Was it even worth it?

Was it worth it to love Jongin?

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't, but for Kyungsoo, it is. For he felt the most beautiful and unfathomable yet agonizing feeling. Jongin made his world, worth living. He made the skies go blue, the sunshine rise, the flowers bloom, the birds sing and he made him felt loved.

Jongin was Kyungsoo's world. Wherein his world will only revolve around Jongin, Jongin and Jongin, but maybe he was becoming dizzy now. Maybe it's time to stop, or he thinks that is the right thing to do.

And for all those years maybe, he was Jongin's world too. Maybe Jongin felt the same way too. But reality hits him, Jongin does not love him back. Jongin does not love him that way.

Jongin's heart was for another. Jongin was not Kyungsoo's, never was.

Nobody said it was easy, to have unrequited love. Kyungsoo locked himself away from the reality, and he hopes. He expects, he wishes, he desires.

Kyungsoo didn't know love. What is love?

Looking into those beautiful brown eyes, plump lips, tan skin, muscular arms, to Jongin. He feels vulnerable, he feels his knees weakened.

That was his definition of love. Kim Jongin taught him love. So every time he thinks about love, he thinks of Jongin.

Jongin, Jongin, and Jongin.

Loving him was like cloud nine, but it lead into disaster. When he knew, that Jongin only sees him as a friend, a best friend. When Jongin loved someone else, that someone else who is Krystal Jung.

He tried, he tried so many times, to not love Jongin, to see him just as a friend. It was hard, it was exhausting, to stop his feelings from growing because it was just no use. No use.

Kyungsoo contemplates, he has hurt himself too much. Too much that he didn't notice himself from breaking into pieces. Jongin didn't destroy him. He destroyed himself, for he was the one who chose to love Jongin, to go to this path where he knew that Jongin wouldn't even return a speck of love that he has for the younger.

Jongin also made his skies turn gray, the sunsets, the bitter taste of coffee, the pain in hearing sappy love songs and the aching of his heart.

Sometimes, you couldn't bear it longer. Sometimes hoping is not an option. Sometimes you just need to accept the truth even though you don't want to. You have to face the reality.

And that is what Kyungsoo is doing right now. Standing in front of Jongin at their swing, letting go. Letting go of him, even though Jongin was not even his in the first place. He was gonna asks for his heart back, that Jongin only did have. 

 

"So, Uhhh. I will be going to America." Kyungsoo says, his lips quivering.

The younger was surprised, Was this the last time he'll see Kyungsoo?

"W-When h-hyung?" He manages to say after an awkward silence. He was staring into Kyungsoo's eyes and this also made Kyungsoo falter even more. Jongin looks like a puppy.

How was he gonna let go if Jongin looks like this? But he has to.

You have to, Kyungsoo.

He fights back. "This weekend. I was chosen to be one of the Korean Exchange Students at Yale University."

"Woah. That's, T-That's great hyung. I'm happy for you." He purses his lips. "Don't, D-Do not forget about me, okay? Text me always or write to me." Jongin was also shocked, and he knows what Kyungsoo feels.

When did I forget about you?

Jongin held his pinky finger and Kyungsoo wrapped his on Jongin's. "I promise." Kyungsoo was so trying hard to be strong, to not look weak in front of him and he wasn't able to stop himself, when the tears streamed to his face and pulled Jongin closer.

"Jongin, p-please take care. Take care of yourself for me, okay?" Kyungsoo was hugging Jongin so tight, his arms around Jongin's neck, he was sobbing now. Kyungsoo was not pulling away unless he stopped crying. He didn't want Jongin to see him this way, to see him this weak, this vulnerable for him.

But Jongin understands, and Jongin was the one who pulled away, and wiped Kyungsoo's tears with his thumbs. Kyungsoo's tears glistening, and the sunlight was beaming through his face.

And Jongin thought, Kyungsoo looked beautiful.

"Okay, I will hyung. Just for you." He smiles which Kyungsoo faintly smiles back as well. 










 

The weekend comes. 

 

Kyungsoo's baggage was all packed. He already said goodbye to his friends, to his pororo stuff toys, to his family, to the love of his life and now, is the time. 

 

Jongin wakes up. He rubs his eyes, and looks at digital clock at the bedside table. 10:15 am, Kyungsoo's flight was 11:00 am. 

 

Will he be able to make it?

He runs fast pace, he tooks a quick shower and throws a shirt that was laying on the floor. He runs as fast as he could.

He reaches the airport. He looks at his watch, 10:50 am.

He runs, and runs.

Where is he?

He wanted to say a last goodbye to his best friend and somehow he wasn't satisfied on their talk at their swing.

Something was telling him to go to him.

Go to Kyungsoo.

Go to him.

Chase him.

He turns his head and sees Kyungsoo, and he ran to him.

Kyungsoo was nearing his gate, the gate where he'll departure. He was ready.

New life, new environment, new friends, new lov-, but he was cut off from his thoughts when he hears someone screaming his name, that familiar someone.

"Hyung!" Jongin screamed. Kyungsoo's mouth opening wide, he walks closer to him.

"Jongin, what are you doing here?" Kyungsoo manages to say.

"I just wanted to say goodbye hyung, I wanted to see you for the last time. I know you'll be gone for a while, I might miss you." With that, Kyungsoo blushes.

Then he remembers something, he reaches for a letter in his bag. Jongin's eyebrows furrow. Kyungsoo then hands the letter to Jongin.

"What is this Hyung?" Jongin inspects it.

"It's a letter for you." He smiles. "Those were the words that I was afraid to say, that I might regret if you wouldn't know it." He chuckles.

Jongin's wide smile faded but he still slightly smiles for Kyungsoo's sake.

"Uhh, so bye Jongin. Read that for me." He smiles and waves.

"Bye hyung!"

Then Kyungsoo looks away.

Was he hoping?

Was he hoping that Jongin will not let him leave, will say that he loves him now, will regret that he's probably going away?

That Jongin will stop him from running away?

He wasn't. He wasn't hoping.

This isn't a cliche love story, that best friends were finally realizing they fall for each other. That the other was loving the other back.

This isn't a cliche love story, this is reality.

He had to face it and he was now.

He smiles and nods to himself. This is a new beginning for him. New things awaits.

And probably new love, who knows?

He may move on to Jongin, but he will never ever, stop on seeing Jongin as his world.

Everything takes time, someday he'll find someone who loves him just as how he loves Jongin.

But now, he knows, he accepts.

The reality.

And he feels a heavy baggage has just thrown out away from his heart.

He feels calm and peace, he feels lighter without regret.

He accepts that his best friend is in love with a Lady Luck, Krystal Jung. 

 

Dear Jongin,

I was happy, when you talked to me first and asked for my name. It was a cold rainy day, but you shook my hand and somehow that alone was enough to make me feel warm. I was happy, when we got closer. You cried in front of me, and I was so moved how the moonlight kissed your eyelashes, still wet from tears. I tried to wipe your tears away but I couldn't, for I froze, realizing right then, at that moment, how in love I am with you.

Of all the things my hands have held the best by far is you.

I was even happy when you told me that you don't believe in love. For to me, it meant your heart still had space for us, for me to show you this exciting and warm feeling that I feel when I'm with you.

So I waited. I waited praying one day, you too, will feel this way. And you did with someone else.

I was happy at least I tried to be.

I wished that I was good enough for you. I wish someday I'll get over you.

And maybe that someday is Today.

From this day forward, I will let you go, knowing that we were born to walk this world in intersecting lines.

I'll just have to love you from a distance and learn to be okay with that.

I promised myself to be fine without you and I will let you go.

I guess I got tired of loving and not being loved back. But I guess, I will not be tired on loving you. Because now, I'm loving you still but as a best friend. I finally accepted it. I finally accepted the truth. 

Your happiness is my happiness. I'm now genuinely happy for you and Krystal. Invite me on your wedding okay? Always take care.

Do not forget me. Write back to me.

I will always and you will be always my best friend.

Love,

Kyungsoo

 

And Jongin held the letter to his chest, to his heart, and now he regrets of being numb, and he wants to say sorry. But now, he realizes that Kyungsoo was okay now, Kyungsoo was happy now. He didn't want to remind Kyungsoo of him, of Kyungsoo loving him. So instead he writes back always, waits for Kyungsoo to reply.

They had a hard time, a difficult situation but he realizes, he knows that their friendship will never be broken. 

 

The moral of this story is that no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it.. some stories just don't have a happy ending. 

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I just finished this fanfic yesterday and this was originally on Wattpad. I have posted this fanfic here but it was not finished so now I am reposting it, completed. This was originally 22 Chapters on Wattpad, you can check the wattpad version here. -> https://www.wattpad.com/user/kyungpenguinsoo

Thank you for reading this fanfic if you ever made it here. Please leave comments and don't forget to upvote!!

The first chapter of Sankofa, my Sesoo x Kaisoo fanfic will be up soon!! 

Hope you understood the ending!! Thank you to all!! (Sorry if there were wrong grammar and spelling)

-Reign