http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM3cu_N4SQ4&feature=fvwrel

This is how My Heart Will Go On sounds in the violin. You might want to have it as your background :)

     “Does this dress make me look fat?” Sunny asked, holding her tiered gown uneasily. After weeks of practicing, our class was chosen to be the ones who will play as an orchestra in the school’s annual variety show. Right now, all the people here are on the verge of full-hedged panic.

I smirked, eyeing Sunny’s floral dress. “You look fine. Don’t put your hair on a ponytail. You look a whole lot better with free flowing hair.

Sunny laughed slightly. “Thanks, Yoona. I dunno, I guess I’m just nervous.” She placed both of her hands together and rubbed them vigorously, as if trying to erase the uneasiness away.

I placed my arm around her and blurted out a few words of comfort when Ms. Park called out for all of us to gather around for her final instructions.

“Okay girls and boys! Gather around, gather around! This is it! We need to prepare ourselves!”

The crowd of panic-stricken students gathered around almost immediately, like a school of fish showing up for its daily feeding. Our eyes zeroed on Mrs. Park’s composed figure as she cleared before she started to speak.

“Okay, so how are you all feeling?” she asked, flashing us a smile.

“Nervous,” one says.

“Creeped out,” says another.

Mrs. Park clapped her hands together. “Now, now, you don’t have to be nervous. We practiced a lot of times already. As long as you know what you’re playing, you have no reason to be afraid. Know your piece, know your music.

“But what if we mess up?” someone asked in a hesitant voice.

Mrs. Park smiled. “Don’t worry dear,” she said affectionately, “that’s why God gave us ears. So we could listen to things other than ourselves. When you go off key, God forbid,” she added, “don’t ruin the entire piece. Go with the flow and catch up with the melody. It’s all about being perceptive.”

Many voices mumbled out at once; some spoken in anxiety, others in anticipation. Jung Jessica didn’t seem the least bit nervous. She just sat near the mirror, combing her hair while listening to Mrs. Park’s little pep talk. Being one of the lead singers, it was a complete necessity for her to look good; and I have to admit, she did look very good. Underneath the foundation of make-up, her cheeks flushed a healthy pink and her eyes screamed finesse. Topped with her overall confident personality, she’s as good to go as any Hollywood singer in this planet. I sighed. I wished I was that assertive and sure of myself. Right now, my right hand was shaking while clutching the neck of my violin.

It’s gonna be okay, I thought. It’s gonna be alright. After this, it will be all over. We’ve practiced so many times already. I can’t afford to back out now. It’s too late to give up. I’m just going to have to dance through the rain. I ground my teeth together. Even reassuring myself was difficult.

“You okay, Yoona? You look a little pale,” Kyu commented, studying my growing unrest.

I glanced up and met Kyuhyun’s gaze. “Just nervous that’s all,” I muttered, my voice shaking.

Kyu laughed. “Who isn’t nervous right now?”

“You are,” I pointed out, “and Jessica. You’re the ones who are so sure of yourselves.”

He smirked. “That’s only because we don’t pay much attention to our nervousness. Now come on!” he urged, helping me up with one hand. “We’re the next ones to perform. Better swallow all that nervousness now!”

I sighed. Confidence.  I grimaced. That’s the one trait I lack. Standing up, I straightened out my outfit and checked my hair. Everything seems to be in place, I thought. Beside me, Sunny was busy looking at her figure in the mirror. I laughed, “For the last time Sunny, you don’t look fat! You look really cute in that dress. You look like a princess.”

Sunny laughed. “Okay, I guess I’ll have to trust you. But I swear Yoona, if I look fat during the group pictures, I’m going to tickle you like there’s no tomorrow!”

     The stage was set, the applause from the onlookers was heard, and the sea of a hundred faces stared at us. I had to swallow to get rid of my growing panic. We played our first piece masterfully, which had a happy and overall energetic vibe, making the audience clap after the end of the piece.

     My favorite piece, however, was our finale. A heartbreaking song of love and loss, it commenced when a single spotlight lit up the stage, aimed at the Jessica and the other singers who began to sing as soon as the first note began to play:

Every night in my dreams

I see you, I feel you

That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on

I, along with the other violinists, bowed in synchrony with the melody, adding an overall moody impact in the atmosphere. A hushed silence fell over the theater, a sign of muted awestruck from the audience. I couldn’t help but smile at the empathetic bond the audience and I shared; for I myself couldn’t help but admire the perfect blending our orchestra created. It was like a melodious lamentation, sorrowful but spine-tinglingly beautiful. The song was called ‘My Heart Will Go On,’ a song whose message was how to love a person no matter what comes in your way. It portrays ideal love, the love that withstands the test of time, the kind of love I always wanted to receive.

     The was reached when the final chorus came, and I couldn’t help but release a few tears of both joy and pain, for this song seemed to describe my old and recent feelings, and even feelings I didn’t know would come back and haunt me. All of these wove into a brand new feeling; an emotion which I don’t have any name of, spun into the view, coursing into my hands, adding newfound strength in each swing of my bow. Such change was evident in the melody I made with my violin – the tone was richer, and it suppressed hidden emotion. Unconditionally, fresh tears sprouted from my eyes. The picture of his face flashed into my mind, reminding me of why I wanted to play this in the first place, telling me what I was fighting for.

You’re here

There’s nothing I fear

And I know that my heart will go on

We’ll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart and

My heart will go on and on

     We concluded the piece with a vivid vibrato, and Jessica with a heartbreaking tremolo. It was beautiful. After we bowed graciously to the audience, I immediately wiped away the tears from my eyes. When I went backstage, everyone applauded, congratulating each other. After all the hardships, we finally made it through without a bit of a flaw. It was perfect. It was as if God Himself was shining rays of light upon us. Murmuring a silent prayer, I thanked Him for guiding us.

    My cellphone rang, and I had to excuse myself from the celebrating orchestra members, promising to rejoin them sooner. After I found a quiet place, I answered my phone which was ringing persistently. How surprised I was to hear his voice come from the speakers!

“D-donghae? Is that you?” Emotion cannot be controlled in my voice.

“Yes, Yoona, it’s me. I’m coming back.”