hi i'm not dead

just lazy... just so anyone who bothers to check this fic knows, i edited the whole thing but it's all basically the same..

except this chap :^)) anyway carry on ya nerds and i'll update soon <3

"Jimin?"

Jeongguk blushes, immediately reaching up to smooth down his fluffy bedhead and finger comb through the knots. Even now, he's worrying about what Jimin thinks of him, though it's clearly too late to bother. "Jeonggukkie." Jimin says softly, lips trembling and eyes watering.

Jeongguk watches in stunned silence as Jimin quietly crosses the room, resting a hand lightly on Jeongguk's bed right next to where Jeongguk is now sitting cross-legged. 

Jeongguk eyes Jimin up and down, keeping the image of his soft, teary eyes and flushed skin engraved in his memory. After all, Jimin would only come here because he left something behind, or maybe he wants to scream at Jeongguk for lying to him. He wouldn't stay. Jimin finally gathers the strength to actually look Jeongguk in the eyes, and that's when he lost it.

 Jimin breaks down into tears, crying loudly and kneeling on the floor next to Jeongguk's bed. He buries his head into his arms, sobbing into Jeongguk's comforter. Jeongguk is completely frozen. Why was Jimin crying? 

He couldn't stand it, even though he couldn’t understand why he was crying. He softly threads his fingers through Jimin's hair, calming him with soothing words. "Jiminnie, it's okay, don't cry. Don't cry, please," he says softly. Jimin's sobs quiet down slowly until he's only sniffling quietly. Jeongguk carefully folds his hands back in his lap, afraid of touching him. 

"I'm so sorry, Jeonggukkie. I'm so sorry," he says, and even though his voice is barely above a whisper, the look in his eyes was sincere enough to make Jeongguk look away. "Why would you be sorry, hyung? You didn't do anything," Jeongguk says in confusion. Jimin tears up again at this, shaking his head firmly. "No Jeongguk, I was a jerk. I ran away from you, and ignored you for two weeks. I was a terrible friend and I'm so sorry. I know telling me that must have been really hard, and I'm so happy, even now, that you decided to put your trust in me and tell me," he says, more strength behind his words this time.

Jeongguk is completely dumbfounded. Happy? Jimin was happy he told him? "You don't hate me?" Jeongguk asks quietly, head tilted in confusion. Jimin's eyes widen. "Hate you? Jeongukkie, I could never hate you! Never!" He clumsily climbs onto the bed and throws his arms around Jeongguk. "Gukkie, you have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think I could hate you even if I wanted to," he whispers softly. 

Jeongguk can feel his heart beating so loudly, he's sure Jimin could hear it too. "I thought- I thought you thought I was disgusting. I wouldn't blame you, Jimin, I'm not a good person like you are."

Jimin pulls away from Jeongguk, holding him by his shoulders and looking him in the eyes with an intensity that Jeongguk couldn't understand. He ducks his head down. "Jeon Jeongguk, look at me right now," he says firmly. 

"Look at me." Jeongguk's eyes flicker back to Jimin's face and the burning intensity of his eyes. "You should be pissed at me, Jeongguk, totally and completely pissed. I was a horrible friend, and all you're worrying about is how I feel? How in the world can you be 'disgusting' if you're always worrying about other people and not yourself?" 

"It's only you," Jeongguk mumbles quietly. "What?" Jimin asks.

"It's only you. I don't care about anyone else," he says, louder this time. Jimin is speechless. "You don't know the kind of stuff I do daily, Jimin. You don't know how I treat people, how I act. I'm not a good person, good people aren't gang bosses," Jeongguk says quietly. Jimin looks at Jeongguk, really looks at him. He takes in his tired, puffy eyes and his fluffy tufts of black hair. He sees, really sees the pain hidden in Jeongguk's eyes and he knows. He knows Jeongguk couldn't be a bad person, no matter what it was he did in the past or what he does now.

"Jeongguk, that's just not right," Jimin says softly, taking Jeongguk's hands in his. "You're not a bad person, your job doesn't define who you are." Jeongguk shakes his head. "You wouldn't say that if you knew about the things I've done," he says solemnly. Jimin sighs. "Jeongukkie, you're a great person, and if I have to spend the rest of my life trying to convince you that you are, then I will. You deserve the world, Gukkie." 

They fall into a tense silence, both boys' gazes locked on each other. Jeongguk leans forward, touching their foreheads together as he closes his eyes. Jimin's eyes wander over Jeongguk's face, from the strong curve of his jaw up to the dark lashes brushing softly against his cheekbones. Jimin's breath hitches as Jeongguk tilts his head, their lips almost touching, until Jeongguk drops his head into the space where Jimin’s neck meets his shoulder.

“I missed you so much,” Jeongguk sighs into him. Jimin sighs softly and wraps his arms around Jeongguk. “I missed you too, Guk. So much.” Jimin pulls away and brings his hands up to hold the sides of Jeongguk’s face gently. “But now, Jeongukkie, you gotta promise me something,” he says firmly.

“…what is it?” Jeongguk says, somewhat dreading whatever Jimin is gonna say next. Jimin squishes Jeongguk’s cheeks in his hands, making Jeongguk’s lips pucker up like a fish.

“No more secrets, Jeongukkie,” Jimin says firmly.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says, or Jimin assumes that’s what he said. It’s hard to tell when Jimin’s still got his face squished in between his hands.

-

Jeongguk groans sleepily, rolling over in his bed. Except this time, he rolls right on top of someone. He jolts awake, quickly jerking away from the warm body he just crashed into. He stares intently at the lump in his bed. "Jimin?" he says softly, peering under the blanket.

Jimin mumbles softly in his sleep, swatting Jeongguk's hand away and curling back in on himself. Jeongguk's face breaks into a wide smile. They must've fallen asleep when they were talking yesterday. 

He gets out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Jimin up. He heads to the kitchen, ready to be total boyfriend material by cooking them both breakfast. Jimin wakes up to Jeongguk's soft voice. "Jiminnie, wake up," he whispers softly, poking at the Jimin-shaped blanket lump on his bed. 

Jimin yawns himself awake, lazily stretching and sitting up in bed. Jeongguk carefully climbs onto the bed next to him, gingerly setting down a tray. "Food?" Jimin asks sleepily, peering down at the tray. "It's not the fanciest breakfast, but I did try my best," Jeongguk says, smiling proudly.

Jimin laughs. "Are those strawberry poptarts?" He asks. Jeongguk nods proudly. "Yeah, they're even toasted. And wait check this out- there's orange juice too," he says excitedly, reaching forward to grab a juicebox. "They're juiceboxes?" Jimin asks, laughing loudly. "Only the best for you, Jiminnie," he says, poking the straw through the juicebox for him. Jimin smiles widely, weaving his fingers through Jeongguk’s free hand. Jeongguk almost stabs himself with the straw, and Jimin laughs again.

"Okay, now that we're settled, let's talk. Last night I promised I wouldn't lie to you anymore, so ask me anything," Jeongguk says, biting into his poptart. Jimin munches on his own poptart thoughtfully. "Hmm, okay. Well, you told me a long time ago that you and your parents weren't very close. Is that true?"

Jeongguk nods. "Yeah, for the most part. My mom died in some kind of accident when I was around two, so I never knew her. As for my dad, well he disappeared when I was ten. Nobody knows where he went, but I never missed him much. He wasn't around that much before he disappeared anyways. My grandma and my neighbors took care of me."

Jimin nods his head, listening quietly. "Ah, I see."

"What about you?" Jeongguk asks curiously.

"I'm from Busan, so me and my parents were a small farming family. It was just me, my brother, my mom, and my dad." Jeongguk nods, picturing a smaller version of Jimin running around on a farm. He smiles. "What are your parents like?"

"My parents are really supportive of me," Jimin says. "They've always been pushing me forward, even when I was a kid. I probably wouldn't be in uni right now if it wasn't for them. We might not have had a lot growing up, but that never bothered me, they gave me everything they could."

Jeongguk smiles softly. "I'm glad you have a family like that, Jimin. They sound really nice." Jimin nods and looks away, seemingly lost in thought. Jeongguk happily munches on his poptart, enjoying the comfortable silence. After a while, Jimin nudges Jeongguk softly. "Jeongguk... can I ask you something else?" Jeongguk nods, cheeks still stuffed with food. 

"How did you join a gang? Or even come across it in the first place?" he asks quietly, afraid of setting Jeongguk off. Jeongguk pats Jimin's thigh reassuringly. "It's okay, I don't mind telling you." Jimin closes his eyes and sits back, intently listening as Jeongguk takes a breath before starting.

"I ran off when I turned twelve, away from my grandma and my neighbors. It wasn't that they were terrible or anything, I just felt alone. I wanted to find a place where I felt like I belonged, so I just grabbed some stuff and ran," Jeongguk chuckles, thinking about how little he knew then.

"I went straight into the city. It wasn't hard, our family lived right on the outskirts of Seoul anyways. I slept in computer cafes and in an old library, the security guards always ignored me sleeping there at night. I was lucky like that." Jimin takes hold of Jeongguk's hand, gently playing with his fingers as he continued.

"One night I guess I ran out of luck, a security guard chased me out of the building and I ran until I got lost. There was nowhere else to go, so I just laid there on a park bench that night. Just when I considered going back home and begging my family to take me in again, some kid came up to me. He wasn't much older than me then, I could tell, but he acted like a grownup. I was totally charmed by this kid, he shared his snacks with me and asked if I had anywhere to go. I didn't, clearly, so I told him so. He offered me a place to stay and food, so what else would I have done yknow? I went with him and I guess the rest is pretty obvious."

Jimin nods softly, rubbing his thumb softly across Jeongguk's hand. "Who was this guy? Do you still talk to him?"

Jeongguk laughs. "Of course I do, he practically raised me after that. It was just him and me for years. He took care of me like nobody else did," he says, smiling softly at the memory.

 "Nowadays though, he just nags me like an old man," Jeongguk laughs, and Jimin squeezes his hand, happy to see Jeongguk smiling again. "I'm glad you have him, Jeongukkie." 

Jeongguk smiles. "Yeah, he's pretty alright for a grumpy old man." Jeongguk feels all the weight and guilt from lying for so long disappear. 

Now Jeongguk doesn't have to worry about hiding anything, and he can tell that Jimin is grateful for that as well. Jeongguk's phone buzzes from the floor, making Jimin jump in surprise and shaking Jeongguk from his thoughts. "Guk, Shouldn't you check that?"

Jeongguk sighs. "Yeah, I guess. It's probably just Yoongi hyung though." 

Jimin furrows his brow. "Who's Yoongi hyung?" The door slams open before Jeongguk can reply, and Yoongi storms into the room.

"Hey face, text me back for once in your life or I'll really think you're dead."

o yoongz is back

yay backstory and yay almost kiss ;^)) #nohomobros

thx for reading