[R] DarkJustice: Baby Romance
~BUBBLY G.S~ (HIATUS/HIRING TRAILER MAKER)AUTHOR: DARKJUSTICE STORY TITLE: BABY ROMANCE.
Title (9/10): The title works well with the story. There’s a baby. There’s romance. I took out a point because it’s not really catchy and the title is one of the first things that make a person want to read the story.
Characterization (6/10): Although it’s a short story I think you had the space to add a lot more about the characters. I hope you don’t get sad about this score, because even if you didn’t go very deep into them, it was enough for me to imagine them in that exact situation.
Themes (7/10): You don’t get full score only because it’s a really common theme and there’s not much to say about it. However, helping your significant other when you both have a son/daughter in common is something relatable so a lot of readers might see themselves in this story.
Setting (9/10): I didn’t take out too many points because, again, it’s a short story. Although it’s a One-Shot you could have described the scenery a little more so the reader can imagine where they are and the atmosphere around them.
Description and Foreword (10/10): It's great and you gave the reader just enough information in order to be intrigued about the story. I like the detail of adding a little quote.
Writing Style / Techniques (10/10): I don’t have a lot to say about that. Your writing style is simple, but really good.
Presentation (10/10): It’s sweet and romantic so it represents the vibe of the story really well.
Structure and Flow (7/10): There’s a thing that a lot of readers dislike because it can confuse them about the role of the characters in the dialog. When you change the character that’s talking, you should change into a different paragraph. Example: Original: « "Baek." Taeyeon growled this time- fixing her eyes on Baekhyun who paid no attention to her. "Baek ing Byun. Look at me right now!" As soon Taeyeon cursed- it seemed to capture Baekhyun's attention. He put his hand over his cellphone and looked angrily at his wife, "Why are you cursing in front of the child?" He said clicking his tongue. » Correct: "Baek." Taeyeon growled this time- fixing her eyes on Baekhyun who paid no attention to her. "Baek ing Byun. Look at me right now!" As soon Taeyeon cursed- it seemed to capture Baekhyun's attention. He put his hand over his cellphone and looked angrily at his wife, "Why are you cursing in front of the child?" He said clicking his tongue. I can also tell that you proofread your story before posting because there are not visible grammar mistakes that’ll prevent me from enjoying the flow of the story.
Plot (9/10): Just like I said before, it’s a theme that a lot of people use but you managed to write it really well. You should work on describing more the situations and the atmosphere around the characters but other than that I really enjoyed it.
Overall Enjoyment (9/10): If you ever need that extra pick up off fluff that makes you smile, this is definitely the right story for you to read. It’s light and fluffy, but also really down to earth. It’s definitely something that can happen in real life and I really liked it.
Overall Score: 86/100
Overall Percentage: 86%
Reviewer's Note: I’m not a big fan of female x male fanfics, but I have to be honest and say that I really enjoyed reading this story. Baekhyun is one of my favorite Exo members and I really could imagine him in this situation. Good job!
ImInLoveWithKai
| STORY | IMINLOVEWITHKAI |
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