Trigger warning: Contains topics of suicide and death [of a minor character]

A flash of lightning lit up the dark sky. A few seconds later a long, low rumble of thunder drowned out the consistent growling of the motor and the splashes of water as the bow broke through the strong current pushing against the motion of the speed boat. A young woman stood to one side, white around the knuckles as she clutched tightly onto the rims bordering the boat, squinting to try and make sense of the hazy downpour that had hindered their advancement.

Then, in the distance, she could start to make out the structure of the Mapo daegyo, its massive length extending from the Mapo-gu (district) to Yeongdeungpo-gu. Wiping the few drenched locks out of her face she turned to alert the team leader, and by proxy the rest of the team, before once again turning her sight out to the storm. Her eyes scanned the length of the bridge, trying to distinguish shadows and other structures from what mattered most, the jumpers.

Her heart was beating erratically in her chest, the pounding in her head almost drowning out the rest of the noise. Her eyes snapped at every minute disturbance, her muscles tensing with every ticking second.

Her ears perked at the sudden addition of cracking static, at the same time something from the far left plunged into the cold depths of the river. Her blood ran cold and she scrambled to the port side of the boat shining her torch with the rest of the team at the turbulent water. The boat turned. She turned her light farther downstream with another co-worker inching to the left while her mate did the same in the opposite direction.

Confused and frustrated shouts soon overruled the motor noise and crashing rain, her mutterings of frustration mixing into the buzz. As precious minutes ticked by she continued to wave her light around, the hope in her dwindling and the adrenalin easing away to hopelessness.

A shout to her back had her scrambling along the wet floor, nearly slipping midway. She reached the other side just as two of her team jumped overboard, fighting against the current to keep afloat and reach the dark mop quickly being carried away by the river. She shone her light, guiding her fellow member, grasping at the rope loosely as not to hinder her mate but at the same time brought comfort to know there would be one less soul lost to the depth of the dark water. The lack of movement from the float some was not lost on her and she felt a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Pulling their team mates back on board took a large amount of strength, more so than usual due to the strong current and the unforgiving Mother Nature. When they were near enough she let go of the rope, reaching out to grasp onto the soaking cloth. The rest of the team on board grabbed which ever limb or cloth they could get a reach off and together they hauled the still body on the deck while their two divers staggered on board and collapsed into a heaving heap.

One of them checked for breathing, another a pulse. The grim look on their faces told her what she didn’t want to know. She turned her head away as one of them began chest compressions.

There were no congratulatory words that evening. There was only the sound of the sky weeping, the monotonous hum of the motor and the mute shattering of the chipping souls of those on board.

Changed into dry clothes Yuri lifelessly stumbled over to the warm den where the rest of the crew were sitting around, trying to get warmth back into their cool skin. An old veteran stood secluded near the window, his dark eyes staring out to the dwindling storm, his lips moving in mute prayer. The two divers were huddled around a portable heater, mugs of black coffee clutched in their hands like it was the life giving wine that would heal all wounds and pains. One of them looked up and met her eyes. He nodded his head and gave a tired smile at the worried look she gave him.

A warm mug was pressed into her hands. She turned her attention to the newbie she was partnered with. The guy was just a year younger than her and she bonded well with him, better than the others, despite only knowing each other for a little under a year. Maybe it was because of their shared interest in music and the arts, or maybe because they quickly learned to lean on each other for strength during particularly painful missions. Whatever the reason Yuri liked the guy.

“Thank you, Jiwon-ah.” She said, taking a careful sip of the coffee. Jiwon managed a shaky smile, his eyes darting to observe the veteran then to the two divers.

“It’s the least I can do, Noona.” He said quietly, as if not to disturb the solemn air.

Yuri reached out to grasp the side of his shoulder, squeezing them in a friendly manner. She managed to pull up a smile of her own despite the fact that she can barely find a little cheer in her at the moment. The pale, limp body was too fresh in her mind. She doesn’t say a word, not really knowing what was the right or wrong thing to say.

Everyone that has ever been with the water rescue unit knew as a general fact that there was never really a joyous occasion in the line of duty. The jumpers were never too grateful to the ones pulling them out, most would even do anything they can to resist the pull by either thrashing about or try to pull themselves loose. These were the ones who were set on giving up on life. It was a dreary thought, but the truth none the less.

The non-survivors were the hardest to pull out of the water, not because of the physical weight but more of the mentally draining one. The ones that they couldn’t get to in time, like the floater they had to scoop out just an hour earlier. The ones who’ve left their family and friends behind, believing that everything would be better once they’re gone.

Yuri never understood what was going on in their minds during the time they stood on the other end of the bridge, staring out at the dark water. What could be so bad that they could easily spread their arms open to the beckoning of death?

She felt a pinch in her chest, tightening to restrict the airflow. A hand shot up to the ring around her neck, fiddling with the cool, smooth edge of the plain silver band. She breathed a little easier.

“Noona? Are you alright?” Jiwon’s voice lured her out of her thoughts. She waved a dismissive hand, smiling crookedly at the man.

“I just need some rest. The rain’s starting to lighten up, better get going while we still can. It might pick up again later.”

Jiwon nodded his head. “I’ll stick around for a little bit, see the hyung’s out before I go.”

Yuri hummed distractedly, her thoughts already on the road trip back home. She lifted a hand in goodbye, patting the backs of the two guys curled over the heater and bowing to those on the night shift as she headed out.

Yuri entered the dark apartment, lazily slipping off her shoes at the entryway and shoving them somewhere to the side. Dragging her sock clad feet over the wooden floor boards she began sloughing off her slightly drenched clothes until she was left in only her undergarments. She used her shirt to dry the wetness out of her hair as she blindly made her way across the hallway and into the laundry room, dumping her clothes to where she guessed was the general direction of the hamper. She moved to the opposite room, where a white light faintly glowed from the small crack under the door. A light push of the door had it silently swinging inwards and she paused just long enough for her eyes to acclimate to the small night light at the side of the queen sized bed.

A memory of the day she had plugged in the sunflower designed night light brought a warm sensation bursting from her chest. She remembered the day clearly, driving to the nearest store and browsing an array of night lights while getting amused looks from the other customers and employees. She had laughed off the looks she received.

She shuffled, nearly noiselessly, to the sliding closet and picked out an oversized shirt and a pair of basketball shorts from the top of the folded pile. Dressed comfortably now, she made her way to the bed where a lump rested on one side, huddled into a foetal position. She climbed over on her side, slipping into the covers before shuffling closer to the lump.

A soft whine had instantly lifted whatever was left of her sombre spirit and she snuggled closer to the smaller brunette feebly fighting her way out of the cage that was Yuri’s lanky limbs. The brunette stopped struggling after a few seconds and made a small sound of discomfort before kicking her legs free from the covers to make up for the warmth. The woman sighed, letting Yuri fully pull her into her embrace.

Yuri buried her nose into the smooth, silky brown hair, inhaling the calming fragrance of jasmine and vanilla. With the assistance of the night light, Yuri stared fondly at the sleeping woman. If someone had told her two years before that she would return home and have all her troubling and confuzzled thoughts instantly vanishing, she would have scoffed and rolled her eyes at them.

But then, two years ago she had stared at the back of the brunette’s head of whom was standing at the edge of a 20 story building, staring blankly out to the gathering crowd at the base of the building. Clad in a pressed office uniform, the makeup she wore had done a wonderful job of hiding the stress from her work. Looking at her physical appearance no one would have been able to tell that this young pencil pusher had been buried deep in silent anguish. When she had looked over her shoulder at Yuri’s call a shiver ran down Yuri’s spine at the dead brown eyes that stared right through her.

Her senior stood at the other side of the woman, sending Yuri a disgruntled look while taking tentative steps closer to the woman. She was just an inch away from the edge. In retrospect, it was an odd observation but Yuri had noticed that a pair of flat tops, so out of place with the woman’s overall style, was arranged at the bottom of the ledge with the toes pointing inwards- as if she would be slipping them back on later. The way her eyes looked, though, indicated otherwise, not if someone didn’t stop her.

She spared her senior a quick glance before taking a small, tentative step forward. She ignored the warning look her senior had given her and focused only on the brown eyes that were gradually regaining focus. The woman’s lips turned downwards, but she remained motionless. Not wanting to spook her Yuri extended a hand out slowly. She smiled at the woman invitingly, her grin widening slightly when the woman moved her curious staring from her face to her hand.

“Hey. Hi there.” She began, her voice soft yet loud enough to reach the woman. “It’s a pretty clear day today, huh? Nice for a picnic or a cup of coffee in a café, don’t you think so?” The brunette continued staring at her offered hand, this time she was chewing on her bottom lip as if contemplating the objective of the friendliness of this stranger’s tone.

“Won’t you come down from there and step back here with me? I don’t know about you but heights aren’t my thing.” She joked, still watching the brunette’s face for any reaction. It had earned her a small, quirk of the lips. Her heart skipped. That was a really good sign.

She tried to reach her hand out further without really stepping any closer. “So can you come down? Want to talk it over?” she offered. If there was one thing from the lectures and training she had to sit through that really stuck, it was that people in risk of suicide would want to share their thoughts and burdens with other people. It was the cumulative levels of stress and destructive angry thoughts that push them to, literally, stand on the edge. They needed someone that would listen to them. It was a saddening thought to Yuri who was practically an open book, and she was more than willing to lend an ear to these lost souls.

“What’s to talk about?” She had uttered softly, dropping her gaze from Yuri’s hand to the grey concrete of the roof.

“Lots. People love to talk, like… say about puppies.” Yuri had said on the spot. She shot a brief glance to her senior, she grimaces at the look of exasperation on his face. Talking to the victim was originally his part after all, he had more experience under his belt talking people down. But seeing the woman stare down the ledge, an unusual sight as women generally preferred clean and dramatic exits rather than grand and messy ones, Yuri acted before thinking things through.

It took the woman a moment before a short, soft bark of laugher broke her expressionless face. Yuri resisted giving her senior a smug smile for making the woman laugh. It was not the best time, she mentally reminded herself. Her eyes strayed back to the woman’s lax body language. She wanted to reach out so badly, grab the woman by her wrist, her waist; she’ll even go for the legs just to get her away from danger, even if she had to man-handle the brunette herself.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” she prodded gently, keeping a critical eye on the woman’s body language. She let one hand subtly brush against the safety line attached to her and tried to keep the rigidness of her body from showing. Even with the safety on, she was sweating bullets, unlike the eerily calm brunette.

The brunette chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully, her eyes averting back to the ground 20 stories below her. Yuri felt her breath hitch and her body jerking forward at the slightest movement from the woman. “Anything you want to get off your chest?” she shot desperately. Seeing her senior in right about the same state as she was- he was afraid at that point that any noise from his side might propel the woman into action- provided no comfort to her. She had no prior experience in this, only watched and acted as support for her senior. Dealing with this gave her a rush of adrenalin, which was great for quick reactions, but was not so with trying to come up with ways to make conversation. It had muddled her mind that she found herself speaking before her thought process could properly go through the words leaving her lips.

“What’s your name?” Her eyes widened. She glanced unsurely to her senior, who gave her a nod of the head to continue.

“Yuri. And yourself?”

She didn’t answer right away. Her head slowly rose, now looking at the view of the city the rooftop gave her rather than the pavement down below. “Yuri-ssi… tell me, how can someone remain positive when everything around you just seems ready to crumble?”

“Well..” she took another glance at her senior “I try to look for even the tiniest good and start from there.”

“What if you can’t? What if everything just goes to and no matter what you do it won’t change the fact that everything is ? We can’t always find the good in everything. Real life isn’t that easy.”

“It can be.” She heard her senior hiss at her to shut . She was already beating herself up in her head. She didn’t mean to sound insensitive, but she had little hold of at the time being. “I mean… yeah life isn’t always easy. And we’ll always be challenged by something, but by changing the way you see things you may be able to pick out the good in the circumstance and focus on that instead of the bad. Then we’ll eventually slip out of the rut a little more experienced. A little more stronger..”

“I envy your optimism.” She said, her voice unenthusiastic that Yuri couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not. She grinned anyway. She really did try to always be optimistic, it was just her personality to be so.

“So…” she took a small step forward, her hand still outstretched. She stared at the brunette, her eyes projecting the hope she held in her that the woman would reconsider whatever her initial plan was and take her hand. “may I know your name?”

Yuri rubbed her thumb over the soft, rosy cheeks. She leaned forward, pressing a long kiss on the brunettes forehead, then lowered her head and did the same on the tip of her nose. The woman scrunched her nose at the ticklish sensation, her eyelids fluttering open. Yuri lightly chuckled at the dazed look on the brunette and leaned in to place a quick kiss on the pink lips jutted out onto a small pout. “It’s just me. Go back to sleep Sica-yah.” She cooed, rubbing the pad of her thumb under Jessica’s eye, brushing away the star dusts from the corner of her eye.

Jessica mutters something in sleepy gibberish. An arm uncurls from her chest and she reaches out to slide it over Yuri’s waist. She lets it dangle over her lower back, randomly tracing circles between her shoulder blades that she knows is a spot that calms her partner’s mind. Jessica shifts to snuggle closer and sniffed, for what Yuri knew was an odor check, her lips pulling into a satisfied smile a moment later. Yuri was glad she had that long, steamy shower before she left; otherwise she was sure Jessica would send her out of the bed to either bathe or sleep on the couch.

She stared a little longer at the porcelain doll face, her eyes tracing the thin pinkish lips, the small whips of her eyelashes against her face, to the small beauty mark on her left cheek. She was perfection, and Yuri had no doubt in her proclamation. She slips her right arm under Jessica’s neck, burying her fingers through soft, brown locks, and pulled Jessica’s head closer to her chest. She felt more than heard the contented sigh of the woman as she settled in a way that her ear was pressed close to Yuri’s left chest, listening to the steady beat of her heart.

Yuri chuckled when her sights fell onto the pair of white legs fully sticking out of their shared blanket. She reached with one leg, trying to pull Jessica’s legs back into the blanket. She yelped when Jessica, annoyed by the heat and Yuri’s playfulness, bit down on her shoulder.

“Sica..” Yuri whined, rubbing her cheek against Jessica’s forehead, messing up the small strands of her growing fringe.

Jessica groans, pulling an eyelid back to send her partner a warning look. “Stop moving or get out of bed.” She orders curtly, not liking it in the least that Yuri was purposely keeping her from sleep.

“But Sica-yah, I have something I need to tell you.”

“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” Jessica mutters, turning away to try and ignore the noise that is Yuri.

“But it’s important that you know.” Yuri continues, inching closer to pull Jessica back into her arms.

“Fine.” Jessica sighs. She keeps her back to Yuri though. “What is it?”

“You have to face me first. It really is important.”

Jessica huffs irately but complies. The faster she complies with the request the faster she can go back to blissful sleep. Once she turns over she hums her question.

“Open your eyes.” Jessica rolls her eyes at the request. “I can see your eyes rolling you know.”

“Kwon Yuri, spit it out. I want to go back to sleep.”  She whines, flinging her arms over Yuri’s shoulder and rests her forehead right up Yuri’s throat. She can feel the vibrations of Yuri’s chuckle against her forehead and she too lets out a few giggles.

“Okay, okay. Jessica…”

“Hm?”

Yuri fondly pats the soft brown locks. “I love you.”

And Yuri knows she’s done good when she feels Jessica’s arms constrict around her and hears a contented sigh coming from the smaller brunette. “I love you more than anything in this world.”

She feels Jessica’s lips press lightly against the middle of her collarbones, the spot tingling with warmth. She cuddles her, inhaling the comforting scent of jasmine and vanilla. A smile is plastered on both their faces as they surrender to the beckoning’s of sleep, knowing that in the future, whatever comes their way, they will always have faith that the other will be right beside them.

And that was enough.

~~~

A/N: I was watching a couple of Youtube video's when I came across a topic about depression and suicide. I just want to address this issue real quick, bare with me. As often as it is being used in writing[fiction] this is not something that should be talked about lightly. Depression is not something that a person can switch on and off like a switch, words alone can't pull someone out of this problem. Sometimes it takes years for a person to realise they're even suffering from this debilitating condition, and even then the people around them won't even notice if they don't want them to. Anything, and I mean anything, can set it off.

To those suffering from this condition, please, don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone, and you definitely aren't a waste of space. You are just as important as every single being on this planet, no matter what your devil tells you. You're loved by your family and friends and they will not think lowly of you if you reach out to them. It's a long process to climb out of the hole you've dug yourself into but persevere, ignore the negative thoughts and listen to the positives. It's well worth it.

On another note, guess who's sick? Yeah, this idiot right here. Been feeling light headed for the whole week and had trouble concentrating-- even in writing. Urgh!

Scribs out