Time Loop

♫ Can You Hear My Heart ♪

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neTUXclOBW0

Yonghwa as breathing feather-like kisses onto Shinhye’s face, slowly moving down towards her delicate neckline.

“Please” She begged, her voice trembling, causing him to almost lose his last bit of self-composure.

She was laying beneath him, staring at him with half closed, longing eyes. Her long hair flowed like silk onto the white pillow below, looking like a dark fan which let her beautiful face stand out even more than it already did.

Shinhye usually had such a pure and innocent image. But seeing her now trapped beneath him in all her god given beauty, she was more alluring than any man could ever handle, especially if she begged him like this.

“Are you sure about this?” Yonghwa somehow managed to question her in a hoarse voice for one last time as he smoothly pushed a loose strand of hair behind her right ear. His hand ended up resting on her cheek as he her soft facial skin.

“More than ever.” She told him earnestly.

*****

Yonghwa’s schedule was nowhere near decreasing. He had just started his tour of comeback concerts throughout South Korea and the management was already talking about another comeback in Japan and China.

He had reduced his contact with Shinhye to text messages for now, thinking that it would support getting her off his mind if he didn’t see her as much. After all, he was still suffering from the never fading y dreams which kept on hunting him every night during his sleep without a fail. She made it easy for him, too as she was apparently really busy with her own schedule as well.

At some point it made Yonghwa wonder if she really was just busy with work. The thought of Lee Jong Suk being around her again also didn’t sit well with him. He tried to stop himself from overthinking, but it really wasn’t an easy thing to do.

He noticed how he was slowly turning into a jealous boyfriend and he realized that he was in no position to act like one just yet.

His head was full of thoughts. While it was good for his musical creativity, he as a human being only felt torn to shreds by it.

He originally didn’t want to be away from Shinhye like this at all, but he really needed to cool his heart and get some dreamless sleeps. He felt barely alive enough to complete his daily schedule as it was and his team already started to worry about him. In the end they even contacted his band members, resulting in them questioning him to no end about things he simply could not answer.

Just the imagination of telling Minhyuk that he was having y dreams of his beloved Noona ever since their private New Year’s get away was enough to make him want to bang his head against the nearest door frame.

What kind of friend and leader am I becoming?

If he could have, he would have loved to pause his brain for the time being. He wanted to stop thinking about Shinhye – even if only for a little while - to gather his strength back. 

Why was this happening to him now when he was so close to managing his game like a true gentleman until the very end?

Being awkward around Shinhye wasn’t what he had imagined or hoped for after being apart from her for so long. Hence he saw no other way out than to keep some sort of emotional distance if he wanted to navigate their friendship through smooth waters for now.

Truth be told, Yonghwa never wanted to experience anything similar to the unpleasant time after breaking up with Shinhye ever again and he feared the awkwardness more than anything else if his best friend was ever to catch onto his current state. If she ever found out about his y dreams his life would surely be over… If she wouldn’t kill him herself first, he would die from embarrassment instead.

He couldn’t help but remember their last break up. It cost so much effort for the both of them to get their acts straight and to move forward, with the promise they made at that time always in the back of his mind.

But somehow we managed to get through this to where we are today, he thought. Holding onto each other like this while giving each other the freedom to fulfil our dreams, how many people would have been able to do so?

He surely couldn’t have done it for anyone else.

They once said that they were closer to each other than they could ever be to any actual romantic interest. It was because to some extent they had already encountered that feeling together. Even after that they had always been and were still partners in crime. They would constantly place the wellbeing of one another above everything else. Even in a serious relationship not many people did that nowadays.

Of course there had been days and weeks, especially in the early stages of their agreement, when Yonghwa wondered if they were kidding around or actually being serious about this thirty something marriage thingy. However, the older he got the more fixated he became and deep down in his heart he trusted that Shinhye felt the same way, too, because they simply fit each other perfectly.

He trusted that there was a reason why she did not have any boyfriends after him just like he never found himself another girlfriend after her again. To each other no one compared. They were already in too deep, had already experienced everything together.

Although Yonghwa had offered Shinhye to drop honorifics when they first met so they could be comfortable around each other, he had always regarded himself as the one who should take care of her. They were on the same eye level, yes, but he still wanted to be her safe haven. To him, seeing her happy and healthy was the most important thing. Nothing had ever changed regarding this matter.

Shinhye was almost thirty now. She had repeatedly told him that she wanted to settle down in her early thirties. He had heard her clearly and, just like her supported her with her last dream, he was planning on fulfilling her next big dream as well. He just needed to be patient a little longer.

Chances were high that she would eventually start to think more carefully about her private life very soon. He needed to be calm and collected until then, because when she finally was ready, he would be right there for her, just like he always was.

Yonghwa was the man she could completely be herself with. She had already experienced how it was to go beyond the boundaries of a mere friendship with him and god knew he didn’t split up with her because he didn’t treasure her anymore back then.

It might have been too soon and too serious at the time, but they were changing now. It would surely be differe