You have heard that everyone in their lives will experience the taste of bittersweet farewell at least once, but they never told you that it would have been this bitter. Especially because you were never going have that farewell with Kyungsoo.

There were things in your relationship that stood in the way of being able to tell Kyungsoo what you really felt, and though you are sure you will regret never saying. It was your pride, the fear of rejection and the signs he showed that confirmed your fears.

It hurt. It took Miyoung’s accident to make your, and his, feelings clear but you hated how he chose her instead of you, how he used you to play a game, you hated how he left you to keep her company. But overall you hated yourself for, even though you have to admit it; losing that stupid bet. 

“Are you okay?” He asks you, this is the first time in a long time that he has actually initiated a conversation, excluding the times he needed something stupid.

He doesn’t dare to look you in the eyes and you can feel like he has had that question on his mind for a while. You start growing nervous because you have had your plan to leave on your mind the whole time. Has he noticed something was different? “I’m fine.” You smiled and you know it doesn’t reach your eyes, but it would have been only strange if it did. It’s not as if there is no awkwardness between the two of you.

He doesn’t continue to ask and puts his coat and shoes on, “Okay… I’m going to do some.. stuff, okay?” In your mind you beg him not to try to hide what he is going to do, you know he is going to Miyoung. He always is.

“Sure, be safe.”

When you make sure he has left, you walk towards his office. Holding the envelope in your hand. You are not willing to live like this anymore, like some unwanted hindrance or a second choice he can’t get rid of.

You should have known since the first party you have attended you have seen how his eyes looked at her. Why did you go this far even though you knew?

After placing the envelope on the desk you go towards the bedroom and pull out two suitcases, a few bags to fill your clothes with and other items. But when you are halfway you start to notice how you are wetting the fabric of your clothes with your tears.

This is it, this is the end.

You throw everything in the trunk of your car, this is it. This is the end. Are you really ready for it?  Your head hits the steering wheel as your eyes grew moist again, “Sorry, Kyungsoo.” But this is not how you wanted to live like.

Kyungsoo’s POV

I have been an absolute to her, I am very well aware of that. Since the moment she stepped in with that attitude, I have been giving her a hard time.

At that time I didn’t feel any guilt for the way I behaved towards her.

She hardly smiles, doesn’t seem to want to talk to me and overall just that energetic, bold and dear lord rude personality I have grown to like is just gone. I have no idea what to do with her and it’s just killing me because I know she must be feeling lonely.

It was only that after that stupid bet I made that I started to feel guilty. I have noticed how down she has been feeling lately, and I haven’t really given any comfort either. At first, I was quite mad, the girl I had a crush on for years ended up in the hospital and that damn Jongin isn’t even here to take care of her.

I blamed everything on her. 

I lashed out at her, but after time passed I started to feel guilty. She’s right, it’s not like she would have known this chaos would have happened. God, I’m so stupid.

And the worst thing is that I don’t know how to apologize. I just don’t know how to apologize and it drives me absolutely insane. I even have to pay a fine for kicking and damaging a random car in frustration.

I walk into the shop and see the owner kneeling beside a pot, standing up the moment she sees me, I can feel my cheeks grow hot. If I leave now it’ll be even more awkward, god this is the worst thing I have ever done. “Hello, young man. Can I help you?”

“Yes, which flowers say ‘I’m sorry for being the worst person ever’?”

‘Don’t screw this up’ goes through my head like a mantra. I know that if I take this to her and try to mend things I will definitely do something wrong so I have decided to leave her a card with her name on it, apologizing shortly but genuinely.. in the hope she’ll come and talk to me first.

I open the door nervously and the rustling of the transparent foil around the flowers annoys the hell out of me. If she hears it, it’s so going to ruin everything.

Turning my head around the corner of the hall I see that she is not in the living room. Perfect.

I lay the flowers down and close my eyes, holding my chin. Oh my god, Do Kyungsoo. Since when have you become like this?

I walk my way to the bedroom and let myself fall onto the bed. However, when I realize something, I quickly push myself up.

Something feels completely wrong. I was so busy with sneaking the flowers in that…

I call for her name, “Hello? Hello?!” I repeat it at least three times. I try to keep calm and slam the door of the closet open.

The lack of female clothing confirms my worst fear. “,” I curse in defeat. Followed by my hand colliding with the closest object near me. And a stream of other curses.

Why am I so late?! Why didn’t I do this a little earlier!?

Clenching my hands I walk around for any signs of her, anything. My mind goes erratic and I feel myself growing desperate for her presence when I find myself looking in all places, even the ones absolutely not logical.

When I walk into my office for the second time and then I noticed a small envelope.

Resignation letter

I can feel my breath going unsteady, and I am livid. I am angry at her for leaving. Myself for not apologizing earlier, but most of all for not realizing how desperate I am for her.

I feel like I have gone absolutely ballistic when I tear the resignation letter into pieces without even reading it.

This is not happening. How could I have been so stupid? She is right for leaving me. How am I supposed to get her back, I don’t know where she is. She must hate me. I have been cruel to her and I am so sorry. I would give everything for her to know that.

Leaning back in my chair I realize that I should not have torn the letter apart. I try to puzzle the pieces together but I am struggling. Halfway done, I see something that catches my eyes.

Congratulations, you have won the bet.

The words sting and I feel my heart clenching in pain. Victory doesn’t taste that sweet as I had thought it would have when I started this. She actually had feelings for me and I was the inconsiderate that ignored every bit of it and instead took care of someone else. Not to mention I yelled at her.

She must have had to bear so much and I was too blind to even bat an eye at her. I kept my old crush company of whom I know I could never start something with over something I was just bitter over. 

Why did I not realize sooner? Why couldn’t I have treated her better? Listened to her?

Even though she congratulates me on winning this stupid bet, that I should never have made in the first place, not knowing that she had feelings for me and that she got away… makes me feel like the actual loser here.