The images of the night you visited the hospital after Miyoung got hit by a car were still in your mind, very clearly.

In fact, they haven’t left you for months after the incident.

You could still recall the cotton white bandages wrapped tightly around her head and her leg. Or the lifeless eyes she now possessed when she used to look so energetic to the body language that wasn’t the one of a confident lady anymore.

Instead, she turned into a pitiful woman.

And everything was your fault.

Those were her words to you. She had to repeat them over and over again, even when you quickly rushed out of her room you could still hear her screams.

You never saw it coming, though there were enough signs that foreshadowed it. That eerie feeling you had the whole time, the clattering spoon that fell out of Kyungsoo’s hand when he saw you in the room with Miyoung, and the pouring rain should have told you enough.

It was unfair that you were being blamed for something you have never wished for to happen. Yixing has tried to convince you that you weren’t at fault no matter what everyone said, he claimed their view on this was too subjective and their emotions played like a mist covering the reality. Yet here you are, on the couch all alone feeling like you were the criminal.

You can remember what she told you when you walked up to her. Kyungsoo wasn’t in the room, but judging by how his bag and jacket were in the room he must be coming back here.

Suddenly, she muttered a few inaudible words. So you asked her to repeat herself for you. “What did you say? Do you need anything? Should I get you something?”

Yet all she said was: “Get out.”

It was simpler if you would have followed her order, brushing it off by thinking she must have wanted to be alone for a while. But could you be blamed for being absolutely confused about her sudden hostility? “Wha.. what?”

“I said get out!!” She yelled frantically. Shocking you. “Everything is your fault!”

You stared in horror and confusion was written all over your face. A worried Kyungsoo bursts into the room, he must have immediately rushed here when he heard her scream. But seeing you in the room, that he didn’t expect. Causing the utensil in his hand to drop. The look in his eyes told you enough.

You should leave.

Nothing made sense when you got out of the room, you tried to puzzle it together. Tried to find out what you would have done to upset her so much because everyone seemed to know. Except for you.

After a while, the screams quietened. And finally, Kyungsoo came out of the room. He stared at you but remained silent as if he didn’t know what to say.

You needed someone to comfort you, someone, to tell you what was wrong and tell you how to fix it. And if not, that was also okay. But you needed someone who could pat your back and be that person that would try to make it all better.

That night, Kyungsoo wasn’t that person.

He made that very clear when he pried your hands off of him. “Tell me, what did you do?”

What a funny question. Because you had no idea yourself, honestly you would want the answer to that as well. What in the world did you do to make her this upset…

The lack of reply caused him to continue asking, “Jongin went to France.” Then you finally start to understand. “He ing told her that he might not be coming back and that it’d better if they’re separate. So she rushed to the airport and look at her now. It is because of you, you encouraged him to go.”

“He wanted to be doing something he loved, should I tell him to not pursue that? Kyungsoo, he told me he felt miserable not dancing.” You tried to explain it, but the lack of sympathy in Kyungsoo’s eyes made it incredibly hard. It wouldn’t be a lie saying that your blood was boiling, how could be being blamed for such a thing you had no idea about? “Am I so wrong for doing that?”

He didn’t say a word.

“Kyungsoo, do you think I would have to know that this would have happened if I told him he should pursue his dreams?” It didn’t even look like he wanted to give you a chance, the anger of her accident affected him more than you would have wanted it to.

“Look at the outcome of your little pep talk! Take responsibility. Or no, better, don’t meddle with lives of people from a different kind of life. You clearly don’t understand this world.”

His words came like knives into your back. You hoped he would have been understanding, that he wouldn’t blow up like this. Maybe the whole ‘new’ him was a big joke and you have just deluded yourself into thinking he wasn’t so bad after all. It’s funny how quickly he had turned his back towards you. “Kyungsoo.. are you seriously doing this?”

And right there you almost slipped it, those words about emotions would mean your defeat. It was painful how hesitant you were because you had no right to hold that against him.

But he didn’t reply, nor did he even look into your eyes. It’s better if he didn’t, you would never want someone that did something like this to you to see you feeling so powerless.

“Go home..”

And just like that, he left.

This was a few months ago, but you could still tell exactly what happened as if it was just a day ago. The pain, embarrassment and the shame you felt about something you had zero control over.

Jongin never picked up his phone. It’s even the question if he knows about this whole situation. At least one person is having a good time, hopefully.

The past months have been like hell. You feel like you have been driven into a small corner. Ever since she has been admitted to the hospital, he has been taking care of her. Every single day he wakes up with his back still against yours, after a night where not a single radiation of warmth has been shared between you two. And you wonder if he can hear you holding your breath while trying to fall asleep.

He also has been neglecting his work. He stopped writing the novel he was working on to visit Miyoung every day, leaving you all by yourself. It is something he never tells you, but it is also something you can easily guess. Pretty much every day your days are being spent by apologizing to people who are working together with your boss and meetings arranged by him for you with people. Just to keep you occupied, you suspect.

The moments you two do share at home are silent. He doesn’t look at you, he barely talks to you and he is desperately trying to avoid you.

And it’s killing you.

The silence is making your heart clench, the way he doesn’t even make effort to acknowledge you sometimes is cruel and how he doesn’t even want to listen to you feels like you have landed in hell.-

Some mornings you catch him looking, and you have this slight hope that he will see how miserable you feel. That he will feel sorry for you being alone in a place that is too big for one person. But all of that hope goes through the window when he steps back into his car and leaves.

Was this your punishment? It was unfair and cruel, that you are being pointed to for causing this situation. No matter how much you tried to mend things, how you tried to apologize for it and how much you tried to get in touch with Jongin. It seemed like nothing is going the right way for you.

The situation was complicated, though maybe you both have become so comfortable with each other that you both forgot that one deal. That one deal that made it impossible for you to call him out for betrayal because that would mean love was involved.

And in the end, both parties have agreed in the beginning that this relationship; was not real.

Having this pain in your chest because you know he the woman he chose for is not you, clearly, means that you are the sore loser in this game.

And therefore, you have one solution.

Clutched in your hands in an envelope is a neatly written paper. On the envelope, two words were neatly written.

Resignation letter.