Jungkook knew he was screwed. No, he knew he was beyond screwed. His mom asked him to be home before 10 but since he was working on a project he lost track of time which lead him to here walking home at almost midnight cursing at himself. His mom was amazing don’t misunderstand, she loved him a lot but she can also be a bit- no scratch that- a lot dramatic and has a temper that can rival that of a mob boss and can make his father cower in fear. She can also curse up a storm which can make even Min Yoongi blush and he has the foulest mouth among his friends. His mom was going to be angry as hell because lately all Jungkook has been doing, was working on his projects and so, failed to visit his parents despite repeated phone calls from his mom and countless promises that he would on weekends. It was only a matter of time that his mom would take matters in her own hands and threatened Jungkook that either he visit them or she would. Which is why Jungkook was walking home on a Friday night instead of going to frat parties which-lets be honest-he wasn’t planning on going to in the first place.

Jungkook was a college freshman majoring in Arts and Graphic design. His classes were demanding as hell but he was doing well. If you asked him what he wanted to do in life when he was just 10 he would have said fireman or police officer even a doctor like his hyung or an office employee like his dad without hesitating but life doesn’t always go as we planned and a major event in his life didn’t just completely changed his way of thinking but also changed what he aspired to be, what he wanted to achieve.

Jungkook, at the tender age of 11 started having dreams. You must be thinking what’s so surprising about that? Even, Isn’t dreaming normal? But that’s the thing his dreams weren’t. He was dreaming-unlike people his age-of someone. It wasn’t exactly a face, just the eyes. Eyes he has never ever seen in his life but they seemed familiar. Eyes filled with so much emotions that he can drown in them. Eyes b with tears that he wants to kiss away. Eyes smiling in pure happiness. Eyes burning in anger. Eyes blank, devoid of emotion. Eyes sparking in mischief. Eyes Eyes Eyes. It was always the same eyes without a face to relate them to. Jungkook talked to his parents about his recurring dreams, told them how he kept seeing these eyes in his dreams, how full and at the same time empty they made him feel. But his parents thought it was just a phase, just something that would pass with time. How wrong were they. It didn’t pass, the dreams didn’t stop but Jungkook did. He stopped telling them about his dreams. They continued, as persistent as ever and so did his frustration until one day. All that built-up stress all the irritation he had accumulated over the course of months just burst out of him and he released everything out on a paper. That’s when he discovered his talent for drawing and he drew and drew the eyes he only saw in his dreams. Jungkook fell in love with the EYES.

At the age of 13 his dreams changed. The eyes he grew accustomed to were replaced with a voice calling his name, nothing more just his name in happiness, anger, in a wobbly voice, in a firm tone, high pitch like a child. His name in a whisper, his name in broken gasps. Jungkook never knew his name could sound so beautiful. Jungkook fell in love with his name. He fell in love with the VOICE.

At 15 Jungkook started dreaming of an open field with cherry blossoms beneath which stood a person with orange hair his back to him but would always wake up before the person could turn around. At 15 Jungkook discovered that the person he was seeing was a boy.

At 16 Jungkook dreamt of that same person running in a field calling “Jungkookie, catch me,” all the while giggling and laughing. Jungkook dreamt of himself running after him shouting “Jimin hyung! wait that’s cheating.” At 16 Jungkook discovered the boy’s name and fell in love with it.

At 17 Jungkook dreamt of a face and was left gasping. The face was beyond beautiful, full of childish innocence but also manly. Sharp jawline, pouty lips, cute button nose. It was his first time seeing such perfection, seeing that face but also it felt like he has seen it before. The person-no Jimin’s face was oozing with so much familiarity that whenever Jungkook woke up he was left with a desire so strong that it left a dull ache in his heart. At 17 Jungkook fell in love with the FACE.

By the time 18 rolled around Jungkook had tons of sketch books filled with sketches of Jimin. Sketches of Jimin standing, walking running. Sketches of Jimin’s eyes, lips, profile, back. He had hordes of sketchbooks only dedicated to Jimin’s face. Sketching and painting Jimin made Jungkook fall in love with Art.

Jungkook was 18 when he dreamt a dream unlike others. It was a dream sure, it was far from reality but it felt real. It was so vivid. Jungkook saw himself on a cliff in a place he has never seen before with his hands tied behind his back surrounded by what looked like people in a sort of armor. Jungkook saw Jimin standing at the edge of the cliff beside a woman dressed in a lavish gown. He saw Jimin crying.

“Do it Jimin, it’s either you or him.” She said while smiling wickedly.

 “Don’t hurt him please, let him go. I’ll jump.” Jimin sobbed.

Jungkook saw himself shouting. Saw himself begging Jimin not to do it. Saw himself fighting against the strong hold the guards had on him. Saw Jimin pretending to be strong.

“I love you Jungkookie, I wish we could be together.”

“Jimin hyung, don’t do it please. If someone should die it should be me. You are one of them. I am the outsider. I should die.”

“I am sorry Jungkook, Forgive me.”

Jungkook woke up with Jimin’s name on his too dry lips and discovered that he too was crying. Jimin’s last words echoing in his mind leaving him with a throbbing heart and a splitting headache. He knew that Jimin died for him, he knew Jimin died to save him, he knew Jimin died because he loved him. But why? Was loving such a bad thing? Was loving Jungkook such a bad thing that Jimin had to die? Wasn’t it too cruel of those people who witnessed such an act, that woman who forced Jimin? He was only left with questions that he could never voice.

It was when Jungkook was 18 that he realized what loss was. It was when he was 18 that he started waking up once a week sweating and shivering whimpering Jimin’s name and crying soon after. It was when he was 18 that he mourned a lost love not even knowing if it was just a dream or a memory. It was when Jungkook was 18 that he saw Jimin jump off a cliff, when he saw Jimin die in front of his own eyes. It was at the peak of youth that Jungkook discovered what sacrifice was and fell in love with Jimin’s caring nature and loving personality. He fell in love with Jimin’s love for him.