Eunhyuk

“Memories are the only things that don't change when everything else does."

Donghae and I had planned to buy dinner for our back-up dancers who came with us during our D&E tour. They helped to fill the stage during our tour and our performances would not be as fun or interesting without them. Donghae was supposed to meet me by now but as always, he was late. This kid really had a bad sense of timing. As usual, since I was already ready, I headed up to the apartment to wait for Donghae there.

We lived in separate dorms but all of us had keys to each other’s dorm. Truthfully, both the dorms were our homes anyway. As I entered the upper dorm apartment, I noticed that there was no one in the living room. Heechul and Kangin were probably at work while Ryeowook… I glanced to the direction of Ryeowook’s room. I heard it then, a faint sound of someone singing. It was Ryeowook’s voice, he was singing a song.

Walking closer to Ryeowook’s room, the sound of his voice became clearer and louder now. Maybe it had been a long time since I heard Ryeowook sang but suddenly, it felt like the magnae’s voice was different. Ryeowook always had a clear, distinctive sweet and smooth voice. But this time, Ryeowook’s voice sounded a little hoarse, like his throat was in pain and he was struggling to sing.

“If I die young, bury in satin…”

It was an English song. I didn’t think I have ever heard the song before and so, I leaned against the wall as I listened quietly. I wasn’t an expert in any other language except my own and so I struggled to understand what the song was about. I understood four words though out of what Ryeowook had sung so far: If I die young. So it was a song about… Dying? Dying young? What kind of a song was that? It was a little weird but I shook it off as I continued listening to Ryeowook sing.

Ryeowook was always a professional singer who sung with full emotions in his voice and I felt every emotion through his voice. It felt raw and even if I couldn’t understand the lyrics, I felt the emotions in Ryeowook’s voice and it got me a little emotional. I didn’t even know why. His voice sounded so sad it almost broke my heart. An unsettling feeling overtook my senses and I began feeling uncomfortable. Finally, I decided to knock on Ryeowook’s door. Ryeowook stopped singing and glanced at me. He smiled and waved me to come in.

“Hey Wookie,” I greeted.

“Hyung,” Ryeowook grinned, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m here to meet Donghae. We’re going out for dinner and he’s running late. Again.” I told Ryeowook.

Ryeowook’s smile slowly faded. He shifted his gaze from me to his keyboard, fingers pressing a key or two randomly, “Oh… I see.”

“What were you doing just now?” I asked, curious. “I heard you singing some songs.”

“Yeah.” Ryeowook shrugged.

“If I die youngg ~ ” I repeated with my broken engrish language, playfully imitating his usual singing techniques whenever he sang a song.

Ryeowook scowled, “Hyung!”

I repeated this a couple of times and Ryeowook ended up smacking me faintly in the chest. But he was laughing with me so I thought he enjoyed it.

“Aish, you came up here to take Donghae out for dinner and then make fun of me.” Ryeowook accused me, pouting. “You’re mean.”

I playfully stuck my tongue out and Ryeowook chugged a pillow at me. I avoided it and laughed at Ryeowook’s annoyed expression.

“Donghae and I are just going to buy dinner for some of our dancers that came with us for our tour.” I explained noticing that Ryeowook sounded a little hurt about Donghae and I going to dinner. “Do you want to come with?”

Ryeowook looked like he was contemplating about this but then something happened. He abruptly stood up, his stool tipping over and then made a run for the bathroom. I blinked, confused and then followed him into the hallway. I heard him closing the bathroom door behind him and then the sound of him retching and vomiting.

“Ryeowook?” I called out. “Are you okay?”

I waited. I waited for ten long minutes and during that time, Donghae had joined me, coming out of his room all ready to head out. I pressed my fingers against my lips, whispering to Donghae to not say anything and then we waited for Ryeowook to stop vomiting. After some time, we finally heard the tap running and then the door slid opened.

“Hey, you okay?” Donghae asked worriedly.

Ryeowook’s fingers were white as he gripped onto his shirt. His eyes were red and glazed with tears. At that moment, he looked so sick that I reached out and wrapped an arm around his waist. Ryeowook didn’t push me away as I helped him back to