[R] DarkJustice: Dreaming In The Rain - Rewrite
~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)AUTHOR: DARKJUSTICE STORY TITLE: DREAMING IN THE RAIN - REWRITE.
Title (10/10): The title is great. I seriously love it.
Characterization (7/10): The characters are something you can work on. For example Taeyeon - you showed her as loving person but also weak. You could have changed some of her actions and show her as strong yet forgiving. You could have deepened her character. Or why Baekhyun broke up with her. How much he regrets it or something. I know it's a one shot but in the future you should try to make better characterization.
Themes (8/10): Okay so getting dumped over text is so relatable. It happened or is going to happen to everyone. However most of people don't get back together or even become friends after that so that part was unreal and a bit cliche.
Setting (9/10): Settings are great but you should work on why and how they got to the hotel. In more details .
Description and Foreword (10/10): Your forword is great . Keep it the way it is.
Writing Style / Techniques (8/10): Your writing style and technique is very good, great even however it can be improved by adding more backstories or longer conversation or making Taeyeon a bit more stubborn.
Presentation (9/10): Your presentation is great but I wish you would have added a bit more details.
Structure and Flow (7/10): Structure and grammar is great. But your flow towards the ending is rushed. Starting from the break up text your flow is really rushed. Like I said you could fix that by making the recoiling part longer and the break up a bit more emotinal on both sides. Explain how much Baekhyun regrets it and why he did it. What kind of break down Taeyeon went through. You could add a lot of it to your story to slow your flow down. It's like you lack explainations.
Plot (10/10): I love your plot. It's great. However in some reader's eyes it can be overshadowed by the rushed flow. So if you work your flow rightly your plot will get it's full shine.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10): I really enjoyed the story but I feel a bit sad that the ending is rushed since there could've been a lot more to the story.
Overall Score: 87/100
Overall Percentage: 87%
Reviewer's Note: I'm originally not Baekyeon shipper but you made me ship it. I really like your plot and story but I really feel like your flow is rushed and should be something you work on. But your story is still good. I hope you're happy with my review.
Angel004
| STORY | ANGEL1004 |
Comments