind of amazing, but it’s not too much of a fantasy either.

Attainable and realistic is what his parents and teachers would say.

But Dongwoo’s more of an optimist than a pragmatist anyway, so he doesn’t care that much about their claims anyway. Despite the new presence that makes him feel pleasant in a way that he’s never felt before, it doesn’t take Dongwoo long to start feeling differently. Because once his soulmate’s thought comes and goes, it leaves him feeling a bit emptier than he had felt before, and there is the distinct feeling of depression and loneliness that cutting through that sudden emptiness like a knife. His chest suddenly aching from the emotions that had accompanied his soulmate’s thought, Dongwoo can’t help but feel awful at his soulmate having to feel this way. Especially since no child, even if they had done some wrong, should ever feel as if they’re unwanted by the people that they try to reach out to. Their peers are there to be friends and people that they can trust, not enemies.

So as the questions ‘Why won’t they play with me? Why don’t they like me? Have I done something wrong? I didn’t mean to do anything wrong!’ start to repeat in his head like a broken record, all Dongwoo can do is try to think positive thoughts, to tell the other that ‘No, you’ve done nothing wrong,’ but in the end, Dongwoo has no real way of knowing if his thoughts would even reach the other or if silence would be the only thing that his soulmate would hear, possibly for many years to come. Dongwoo is quick to hope that’s not the case.

But as the years go by, Dongwoo patiently waiting to glean whatever he can from his soulmate, he begins to wonder if that hope has been completely misplaced.

xxx

The first thing that Myungsoo finds out about his soulmate—his lifeline to combat the loneliness and pain that he feels from being unable to connect with his peers—is the fact that his soulmate loves to sing and dance. Myungsoo quite often catches the other male thinking about all the new dance moves that he intends to learn or all the songs that he likes to sing as lyrics and melodies often get stuck in his soulmate’s brain like a never-ending earworm.

Myungsoo is quick to learn that most of the songs his soulmate likes to sing are within the R&B genre, and after the first couple of times that he’s been able to hear his soulmate sing, he finds himself buying albums from groups like TLC or solo artists like Usher. It’s such a conundrum to Myungsoo, who has always flocked to acoustic rock and pop music.

The songs are good, though, and whenever he does hear his soulmate’s somewhat deep voice singing the songs he likes, Myungsoo can’t help but listen to the voice that is somehow able to drive all his negative emotions away. At least, for a little. Because as much as his soulmate’s thoughts have been able to keep him at peace and distracted from the pain that he’s grown used to feeling, he’s also afraid that he doesn’t deserve the little warmth and hope that his soulmate’s voice has given him either.

He may only be twelve years old, but years of being a social pariah to his peers and growing up without anyone to play with have made him somewhat cynical about the kindness of others, even his soulmate’s. His parents and younger brother have always treated him with respect and have cared for him as much as parents and a brother could really do. It still wasn’t enough to drive away all the hurt that he’s been subjected to in his life so far. His soulmate may be some sort of an amazing person, but Myungsoo is not. And one day, when the two of them finally meet, Myungsoo wonders if his soulmate will think the same things about Myungsoo as his peers do.

He hopes not, if only for the sake of this sliver of hope that Myungsoo tries to believe in from time to time, making him think that he isn’t as awful as he thinks—Isn’t as awful as those around him have made him out to be. Neglect is a hundred times worse than any of the bruises that he could receive, because at least then, he’s being seen, and not forgotten like a dirty old toy.

Ambivalence runs through him like a wildfire at the thought, but the mixed emotions he feels at being ignored and forgotten have left him fatigued in ways a twelve-year-old should never be.

xxx

The next time Dongwoo hears his soulmate’s thoughts, he has just turned fifteen. He’s a couple of months into his high school career, and gone are the days of dealing with joint pain and the embarrassing moments constantly created by the cracking of his voice. He’s finally a freshman and, like any high schooler, Dongwoo can’t help but think that he knows everything, ego terribly inflamed, when he barely knows anything at all.

Rebellion is seen in the terrible fashion choices that he makes and in the occasional skipping of school to dance with his crew, the closest thing that he has to living the dream while he goes to auditions. Trainee life becomes his goal, but after the fourth failed audition, his spirits begin to wane and the only outlet that helps him deal with the stress is to dance and sing and perform whenever he can. Companies may not like him yet, but all the girls and guys that still follow him and his mates to watch them perform a mix of kpop dances every other Saturday are enough to lessen the burn of being rejected once again.

And the worry that he occasionally feels for a soulmate that he hasn’t heard from in two years.

He knows the other hasn’t died, because Dongwoo knows that he’d be able to feel something if they did. But with the pain and loneliness that he had felt that day, so powerful that it had almost made him fall to his knees, he can’t help but wonder if his soulmate is still feeling that way or if he’s somehow managed to make friends and make a somewhat better life for himself. The occasional insomnia that he has leaves him afraid that he’ll be unable to be of help to the other when they finally do meet. Years of being alone and neglected and ridiculed and possibly beaten leaves him somewhat terrified. Not of his soulmate, but for them.

He wonders if they’ve become a shell of themselves.

He’s only fifteen; how is he going to help his soulmate through something like depression if Dongwoo’s a dumb teenager himself? For as much as Dongwoo tries to come off as an expert, a person who is always able to understand others and at least meet them halfway, he’s also kind of stupid.

So, when the time finally comes and he hears his soulmate’s thoughts once again, he almost breathes a sigh of relief when the other’s voice, much deeper than the last time and is definitely male, seems kind of excited rather than troubled. The other’s thoughts of buying gifts for his family, books for his brother and father, and supplies to make a handmade necklace for his mother may not seem like much, but to Dongwoo it’s something new and something to be treasured and something that also diminishes his worry.

He may not know if his soulmate’s still experiencing problems with making friends, but at least he knows the other isn’t completely downtrodden either. In fact, the other seems somewhat happy as he meticulously goes through what he knows about his family to help him figure out what he should get for them. Dongwoo can’t help but feel a little bit relieved, his spirits somewhat lifted at what he’s been able to glean from what his soulmate has been thinking. His mood quickly improves, as does his dancing.

Another month passes and he tries to audition again, this time at a small company named Woollim Entertainment, and he gets a call a couple of days later asking him to come in with his parents to sign a couple of papers.

He’s going to become a trainee, and that’s all that matters.

Except it isn’t, because two hours after the life-changing phone call, he hears his soulmate again. This time the other is crying—absolutely bawling, and his thoughts are such a complete mess of strangled words and pain that it only takes seconds for Dongwoo’s good mood to leave him as he’s assaulted by all the hurt that his soulmate currently feels.

A hurt that causes him to cry for his soulmate—the brother that feels guilty and ashamed and completely alone. Dongwoo finds himself unable to stop himself from bawling until his mother comes to find him an hour later, completely exhausted with teary, red-rimmed eyes. Worry settles across her face, creating small frown lines at the corner of and eyes, and Dongwoo is unable to stop himself from launching himself at her. The woman that he had been barely able to hold within the last couple of months, thinking himself too old to do hugs anymore; he holds onto her even tighter. His soulmate’s thoughts, ramming into him like a semi against a car, he almost keens when he hears:

‘I never got to give my brother his present, to tell him that I wasn’t mad anymore…

  He died thinking I hated him…

  Hated him…

  But… I-I never once hated him.

 I couldn’t.’

His mother, still slightly confused by what is going on, especially after the good news that Dongwoo had that day, can only wrap her arms around him in a gesture of comfort as words of hope spill from her lips. The “It’s going to be alright, no need to cry, it’ll be alright” is well-meant, but after the bomb that had just been thrown at Dongwoo, he knows her words are wrong.

Because how could things be alright, when his soulmate’s brother is dead?

xxx

Grief does not treat Myungsoo kindly as he perpetually wears sadness like a cloak and silence like a dagger. His face belies nothing of the pain that he feels, but inside, where no one can really touch him, he is a mess of feelings that he hopes his soulmate does not have to bear witness to. It’s been months since his brother has died, and many things have changed. It’s a miracle that Myungsoo has been able to stay afloat, even though some days it feels like he’s a breath away from drowning forever.

It’s scary, yet he says nothing in fear of burdening his parents or teachers. His pride, still intact, while the rest of him is in shreds, he finds it impossible to let anyone know. His parents have taken the brunt of his brother’s death, and despite months having passed, his mother still weeps as if her child had died yesterday while his father holes himself up at work, unable to deal with the things that go on at home. Their behavior forces Myungsoo to grow up at the tender age of thirteen.

Suddenly, Myungsoo is responsible for a variety of things that he’s never had to be responsible for before. Cooking and maintaining the house seem like small things—easy things that shouldn’t be hard, but for Myungsoo who had only been tasked to clean his room and only occasionally step foot in the kitchen when his mother had wanted to make cookies together, it’s something extremely daunting. At least it was at first. But after a month or so of burning his fingers, sometimes even burning his wrists and hands, while occasionally choking on the fumes of the strong cleaning agents he must use, Myungsoo eventually improves enough to not be worthless anymore. His food starts to taste like food and the cleaning becomes second nature to him as physical messes start to make him feel antsy and anxious.

He hates seeing things unclean, and it’s not long before he’s about keep things that way. Cleaning somehow soothes his nerves just enough to make him feel a little bit better about himself. Not a day goes by without him spending a couple of minutes cleaning the house, fixing dinner, or going to the grocery store to stock up on supplies.

His existence is lonely, but at least he has homework, the house, and dinner to keep his mind on other things. To let him think less of the brother that he had gotten into a fight with a day prior to his death. Myungsoo had said words that he hadn’t meant to say, but due to his misguided anger, he had said them anyway.

Myungsoo finds that the more he does, the less he has to think about everything that is going on his life, and the only thing that he looks forward to is the thought of his soulmate. His soulmate is quite chatty at times, and Myungsoo wonders if he just thinks a lot and never says what he thinks, kind of like him, or if he has no filter and everything that he thinks is everything that he says. Myungsoo doesn’t know, but what he does know is that the more he witnesses his soulmate’s thoughts, his head becomes a little clearer and his heart starts to hurt a little less.

Hearing his soulmate’s thoughts of ‘I want to meet my soulmate!’’ and ‘I hope my soulmate is healthy and okay.’ or even the ‘I wonder if my soulmate has read this or watched this or likes the same things I do’ has become something akin to medicine, as they tell Myungsoo that someone actually cares despite him feeling as if no one does. His soulmate may not know who he is, but the fact that Myungsoo feels as if the other would be devastated to know that Myungsoo has gotten so close that he’s almost let things get the best of him, forcing himself to take his own life, is enough to make Myungsoo second guess himself. The thoughts may have only happened twice, but the fear that has kept him from doing anything of the sort has allowed Myungsoo’s to resist.

Myungsoo somehow keeps himself from doing something he regrets for the sake of someone he doesn’t really know, but also feels as if he knows them at the same time. He may not have met his soulmate yet, but the possibility of them being perfect for each other, of the other being made for him, has kept him somewhat sober. The feelings never seem to get better and they never go away, but the more time passes the more the memory of his brother starts to become a little less hurtful, and things start to go back to normal again. Or as normal as they can be, because as much as his parents start to come back to him, to take care of him again, Myungsoo’s grown too much to be the boy that they ever remember him being.

The open smiles and infectious laughter are gone, leaving in their place someone who’s grown up a little too soon, and his parents only have themselves to blame. Because Myungsoo cooks and cleans and does all these chores that they don’t remember ever telling him to do, but Myungsoo does them anyway. Or how Myungsoo has grown at least ten centimeters within the past couple of months and looks as tiny as a rail, despite telling them about how much he would eat—that he didn’t starve himself. It’s a sight they wished they didn’t have to see, because they truly have no way of knowing if that was true or not, and sometimes, it definitely doesn’t. However, they force themselves to see those things anyway, because as much as they were blinded by one son, they can’t be blinded forever.

The thing that hurts the most, though, after everything, is seeing Myungsoo close himself off to them. Their son, who had used to be open and candid with them, is suddenly someone that shares much less about himself than he has ever done before. His parents are forced to play guessing games, and their relationship with their son has gotten so bad that Myungsoo won’t even ask for simple things, either telling himself that he doesn’t need it or will feel as if he doesn’t deserve it. It’s that line of thinking that is a much harder pill for the two of them to swallow.

Their son’s a bit of a stranger now, and, sadly, it’s because they had forced him to become one.

xxx

A year passes and Dongwoo almost cries in relief when he hears his soulmate’s thoughts for the third time in his life. The thought of the other alive and well almost sends him to his knees as he holds onto every thought the other thinks, only to find himself overcome with laughter when he hears the other boy complain about how much his joints ache due to how much he’s grown and how he has to begrudgingly accept his mother’s cooking, despite telling her that he could do that himself. The ‘I’ve been doing it for a year now’ is a little frown worthy, but the thoughts are so mundane and much less depressing than the last two times that he’s heard his soulmate’s thoughts, Dongwoo can’t help but welcome the change.

The past year has kept Dongwoo on edge; despite knowing nothing about his soulmate’s brother, the death had also hit him quite hard. The worry and anguish that accompanied such an event had taken a lot out of him, and many times Dongwoo would find his thoughts revolving around his soulmate’s wellbeing. Dongwoo is unable to stop himself from wondering if the other was coping okay and if he was eating enough or had someone to talk to. The death of a sibling was such a terrible thing to experience, especially as his soulmate had blamed himself for his brother’s death.  Dongwoo quietly hoped the other was able to realize that wasn’t the case.

With the number of times that he had thought about it, telling the other that it wasn’t his fault and could never be his fault, Dongwoo just hoped a fraction of those thoughts could get through. His soulmate wasn’t alone and Dongwoo was sure that no one had blamed him, despite the other thinking otherwise. The intensity in which he thought about the other had to have done something… Maybe it had let the younger boy focus on him, at least for a little while.

  ‘Mom…’

Taking everything that his soulmate had to say and storing it away with the rest of the things that Dongwoo associated with the other boy, Dongwoo couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the last time that he’d hear his soulmate for another year or two or if this would be the start of being able to hear his soulmate much more often. He hoped it was the latter, because Dongwoo didn’t know if he could take another year of knowing nothing… Of hoping the other hadn’t hurt himself or taken his life, letting grief get the best of him.

Dongwoo couldn’t bear the thought of his soulmate hurting so bad that he’d ever think of such a thing. Because as much as it wouldn’t break him, it would come pretty damn close.

xxx

‘I’m going to be an idol. I’m going to sing, dance and perform in front of others one day. People will know my name and where I come from and where I want to go. One day I’ll get to have my dream, and maybe I’ll even meet my soulmate this way.’

Myungsoo softly smiles at the latest thought that runs through his head; his soulmate’s enthusiasm is somewhat contagious, and it’s hard for Myungsoo to not smile after hearing the other boy mentioning something about him. The smile isn’t large, nor is it very bright because Myungsoo isn’t prone to smiling with his teeth, but the smile is small and pulls his dimples just so that it usually causes people to stop and stare. Sometimes a little too much, and it’s hard for Myungsoo to not feel uncomfortable by such a thing, despite wanting something similar years before.

Myungsoo wasn’t that stupid kid anymore that had done their best to latch onto any type of attention that they could receive in hopes of making a friend. It was hard for Myungsoo to digest his parents’ attention after a year of barely receiving it, so how could he accept anyone else’s? Especially attention from those that had hurt him all those years ago, with their neglect and hateful speech, having wanted nothing to do with him for reasons unknown. Myungsoo having become the wang-dda in his elementary school for doing nothing but existing, while his middle school years were plagued with grief.

The only person that really cared, despite everything, was his soulmate.

Wondering how trainee life was treating the other male and if he was any closer to his dream than he had been a couple of weeks before. Myungsoo was unable to stop himself from wondering about that sort of life and how his soulmate and he could meet. Because as much as his soulmate had always known what he had wanted to do, Myungsoo had always been a bit lost. Without his younger brother, even more so.

He enjoyed photography and books and he was good at math, but he didn’t really have dreams outside of making his parents happy— to make up for the death of his brother. His brother was a boy that would have gone on to do great things later in life, as Moonsoo had always been a bit more, more of everything compared to Myungsoo. Moonsoo had been more popular, more intelligent, and more athletic, too. Moonsoo had always made friends easily, always knowing what to say and do, while Myungsoo had always struggled and felt lonely, despite how much effort he’d put into trying to make friends. Moonsoo was the child that could probably do whatever they wanted, while for Myungsoo it was probably impossible to do something like sing, dance, or be as comfortable on stage as his soulmate most likely was. 

Being an idol wasn’t a safe career, and if Myungsoo was to take care of his parents one day, he’d have to settle for something else. Even if it bored him to tears and didn’t interest him.

However, unable to stop himself from fantasizing just a little, Myungsoo couldn’t help but think of a nameless face that smiled and laughed and was supportive of him whenever he would fall on hard times. When imaging the two of them practicing together, eating together, or possibly even living together, it was hard not to get a little too caught up.

Feeling his mouth start to hurt from the smiling he was doing, unused to moving his facial muscles that much, Myungsoo could only shake himself free from those thoughts with the intention to forget them. However, before he could focus on the things that mattered, like getting good grades in school or helping his mother at home, he was accosted by a slightly smaller man with wrinkling features and a business card in hand. He was surprised to hear the other ask with a hopeful smile on his face, “I don’t mean to scare you, but has anyone ever asked you about becoming an idol before?”

Only to be completely taken aback by the man’s question, never mind his slightly nervous, yet excited demeanor, that Myungsoo had barely managed to say, “Um, no… Never.”

While the other man was quick to give Myungsoo an even bigger grin at his response, “Well, would you like to become one?”

Which left Myungsoo, almost stupefied at the idea, unable to form a coherent thought. Unless you counted the “Huh?!” that almost spilled from his lips, it took Myungsoo a couple of seconds to gain his bearings. Only for his insecurities to get the best of him as he had found himself politely declining a moment later, unable to see the idea as something that he could do, let alone see himself have the talent for, despite having done nothing to say that sort of thing was true. Myungsoo tried to go about his day like usual, trying his best to ignore what had happened, but with a business card in hard that he couldn’t throw away, no matter how hard he tried, Myungsoo eventually put it in his wallet.

Only for a couple of hours to pass before Myungsoo would look at the card again, second thoughts plaguing him:

‘Is this really a good idea? Could I even do such a thing? Would this make me happy?’

 Myungsoo has no answers, but when the days continue to pass and he’s still unable to stop himself from taking out the card or thinking about meeting his soulmate as an idol one day, Myungsoo seriously tries to consider it. But it’s only when his mother finds the card, the woman all smiles and relief at seeing something that many mothers would have seen as the opposite, does Myungsoo decide to call the number on the card.

His palm feels pleasantly warm from where his mother holds his hand in support.

xxx

Months pass and Dongwoo continues to train, working himself to the brink of exhaustion in hopes of getting his big break. And while his bones even feel tired at the intensity of how much he practices, his mood has significantly improved each week. So much so, that even Hoya, a relatively quiet trainee and somewhat of a friend, has even commented on, despite the other being an awkward noodle about that sort of thing. Even though, the smile that he used to carry, a smile that was lined with pain and exhaustion, is broader and makes him more approachable than ever.

Hoya tells him that he doesn’t look manic anymore, almost as if Dongwoo had been trying too hard to be happy, that Dongwoo can’t help but reevaluate his fellow trainee a bit. Never mind apologize, because Dongwoo hadn’t realized how much he had been affected during the year where he had done nothing but train, eat, and worry about the soulmate that had the habit of making him worried. Even though he was positive that his soulmate didn’t mean to do such a thing, and if he had known, the other male would have probably kicked himself for letting the few thoughts that he had let Dongwoo hear up until this point to have spilled over.

Dongwoo may not have known much about his soulmate, but somehow, he knew the other hated making people worried about him. Especially since experiences had obviously burned him in ways that Dongwoo would never be able to understand, but would be able to sympathize with. Dongwoo didn’t care if it would take years for his soulmate to trust and depend on him, because Dongwoo would always be there for the other boy. It would take worse than a crowbar to get rid of him.

Dongwoo was committed to being there, because the other male deserved someone like him. Even if he may not think so and object to someone like Dongwoo. Dongwoo knew he had to be good in a variety of ways, because as much as Dongwoo didn’t like to be too confident, Dongwoo believed himself to be a good person and his soulmate had to be just as good. Good people gravitated to each other, and just looking at his parents, both of whom Dongwoo believed to be great people, Dongwoo knew his soulmate had to be just as good as him, if not better.

And when his soulmate finally started to let him hear more of his thoughts, small things about school or his mom or the stray cats he’d feed and bring to nearby cat shelters in hopes of getting them a home, even if he could not house them due to his father’s allergies, Dongwoo couldn’t help but treasure all the information that he was receiving. He couldn’t help but be glad too, and if it showed on his face and made him feel lighter, almost as if he could do anything despite how tiring training seemed to be, then he had nothing to complain about.

But even if he didn’t, that didn’t mean others were the same, so even if he was a little shocked at learning that sort of thing from his friend, Dongwoo couldn’t help but ask the other what he thought. To see if the change was actually a good one, and while, Hoya could have easily lied or manipulated him in hopes of tearing him down to the point where his chances could be blown, Dongwoo appreciated the honesty the other boy gave him. The slightly younger male, giving the words “No, I like you like this” with a shrug had taken a huge weight off his shoulders.

What had freed him even more, had made him even happier, was when he started to notice Woohyun, another trainee in his group, smile and talk to him a lot more. Never mind, Sunggyu, their second in command at the time, look at him in a new light, the slightly older male becoming less grumpy towards him as well. The other occasionally looking to him for advice or asking him to help with dance moves a lot more often, which Dongwoo was eager to do, even if Sunggyu had always given him tips about singing to make it a fair trade. Sunggyu too prideful to just ask and give him nothing in return, something of which Dongwoo just chuckled at and accepted things for what it was.

His time at Woollim Entertainment may have been hard, but for the first time in a long time, Dongwoo was truly happy. But despite being that way, impatience continued to run through him like a nasty virus, and he couldn’t help but want to meet his soulmate more than ever. He wanted to get to know them in a way that the thoughts didn’t provide, but with the way things were now, too busy to really do much but train, go to school when he had to, and occasionally do something other than practice, he knew his wants was an almost impossible feat. Especially since he knew the other most likely was into something other than singing, dancing, or acting, because if he was, then Dongwoo was sure he would have heard something by now.

However, as the days continued and sometimes blur together, something inside of Dongwoo had told him that it wouldn’t be much longer. The biggest shock, though, would be how the two of them would meet, because as much as Dongwoo had always figured that his soulmate would be a little bit different to him with a different set of dreams, Dongwoo had never expected to see his soulmate become a trainee or even an idol within this lifetime.

Because with all the tidbits that he had gotten from the other about school, especially math related things that his soulmate understood but Dongwoo couldn’t make heads or tails of, Dongwoo just didn’t see his soulmate as someone with a dream about dancing or singing or anything similar. Which to Dongwoo, had never been a bad thing, but these thoughts had easily kept him from envisioning the potential meetups that the two could have at some random entertainment company or later down the road on something like a variety show. To Dongwoo, he had always envisioned the two meeting in a more subdued, laid back, possibly even spontaneous setting like bumping into each other on the street or finding each other shopping at a grocery store. Surprisingly, he would find everything that he had imagined would basically become null a couple of weeks later.

By then, Dongwoo would be too shocked to question one of the hands that fate had dealt.

xxx

Biting his lip, Myungsoo doesn’t know if he should be surprised or if he should just accept fate’s little way of telling him that he’d always be a punching bag, no matter where he went.

The idea of becoming a trainee, possibly an idol later on, and maybe even meeting his soulmate within the industry someday, Myungsoo couldn’t have stopped that small feeling of hope that had quickly nestled itself in between his ribs. Nor the surprise and relief that he had felt when his auditions had gone better than he had thought, even if he had felt a light twinge of ‘Of course, they only care about my looks’ throughout the event, Myungsoo eventually having to force himself to grin and bear it was a small price to pay when it had come to the judges’ final decision. His celebration was quickly spearheaded by his father, who had managed to come home early with cake and fried chicken, overdoing everything for the sake of making things up with his son, Myungsoo did his best to look at the bright side for once in his life.

Only, for three days of trainee life to make him regret his decision at thinking that he could find something worthwhile for himself. Because feeling someone grab him by the collar of his shirt and spit words that were colored with shades of red and green, he really should have known.

The bruises, the stares, the neglect from people ignoring him, and the feeling of something intangible slicing him open whenever he had overheard someone say something about how he had gotten in on his looks alone, had made him feel a variety of emotions that he absolutely hated to feel. Even if he was no stranger to them and would not cry for feeling them anymore, because after years of tears doing nothing but giving him physical aches and a weariness in his bones that seemed to barely ever go away, it wasn’t worth it. Especially when others were looking forward to seeing him cry and break and ooze like an ugly wound, Myungsoo just couldn’t bring himself to let others feel like they had the upper hand when it came to him anymore.

Even though, deep down, they sometimes did.

So, letting the other continue to degrade him, eyes almost blank from emotion, it wasn’t long until the trainee would stop, done for the day when Myungsoo had given him nothing to grab onto. Frustrated with Myungsoo’s response, but not done with him just yet, Myungsoo calmly stood through the other’s threats that he’d be back tomorrow. The male’s words were swift to hit him deep in the heart, but too tired to give the other what they wanted because it didn’t matter if he did or not, Myungsoo let him do what he wants, as well as anyone else that would try.

Some would do things outright in the presence of others, forcing people to stare away in shame as they were rooted to their spots, too cowardly to do anything but watch, while others would corner Myungsoo in the shadows, hoping that no one would find out, even if Myungsoo had sprouted bruises he didn’t get from training the next day. Neither option was something that Myungsoo enjoyed, especially when he was forced to tell his mother that everything was okay and that he was fitting in, but it was better than rising to the bait in hopes of making him feel something other than the drive to succeed and meet the boy that would change everything for him.

Days turned into weeks, only to eventually turn into a month of Myungsoo scowling and bearing the abuse for the sake of staying in. Sometimes, it even made him work harder to the point where he was staying extra in hopes of bettering himself so one day that the words and physical blows wouldn’t be able to touch him. His dancing and singing swiftly improved and while Myungsoo was still nowhere near some of the other trainees, those that were too busy to know what was going on, or at the very least, too busy to take part, Myungsoo eventually found a sliver of glee in the hours he put in. Some days, he’d even smile after getting a hard dance move or improving his technique so that he could show his mother the physical proof of his hard work.

This work ethic didn’t go unnoticed, especially when he started doing better in company events and showing others that he wasn’t just a pretty face. Because Myungsoo wasn’t and it’d be a day in hell if he ever stopped improving, stagnating into something that he couldn’t at least be proud of. He may never be completely happy, but fulfilling his pride was something that could fill the ever-present void within his heart.

But even then, that was such a pessimistic thought to have, that Myungsoo didn’t really share it. He really had no one to share it with, and even then, it would be a little too sad to share it with his soulmate either.

Would his soulmate even want to hear it?

Myungsoo didn’t know and he may never know, but that’s okay, some things aren’t always meant to be shared anyway.

xxx

Dongwoo’s laughing at something Hoya is saying when Woohyun interrupts, voice hard and face serious in a way that Dongwoo’s not used to seeing, as the singer gives, “You hear that?” As the three are walking down the hall, all intending to work on a couple of new moves, that none of them had expected to hear some thumping, followed by a muffled voice. A voice that sounds a bit angry when Dongwoo catches wind of it, only for curiosity to suddenly line his insides at what it could be.

While Hoya, just as intrigued, but face filled with a couple of worried lines, only manages a “Now we do,” before flinching at the sound of an even louder thump. This time, Dongwoo is quite quick to look around and see where the sounds are coming from. Seeing a door to a practice room not commonly used due to its small space and the random equipment that was often placed within it for storage, Dongwoo finds himself moving closer. Ears straining as he tried to figure out what the sound could be, it didn’t escape his notice that the noise reminded him of something or someone hitting the wall or floor.

He’s suddenly reminded of the rumor that he had heard earlier that day, a rumor that he had shaken his head at in disbelief because Woollim wasn’t that type of company. They wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen, especially since everyone was screened for that type of behavior, Dongwoo couldn’t believe it. It seemed impossible, but hearing the muffled voice again, this time a bit angrier than the last time they had heard it, maybe he had been too naive.

Too caught up in his thoughts to realize that Woohyun had moved behind him, the other suddenly tugging on his sleeve to get his attention, Dongwoo almost jumped a foot in the air at the action. His heart suddenly hammering against his chest, Dongwoo couldn't help but turn his attention to the other male and whisper, “What!”

Unaffected at Dongwoo’s raised, frustrated whisper, but more than a little affected by what was going on, Woohyun softly gave as he gazed towards the door, “I think we should go in… Hyung, I really think we should.”

Only for Hoya, who had also gotten a bit closer to the room, had nodded as well. Dongwoo figuring that the two of them were most likely thinking something similar to what he was thinking, especially since all of them, as well as Sunggyu, were usually too busy to deal or even think about the company’s gossip mill, usually tuning most of it out, they were probably kicking themselves. The personality tests and questions that all trainees were given on day one, weeding out those with bad personalities or behaviors, had probably thought the same thing that Dongwoo did. Especially since competition could easily clog a person’s brain from seeing the things that were inches from their faces.

Expecting the worst, Dongwoo finally found himself opening the door, only for a flash of pain to rush through his head at the sight before him. Barely able to take in the sight of two males before him, one of which was roughly grabbing the shirt of the other in a grip that had to be a little more than painful. While the other was a bit battered and exhausted looking with a small scrape that lined their cheek, as well as a drip of blood coming out from the bottom of their mouth. Dongwoo was surprised by the sudden thought of ’Isn’t this enough, haven’t I gone through enough today?’ running through him like a semi, so much clearer and painful than any other thought that he’d been able to hear from his soulmate, his eyes widened in shock.

Seeing recognition in the battered boy’s eyes, the other realizing who he was as well, Dongwoo almost shuddered at the sudden chill that had run down his back at the sight of the other closing himself off. The other’s face going terrifyingly blank, almost as if the other was completely done with what was going on, before morphing into something that Dongwoo couldn’t describe.

However, before he could even reach out or say something in hopes to dispel whatever was going through his soulmate’s mind, the younger male suddenly ripped himself away from the male beside him. Only to turn to him with eyes so vacant that they had even scared his bully, he and his friends couldn’t help but watch as something clicked inside the younger male before they finally heard the youngest’s voice: cold and ferocious like a tundra. While he grabs onto the other male’s wrist in a strong grip that forces the other to listen to him, but isn’t done to hurt him, as he quietly gives, “I don’t know why, but I pity you. I pity you so much, that I can’t even bring myself to do the that you’ve done to me, because you know what? Them, seeing you like this, has already done enough… But who knows, maybe they’re the same as you.”

Dropping the hand as if it had suddenly become diseased, Dongwoo, unable to move or speak, just like his friends, who were also stuck to their spots by the look that was in his soulmate’s eyes, could only watch his soulmate turn the other cheek and move to walk out of the room. But not before he’s giving his name with a voice filled with something like a dying fire, but a fire nonetheless, as he grits, “Since you have such a hard time remembering it, I might as well remind you. My name’s Myungsoo by the way, not just pretty boy.”

While Dongwoo, suddenly exhausted, can only drop to his knees as soon as his soulmate leaves, his breath completely taken out of him, as he has absolutely no idea how to feel. But with the way Hoya grips his shoulder in a comforting gesture as Woohyun runs off to try and talk to the younger boy and explain things, as well as check if the other’s alright, Dongwoo finds that maybe he doesn’t need to know how he feels. At least not yet.

Because as much as Myungsoo had surprised him, even had him terrified, there had been something powerful about the scene that he had just witnessed. Something of which that had caused his heart to swell in his chest, as the other’s name decided to repeat itself like a broken record inside his head. It was almost as if his mind was making sure that he’d never forget the boy that was intended to be his other half, his soulmate.

Myungsoo may have been broken and in pieces, maybe even a little unwilling to put himself back together again, but he hadn’t stopped fighting, no matter how hard he had tried to do so throughout the years. And that sort of thing, spoke more to Dongwoo than anything else ever could.

‘I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, but you’re amazing… So damn amazing.’

xxx

Quietly looking into his mother’s soup, appetite having diminished into nothingness for the past couple of days, Myungsoo can’t help but himself plagued by the event that had happened a few days prior. The day that he had not only met his soulmate, but had also ran away a couple of minutes later because he had been too scared, too hurt, and too embarrassed to do anything other than run away. Because as much as he had been able to gain his bearings to tell off one of his bullies, to show his soulmate that he wasn’t some weak little boy, at least not anymore, he was unable to confront the other. To bring himself to tell him everything that he had wanted to say to him for the past couple of years, especially since the other had saved his life many times.

However, to see his soulmate witness him in a situation where he didn’t have much control, too tired and too used to the demands of his bullies, it had made him feel betrayed in a way that he had always feared to feel. When it came to his soulmate, he had many contrasting wishes and fears about what his soulmate would be like and how they would meet, but for the other to possibly be like his bullies, rather than the protector that he had sometimes wished for, Myungsoo didn’t know how to react. To think past the raw emotions that had suddenly taken hold of his heart, emotions that were almost too convoluted to make sense of, but had pulled himself together enough to push them aside for the sake of his pride.

So even if he had been able to push his bully away and tell him things that he had always wanted to tell him, to bring attention the fact that people like Dongwoo, Hoya, and Woohyun had seen him at his absolute worst, Myungsoo had been able to appear strong. Despite the bruises and scrapes that had taken to lining his body since he had started training, bruises and scrapes that also physically ached whenever he would move or touch them, had told Myungsoo that he was a survivor.

He may be battered, but he wasn’t dead yet.

He wasn’t completely broken.

And the only thing keeping him that way was the possibility of him being wrong about his soulmate and the reason for why he was there. Not once had it crossed his mind that the whole thing could have been a coincidence, because to Myungsoo, stuff like that had never happened, and after years of being unable to trust anyone but himself, it was impossible for him to think otherwise. Seeing Dongwoo stare at him with wide, dark eyes, almost as if he had been too shocked to do anything but stand a couple of feet away from him as he had silently watched someone spit hateful words at him, only to do nothing as the minutes had continued to wear on, one couldn’t blame Myungsoo for thinking the worst.

Trust wasn’t something that Myungsoo freely gave anymore. He had been burned way too many times within the past and his instincts had rewired themselves to protect him from the harsh world around him.

So, to hear Woohyun try to explain what had happened, to tell him that Dongwoo would never take part in something like bullying or let it go on if he knew, Myungsoo didn’t know if he should readily believe the other boy. Especially since he didn’t know Woohyun, Hoya, or Dongwoo personally, even if he had known them, Sunggyu, and a few other girls to be company favorites. Never mind quite popular with the other trainees within the company, because unlike Myungsoo who was detested for his looks, many thinking that they were the reason for why he was succeeding, the other three were revered for their talents and hard work.

Forcing himself to take a small sip of his soup, telling himself that he needed to eat if he wanted to succeed, Myungsoo did his best to ignore the pessimism that was currently trying to take ahold of him. Only for a stray thought to cross his mind as he suddenly thought about his brother and what he’d think, the other most likely to tell him to think positively and to trust what Woohyun had to say and to trust his soulmate as well, Myungsoo couldn’t help but feel sick. Coughing up the soup that he hadn’t been able to swallow just yet, his throat closing itself off, Myungsoo quickly put the bowl down to push it away.

Whatever thoughts that he had about force feeding himself were quickly replaced with thoughts about his brother and how he had never matched up. How he had always been inferior and too much of a coward to do anything more than just sit and take things, even if he had done his best to try and fight back when he could. He was still plagued by insecurity and distress and even now, after meeting his soulmate, nothing had changed. Myungsoo was too scared to talk to the other to give him a chance, to let the other set things straight. Even if there were things that Myungsoo may not like.

Knowing that his younger brother would have just shaken his head at him, thinking him quite stupid to be thinking this way, never mind ignoring the other boy as he had quietly brooded by himself, Myungsoo couldn’t help but feel as if he would need to act. To let himself do something other than wait for the other boy to come to him so that he could break down his walls and finally make Myungsoo’s dreams come true. Because at that moment, with Myungsoo doing nothing but making himself sick with pessimistic thoughts, none of that was going to happen.

Glaring at the bowl before him, his stomach slightly rebelling at the smell, Myungsoo forced himself to grab the bowl again so that he could drink. Quickly letting the lukewarm soup fill his mouth and go down his throat, drinking until there was nothing left and he had felt even more nauseous than he had before. Myungsoo found himself giving a triumphant grin as soon as the contents of the bowl were finished and his stomach settled enough so that he wouldn’t heave.

He was given ten minutes before he was making his way to the toilet, stomach acid lining his throat.

Tomorrow, maybe he’d be able to do something tomorrow.

xxx

Letting angry rock music fill the room, his body swiftly moving to the beat in a set of uncoordinated movements and steps, the usual grace that would accompany his dancing was nowhere to be found. His body would look stiff one moment and then fluid the next. There was no rhyme or reason for the ways that his arms and feet moved, because the dancing he was currently doing wasn’t about practicing or having fun, but was for the elimination of frustrations and feelings he wasn’t used to feeling for the past couple of days. Even the music that he was listening to wasn’t the usual music he liked to listen and dance to, hip hop and R&B too mellow for what he was currently feeling.

His mind was a mess of “Why did you do this?” and “Why did you do that?” and he couldn’t help but find all of it to be annoying and frustrating, and it’s hard to stop himself from thinking that he’s the biggest idiot to have ever walked the Earth. Especially since his soulmate, Myungsoo—beautiful, strong, Myungsoo, wouldn’t even speak to him, let alone reach out to him because Dongwoo had made a horrible first impression. The worst of the worst to be honest, and even if Woohyun had told the other boy that none of them had been involved with that trainee, let alone, any of the others that had messed with the other boy, that didn’t mean Myungsoo had readily believed that sentiment to be true.

Sadly, Dongwoo didn’t expect the other to believe him either. Because the bullying, that obviously didn’t go away with time, and his brother’s death that was still haunting his family, even if their scars weren’t the huge, gaping wounds that they were over a year ago; it was still obvious that Myungsoo wasn’t one to trust others easily. And for him to have seen Dongwoo do nothing while another trainee had treated him like scum, there really wasn’t a good reason for Myungsoo to trust him just yet. Especially if Myungsoo had only been able to hear a few of his thoughts before meeting him.

Dongwoo could literally be a stranger to the other boy, but worse, Myungsoo could see Dongwoo as an accomplice to the bullying as well...

That was a problem.

A damn huge one at that.

Then, there was a strangled yell coming from his lips as he suddenly decided to throw his body against a nearby wall. Subconsciously forming a fist within in his right hand, Dongwoo quickly found himself hitting the wall with the side of it in an attempt to calm himself down. Because as much as the rock music was effective at making the frustration he was currently feeling seem less obtrusive, the dancing wasn’t working as well as he had wanted it to. And the physical pain that had quickly accompanied his actions was enough to clear his head a bit. Never mind, let himself focus on something other than how stupid he had been and was currently being.

This behavior wasn’t really like him, but with Myungsoo’s eyes still plaguing his thoughts and dreams, eyes that had told stories that Dongwoo had no clue about, he had found it impossible to not feel a little bit crazy.

Every time that he had seen Myungsoo in the halls of the small company building, the other would either run away or ignore him, projecting an aura that immediately made him feel as if he was cornering a small animal that feared human contact, but was also starved for affection and love as well. The latter aura had always made him want to reach out and do something, to actually get his act together and make things right between the two of them. But as soon as he would try, someone would interrupt them and then force him away.

Which would only make the frustration fester in a way that did nothing to calm his nerves or let him think clearly.

Turning around so that he could lean his back against the wall, the rock music was still loud enough to drown out the noise, including the dull roar that would resound in his head. Eyes closing so that he could focus on the in and out of his breathing, deep slow breaths that had made him feel uncomfortably full, Dongwoo eventually found himself sliding his body until he was in a sitting position on the floor. Completely drained for no reason at all, other than the fact that he wasn’t built to deal with the complicated emotions that were wreaking havoc on his mind, Dongwoo had even found it hard to smile.

Which was insane, because Dongwoo had always been the type of person to smile through the pain, and for him to have gotten this bad, was a bit of a shock.

Muttering, “God, what am I even doing,” to himself, Dongwoo knew that he had to shake himself from this funk if he was going to do anything but sit back and watch Myungsoo pull away from him. Each day was making it easier for Myungsoo to do so, and he needed to do something about it. Because as much as Myungsoo had shown him his strength at being able to stand up for himself without resorting to violence, that didn’t mean Myungsoo was ready to talk to him just yet. Let alone, make the first move.

Because just like Dongwoo, Myungsoo had to have expected for their first meeting to have gone a bit differently, and to go through what he had gone through instead, the damage had already been done. And there wasn’t anything that Dongwoo could do to change that past, but at least he had the future to look to. It wasn’t like he was completely stuck, even though, it had sometimes felt that way.

Continuing to sit with his back against the wall for the next fifteen or so minutes, Dongwoo doing nothing but focusing on his breathing and putting his body into a relatively relaxed state, it wasn’t much longer until the music that he was listening to had started to grate at him. The heavy bass and loud screams starting to make a cacophony of noise against his eardrums, that Dongwoo eventually had to get off his and crawl to the boom box so that he could turn the now, offending music off. Only to be met with a beautiful, relaxing, silence that had caused him to sigh in relief, Dongwoo couldn’t help but flop down until he was lying on his back to stare up at the ceiling.

Softly letting out an “Ah, Dongwoo, you’re a mess… An absolute mess for no reason at all,” he didn’t expect a stream of laughter to bubble up in his chest. The laugh starting off as a chuckle, maybe even a giggle, it was seconds before the action had started to make his sides ache in response. His lungs quick to follow as they had swiftly begun to burn from the lack of oxygen as well; he had almost choked on his spit when he had suddenly swallowed wrong in his attempt to alleviate the fire in his chest. The laughter, that didn’t stop for what had seemed like hours, but had only been a couple of minutes, had eventually subsided into a round of deep, labored breaths that left him more fatigued than he had been moments before.

However, despite the bone-weary tiredness that plagued him like a sickness, at least he could think clearly again. A spark lighting something up within his chest, he couldn’t help but squirm at the sudden need to take action that overruled everything else. The need to do something other than sit and think and let Myungsoo continue to do what he was doing was so strong, he couldn’t help but pick himself up until he was standing once again. His legs almost shaking at the effort, he knew that he couldn’t wait around anymore, especially since he had given Myungsoo (and himself) more than enough time to realize the things that they had needed to realize. Even if there was still denial holding them back.

In Myungsoo’s case, though, he just hoped the other was ready to listen, let alone give him a chance. Because as much as Dongwoo had been an idiot for the past couple of days, he was still his soulmate, and there wasn’t a bone in his body that opposed him from giving that boy anything and everything that he would ever want.

Myungsoo was his, but not in some weird possessive way either, because Myungsoo was his own person, but Dongwoo would need to show that he wasn’t the type that would run away.

Myungsoo was basically stuck with him, as long as he would have him, that is.

xxx

Myungsoo tries to be brave and talk to the other boy, to show the other that he’s not a coward, but every time he gets close, his throat closes and his body freezes as if he’s suddenly encased by a block of ice. It’s impossible for him to say, let alone, do anything other than stare at his soulmate before the need to run away encompasses his mind. The flight instinct eventually kicks in it that it causes his body to move away from his soulmate, instead of towards him, and it’s hard for Myungsoo to do the opposite.

The conflicting thoughts of ‘Should I trust him’ and ‘But he was there, he was there’ are always there and the insecurity that he used to have as a child likes to rear its ugly head like a monstrous beast. He knows Dongwoo notices his apprehension, because the other gives him this soft look that Myungsoo doesn’t expect anyone to have when it comes to him, and that causes him to be even more terrified. He doesn’t know if he deserves something like that since he has never received a look like that from his peers but he’s afraid the other will stop doing it. Not many have treated him with kindness, so it’s hard for him to trust the looks the other gives him. Even if he had hoped for the other to look at him as if he was something to be cherished and loved and cared for, and while the look isn’t like that, it’s kind of close and it’s hard for Myungsoo to admit that he wants Dongwoo to keep looking at him like that.

It’s kind of scary.

It also makes his stomach roll.

So, when Dongwoo finally has enough of his running, the other eventually cornering him within one of the practice rooms. The other giving him that look, as well as showing him a face that shows all his emotions on it: guilt, shame, fear, anger, want, hope… Myungsoo finds himself backing up until his back is against the wall and his legs begin to shake because he has nowhere else to go.

He feels cornered, but somehow, he doesn’t feel like a cornered animal. If anything, he’s sure that Dongwoo would let him go if he really wanted to. He doesn’t know how he knows that, but somehow, it’s something he just knows and it makes his tense shoulders droop a bit. He’s not fully relaxed, because his heart is hammering in his chest and his hands are shaking something fierce, but he can breathe. At least enough to keep him from going into a blind panic.

He hopes his face belies all of what he’s feeling, because he really doesn’t need the other to know how scared he feels. Let alone, the distrust that still grips his chest like a too-tight bandage.

He wants to give the other the benefit of the doubt, it’s been on his mind to do so, but something stops him.

Dongwoo may be his soulmate, the person that completes him and will finally give him what he’s always wanted, but who’s to say that is true. And sadly, Myungsoo can’t be sure of anything, even Woohyun’s words. Let alone everyone else that has always had something nice to say about the older boy.

Dongwoo may be kind, but there was always the possibility of him being able to be cruel to Myungsoo.

Almost flinching when he sees Dongwoo reaching out, his eyes saying trust me, I won’t hurt you, please trust me, Myungsoo does his best to stand still. To take it, even if the other may hit him or worse, physically take out his heart and stomp on it, just like everyone else.

God, he hopes these feelings aren’t showing on his face. He’d be beyond embarrassed; his soulmate didn’t need to see him look like a scared little animal. A child who was afraid to trust and be given love.

Hand stopping just an inch or so away from his face, Dongwoo suddenly realizing that touching Myungsoo wouldn’t be the best idea, he suddenly pulls his hand away. Only to whisper, “Sorry… I-uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… I-uh…”

Looking up, face relatively expressionless, despite being shocked, Myungsoo surprisingly finds himself muttering, finishing the other’s sentence, “You want to talk?”

Only for Dongwoo to his lip and softly say, voice low, yet gentle sounding, “Yes… Yes, I would like to, but only if you’d be okay with it that is…”

Biting his bottom lip, moving it between his teeth, Myungsoo doesn’t know how to answer, but the ‘I don’t know’ is loud and clear in Dongwoo’s head. Seeing the other jump at the intensity of Myungsoo’s thought, Dongwoo obviously startled because he hadn’t expected to hear the other’s thoughts this close, Myungsoo almost wants to apologize.

Maybe even apologize for the past couple of days, even if it was Dongwoo that should probably apologize instead.

“That was louder than I thought it would be,” Dongwoo starts, only to take a step back when he realizes how close that he has gotten to Myungsoo, never mind the position that Myungsoo is in, that he’s quick to apologize. The gesture leaving Myungsoo shocked that he’s done so, almost as if he had never expected to receive something like that ever, at least from someone his own age, “, sorry, I didn’t realize that I was so close… I-uh, I’m not making a very good impression, aren’t I?”

Not knowing what to say is the thing that keeps Myungsoo from answering, but it doesn’t stop Dongwoo from explaining in hopes to clear the air between the two, he continues, “Last time we met, I didn’t… I wasn’t… Woohyun was right about us not being involved… I know you may not trust me or want to trust in what I have to say, but I would never let something like that continue if I had truly known… I didn’t really think it was possible due to the screening, but I shouldn’t have assumed that it wasn’t, either… You-you shouldn’t have had to go through something like that, let alone think that I could possibly be in on it too… I, , I don’t know what to say… I’m messing this all up… Damn, I-”

Eyes softening a little, because he had never expected to see Dongwoo, his soulmate look this lost and pained at trying to explain himself, to make someone like him understand, Myungsoo finds himself unable to stop himself from voicing something that shocks the two of them, “Do you even like me?”

Only for the ‘Could you?’ and ‘Can I trust you?’ being quick to follow.

While Dongwoo, eyes widening at the thoughts, only to look even more pained at what his soulmate was thinking, his face suddenly darkens before his thought crosses both of their minds, ‘Ever since I heard your thoughts, heard your pain, I’ve only ever wanted to meet you, because deep down, it’s impossible for me to not like you.’

Myungsoo can’t help but be even more surprised…

It was definitely a gift that Dongwoo had.

xxx

“Can you give me your hand… I want to show you something.” Dongwoo finds himself asking as he silently takes in Myungsoo’s face for what had felt like the thousandth time in the past half hour. The other’s expressions have been relatively muted, barely giving anything away, but as soon as Dongwoo would look into the other’s eyes, it was a completely different story.

Myungsoo may have been a little hard to read, but if you knew where to look, he was an open book, and for Dongwoo, he was grateful for it.

Seeing the other’s eyes darken a bit in a sudden determination, Dongwoo could only ignore the tremble that was in Myungsoo’s hands, before he allowed himself to take the offered appendage and move it until it was touching his chest. Giving him a few seconds to get used to the feeling of his rapidly beating heart that could even be felt through his fingertips, and to realize that Dongwoo wasn’t going to hurt him, Dongwoo slowly moved the other’s hand until it was fully touching the left side of his chest, palm over his heart. Cheeks darkening at how intimate the act seemed, it didn’t escape his notice when Myungsoo’s face had turned a soft shade of pink that Dongwoo couldn’t help but find the reaction a little pleasing.

Myungsoo was truly beautiful with his expressive eyes, unblemished skin, and a face that could either look pretty, cute, or handsome depending on the lighting and angle, Dongwoo was a bit surprised that Myungsoo wasn’t someone else’s soulmate. Because as much as Dongwoo knew that he was handsome in an unconventional way, Myungsoo was the type to blow everyone else’s looks out of the water.

He was just so beautiful and it didn’t even stop there.

‘Is that his heartbeat?’

Grinning at how shocked the other seemed, Dongwoo could only reply, “It is,” before going on, this time his voice sounding a bit more serious as he spoke, “This heart is beating this fast because of you, y’know? This heart will continue to beat this fast, if not faster, because just like you, I feel afraid and lost and I want you so much… I want to get to know you, because I know I’ll like you because everything I’ve heard you think so far, has made me realize that. And nothing you’ll tell me or think will scare me away.”

Shaking his head at the other’s words, his hair shielding his eyes, Dongwoo knew that he couldn’t let the other back down. Because if he did, then they’d be back at square one and he really needed Myungsoo to understand that he wasn’t going to go away. That he wasn’t going to betray him in any way. He already had plans to keep him safe and loved and to show him that he was someone that could be trusted, especially since he and the others had a few plans to get rid of Myungsoo’s bullies and make sure that nothing like that would ever happen again.

He would be Myungsoo’s knight in shining armor, he just needed Myungsoo to believe that he could be that.

“Please give me a chance, I just need one chance to show you that I’m serious and that I can stand by my word, let alone, love you like you want to be loved. You’re worth it, so please don’t think you aren’t, because if you weren’t, I wouldn’t be giving you the time of day. So please believe me, at least a little bit, okay?”

‘I know I may not have given you any reason to trust me… I don’t even know if you’ve been able to hear me at all, but if you have, just a little bit, you know I can promise you this, so please let me be yours.’

 Hoping his thoughts had gotten across, only to suddenly see tears stream down Myungsoo’s cheeks, Dongwoo couldn’t help but close the distance. Only for Myungsoo to freeze before letting his body slowly relax into Dongwoo’s embrace, tears falling despite how hard he was trying to hold them in. His shoulders shaking from the effort, Dongwoo could only pull Myungsoo tighter to himself and tell the younger boy everything that he had wanted to say to him for years.

Dongwoo wasn’t going to leave him, because as much as Myungsoo was scared to scare him off with all his baggage, Dongwoo wasn’t the type to be scared off that easily. So, when Myungsoo couldn’t cry anymore, the tears having come from keeping them in for so long, Myungsoo was finally able to reply, voice a bit shaky as he asked, “Do you really promise?”

While, Dongwoo, unable to lie, could only give, “Yes, yes I do.”

 Then, Myungsoo was slowly returning the embrace, silently telling Dongwoo what he had needed to know.

This was his chance.

xxx

Cheeks and tips of his ears now a nice shade of red compared to his usual light tan, Myungsoo can only think:

‘Thank you. Dongwoo, just… Thank you.’

It’s not long before he eventually decides to pull the other a little bit closer, Dongwoo’s hug having made him feel safe and warm and maybe, even a bit treasured as well, it’s hard to be upset with what happens next. Especially since Dongwoo’s embrace is so comfortably tight, almost as if the older boy was shielding him from all the bad things that Myungsoo had experienced in life, Myungsoo can’t help but be a little relieved about the things he had thought about the past couple of days. Myungsoo blushes even more when Dongwoo decides to kiss the side of his head in a somewhat bold move. The other whispering, “I hope this is okay,” as he does so, it’s impossible for Myungsoo to not find the gesture sweet.

Because not only does it remind him of all the times that his father has kissed his mother’s forehead due to the woman being someone that he cherishes and loves, despite all the hardships that they’ve gone through, it’s also intimate in a way that a kiss on the lips may not bring. Even though, compared to Dongwoo having him place his hand on his heart, it’s also a little less racy, yet subdued enough that it only causes his heart to jump once or twice.

Maybe, just maybe, his promise was more than a contract that he had wanted to keep because he wasn’t the type to go back on his promises, but a statement to how he was going to be as his soulmate. And if the corners of his lips had decided to curl themselves up into something that was reminiscent of a barely-there smile, something of which that he hasn’t done in ages, Myungsoo can’t help but give the other a soft sigh in response.

He guesses that he can give Dongwoo the benefit of the doubt.

xxx

[ Author’s Note ] : Hello, I hope you all enjoyed the fic and weren’t scared off by anything that I’ve written (I know ~12.7k is a lot, but I hope it was a good read despite the length). I’ve been writing this for the past couple of weeks now, and while it’s gone through a couple of revisions, it’s definitely not perfect, but that’s okay, because what is? But anyway, I would like to thank my beta, taostan, for going above and beyond with helping me go over Myungsoo’s and Dongwoo’s characterizations, making sure that they don’t seem too unrealistic with what I’ve written here, and being the cheerleader that I needed to help finish this fic. She’s awesome and I appreciate the work that she was able to put in. Other than that, I hope you could spare a comment or two and tell me what you think. It’d be much appreciated and it would make my day like no one’s business. I hope you guys enjoy the rest of the stories written for this event, and for those that wrote something, I give you guys a round of applause. Kudos for you all. See you next time, peace!