An awkward moment passed before I knew how to speak again. I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t being delusional. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. I could see Kyuhyun’s piercing eyes stare at me and I could feel the weight of his stare. I was never expecting to hear those three words come out from his mouth.

“Kyuhyun, you’re hungry. You aren’t thinking straight,” I started, eyes downcast.

Kyuhyun shifted uneasily in front of me, slightly bemused by my repudiating answer. He chuckled, but in his eyes, I saw no real humor; only a trace of hurt. I had to avert my gaze to avoid feeling guilty.

“Why won’t you believe me, Yoona? Am I still a child to you?” his voice sounded deeper when he said that, and I don’t know whether he did that in purpose to correspond with his statement or not. Nevertheless, I was at loss of words.

“Kyu, I –”

“Yoona, I love you. I don’t know how many times I should say that to convince you that it’s true, but it is. I know you like Hae, but that doesn’t change the fact that I love you.”

Each of those words felt like a bee’s sting piercing me repeatedly. No, scratch that. Make that hornets; bees die after one sting. Kyuhyun reached out to hug me and I hesitantly avoided his arms. It was hard to look on that face of his when I did so. I had to bite my lip to keep my emotions from venting out.

“Kyu,” I said softly, “It’s not that I don’t love you, okay? I love you Kyu, but –” I cut off.

“But what? I thought love has no ‘buts’?” It was nearly impossible to miss the highly miserable tone in his voice.

“But I love you because you’re my silly, reliable, and irreplaceable best friend, and I don’t want your confession to ruin what our friendship has gone through.”

I reached out to hug him, but this time, it was him who evaded my hug. I could taste the pang of rejection when his hands swiped my outstretched arms away. “So, you’re saying you love me as a friend?” he said, his voice rich in emotion.

“Of course I do. I’ve known you for more than half of my life, Kyu. Why shouldn’t I love you as my friend?”

Kyu scratched his head in exasperation. I froze; I didn’t know what to do in this kind of scenario. Then again, I wasn’t counting on the fact that my best friend actually fell for me. In these sorts of cases, it was just best to keep quiet.

“You don’t get it, do you, Yoona? I love you okay? More than a friend, more than a best friend, more than my own life! I love you the way,” he paused, like he was about to regret the next thing he was about to say, “I love you the way you love Donghae. Probably even more,” he added.

I feared he would say that; I feared that he would make comparisons. What’s more, I feared that I had nothing to say in return; I feared I was hurting him before I even had the chance to explain.

“Kyuhyun,” I said with a heavy heart, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t afford to think like that.”

Kyu took me by my shoulders and looked at me straight in the eye, “And why do you say that? Are you gonna choose him over me? After all the things we’ve been through, after all the years we’ve spent as best friends, are you seriously going to choose a guy you just met over me?”

I shrugged my shoulders off his grip. “That’s the point – our friendship is just too valuable to be broken by this thing called love.” I reached out to touch his face, “Can’t you see that? I don’t want to ruin this friendship that we have.”

Kyuhyun was visibly hurt when I turned him down. He flicked away the hand that reached out to touch his face, “Too late, Yoona. It’s already ruined.” With that, he turned around and walked away without even giving me the chance to say another word.

*                                                                    *                                                                              *

     “Donghae, make sure you pack up all your things properly so you won’t have a hard time locating your things,” the familiar voice of the kind room service lady called. Over the few months of my stay here, I have grown close with the elderly woman. She was about to clean my room as she would every after day, but was surprised to find me packing. I guess she wasn’t informed; or at least, not yet.

I smiled while packing the last of my clothes in my bag, and addressed to the direction of her voice, “I will, Mrs. Go. I’m gonna miss this place; I’m gonna miss everyone here, especially you. I’ll miss our early morning chats when I have nobody to talk to.”

Behind the darkness of my eyes, I imagined Mrs. Go’s smile as soon as I uttered those words. “Shucks,” Mrs. Go said, “I’ll miss you too, Donghae. It’s nice to have company here after all the hassle and hustle in this place. You remind me of my son, too.”

“Where is your son, Mrs. Go?” I perked.

“He’s in London, working as a doctor. He thinks he’ll earn much more there and even promised me that he’ll build me a house someday. He calls often, but we never get more than a few minutes of talk. That’s why I like talking to you, Donghae, because it’s like I’m using all the time I never get to talk with my son to you, and I somewhat feel like I’m talking to my son in the person of you.”

I chuckled, “Glad I made you happy, Mrs. Go. Talking to you made me remember my mother whom I rarely meet nowadays.”

“You must be really excited to meet her again, right?”

I smiled and nodded. In the back of my mind, I knew that the cause of my excitement was just more than meeting my mother again. It was meeting her again. To feel the warmth of her hands, to feel the softness of her hair, to hear the sound of her voice, and if God makes it possible, to see the way her eyes lock on mine once again.

I bade goodbye to Mrs. Go, and took my entire luggage with me and proceeded to the elevator. When I reached the ground floor, I placed my stuff near the circulation counter and told the nurse assigned that I would be waiting for my mother to come pick me up. The nurse nodded and promised that she would announce it via P.A. when my mother will arrive.

I yawned and headed to the cafeteria which I rarely visit and ordered a sandwich and a soda to go with it. I took a table found outside the cafeteria. Sighing deeply to myself, I ate my sandwich in silence and washed it down with the fizzy taste of ice cola. While I was eating, her face suddenly flashed in my mind. I smiled, knowing that I would be meeting her once again in person. Even the mere thought made me feel giddy inside, and I knew that I couldn’t wait for that moment to come. If I could, I would’ve fast forwarded to next few hours wherein I would be arriving in school.

“Mind if I join you, Donghae?” a voice called out.

“Mr. Young?” I asked, smiling.

“Obviously,” he said, chuckling. “I just wanna have a talk with my best student before he leaves.”

I laughed. “You’re flattering me, sir. You know there are better students than me.”

It was Mr. Young’s turn to laugh. “Modest as usual – one of the marks of an exemplary student. Marks my words boy, so far, nobody has reached a perfect score except you; and with the short period of time you’ve been here, it makes it seem even more outstanding.”

I beamed. “I told you I’ll beat his record, Mr. Young.”

“And you were truthful to your promise. I salute you.”

I laughed. “Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without you, sir.”

Mr. Young shook my hand and said, “No problem, my boy; always happy to help.” He released my hand from his grip, and then asked, “So now, what are your plans for your future?”

I pondered on that note for a while before answering. “Well, first, I really want to finish high school in the school I left. I know it’ll be a little rough, considering the fact that I’ll be reentering in the middle of a semester, but I don’t care. I just want to finish high school.

Mr. Young gave an approving tap on my hand. “And then after that? You’ll be graduating sooner than you think, Donghae. What course have you considered taking up when you go to college?”

I blinked my unseeing eyes. “I did consider becoming a doctor, but since I’m in this condition, I guess that would be another dream that would never become a reality,” my voice surprisingly went an octave lower upon saying that.

Mr. Young patted my shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t use a hopeless tone, Donghae. You’re still alive. You still have a future in front of you. Although it doesn’t seem that bright, it’s still there. It’s only up to you to ignite the match.”

I smiled; his words did the trick. I know my life had taken an unexpected turn, but there’s nothing I can do about that. What matters now is how I live my life despite my disability, and that is what Mr. Young and this institution is trying to tell me.

“Thanks for your words, Mr. Young. Now that you’ve told me about it, I guess I’ll just go wherever the wind takes me, grab every opportunity that knocks on my doorstep, and make the most of it. Being blind is not an excuse, right?”

“Right. If you hesitate, opportunities will pass by you. So, you must open your heart and come out of your shell,” he said, gently tapping my shoulder.

I consumed every bit of the sandwich and washed it down with the fizzy soda. “I guess I’ll just trust what God has in store for me, you know? I’m sure he has a plan for me. All I need to do is to not mess it up.”

Mr. Young chuckled, “That’s good, Hae. I’m glad you see the light. However, seeing the light is not enough. You should allow it to guide you and you should follow it.”

I smiled. “Point taken, Mr. Young.”

He laughed quietly and ruffled my hair. “By the way, is there any reason besides going back to school that you’re so eager in going back to Seoul?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Why to see my mother, of course. And to meet my friends again.”

“But is there any person in particular, aside from your mother and friends that you’re really excited to see?” I can judge from his somewhat teasing voice that he was referring to a girl.

I laughed, ruffling my own hair, clearly guilty.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” he asked, teasing.

“Guilty,” I replied, a crooked smile playing at the corners of my mouth.

“Who is she?” Mr. Young pressed.

I chuckled. “Her name is Yoona. She visited me a few weeks ago; during the day you told me I had excellent remarks.”

“I see.” I could particularly imagine a mischievous smile on Mr. Young’s face right now. “You like her, right?”

I nodded mutely, and felt my cheeks grow warm.

Then came the most predictable question, “Why?”

I laughed, locked up in my own reality. “I dunno, there’s just this something in the look in her eyes that seems to reach out to me. During the night of the accident, I was driving her home before I had the collision. She kept blaming herself and I had to repeatedly tell her that it wasn’t. Ever since, I’ve been in touch with her personality, the thing I really like most from her.” I paused, realizing I’ve said too much.

“Go on,” Mr. Young urged. “What is it about her personality?”

I hesitated before speaking. Talking about her made me miss her more. “She’s nice, caring, and simple. She’s not the kind of girl who uses up time and effort to make guys notice her. To tell you the truth, she doesn’t pay that much attention to herself. She’s more concerned of other people’s feelings.” I chuckled. “Which is both a good thing and a bad thing.” I paused, pondering on what I said. “Is that normal, Mr. Young? Me liking that girl?”

I felt both of his hands on my shoulders before he spoke. “Treasure that kind of girl, Donghae. Very few of them are out there nowadays. She’s special, and she needs a guy to protect her. For all you know, she might be the girl who’ll stand by you for the rest of your life.”

I chuckled, and felt my cheeks flare up. “Uh, thanks, Mr. Young.”

Suddenly, a voice from above emanated and spoke, “Will Mr. Lee Donghae please proceed to the main lobby? Lee Donghae, please proceed to the main lobby. Your parent has come to accompany you back home.”

I smiled. “This is it.”

“Good luck, Donghae. Remember all that I’ve taught you,” Mr. Young said.

“Thank you, sir,” I replied, standing up, and bowing. “I’ll keep all your lessons in mind.”

     I made my way back to the main lobby and heard my mother’s voice call out my name. I eagerly rushed forward to the sound of her voice, and hugged her without hesitation.

“This really is it, isn’t it?” I whispered.

“Yes, Donghae, it is,” my mother’s hysterical voice said. “You’re coming home.”