[R] Hayleys: Fading To Monochrome.
~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)AUTHOR: HAYLEYS STORY TITLE: FADING TO MONOCHROME.
Title (10/10): I love your title. It is really unique and it totally relates to your whole plot. Before reading your story, i was really curious just by looking at the title. It really attracts attention from readers. I would say you did a really great job in thinking of this title.
Characterization (09/10): The characters were all formed really well. I must say that the development of characters can be seen clearly through this story. For a one-shot, it is important to know the right pace on how a character should be developed. You really did a good job in this aspect. In my opinion, i love the fact that you chose wheein as one of the characters as it lightens the story. The romance between Solar and Moonbyul is just right. However, you should also emphasis more on Moonbyul's feelings. Solar's feelings are properly and clearly portrayed as she slowly slip into the state of romance.
Themes (10/10): I can see the theme is around the topic of angst and romance. The development of romance between the two and when Moonbyul revealed that she was sick. The theme is simple and straight forward. I like it.
Setting (10/10): The setting you chose are great. The cafe especially,the school and a few other places. The cafe which Solar and Moonbyul always meet at. It is considered a meeting place for them and it is a place where they first met and when they fall in love.
Description and Foreword (10/10): Your description is short and sweet. Many readers love short and sweet description as lengthy descriptions will definitely make them turn off. Your description allows readers to fall into suspense and they will be attracted to click 'next' to know more about the story.
Writing Style / Techniques (09/10): I must seem like I'm complimenting you a lot but your writing style and techniques are really good too. I love how you are straightforward and dive straight into point. It doesn't go around the bush and it is not draggy. It is plain yet simple. However, maybe you could try to add in more vocabularies to further improve your story.
Presentation (10/10): The title sounds a little angsty. There is a short quote at the beginning of your story about how your vision will turn from black to white when you fall in love with someone and how you will give up a world of colours. This already shows how you are going to convey the different feelings of the characters. The way you put dates at different parts further improved your presentation of the story. It is really wonderful.
Structure and Flow (09/10): The flow is great. The story is not rushed and it is going at the right pace. I really need to praise you for this. The events are unfolded one by one and it allows the readers to guess what would happen next. I would prefer that you reduce the number of hints given to the readers in the story.
Plot (10/10): Your plot is well developed. Your ideas are very creative. It is not cliche as other stories would usually end with a happy ending. However, this story shows a side where not all romance ends with a happy ending. Good job.
Overall Enjoyment (09/10): I have to admit that i deducted one mark due to personal reasons. I do not really read yuri and i am not very interested in yuri. However, your story is wonderful. I personally do not like reading one-shots as i have stereotypical thought that one-shots are always rushed and hence, stories are not written well but i must say the opposite for you. This story is really written well. Great job and Keep it up!
Overall Score: 96/100
Overall Percentage: 96%
Reviewer's Note: You did great! Keep it up.
STARLIGHT
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