Sungjae banged his head against the couch again in disbelief. All this time spent wasted pining for each other from afar.  He smirked to himself at the irony. Here he was thinking he would be the only one suffering in silence but his Sooyoung also held on to him without knowing his true feelings. It would be hard for her to know anyway, their separation left them no option. Immediately after the end of filming their managers brought them back to reality when they sat both down to lay down rules for contact. Still stunned they quietly listened to their managers’ instructions. First, no personal contact was allowed especially through their phones. There were too many cases of idols getting their phones hacked they could not risk the accident an anti-fan would mistake even innocent friendly texts as dating. Second they were told to delete the couple application and each other’s phone number from their phones. Lastly, they were not to act anything but professional on any show or back stage. No one could be allowed the opportunity to think they were anything but professionals.

 

As swiftly as they started their managers finished and told them to say good-bye. When she bowed she couldn’t look him in the eye but briefly before she left with her manager she looked at him once more. It was the last glance he ever received from her and it was in that moment when he strengthened his resolve to meet her again as he wished to himself only hours ago.

 

Sungjae sighed deeply again shook his head at the sad memory. He never thought he would develop any real romantic feelings for Joy during their time on WGM.  Over the years he poured himself into his work and left little time to think about Sooyoung. Yet every year on June 3^rd those feelings would flood back to remind him that there wasn’t anyone else he wanted. But she’s letting go.

 

That was the crux of his problem now. Despite their ban on communication he had been silently holding onto the idea of the chance to fight for Sooyoung. He knew eventually their respective companies’ would no longer refuse them a life outside of their celebrity life. Cube Entertainment was more lenient than SM hence he was patiently waiting until Red Velvet’s popularity soared so SM could no longer impose a ban on Joy.  And when the time was right he would confess and hope Joy would give him a chance; but he didn’t account that she would attempt to get over him much less return his feelings so ardently. Joy’s letter put an abrupt stop to his original plan. He knew if still wanted a chance with her he had to act fast. He was no longer the young, shy Sungjae from 5 years ago and could happily admit to himself he was a man who would fight for what he wanted. Without hesitating he texted the hyung he could trust to share his long kept secret.

 

                                                                                                            Hyung are you free tomorrow morning?

Yeah what’s up?

                                                                        Can we meet at 8am at the coffee shop by the old dorm?

Yeah. Everything okay?

                                                      Uhhh not sure yet I need to think. I will tell you everything tomorrow.

Alright. See ya in the morning

                                     

In the morning…

Sungjae sat down in the familiar but quiet café by the old BTOB dorm. After time and success blessed BTOB his hyungs started to move out of their company dorm to their own apartments. His hyungs were getting older and deserved their own space. He himself recently started living in his own apartment. Sungjae’s thoughts were interrupted when someone sat down in the seat in front of him.

 

Settling in the seat casually Hyusik greeted Sungjae, “Such an early meeting time. Must be important.”

 

Sungjae jokingly glared back, “8am isn’t so early…maybe for an old man.”

 

Hyunsik leaned over and lightly punched Sungjae’s arm before saying, “Yah! 29 is not old alright. Seriously why so early?”

 

Turning his head to look outside Sungjae nervously answered, “She left me a message on the couple app last night.”

 

Confused with Sungjae’s cryptic response Hyunsik asked, “She?  She who?” Sungjae returned Hyunsik’s confused expression with a pointed stare signaling him to think hard.  Hyunsik then realized Sungjae could be only talking about one person, “Sooyoung-ssi?”

 

Closing his eyes and pinching his nose Sungjae admitted, “Yes. Seriously, I am going crazy here Hyung.” He may have dated a few girls over the years to look normal but he had an inkling his hyungs suspected she still held the reigns on his heart regardless of how much he covered it up.

 

“What did she say,” Hyunsik asked eagerly. He knew Sungjae’s feelings for Joy still burned in his heart despite Sungjae’s careful suppression of them. He dated a few girls here and there but they knew it was never serious.  They all knew of the ban on communication so it seemed pointless to bring it up with him. Instead they proudly watched Sungjae over the years mature into a strong and confidant man.

 

“She told me she liked me for the past 5 years and she no longer has the strength hold on to her feelings. She said she is letting go of me. While this whole time I have carefully planned to build myself in become a respectful man who could stand by her side.” exasperated Sungjae.

 

“So you finally admit it now? That you’ve liked her for the past 5 years,” Hyunsik chuckled. Sungjae never acknowledged out loud or confirmed he cared for Joy as deeply as he did. Sungjae nodded in response. Hyunsik didn’t need more to understand Sungjae’s predicament.

 

“Well you said she sent it last night so it may not be too late. She cannot let you go so easily if she also held onto you this long. It’s not going to happen over night or even in a week. You can still do something about this,” he challenged.

 

 “I mean, yes of course I want to do something about her message. It’s selfish but I’ve waited this long for a chance to win her.  Nevertheless it’s fairly obvious from the letter she was not expecting me to read it. It’s been years since we’ve spoken to one another directly; I can’t just march into her life and not respect her wish to let go,” Sungjae posed.

 

Silence started over their table. Hyunsik let Sungjae reflect quietly while he looked out the café trying to wrap his own mind around Sungjae’s situation. He never fathomed a day like this would come. He honestly thought over time Sungjae would be lifted of the burden of his feelings for Joy. What he did not expect was Joy to hold on so tightly too. There was no denying the obvious feelings Joy had for Sungjae. She absolutely glowed when they were together. He watched enough WGM episodes to know.  However destiny would not see their young love blossom either with their abrupt end and being forced to refrain from any contact.  He simply assumed their feelings would fade, especially Joy. Who knew his young friends’s love would burn so deeply after all this time. This was their chance…and the least he could do was help kindle their fire.

 

Hyunsik shook his head, “Then weasel your way in. Contrive a situation where are both in each other’s presence and leave no option but to give you chance. Wasn’t that your original plan anyway? You have two options: Do something about it or let her go. Don’t dwell too long. You have a slim window of opportunity.”

 

Sungjae nodded, “You’re right I have always wanted an opportunity. I just didn’t think it would be this soon or she wouldn’t want to try at least. I don’t know where to even start.” Before Sungjae could finish his thought his cellphone alerted him of an incoming message

 

[Message Received]

Hey don’t forget Omma and Appa’s anniversary is coming up.

We’re going shopping today!

                                                                                                                                                          Yes Noona. I know.

You’re awfully unplayful today.                                                                                                                                                                                                            Not even your usual tongue out emoticon?                                                                                    

                                                                                                            Sorry it’s nothing. You’re imagining it J

Don’t deflect. I’m your Noona.                                  

                                                                                                            Fine. I’ll tell you later when I see you at the                                                                                                                        mall.

Yep! Don’t be late brat!

 

Sungjae slightly smirked before looking back at Hyunsik, “My sister is excited to hang out today. It’s been a while.”

 

Hyunsik perked up, “Hey maybe your Noona can help you figure out what you can possibly do. Girls are good at this stuff.”

 

Sungjae nodded in agreement.  His Noona would have better advice about how to get in touch with Joy.

                                                     

Red Velvet’s Dorm

Joy attempted to open her eyes but she could feel they were still swollen from crying the night before. She felt exhausted from all the energy and heart she poured into her simple farewell letter. Today felt like the first day after filming of WGM ended. Her heart was heavy as if she went through a real break up and it was not even a real relationship! It was a new day today and she promised she was done with crying over Yook Sungjae. She could not let him steal her thoughts any longer if she was going keep her promise to move on.

 

With a new determination Joy arose from her bed to start her day. It was in fact the start of her well-deserved staycation! There was nothing that was going to keep her from distressing and relaxing. Walking outside her room she saw her Unnies and Yeri left  breakfast and a note for her on the table.

 

We almost woke you up this morning because Manager-nim called us to the office but we know it is your vacation. Also we know today is that day.  Please enjoy this breakfast Wendy made and we’ll all go out together after lunch! It’s been a long time since we’ve been all together so we’re looking forward to it. We should be back around 2pm. Fighting Sooyoung!

Love,

Unnies and Yeri

 

Joy smiled at the sweet gesture from her members. Following their directions she eat happily and by 10 am Joy found herself at the mall for some retail therapy. She did not have of the luxury to wonder on her own often but this week was an exception. Travelling from store to store Joy enjoyed shopping without any burden on her shoulders. She felt free. It was not until someone accidently crashed into her sending both parties to stumble back. After regaining her balance Joy started to apologize,   “I am so sorry—“

 

“Are you Park Sooyoung,” asked the person in front of her curiously.

 

Looking up Joy saw she was talking to a slightly older sophisticated lady. Out of respect Joy quickly answered, “Yes I am.”

 

The lady returned Joy’s smile, “Ahhh you truly cannot beat your beauty in person—“ The lady stopped abruptly realizing she was being rude and quickly continued, “ Sorry I should introduce myself I am Kim Sojin, Yook Sungjae’s older sister.”

 

Again in shock Joy could only smile politely in response. Of all the people she would meet today fate would have her meet someone in his social circle. She could not believe her luck. It was as if the moment she started to forget the universe would always bring him right back. Today was no different.

 

“I see. It is nice to meet you. I never thought I would have the pleasure,” Joy tried with small talk

 

“I know when you both were filming that brat never even called me so I could meet you on the phone. But you should have seen him during the time we went shopping for your coming of age gift. Sungjae was very determined we find you the perfect scent,” Sojin cheerfully reminisced.

 

Joy smiled softly at the thought of Sungjae’s former secret romantic gestures.  “He is very thoughtful. He took care of me well as his hoobae back then,” said Joy.

 

Sojin wryly smiled back. If she did not know any better she would say Joy seemed distracted and not as bright today as she usually looks on TV.  Soin knew celebrity personalities were very different from who they were in real life however looking at Joy she could not help but feel there was a dark cloud hovering about Joy. It was not her place to pry but she continued on, “I am glad I would have to beat him if he was anything less. Sorry to disturb you with all my rambling. I have always wanted to meet you… at least once.”

 

“It is  not a disturbance at all. Today is my first day of vacation so I am just enjoying my time to myself. I don’t get many opportunities to be on my own. I knew this mall is a busy one so I though it would be easy to blend in with the crowd,” Joy smiled ruefully. It was nice to go through the day without a care or direction. Even though she ran into Sungjae sister she couldn’t help but feel comfortable in her presence. She reminded her of a real unnie who looked after her siblings fiercely, like her own Red Velvet unnies. On the other hand she also reminded Joy of Sungjae, her aura matched her brothers.

 

Sojin studied Joy carefully remembering the young fresh girl from the 5 years ago clearly grew into a matured lady. Watching her brother and Joy on WGM made her feel connected to Joy. Joy never came into any of their conversations outside the time he dragged her to go shopping for the perfume but nonetheless Sojin knew Joy must have been special. She found it unfortunate nothing blossomed but then again she never understood the idol-celebrity world her brother occupied. Smiling back Sojin said, “Well then I will leave you to enjoy the rest of your day.”

 

Joy smiled and nodded before both women bowed slightly then prepared to turn and leave. Sojin paused then scrambled in her purse for a pen and paper. She scribbled her number quickly and handed the paper to Joy, “I know this may be strange and I don’t expect you to take me up on this but here is my number. My work schedule is flexible. If you ever want some company to shop or talk to someone you can contact me,” said Sojin while she looked on at Joy who look stunned and apprehensive.  Joy’s tense reaction made her add on, “and don’t worry I won’t tell Sungjae anything.”

 

This lady is bold…strange but bold. Joy eyed Sojin cautiously but received the paper. She could not understand why Sojin would offer her contact information less state she would not tell her own brother anything. Regardless the gesture was nice. It also had been a while since she made any real new friends so she responded optimistically,  “Thank you. I will think about it.” Joy bowed and continued on her way.

 

Sojin grinned before turning away feeling accomplished. Sojin started to walked forward thinking about the new friend she just made. Joy looked like she needed a friend and all Sojin wanted to do was take her under her wing. It was a forward move to make toward a stranger but she had no regrets. She probably should have not added she wouldn’t tell Sungjae about their possibly new friendship. It was if she betrayed her brother but he never mentioned anything about Joy before. Then he shouldn’t mind if we became friends. Sojin concluded.

 

[Message Received]

Noona~ I am here J

                 

                                                                                                            Okay. I am in Omma’s favorite department                                                                                                                       store by the main entrance. Meet me here.

On my way!

 

Sungjae casually walked through the mall hoping not to catch any unwarranted attention to himself. While scanning the crowd he swore he saw Joy walk on the opposite side of the mall toward the entrance he just walked through.  He was so enraptured by the lady who looked like Joy that in an instant she was gone. Sungjae shook his head. I must be imagining things. With that thought he continued on to meet his sister.

 

After shopping for their parents’ anniversary gift they stopped in the food court to grab a quick bite. Sojin carefully studied Sungjae. He looked preoccupied in with his own thoughts. She couldn’t help but probe into what was the matter with him, “You’re strange today.”

 

“Huh,” Sungjae uttered when he turned his head back to his Noona.

 

“I said you seem strange today. Out of it. You kept zoning out while we were shopping. Then earlier today your texts were out of character,”  Sojin commented. You too Sungjae?

 

“Sorry Noona. It’s just…”he started. He never told his sister anything about his deep feelings for Joy or that he even was attracted to her. It did not seem relevant to mention if he could not act on them nor acknowledge them. Sungjae sighed before confessing; “I know this will be a shock to you since I never mentioned anything like this before. But for the past 5 years I have been harboring feelings for Joy.”

 

Sojin sat in her chair frozen.  Oh great…

 

Assessing his sister’s reaction Sungjae quickly continued, “I know I should have mentioned something like this to you. At the time, you also didn’t know it, but we both were forced to end all friendly contact with one another. There was a communication ban that was carefully monitored by our agencies at the end of our time on WGM. I thought when the time was right and things worked out with Joy and I then I would come clean to you. I did not want to raise any alarm. Let’s be honest Noona if I said anything you would have been way too excited to contain yourself. Regardless last night things changed.”

 

Sojin huffed at his comment about her but urged him to finish his story.

 

“Remember that couple app I shared with Sooyoung-ssi on WGM?” Sungjae asked.

 

Sojin nodded and Sungjae sighed again, “Well… today is our ‘anniversary’. Last night out of curiosity I checked it. Within minutes of opening the application she posted a message to before quickly logging off. She said she had feelings for me that she could no longer sustain without feeling helpless anymore. Because of our lack of contact and the burden in her heart she felt it was time to let go of me.”

 

Everything about Joy made sense to Sojin now. She imagined Joy must have been so raw from making a heart wrenching decision. Then of course typical, inserts herself into her life. Sojin admired Joy’s ability to keep such a professional attitude when her heart must have been breaking. Now with her brother confessing his long suppressed feelings she felt conflicted.  “What are you going to do now,” Sojin asked.

 

“I really don’t know. I was hoping you could help me figure that out,” Sungjae said sheepishly.

 

Sojin sighed again while shaking her head at Sungjae. Aish I should help him. I am his older sister after all.  On the other hand I offered to Joy I wouldn’t share anything with Sungjae. To be fair…I did not promise anything beyond that so giving Sungjae advice wouldn’t be bad. I just can’t tell him I’ve met her or any possible future interaction. That’s fair?

 

Despite Sojin’s conflicting feelings she finally answered, “Well…if you were planning to reveal you feelings in the future anyway why don’t you go with your original plan?  I would just be straight with her. Contact her and ask her out to something non-committal, like coffee. When you’re in person speak from your heart. I can’t tell you what to say because then it wouldn’t be coming from you. Joy should hear from you and you alone. Not the words of another. I think if you do that even with the farewell letter she might give you a chance.”

 

He nodded while Sojin offered her advice.  “I think you’re right. What about the farewell letter? Will she think I am only reacting to the letter? It is true I am acting only now because of it. At the same time it was always my intention to eventually tell her how I felt I just didn’t think it would be so soon,” Sungjae said.

 

"It’s your call. I think if you tell her she might think you are only reacting to her letter. If you act like you didn’t read it regardless it will come up at some point. I don’t think you can avoid it not coming up. It comes down to how honest you want to be. I think you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t” Sojin truthfully said. There wasn’t a best solution in this situation.  It all relied on what Sungjae was comfortable doing.

 

Sungjae nodded at his sister’s advice. After talking to Sojin his mind was made up—he would have to approach her directly. There was not point in beating around the bush. With new sense of determination Sungjae settled on his next step: Getting in touch with Joy with as little number of people finding out.

 

Red Velvet’s Dorm

As promised in their letter the rest Red Velvet members assembled in their dorm promptly at 2pm. Irene who was in the process of moving out to her own apartment walked into the living room for Joy. She proceeded to check Joy’s room before returning to the living room with the rest of the members.

 

“Aish she’s not back yet,” Irene commented while she flopped onto the couch with Wendy.

 

Seulgi looked up at Irene from her position on the floor with a knowing gaze, “It’s June 3^rd. You know she’s thinking about him. She probably taking her time walking back to clear her mind.”

 

Staring meekly at her unnies Yeri added, “Last night was the hardest I ever heard Unnie cry.”

 

“Really now,” asked Irene turning her attention to the maknae pressing her to go on. Wendy and Seulgi also followed suit.

 

Somberly Yeri continued, “Joy-unnie must have thought I was sleeping but she really let herself go last night. Her sobs were so saddening I wanted to go comfort her but when I moved I think she heard me a stopped. Only 5 minutes later she started sobbing again. The last time I witnessed her like that was when WGM filming ended.”

 

Before Yeri could elaborate more Joy walked into the dorm and attempted to smile toward her members. “Hello! How was the meeting,” Joy proceeded to ask as she placed her shopping bags down.

 

“It was good. We missed you of course.” said Irene returning Joy’s smile. She could tell Joy was trying her best to put on a bright façade, however her puffy eyes were betraying her.

 

Sensing the somber feeling rolling over them Seulgi decided to break the tension. “Let’s go to lunch! We can talk more there.”

All the members nodded in agreement and quickly switched their focus on to where to eat. As her members started to leave the dorm Joy followed suit happy Seulgi changed the subject. She knew eventually she would have to tell them what she decided to do last night but a few more hours wouldn’t hurt. She hadn’t mentally prepared herself to have the conversation with her Unnies and Yeri yet.

 

At the Restaurant

“Aish I’m so full,” commented Yeri before she slumped into her chair pouting. The rest of Red Velvet laughed at their maknae who had a tendency to eat her meals very quickly. Throughout their time at the restaurant the Red Velvet members exchanged updates with their solo activities. With Joy’s solo promotions and various activities of the other members they had not been able to be together for a month. Joy was happy to hear about Seulgi’s success with her new musical to Irene’s CF contracts. With the conversation winding down Joy decided it was the convenient time to come clean with her Unnies and Yeri. There was no point in holding in the inevitable. Clearing Joy caused her members to turn their attention to her.

 

“I wanted to say thank you all for trying to cheer me up today. I know this day always ends up being a burden on all of you when it really shouldn’t be--” said Joy

 

Seulgi reassured, “It is not a burden Joy. We know how you feel about him and you only allow yourself to really acknowledge your feelings on this day. Every other day of the year you hide everything away.”

 

Wendy nodded and gently reached for Joy’s hand, “With our lifestyle we’re actually envious you were able to develop feelings at all. Think about it Joy since our debut there hasn’t been an opportunity for any of us to meet someone. You did.”

 

Irene added on, “ Sometimes just the chance to love someone, even if it is not returned or from afar, is better than nothing at all.”

 

Joy squeezed Wendy’s hand in understanding. She looked at each member’s sincere gazes and felt grateful for their support all these years. She never knew her members felt this way. It was true their idol lifestyle did not allow for romantic relationships without the risks of backlash or hate from fans. “You’re right Irene-unnie but I think my heart is done holding on to something that will never happen. It’s been five years I think I owe it to myself to try to move on and heal,” said Joy.  She started to tear up before continuing, “That is why last night I decided it was time to let go of Sungjae-oppa. I wrote a farewell letter and sent it to the old couple app.”

 

Silence came over their table as Joy let out her silent tears roll down her face.  She was thankful they were sitting in a secluded part of the restaurant so that other restaurant patrons could not see her in such a state. She could also tell her decision didn’t surprise the rest of Red Velvet.  They all reached for her hand that was currently held by Wendy.

 

After figuring out how to respond to Joy’s announcement Irene, as the leader, spoke up. “We’re here for you Sooyoung-ah. I understand your decision to move on was a hard one to make. But you deserve to be happy. I trust that you are making the best decision for yourself.”

 

“You’ve worked so hard with your solo debut and with this decision you can use your vacation time to refocus and rejuvenate,” Wendy suggested.

 

“Maybe you should visit your parents during your vacation. That way you really focus on you and you won’t be burden by being around work,” Yeri added.

 

Joy smiled sincerely at her members thankful for their unwavering support. She felt like a weight lifted from her shoulders after finally sharing her decision. Joy also agreed with Yeri that a change in scenery would be good for her.

 

A/N: This chapter is meant to give background where both Sungjae and Joy are at emotionally after the farewell letter is sent. I know it is very long winded and it did take me a while to decide both character's motivation. I welcome any feedback even regarding story development and of course any errors. Also feel free to leave your thoughts about what you predict is going to happen.