The life of a kpop idol is tough, cut-throat and sometimes even downright stressful, if not also rewarding at the same time. In such an industry, it remains difficult to truly start developing intimate bonds with others, especially if you are  from different agencies. This is further compounded if an idol is also privately shy. But amidst the circumstances, Hongbin soon found himself gravitating towards and entangled into a blossoming, beautiful friendship with Gong Chansik. That is why he cherishes his friendship with Chansikkie very much. At times, it feels much more than a friendship. From the fated day they first met on the radio, Hongbin’s heart tripped and fell, and since then, the feelings have gotten stronger.

And that is also why his heart is hurting so much.

Hongbin feels so stupid for thinking he had a chance, for letting himself fall so hard for his best friend. He feels guilty for the jealous feelings that emerges when he sees his Chansikkie with her again, smiling a smile towards her that used to be aimed towards  him. He wants to yell out his feelings so Chansikkie can know, wants to turn back time so that  instead of hiding his love, he would bravely confess aloud to the man who inspires  him, who plays with him and gives him strength, who is not just his best friend. Maybe if he did, this wouldn’t have happened. It wouldn’t have been too late. But what’s past is past, and it looks like Chansikkie is happy, and so Hongbin decides to not get in the way.

It was tough to swallow initially, and Hongbin was tense when he said his congratulations to Gongchan, trying his best to smile. It was one he practiced and perfected in the mirror so that Gongchan, master at reading Hongbin’s expressions, couldn’t decipher the pain underneath. Hongbin thinks the smile worked, but the the feelings got the better of him when the girl reappeared  by Gongchan’s side and so Hongbin exited in an awkward hurry. Since then, Gongchan has been looking for him, but except for a few times, Hongbin couldn’t bring himself to face him one-on-one , much less hang out. Excuses come and go, and Hongbin has been channeling all his emotions into his work. It helps him cope.

Today, is like any other day since then. Hongbin continues practicing dancing late into the night even when the other VIXX members have left. He dances, and dances, and practices and practices, nitpicking on all the details trying to get the moves perfect, distracting himself from any thoughts on his Chansikkie. No, not his anymore. He just feels tired. Soon it turns into morning...the day of the outdoor concert performance, where the weather suddenly takes a turn in the middle and it pours, but they need to stay the whole time. Hongbin makes it 3/4 of the way through without any problems, but towards the end he becomes extremely exhausted. He tries his best to stay awake, but his head seems to be spinning in circles and his breath gets more and more shallow. It’s almost done, just wait until we get into the car. Stay foc-- He doesn’t know what happens...the next thing he knows, he feels cold, and hears Hakyeon’s worried voice and rushed footsteps coming towards him. VIXX members.  And maybe he’s hallucinating, he also swears he hears Gongchan’s voice too. Noo, that can’t be...he wasn’t scheduled to be here. It’s just a fantasy...but, Hongbin misses him, and so he indulges in this fantasy before losing consciousness.  

When Hongbin wakes up, he finds himself situated in a comfy bed, wrapped in warm blankets and the VIXX members showering him with care and love in their own way. He feels bad for fainting, but is glad that it was not caught on camera. That would have worried the fans! There is still a slight headache, but he feels much better. Hongbin takes out his phone to check any updates or emails. Suddenly he hears a familiar voice outside the door, a voice he so dearly misses, and Ravi’s deep voice answering and probably leading the guest over. Yeah, it makes sense, since Ravi was best friends with Gongchan before Hongbin came along and became inseparable. Unconsciously, Hongbin buries himself in the the blanket, face heating up. Why is Gongchan here?

“Hi, Choco!”

Hongbin doesn’t respond.  (He finds himself frozen in place), but it doesn’t seem to matter. Gongchan continues regardless. 

“Ah, I see you’re sleeping...Um,I’ve been looking for you these days. I-I. Really, it’s not what it looks like! She’s not...She’s not.. I don’t know. We’re just working together on a romance drama. The dates with her...it’s all for rehearsal and practice. It’s doesn’t mean anything to me.

I don’t feel the same feelings and all with her that I feel with you.

.

.

.

She’s not you. I miss you...

Kong-ah, 

You are my sunshine,

my only sunshine

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear, how much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away.

I love you. Just you. Always have, and always will.

Ah, what am i doing here singing while you’re snoozing away? Bye, Choco...Next time, I’ll say it properly! Please rest well, Choco, rest.”

In the meanwhile, Hongbin’s heart pounds fast, and under the blanket he feels his body growing hotter by the second from the sincere words. Suddenly it all stops, and then he hears footsteps leaving. Hongbin tries to get up as fast as his awkward body could go, but he moves too slow, so he yells out “Wait, Gongchan! I’m sorry!!” When pokes his head out of the blanket, though,  Gongchan is already gone.