"Krystal?"

"Hey Soo, is Jongin there?"

Kyungsoo jolted and felt a pang on his chest.

How could she?

How could she come back after hurting his best friend?

Did these woman had shame on herself?

He was astonished on how Krystal was brave enough to face Jongin, to face him.

Ignoring the pain in his chest, he nodded and let Krystal in. Krystal then murmured a 'thank you.' She proceeded at the couch where she saw Jongin.

Jongin widened his eyes, thinking as if he's dreaming.

Is he really seeing Krystal in front of him??

Maybe this is a hallucination.

Maybe he misses her too much.

Maybe he was just longing to see the love of his life again, that's why maybe he was just seeing things.

Maybe.

He rubbed his eyes once again and finally managed to speak.

"K-Krystal?" Jongin stuttered that he was in the verge of tears.

"Hi Jongin." Krystal waved, feigning that she was okay. That everything was okay.

But it was not.

Jongin's heart was breaking yet it was being whole again as if Krystal was the missing puzzle piece of his heart. His heart ache, an ache that was longing for Krystal. The ache that was so beautiful. 

He should be mad at her. He should be avoiding her. He should've held a grudge but  he didn't even care what this woman did to him.

 

He loves her. He loves her too much. 


 

Yet Kyungsoo loves him too much. 
 

It was so messy.

Krystal cheated on him. It pained him so much but he cannot even have a speck of anger. He loves her so much that he will forgive her no matter how much pain, this woman will give to her.

Because this woman was his life, his world and he couldn't ever let go of her.

He ran to Krystal and engulfed her in his arms. There, Jongin cried on Krystal's shoulders.

Krystal patted him on the head. "I'm sorry, Jongin. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for the pain that I have caused you."

Jongin cut her off with a kiss. A kiss that was signing that he missed her so much. A kiss that they were both yearning for each other. Krystal can taste Jongin's salty tears that fell on his lips.

Kyungsoo stood still, his face blank. All the pain has lived through his body, that he didn't even noticed it.

"Are you okay? What happened to you?" Jongin said, tears still streaming on his face.

"I was wrong, Jongin. I don't need.. him. I need you." Krystal bows her heard and Jongin was heavily breathing. "Will you accept me... again?"

Jongin shook his head, kissing her forehead. "No, no, no don't think that way. I will always accept you. God, I will always love you." He held her cheeks and kissed her everywhere possible, her nose, forehead, cheeks, chin, jaws and lastly on her lips.

The kiss was long and deep. Jongin held her on her waist, not letting her go. He would not ever let this precious gem of his slip away his finger ever again.

Their foreheads touching each other's and they were whispering 'I love you' over again, completely forgetting about Kyungsoo's presence.

Kyungsoo was still standing there, witnessing the love of his life with another woman. He was hurting himself.

Why was he so stupid?

Why does he have to love his best friend?

Why can he just be other best friends who supports the other with their love life??

Why did he fall so hard?

He fell so hard that he didn't notice himself from breaking. 
 

Finally, the pain on his heart was hurting too much, it felt like his heart was gonna ripped out of his chest. 
 

He left the house, and ran.

To run far away. 
 

Far away from Jongin.
 

The love of his life. 

He ran and ran until he reached the park, their park. Where they used to play, exchange jokes, stories and somehow glances or maybe in that part it was only Kyungsoo.

A tear escaped from his eye as he sat on the swing, his heart heavy with dread.

God, he misses his best friend. His best friend who used to always be there for him, who used to hug him, who used to comfort him and the one who's number one is him.

Jongin.


 

When he came back at his house, his eyes still swollen from crying. He went to the bedroom and saw Jongin rubbing his eyes, and Krystal under the bed sheets. His bed sheets.

Jongin looked up and managed to speak. "Oh hyung, you're here." He got up with pajamas and a white tank top on.

He breathed and his stomach churned. The two obviously made love on his bed.

Jongin then went downstairs as Kyungsoo followed him. He gets a drink from the fridge and looked back as Kyungsoo initiates a conversation with him.

"So what happened?" Kyungsoo said, even though he knows the answer to his question.

"We got back together hyung." Jongin smiles widely. "She apologized and I accepted her again. I will always do."

Stupid. Stupid Jongin.

"Well... I'm happy for you, Jongin." Kyungsoo faked a smile, tears started to stream on his face.

Jongin walked towards Kyungsoo. "Oh hyung, why are you crying?" He wiped Kyungsoo's tears with his thumbs.

Kyungsoo gulped. "I'm just, I'm just so happy for you." He sobs. "I don't know why I'm so emotional, I'm sorry."

Jongin senses. Jongin knows that something is wrong. Something that his best friend is hiding from him.

"I should go." Kyungsoo says. "I needed to go to somewhere anyway."

Kyungsoo has to leave, he couldn't take the pain in his heart anymore. It was stinging way too hard.

"You're leaving again?"

Kyungsoo hums and answers him with a quick nod. He turned around and walked away.

Jongin then worries about his best friend. He'd been so selfish. He felt so insensitive for his best friend. He felt like he took him for granted. That one person who didn't leave him, who stayed by his side, his best friend.

Kyungsoo.

Jongin speaks on a louder tune that made Kyungsoo to look back at him.

"Kyungsoo where are you going?"

"Far away, Jongin." Kyungsoo's voice cracked, his tears still unstoppable from falling.

When will he ever stop crying?

When will he ever stop feeling pain?

When will he ever stop to be a martyr?

When will he ever stop to love his best friend?

His best friend who doesn't love him back.

"Far away where??"

This has to end. Everything has got to end.

His pain has to end.

"Far away from you." Kyungsoo whispered but Jongin still managed to hear.

Jongin was shocked and confused, his head was spinning. He holds the latter's wrist, not letting it go.

"Why are you like this hyung? What did I do??" Jongin shouts as well.

"You have her now right? You don't need me anymore." Kyungsoo bows his head, giving up. 
He gulps, trying to prevent his tears from falling but failed.

"Why do you need to go?"​
​
"Because I can't take it anymore!!" ​
​
Kyungsoo finally lost it and he shouts which left Jongin's mouth hanging wide open, not understanding what his hyung is talking about. ​
​
"I'm tired of pretending that I'm not hurt. I'm hurt because I love you Jongin!!"

He manages to breathe and his heart, his heart was feeling so much pain right now.

This was it, he was confessing to his best friend and he didn't even want to go to this way but now it happened. It happened in this messy situation.

Yet he was hoping, hoping that maybe Jongin will realize that he, he is the one who will always be there for him.

The one who will love him in his worst times and best times.

He is the one who'll he not regret to love. 

But he isn't also the one whom Jongin love.

He wasn't Krystal.

He wasn't Jongin's greatest love.

Yet Jongin was Kyungsoo's greatest love. 
​
Why was everything so complicated? 

"Hyung, but I do love you too.. "
​
​Kyungsoo couldn't bear it anymore. He wants to let Jongin know, that he loves him, more than a friend, but Jongin doesn't seem to understand.

"You love me as a brother. A brother, Jongin. I don't think of you as that. I love you Jongin can you see? I was too blind to realize you won't like me."

Jongin didn't say a word. He was surpised of Kyungsoo's words. Instead of replying, he just moved closer to his hyung, wrapping his arms around the other again. Kyungsoo's face buried on Jongin's chest. Jongin's shirt wet in tears.

Kyungsoo pulled away after settling down. He speaks again.

"I'm sorry, Jongin." He whispers, still not looking on Jongin's eyes, looking down.

"For what Hyung?"

Kyungsoo looks now on Jongin's eyes. Jongin's mind was blank not quite believing what is happening right now.

How could he be so insensitive? So numb? So stupid? That he didn't get to know his best friend's feelings for him. His hyung.

"I-I'm  sorry for loving you too much. I'm sorry for mi-missing you. I'm sorry for wanting to see you everyday. I'm so sorry." Kyungsoo sobs that he almost loses his voice from crying. Every word was seem so hard to tell, seem like arrows piercing through his chest. It hurt so much.

"I know I'm not the one for you. No matter h-how I tried, it was her and it will always be her. I just, I just hoped that maybe it would be me. Even once. Just once."

Kyungsoo wiped his own tears away, he breathes and tried to calm down.

"Hyung, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I've been so oblivious to your feelings. I'm--" But after Jongin finishes Kyungsoo cuts him off.

"No, don't be. I guess,I guess we'll just have to part ways. To not see each other for only a short time, because I can't take it. I can't take it to see you." He then touches Jongin's cheek, smiling lovingly, but still with pain.

To see you with her.

"I'll just have to love you from a distance and learn to be okay with that." Kyungsoo weakly smiles as he pulled his hand away from Jongin's cheek.

He wants to let Jongin know, how much he'll sacrifice just for him.

"I love you Kim Jongin. You don't how much I love you. Oh God, more than myself." Kyungsoo finds the urge to kiss Jongin but he knows that those lips were not his so Instead, he hugs Jongin and eventually walked away.

As Kyungsoo walks away he knows that things will change now.

Why do we fall inlove with people we can't have?

Kyungsoo never thought of this way. He never knew he would give up. 

 

Actually give up on loving Jongin, but he tries to look at it from the brighter side. 

 

He will just stop the pain he's been feeling. 

 

They don't see each other anymore. It's been days, weeks, months and it amused Kyungsoo how he survived on not seeing his best friend. He tries his best to avoid him, to see him in his classes, in hallways with her. He tries to not put much pain into his wounded heart and with that he survives.

He always had Baekhyun to accompany him, and Junmyeon that's why he never felt exactly alone. They comforted him, and made him feel loved.

He misses him sometimes, and he can't stop himself from crying to sleep, because he remembers. The times where they were happy, when Jongin leans his head into his shoulder and when Jongin held his hand. He remembers how loud his heartbeat were that day, how it ached for Jongin, and just Jongin. How he badly wanted to kiss him, to kiss all Jongin's pain away but now here was Jongin, who was with Krystal.

He must be happy, while here was Kyungsoo suffering.

Kyungsoo also recalls the day how he painfully confessed to his best friend. He remembers how Jongin looked at him that day and It hurt him so much. How oblivious Jongin was.

That day he realizes, he realizes that he was hurting himself way too much, he was adding fuel to the fire. Now, here he is, he finally stopped on torturing himself.

Sure, he avoids Jongin but his mind and heart was not, he was trying so hard to forget about the latter. But how come Jongin was planted, buried into his heart. The burn was inevitable.

And so one month after the school year ends, He visited his mom. The two were having dinner at their dining room which they both prepared. The mince pie was mouthwatering and the two had big smiles on their faces. They have missed each other. Kyungsoo has always been a good son, and a good best friend too.

They talked about different kinds of stuff but when she talked to him about an offer that was gonna change his whole life, that's when he was caught off guard. 

 

"Dear, I think you should go to college at America." She beams, her smile reaches her eyes.

And that, Kyungsoo froze. He thought about leaving, he thought about how was he gonna cope with America, new environment, new people. He thought about Jongin.

They had plans, but he guess that was obviously gonna change. Because Jongin has Krystal now, his Soojung, his love, who he will probably spend the rest of his life with and not Kyungsoo. 

Of course, he'll pick her. Always. 

 

Without him replying his mom continues, "There's a friend of mine, that works on this prestigious university in States, and there were looking for Korean exchange students, I think you should go for it, Honey."

Kyungsoo was speechless, and he answers his mom with a hug. He agreed. 

 

It was a big decision for Kyungsoo but he never had a second thought, for he thinks that it is a big opportunity for him, for a better life, a better future and maybe someday he'll meet the love of his life there, he thinks in the back of his mind and then he thinks about Jongin.

Will he say goodbye?

He have told this to Baekhyun and Junmyeon and both were completely supporting him.

"You Idiot! I'm gonna miss you." Baekhyun hit Kyungsoo's arm, then wrapped his arms with the younger.

"Me too. Take care Kyungsoo." Junmyeon said while joining in.

"Thank you guys, I'll always keep in touch." 

 

He has to say goodbye to him. He contemplates.

Jongin is or maybe was his best friend, of course he has to know.

But why was he feeling scared?

His stomach as churning, twisting. When he finally sent the text message to Jongin, he buried his face on the pillow. Screaming, embarrassed and hoping. 

 

From: Kyungsoo

To: Jongin

Hey, meet me at our swing this afternoon. I have something to tell you. 

 

From: Jongin

To: Kyungsoo

Sure, hyung. 

 

They both take things not too seriously and Kyungsoo thinks this is a nice approach. They are gonna finally see each other again and converse. Kyungsoo feels nervous and his heart drums the enumerable beats again. 




 

Kyungsoo came early. Kyungsoo was sitting on the swing, he rocks himself back and forth whilst waiting for Jongin, he looks at the trees, the dandelion leaves falling. With that, he finds calmness. He calms himself because he's probably gonna explode. 

 

He looks down for minutes, then he sees feet, looking up he sees Jongin. Jongin slightly smiles, and Kyungsoo stands up. 

 

Kyungsoo feels his stomach going crazy with just Kim Jongin's smile. God, he misses him so much.

But it hit him. He realized he hadn't move on. He still feels love for this man. He still sees his flaws as perfect. It amazes him how infatuated he is with Jongin. But he tries to stop these thoughts away.

He had to move on.

and He had to say goodbye. 

 

"Hey, hyung."

"Hey, Jongin." Kyungsoo waved.

"So how are you?" Jongin says, and Kyungsoo just finds him cute with a scarf wrapped around his neck, his hands on the pocket of his coat.

"Fine. You?

"Never been better." Jongin smiles again, and Kyungsoo wants him to stop, because he was feeling a lot things on his stomach and his heart was drumming so loudly. It needed to stop.

But then he brings up something that caused his heart to ache.

"What about Krystal?"

Stupid. Why does he have to ask about her?

Jongin's smile falls off, he didn't want to be insensitive and he knows Kyungsoo is inlove with him now. So he just answers him with a simple sentence, not just like back then when Jongin tells him his nonstop stories about her, that now Jongin realizes that it probably hurt Kyungsoo.

He still couldn't get over on how oblivious he became. Krystal clouded his emotions, his mind and that time all he could think about was Krystal. But strangely these past few days, he was thinking about Kyungsoo.

He didn't know why but maybe because he hates himself so much right now, for hurting his best friend even though he unknowingly did it.

That day when Kyungsoo confessed, he didn't sleep. Well, he can't sleep. His mind full of thoughts of Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo.

Even though the love of his life was beside him.

He thinks of Kyungsoo's cute laugh and his heart shaped lips, and maybe what would they tastes like.

He shakes his head, he needed sleep, he needs to clear his mind. All these weird thoughts confused him.

 

"She's fine as well."

They exchange their greetings and they both subtly found the awkwardness in the situation. But Kyungsoo tries to break it off. 

 

"I'd like to talk about something."

"Go ahead, hyung. I'm all ears." 

 

Kyungsoo feels nervous again, he didn't want to falter, but his heart was heavy again. 

 

He was gonna say goodbye to his best friend. 

 

and he was gonna let go.