A striped sweatshirt lay in a wrinkled heap beside Min Neul’s bed. It hadn’t been touched since she had flung it off of her body before changing into her bathing suit a day earlier. She put on that very hoodie every night before going to bed, and only took it off when she was either showering or swimming; it was her favorite. She had had it since February, and she had worn it every single day since. Once upon a time, the fleece inside the sleeves was soft and warm and it smelled just like Jonghyun. Over time, the fabric on the inside had started to pill, and it had disappointedly taken on the scent of Min Neul’s house. Min Neul loved it all the same, though. Every time she went to bed, she’d pull the hood up over her eyes and zipper it all the way up. Every time she wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, she could almost trick herself into believing she was in Jonghyun’s arms. But whenever she opened her eyes, baby-faced Jonghyun wasn’t smiling back at her. She did, however, see her arms covered in his soft, gray striped sweatshirt. Having a piece of Jonghyun was always better than none at all.

                Currently, that hoodie wasn’t bringing her the comfort it usually did. Min Neul stared down at it, her dark eyes narrow. She felt her fists clench at her sides. Inhaling air like it was power, she pulled her foot back and kicked the limp article of clothing under the bed with all the force in her body. She hoped to forget about it, letting it sit there and collect dust until the fibers of the hoodie had broken down into dust themselves. Then maybe by the time they had left this house and a new vacationer had inhabited it, it could be swept up with a broom and carried away with the wind. Or at the very least, thrown away.

                Anger was a drum beating away in her body. She could feel the steady beats in her chest, shortening her lung capacity and increasing her heart rate. It blurred her vision. It gave her a headache. Some heartless person had pushed the replay button, because it looped over and over in her mind. It echoed in every corner of her brain, jumbling all of her thoughts. There was no way to think clearly now. The only clear thought she had was a scarlet image of Jonghyun’s smiling face burning in imaginary flames. The flames flickered in time with the drum beat. A knife stabbed her heart in time with the drumbeat.

                The drumbeat was so loud in her ears that she didn’t even hear the footsteps creep up behind her. “Hey,” a voice said softly. At least, the voice sounded soft to her. It could have been screamed at her for all she knew; she couldn’t hear anything except the furious beat of that damn drum. Fists still clenched at her side and eyes still set to kill, she whipped her head around.

                Changhyun.

                “Hey,” he said softly again, taking a step closer to her. “Are you okay?”

                Min Neul dropped her gaze. Well, let’s see. Once upon a time, she fell in love with a celebrity named Changjo. And by some miracle that she still could not comprehend. She met him. And by an even bigger miracle, he stopped being Changjo, Teen Top’s powerful main dancer, and became Jonghyun, the boy with a sweet smile and tender kiss. She cared about him more than anyone and anything else in the entire world. He was her life. And he had just taken a shotgun to her heart and shot round after round until there was nothing left but a bleeding, mangled mass of devotion. “What do you think?”

                “Okay, I know you’re not okay,” Changhyun muttered. He was fumbling with his words. Heartbreak was unfamiliar to him. He had no idea what to say to a girl who had just had her heart ripped out. He had a sinking feeling that this was all his fault. “And, look…I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

                “Sorry?” Min Neul repeated. The word sounded bitter in , like a piece of candy that had gone bad. “What are you sorry about?”

                “Telling you about Jonghyun and Kirin,” Changhyun shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I could have kept my mouth shut, but I just wanted to get back at Jonghyun for accusing me of flirting with you.”

                Min Neul swallowed hard. “No, I’m glad you told me.” Her voice cracked under the pressure of her anger. “I’m…I’m glad I know the truth about him.”

                Changhyun sighed. “No, I really shouldn’t have told you. It was a big deal when it happened, but ever since you came into Jonghyun’s life, he’s regretted it. I was just so mad at him and I thought that if I could make you made at him, it would be the ultimate revenge.” His chubby cheeks turned pink. “I was just angry. I wasn’t even thinking about how it would make you feel.”

                Min Neul shook her head. She felt her eyes sting with tears. “It’s okay,” she sniffed. “I needed to know.”

                Changhyun sighed. “Come here,” he said, opening his arms. Min Neul didn’t hesitate to fit herself inside of them. She pressed her face against Changhyun’s shoulder and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Something didn’t feel right. Hugging Changhyun didn’t feel the same as hugging Jonghyun did. But right now, Min Neul didn’t care who she was hugging as long as she was hugging someone. She felt like shrinking away into the air; the body she was pressed against was the only thing keeping her from doing so.

                Changhyun wasn’t surprised that Min Neul had hugged him so quickly—he was more surprised at himself for initiating it. He’d never hugged a girl like this before. He’d never felt a girl cling into him and bury her face in his shoulder. And he especially never held a girl like this when she was crying. For a second, he stiffened up. Then, he relaxed. He rubbed Min Neul’s back and thought about what he should say next.

                He had made a bigger mess than the time he and Daniel knocked over the fish tank in the dorm. For a short period of time, they had had a rectangular tank of three little goldfish. He and Daniel had been wrestling, though, and knocked it right over. The glass had shattered and the water had gone everywhere. Their managers had luckily saved the fish, only to bring them back to the store the next day. The two boys had felt terrible about it because cleaning up the broken glass and colorful pebbles had been quite a task. The managers cleaned it up because they didn’t want the boys to hurt themselves. Changhyun could remember watching them painstakingly gather the tiny shards of glass, wishing he had been more careful. He wished he could have rewound time and stopped himself from getting too carried away. That nagging feeling was back, but this time it wasn’t the lives of three little goldfish on the line. It was Min Neul’s heart.

                Changhyun sighed. He could feel his anger towards Jonghyun shrink farther and farther away. He knew he had made a big mistake. Min Neul, one of his best friends, was heartbroken and it was all his fault. Whatever he had once felt for her, he couldn’t possibly feel anymore. She loved Jonghyun. And it pained Changhyun to see her cry over him. He wanted nothing more than to take back his words and go back to a time when Min Neul and Jonghyun were happy again. “I shouldn’t have told you. I should have waited for Jonghyun to tell you. Or you should have not found out at all. It was a stupid mistake that Jonghyun made a long time ago. Okay?”

                “I’m not mad that he did it,” Min Neul sniffed, “I’m mad that he never told me. I’m mad that I had to find out about it through you. I’m mad that I’ve been living a lie this entire time.” She took her head off of Changhyun’s shoulder and looking him in the eyes. “He told me I was his first girlfriend. He told me I was the first girl he ever loved. He told me I was his first kiss. It was all bull!”

                “No, it’s not,” Changhyun answered. “You are his first girlfriend. And he didn’t love Kirin. He loves you.”

                Min Neul’s bottom lip quivered. “He doesn’t love me if he lied to me.”

                “Yes I do.”

                Changhyun and Min Neul snapped their necks around to find the source of the mystery voice. Standing in the doorframe was pale-faced, weak-bodied, broken-hearted Jonghyun.

                Min Neul tore away from Changhyun. Her eyes were narrow and her face turned red hot. “You never loved me!” she cried.

                “Yes I did!” Jonghyun cried desperately. “Just give me a chance to explain myself!”

                “No!” Min Neul protested “I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear anything you say! You’re a liar! All this ing time you let me believe I was your first love and I was your first kiss and I really wasn’t! I wasn’t any of that stuff to you!”

                “You mean everything to me!” Jonghyun shouted back.

                Min Neul let out a loud cry. She pushed against Jonghyun’s chest, trying to shove him. “THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU LIE TO ME, GOD DAMMIT?”

                “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, THAT’S WHY!” Jonghyun yelled, the veins on his neck popping.

                “BULL!” Min Neul shouted. “IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDN’T HAVE LIED TO ME!” She was dangerously close to clawing Jonghyun’s eyes out. Changhyun had to jump in and hold Min Neul back, or else she would have unleashed her bottled-up fury. She didn’t let Changhyun stop her. She kept walking towards Jonghyun. “I’m not the only girl you’ve ever loved, and I’m not the only girl you’ve ever kissed! And you know what?” Her face was inches away from Jonghyun’s. Her voice was low and her eyes were fierce. “You’re not the only boy I’ve ever kissed either.”

                In one hot minute, Min Neul reached out and gripped Changhyun’s shirt. She took shot Jonghyun one last glare before she pulled Changhyun close, locked eyes onto him, and crashed her lips against his. She squeezed her eyes shut so she couldn’t see the hot tears roll down Jonghyun’s face. She didn’t see his eyes magnify in horror as he watched the girl he loved kiss his best friend right in front of him. She might as well have taken a dagger to his chest. A few satisfying moments later, Min Neul took her lips off Changhyun’s. She loosened her tight grip on his shirt and her lips. Changhyun’s kiss tasted like revenge.

                Jonghyun stumbled backwards, his eyes still wide with horror. “Min Neul,” he said softly. “How…how could you…?”

                Min Neul scoffed. “How could I? Jonghyun, how could you?” She pushed a very stunned Changhyun away from her and turned to face Jonghyun. She tilted her head and innocently asked, “How’s it feel?”

                Jonghyun’s blood boiled. “I cannot believe you just did that right in front of me!” he cried. “Baby…” He was reaching out to grab Min Neul by the shoulders.

                “Don’t touch me!” Min Neul shouted, jumping back and slapping his hands away. “Don’t you ing touch me!”

                Suddenly the bedroom door was kicked open, interrupting the cussing and shouting. Standing in the doorway was wavy-haired Daniel. “ENOGUH!” Daniel commanded, stepping into the room and between the couple that had once not been able to take their hands off of each other. Once everyone had shut up, he glanced back and forth between them before scolding both of them with an authoritative voice. “Now both of you better listen to me. I’m sick of all the fighting. We are going to fix this and we are going to fix it now. Do we all need a reminder that Byunghun is missing? I’m pretty sure that’s because of all the fighting that’s going on. Now both of you, stop screaming at each other so we can talk this out calmly. Understand?”

                Min Neul was still set to kill. Jonghyun was still shaking. They were both silent. Daniel nodded. “Thank you,” he said in his normal tone of voice. He cleared his throat before beginning again. He wasn’t used to being in charge; that was Minsoo’s job. He’d rather follow than lead. But desperate times called for desperate measures, and this was definitely a desperate time. He held up his finger, signaling everyone to hold on a moment. He turned around and walked towards the door. He closed it, and locked it. Changhyun gasped. Daniel held up his finger again. “Nobody leaves until we figure this problem out. Understood?”

                Changhyun, who was still blushing, stepped closer to Daniel. “But she’s going to murder Jonghyun!” he hissed.

                “No she’s not,” Daniel promised in a soft voice. “She’s not leaving this room until she kisses and makes up with Jonghyun.” He cleared his throat, indicating that he was going to speak again. “Now. You are both going to get a chance to speak. You are going to calmly explain how you feel. CALMLY! Okay?”

                “Yes!” Jonghyun agreed desperately.

                Min Neul crossed her arms over her chest. She glared at Jonghyun. “Fine, whatever.”

                “Good,” Daniel nodded with a smile. “Jonghyun, why don’t you go first?”

                Min Neul was about to protest, but something held her back. Changhyun. He put a hand on her shoulder and silently begged her with his eyes to let him speak. She only obeyed him because if she opened , she’d just start sobbing all over again.

                Jonghyun took a deep breath. He looked right at Min Neul when he spoke. It pained him to see her so upset because of something he caused. He never wanted to see her cry. He wanted to be the one to stop her from crying. The one she could depend on. He knew he had completely lost her trust, which was the worst thing he could ever lose.

                Scratch that.

                Her love was.

                Watching Min Neul grab Changhyun and kiss him like that was the most painful thing he had ever experienced before. He had felt his heart completely rip in two, weak pieces. The only person he ever wanted her to grab like that and kiss like that was him. But she wouldn’t even listen to him let alone kiss him. It took all of the strength in his body to open his mouth and finally speak.

                “Min Neul, look…before I knew you, I used to like Kirin. A lot, actually. I used to try to flirt with her but I knew she wasn’t interested. I still couldn’t stop liking her, though. And one day I just couldn’t help myself and I asked her to do be a really big favor and get my first kiss over and done with. She didn’t want to do it, but she did anyway. And I was afraid of Byunghun-hyung finding out, so I didn’t tell anyone. After a while, I decided to tell Changhyun, because he’s my best friend. And he swore not to tell anyone. So everyone just kept thinking that I hadn’t gotten my first kiss yet. So when I met you, and I was dared to kiss you for the first time, everyone thought that was my first kiss.

                I couldn’t tell everyone right then and there that I had kissed Kirin! Byunghun would have heard! And he would have been mad at her. And that made me feel terrible. I didn’t want you to find out either because I thought you would be mad at Kirin too. And worst of all, I thought you wouldn’t like me anymore. And I really, really liked you. I still do. I wasn’t lying when I said you were my first girlfriend or when I said you were my first love. I admit it, I lied to you about my first kiss. But I only did it to keep you. And now that I have you, I feel like I’m losing you.” He swallowed hard, his eyes wet with tears all over again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

                All eyes were on Min Neul now. She tightened the grip she had on her arms and sniffed. She remained silent.

                Daniel was the one to break the silence. “Min Neul? Do you have something to say?”

                She sniffed again. Her nose had turned red from all the crying and her eyes were bloodshot from both the lack of sleep last night and the endless supply of tears she seemed to have. “I just feel like I can’t even trust you,” she began in a shaky voice. “I mean…it just hurts to know that you didn’t tell me any of this. You could have just told me you kissed Kirin, I wouldn’t have been mad at her or you. I’m just mad that you’ve been keeping it a secret from me for so long. Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you just going to keep it a secret forever? I don’t hide anything from you, Jonghyun. I tell you everything. You always know what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, and what I want. I hate dishonesty in a relationship, I hate it! You’re supposed to be the one person I could trust with my life if I had to.” She wiped her eyes with her hands. “How do I know if I can still trust you?”

                Jonghyun his lips. “I’ll show you.” He took a few steps forward, locked his arms around Min Neul and pulled her close to him. His lips landed perfectly on her’s. For a moment she resisted, but Jonghyun was too strong for her. She stopped fighting it and let herself go limp. Jonghyun held her even tighter, a silent promise that he wasn’t going to let her go. She understood completely. There was no fighting it. She was angry as hell at him, but she was a er for his kisses. She was practically melting in his grasp. She kissed him back. Hard. Passionately.

                Forgivingly.

                She barely heard the collective gasp around her. This time, it wasn’t because anger was beating in her head like a drum. It was because she was paying attention to no one but Jonghyun. No one else in the world existed except Jonghyun. No one else mattered, anyway.

                Jonghyun let the kiss go. When he opened his eyes, Min Neul was staring wide-eyed at him. A small tear slid from the corner of her eye. Jonghyun reached it up to wipe it away. “For the hundredth time, I’m sorry. Do you forgive me?” he asked softly.

                Ever so slowly, Min Neul nodded.

                “I believe my work here is done,” Daniel stated with a nod. He unlocked the door and motioned for Changhyun to follow him out. Changhyun closed the door behind him, leaving Min Neul and Jonghyun alone. Min Neul didn’t even notice them leave. Her eyes were locked onto Jonghyun’s tear-soaked baby face gazing down at her with sorrowful eyes.

                “I’m sorry,” Jonghyun said gently. “I shouldn’t have let you believe that you were my first kiss for so long. That was unfair. I should have told you right from the start. I’m sorry.”

                Min Neul reached up and touched Jonghyun’s light brown hair. She ran her fingers through it the way she always did. She looked straight at his beautiful, dark, teary eyes. “I don’t care who your first kiss was as long as I’m your last.”

                For the first time today, a pearly white smile broke out on Jonghyun’s face. He beamed at Min Neul, the only girl in the world he would do anything for. If she wanted the moon, he’d find a way to capture it for her. But right now, all she wanted was to be Jonghyun’s last kiss. Luckily for her, he knew just how to grant that wish.

                At that very moment, the door to the bedroom flew open once again. “BYUNGHUN’S BACK!” Changhyun cried at the top of his lungs before darting away from the door and down the hallway.

                “What?” Changhyun cried, a huge smile creeping on his face. Even Min Neul’s face light up. The glanced at each other and shared an excited smile before tearing away from each other and spring out the door—hand in hand, of course.

                Min Neul and Jonghyun ran through the hallway and to the foyer, where a crowd had gathered. Sure enough, orange-haired Byunghun stood with his back slouched, his hands stuffed in his sweatshirt pockets. I was beside him, my arm looped through Byunghun’s. No one had lit up more than Chanhee had. He threw his arms around Byunghun’s neck and hugged him tightly, muttering something softly about how worried he was and how great it was to have him back.

                “Byunghun!” my mother exclaimed, running into the room. She gave him a warm squeeze. “Don’t you ever scare us like that again, do you hear me?”

                “Yes,” Byunghun squeaked, fearing there was much more scolding in the near future.

                As if on cue, Uncle Sunho and my father came barging into the room. “Lee Byunghun,” my uncle boomed, the loudest I’d ever heard my uncle. Byunghun looked up at my uncle with nervous eyes, knowing exactly what was coming. Uncle Sunho motioned for Byunghun to follow him and my father. “Lee Byunghun, you’re in a world of trouble, do you hear me? Upstairs. Now.”

                Byunghun went white. He bowed a perfect ninety-degree bow. “Yes, sir,” he squeaked before sprinting up the stairs.

                My father and uncle their heels to march up the stairs and scream their heads off at Byunghun. Before they got very far, though, I grabbed onto their arms. They both abruptly turned around. “Please, go easy on him,” I whispered softly. “You don’t know what he’s been through.”