Novels often romanticize first times; according to novels, first times are supposed to feel like magic, like the relief of , like an experience which lifts them from the ground and launches them into a different realm.

But it wasn’t quite like that in real life, Yewon realized. It was not the “explosion of passion” that happens when a married couple sleeps together for the first time when Seungcheol and Yewon finally consummated. There was restraint on Seungcheol’s part, which in turn made her tense which resulted in quite the awkward interaction.

Although she tried not to, she found herself comparing the two brothers: they were very different, and Soonyoung was, by a long way, more keen and therefore more able to make the experience pleasurable.

She tried to shake away those comparisons; it was disgraceful and weird, she thought, to think of anyone who was not her husband as better in bed, let alone her brother-in-law. But her husband’s brother was the only point of comparison she had, and she couldn’t help it.

When it was finished and Seungcheol collapsed on the pillow beside her, Yewon was relieved that it was over. She opened her eyes (which stayed closed throughout the experience), and turned to him.

Seungcheol rubbed his forehead, obviously uncomfortable about the way it turned out. Afraid that this awkward encounter would affect the good relationship that was forming between them, Yewon felt the need to not let the silence drag on for too long.

“Thank you,” she said, turning to her side to face him.

“For what?” Seungcheol murmured in between his breaths, “I couldn’t do anything for you.” He seemed regretful about that.

“You did all you needed to. I only care about getting pregnant.”

He let out a sigh and continued rubbing his forehead, and it was only then that Yewon really paid attention to Seungcheol’s bare skin. As her eyes had been closed, she hadn’t noticed just how many bruises and scars he had all over his body. One notable one was the bruise on his arm which she remembered from when he was a prisoner in Galacia. Wanting something to talk about as to not prolong the awkward silence, she asked him about it.

“Does it hurt,” she asked, hesitantly pointing to it.

“Not anymore,” he answered after glancing at where she was pointing.

“How did you get it?”

“It was when I was taken hostage, one of your soldiers slashed my arm as punishment for not cooperating,” Seungcheol answered.

Talking about something else besides what had just transpired between seemed to help bring down the tension, she thought. Yewon was eager to keep it going, eager to distract both herself and him from the uncomfortable experience and restore their former state. She wasn’t going to let awkward tension undo the development of their relationship, and so her eyes scanned him for something else to talk about.

Seungcheol’s body had a lot of scars, so it wasn’t hard to find something. There were a lot of recent marks on his skin, probably from his time as a hostage, but there were also some that were clearly much older than that. She saw the beginning of quite a visible scar over his upper chest, the majority of it hidden under the covers of his bed. She pulled down the covers slightly to expose more of it.

“Where did you get this one from?” she asked him as she hesitantly traced her finger over it. “It looks like it could have been fatal.” It was right over where his heart was.

“It should have been fatal,” Seungcheol replied stiffly. “I wish it was.”

“Tell me more about it,” she requested, pulling her hand back.

“It was in a battle,” he answered. “You know that I fought in one…”

“… after Solbin died?”

“Yes,” Seungcheol answered. “After she died,” he said thoughtfully.

“Wonwoo told me,” Yewon remembered, “that after she was murdered, you fought in the battle because you wanted to die.”

Seungcheol nodded. “Yes. That’s where it came from.”

“But how?” Yewon asked with narrowed eyes as she imagined someone pointing a blade to his chest. “Armor should have protected at least your chest.”

“I took off my armor,” Seungcheol revealed. “I wanted to die, remember?”

Yewon bit her lower lip; she couldn’t understand wanting to die, and the thought scared her a little. She couldn’t imagine willingly going through pain and suffering just to end one’s life, and she realized just how little she was able to empathize with him, and just how much sorrow he had in his heart to put himself through that.

“It’s amazing how you survived that,” Yewon said.

“I survived because of Jeonghan,” Seungcheol revealed. “He fought beside me and kept me alive, and killed the enemy who did it before he could drive the blade deeper,” Seungcheol recalled. The memory seemed to trigger him a little; she saw Seungcheol’s eyes wander as he said it.

Yewon didn’t want him to wander, and so she quickly said, “seems like it’s quite the symbolic scar for you then,” Yewon noted. “You got it because you were brokenhearted for Solbin, but it didn’t kill you because someone else had prevented it from going too deep, someone you also loved.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Seungcheol replied in a daze, still looking unsettled by the conversation. Yewon felt that it was best to stop bringing up his deceased lovers, afraid he would close her out because of how personal the conversation was becoming.

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” Yewon said. “I’m glad it didn’t kill you.”

“You shouldn’t be glad,” Seungcheol said. “If it had killed me, you’d probably be married to Soonyoung right now. At least he’d know how to properly pleasure a woman.” Yewon internally grumbled that he brought it up again, just when they were both starting to move on from thinking about it.

“That’s not important, you know,” Yewon said quickly, trying to change the subject. “A king’s job is to protect his people, not pleasure a woman…”

“Well unfortunately, I fail at that too,” Seungcheol said.

Yewon opened to argue with him, but she hesitated when she realized that she didn’t disagree with him. He did fail at protecting his people with that battle he launched, but there was no need to remind him.

“You’re not king yet,” she replied. “You can’t fail at something you haven’t even started.”

He nodded. “I’ll do better in future,” he promised. “As a king, and as a husband.”

“I know you will,” she replied.

“But if you ever change your mind about the arrangement with Wonwoo I offered, just know that it’s always an option.”

“I’m not going to change my mind,” Yewon assured him.

“A part of me wants you to,” Seungcheol admitted, “because I don’t know if I’ll be able to satisfy you.”

“Stop talking about that; it doesn’t matter–”

“I don’t just mean ually,” Seungcheol cut her off. “I mean in all other ways. I won’t be able to love and care for you the same way Wonwoo would.”

“I don’t expect that from you,” she replied. “I always knew that our marriage was a political one, and so I don’t expect any passion from you or anything. I only expect respect, and I already have that.”

“You do,” he agreed. “Very much so, princess.”

She smiled, “and it’s enough.”

He turned his head towards her and held her gaze for a moment before taking her hand in both of his. He brought it to his lips and kissed it, making Yewon blush a little. He lifted his head, locked eyes with her and said: “Nayoung, Kyungwon, Kyla and Eunwoo; your sisters. Jihoon; your brother. Tati; your maid. Don; your messenger. Jisoo; your childhood love. I memorized them,” Seunghcheol randomly recited.

Yewon’s smile widened, very pleasantly surprised. She had almost forgotten that she had asked him to memorize those names in one of the letters she had sent him, and the fact that he did memorize and remember them pleased her.

“Thank you,” she said with a wide grin on her fact. “That made me happy.”

“I’m glad. And not to make you unhappy or anything, but I hated Jihoon. He was awful to me when I was held hostage.”

Yewon expected that Seungcheol and Jihoon had met and that they hated one another, and so it was no surprise for her. “What did he do to you?” she asked.

Seungcheol only shook his head in response to Yewon’s question, indicating that he didn’t want to tell her. Yewon could see that whatever it was that Seungcheol was recalling about Jihoon disturbed him.

That made her even more curious. What could Jihoon have done to Seungcheol that he didn’t even want to say what it was? “Tell me, please,” she requested earnestly.

Seungcheol shook his head again. He looked insistent about not telling her, and as much as she wanted to know, she didn’t want to push him for fear he’ll shut her out completely.

“We’re late for breakfast,” Seungcheol noted, obviously trying to change the subject. “We should get going.” He sat up from bed and began to dress himself. Yewon also timidly slid from under the covers and began to do so herself, upset that the conversation was over.

She was happy with herself for being able to save what could have been a real damper on their relationship with that awkward and uncomfortable first time. She was glad she was able to get him to open up and speak to her a little about personal things.

He was done dressing himself when she was still attempting to tie the laces behind her back. He stepped in to help her with it.

“I’m going to expect you tonight,” Yewon told him as Seungcheol was tying the dress. “You’ll be there right? Or will I have to come to you?”

“I’m glad that you’re this eager,” Seungcheol said as he finished tying it. He then offered his arm to her to invite her to walk with him, and she took his arm and accepted.

“Is that a yes?” she asked.

“Of course, your highness,” he assured her. “I’ll be there.”

A/N: ok look im just gonna sack the whole update-every-Monday-and-Thursday thing and just update when I can haha. But rest assured that it will be at least once a week ^^

ANYWAYS SUPPORT SVTS COMEBACK I LOVE MY BOYS AND CHEOL LOOKS SUPER HOT IN THE MV BREATHE IF YOU AGREE