It has been exactly 4 months since we debut.

The hyungs have been, civil? I guess.

They're not exactly friendly with me.Kihyun-hyung likes to slap my head anytime I try to do something funny. Minhyuk-hyung still keeps his distance from me, Hyungwon-hyung speaks to me in phrases, Hyunwoo is just a silent presence and Jooheon only talks to me while working on raps. And Wonho-hyung? Well...

In front of the cameras, he laughs at my jokes and is all friendly with me. Sometimes even i forget he hates me. But when the cameras are turned off and there are no staff and fans around, that's when the torture begins.

Words like "you say all those , and i have tl force myself to laugh. It's exhausting, you know? If you cant be funny, just shut up!" or "you looked like an idiot on camera" are just some of the things Wonho says when we're back at the dorm. 

Right now, we're waiting backstage for our turn to practice our second title song 'Rush'. My right leg has been hurting for a while now, I already told the manager about it, and I've already seen the doctor. 

Actually,  I've been advised to rest my leg for a month, but I couldn't.  I didn't want to miss our promotions, and more importantly I didn't want the hyungs to think any lesser of me. 

It's stupid, i know. But i want them to see me for me. 

I'll dance and rap till my legs give out if i have to. I want them to accept me. I want them to look at me and think I belong in the group. 

I want to feel like I'm part of Monsta X. 

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The pre-recording was done, and we were getting off stage. All that jumping around made my leg feel worse, i couldn't even walk properly. Once off stage, i quickly told the manager to get me some pain-killers. The live broadcast would start in 2 hours, i cant be seen limping around.

Manager-hyung gave me some pills and took me to one of the empty stairwells so i could rest alone. He got me an ice pack for my leg to help ease some of the pain. I told him to go back to the others, and just make up an excuse as to why I was gone.

All alone, I thought that maybe this is the universe telling me i was doing the wrong thing. Maybe i wasn't meant to be an idol, that's why my leg got hurt. Maybe it's karma, because i took Gun's place. Or maybe the hyungs were all wishing I would be injured so that I'd be taken off the group.

All those thoughts kept swimming in my head, too caught up in my own self pity, it was too late when i noticed a familiar pair of shoes in front of me. The same shoes as mine only bigger. I looked up and saw the one person who i never wanted to see me in a sorry state. 

"W- wonho-hyung..."

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A/N: 

Dundun!!! so then what will happen to the Wonkyun ship? Will it finally start floating? Hurhur.... Also, it feels weird to write in the first person.... Ugh!!!! Comment below your thoughts... I love reading comments..  I also love replying to comments!  😝