Don't Lie, My Love.

Description

Jang Hyunmi, one of the best student in school and she was all teachers' favourite had fell in love with her own besrfriend, Byun Baekhyun. Her grades started to drop after got rejected by him. She couldn't focus on teachers when they were teaching. Then after few days, an incident happened. A guy who was known as the most 'popular' student in school started to . He was Nam Woohyun. At first, she hated him but he was actually kind. He helped her in giving supportive advices. She started to feel a new feeling for him.

Foreword

"If you're cold, you can just hug me."

 

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I'm entering  a writing contest (S.U.C.K), check them out!  Ship Us Crazy K-Poppers (Writing Contest) [OPEN & ACCEPTING ENTRIES]

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Comments

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Blu3Wind #1
Chapter 3: I really like the storylinee!! Like it's so simple, but the feeling is there~ woohyun is too sweet.. That sudden kiss thoughhh.. Kyaaaaa~~ makes me feel so embarrassed and i was all smiling just reading it >.<

Baek hyun is still... So mean >:( how can he ignore her, block her, be with another girl, and then say he still loves her? Nooo! Woohyun is much better!!! And yeah everytime woohyun said "baby" my heart also stopped beating. Hahahahha!

This is so cutee! I also really like the "the coldness from ghe rain felt warn" description btw. Good job!! It evokes the emotion really well :)
Blu3Wind #2
Chapter 2: Oh wowww Baek Hyun is so mean here!! Poor Hyunmi, i wouldve cried too. How could he get a new gf so fast?!?!
But the best part was Key!! Hahahhahahah how can he just gather some friends for her to choose from. And when she said no, he just told them they can leave. Lollll so entertaining xD
Woohyun is so sweet and cheesy i love it!! I think i was actually blushing at every line he said. Hehehhe.. But seriously Key, how can u so easily believe woohyun when hyunmi just said she isnt interested in anyone? XD
Aww woohyun still so sweet! That's right! Make baekhyun regret! XD
foreverhappy218 #3
Chapter 4: Awwww, so cute! ♡
ihateyoujimin #4
Chapter 2: WOW Woohyun is such a teaser..
hazledrazle #5
Chapter 3: I LOVE IT!! i want to be Hyunmi so muchhhh!!!
Blu3Wind #6
Chapter 1: Awwww baekhyun is so mean!!! Poor Hyunmi!! T_T he mustve felt so awkward too.. Thank you for updating so fastt!! I really like it alreadyyy

Since you said you are improving,I wanna help give some pointers that maybe you can consider? This is all really to help you out, and i hope it wont offend you >.< cause we did promise one of the benefit of joining this is to help u with ur writing too. Though i am definitely not the best, so we can learn together :)

First, the pacing of the words and sentences are really important. There is a rule called "show, don't tell." It would be nice if you show the readers what you are imagining in your head and try your best to describe the scene.

For example with the conversations or the rejection, you can make it more dramatic and sad by adding more details. Imagine the character perspective. Maybe the blue sky suddenly turned dark and clouded in her vision. Is there maybe something she did with her hands to avoid the awkwardness? Like she can fiddle her fingers together. Any kind of movement that shows she regrets her confession.
For example..
Tell: She was sad.
Show: the tear escaped her eyes, her fingers were shaking though she tried her best to keep them still while holding her bag strap. She avoided looking at him, looking down to her feet. She could only hear her small sniffing now.

Like these are really simple non descriptive and non fancy words. But using different sense (like feel, sight, hearing, smell, etc) also helps to describe emotion. I'm sorry if i'm rambling too much.. These are some things j learned when i took writing class and it reaaally helped mento improve. So I hope that this is able to help you out too. I'm so sorry if it offends u.

Anywayyy i really like the start of the storyy and cant wait for moreee~ thank u so much for writing <3
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