"You wont eat that?" Hyejin asked me pointing at my pancakes. It was now the next morning and we were eating breakfast in our grey, kitchen. 

I continued looking at my plate. 

"I can't. I think i'll throw up. I'm not feeling good." My whole body was rebeling against me, it was refusing to function properly. I was having cold sweats and any solid food right now would be the death of me. To top it all i was starting to develop a stomach ache.

"What? What you talking about?" She asked not understanding why i was acting this way.

I didn't reply, instead i kept frowning at the pancakes.

"GOD!" she frustatingly screamed. "You're such a drama queen. Is this because of Solar?" she asked.

"I'm not being dramatic, i'm serious. I'm so nervous i might faint Hyejin. My heart can't take all of this emotion. It's too much."

She got up. "You're such a loser." I followed her movements with my eyes. She went to one of the boxes on the floor and took out some kinda of bottle. 

She came to the table with it and opened it in front of me. "Here, take a sip of this."

"Huh, what's that?" 

"Just trust me ok, this will make you feel better." she said.

I trusted her and i regreted it, as usual. Why do i keep making the same mistakes?

"OMG, this tastes like ." It really tasted bad, like really, really bad.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Oh, please. Stop being a . Aren't you tired of it? You've been doing it for the past 24 years of your life."

I sulked. i'm not being a , it's totally normal to be scared, right? You guys get it, right? 

 I mean, after a really long time Solar and i spoke again. We finally agreed that the best for both of us now would be to talk, face to face. We actually agreed to meet eachother later today. 

That being said, i'm nervous as . Don't get me wrong i am thrilled about it, we're finally taling about what happened between us and i'm finally going to see her. I'm dying to see that pretty cute face of hers right in front of me again, i'm dying to listen to her laugh and creepingly stare at her gorgeous smile for a absurd amount of time. But, i'm also dying of fear of what might come out of that conversation. I really want to know what happened to us, what went wrong. How did we became like this. I seek the truth above all but i'm also terrified of it. 

I'm feeling so conflicted right now. I can't handle this, you know me. It's too overwelming, it's crazy. I want to be prepared but i know i'm not, you know? Like i want this but at the same i don't. I'm too insecure about the outcome. So yeah, excuse me if i feel like thowing up! I'm only human, and not a very good one in case you haven't noticed yet.

I turned to her. "You know what? It wouldn't kill you to be a little more supportive!"

She looked at me with enraged eyes and opened mouth.

"I'm the most supportive person on earth, you . How can you say that? I am supporting you when i tell you to stop being such a . You already got a date with Solar what more could you ask for? The hardest part is done and you're still beind a drama queen about it. Stop. Now, drink that up and get ready we're going somewhere." she shouted at me.

I stood there not saying anything, because deep down i knew she was right. She was still glaring at me when she stood up and walked to her room.

"Eat your pankcakes, loser." was the last thing she said before closing the door to her bedroom.

I did as she told me. I smiled, we're always like this screaming at eachother and i'm sure that if i ever loose this i'll be damned. She is indeed my best friend. Still, you for screaming at me.

--

An hour has passed. It's now 10 in the morning and i'm sitting on the couch waiting for Hyejin to come out. Like she said we were going somewhere? Where? I don't know yet.

"I'm ready. Let's go." I heard her say as she made her way to the front door picking up her bag and her car keys.

I silently followed her steps and in no time we reached the destination. We were in front of the building that served as the main structure to our new apartment. 

"What are we doing here?" i asked her when we got inside the building.

"Shut up." she harshly replied.

"Fine." i huffed out, trailing behind her. She's still angry at me.

Turns out we just came to sign the license papers. It was official now, the apartment was ours, in no time we should start moving out from the old one. I was ready to buil new memories in a new place, i needed it. We all did. 

--

This is it. The moment i've kind of been waiting for. 

I set the "date" for this afternoon, a little after lunch. That meant it was now 13:30 and i had half an hour to reach the designated location for our encounter. Me and Hyejin were now good, we lunched together and after i volunteered (she actually made me do it but whatever) to pay for the food and the dessert she calmed down.

I'm all dolled up, feeling pretty good about myself. Now, all i got to do is to get my out of this house. 

. Easier said than done. 

After a long session of deep breathing i walked out of the house, partially. My legs we're now giving up on me and refusing to do what my brain was telling them to do. Move. Then again, i can't really judge them for not listening to him, it's not the most eficient one. It's only natural they don't trust him. It? Argh, forget it.

--

My heart was beating at the speed of light, my hands had so much sweat i could make teat out of it. I was a mess, i am a mess. I had to remind myself to breath every once in a while.

14:15 and i am still waiting for Solar to arrive. The coffee place is basically empty and i don't think that's a good thing, i mean i don't want people to listen to our conversation. Where we even going to talk? I really don't know if i can. Once again my body is turning against me. .

14:30. I've been waiting for half an hour and still no signs of Solar. On the other hand the place was a bit fuller now, a couple of tables were occupied and for some unknown reason that calmed me down.

Why was i so nervous anyway? I'm not the one having to explain myself right? I mean, i did nothing wrong. I guess.

I fished my phone in hopes of having recieved a message from her telling me she would be late, but i got nothing. Then, as i was placing my phone down on the table i heard the door opening and - BAM - my eyes got hit by that ing lame shining light Solar insists in radiating. Oh, damn. I was i mad at her? Can we just forget everything?

She looked at me and i forgot how to breath. Guys, if you could see her you would definitely pee in your pants. Once again she was looking like the most perfect little angel on earth and i was again falling in love for her. How could i not, right? If i described what i was feeling right now it would be something like... I don't even know and i guess that was the main reason i fell in love with her. She makes me feel things i never knew i could feel.

But lets get back to reallity now, i'm here becaue she walked away from me when i told her i loved her. Let's not forget that, yeah? 

She walked towards me with a smile adorning her face and even though it wasn't the brightest one, it was still enough to take my breath away, again. FOCUS.

"Hi." She simply said when she approached me. 

I signaled her to sit with me, greeting her back. "Hey."

"I'm sorry i'm late." she shortly said, barely looking at me.

"No problem, i almost died here but thats ok." i nervously chuckled trying to brake this awkward atmosphere. I guess it worked, she laughed.

"Did i make your hands sweaty?" she asked with that teasing voice of her.

I looked at my hands and smiled. "As usual." I looked up.

I stared at her, our eyes meeting for a second before i cowardly looked away afraid of getting lost in those stupidly gorgeous eyes. I cleared my throat in hopes that would make me regain composure. What you mean regain? You were never composed in the first place lol. 

"Do you want something?" i politely asked her. 

She looked confused. "Hmm, i want to talk to you." 

I laughed. Cute. 
 
"I know, me too. But i was asking if you'll have something to drink or... i don't know."

She instantly turned red, probably feeling silly. 

"Well, that was awkward." 

"It's ok." i assured her. "I'm up for some coffee, you?"

"Same, i guess." she answered.

"Hey, that's my line." i said. We both laughed. 

After a few minutes of silence and with both our cups on the table Solar broke the silence. 

"So, how have you been?" 

I sipped on my coffee and leaned back. I adverted my gaze from her and looked outside, the sun was warm and the streets were full. 

"I've had better days, honestly. But, i started the classes and it's good." i looked back at her, only for a few moments.

"Right, the classes. Are you liking it?"

"Yes, it's better than i expected." i smiled.

"That's good." she said in the most genuine way possible.

"How about you? What have you been up to?"

She took a sip. "Nothing much. I've left the band."

That was unexpected.

"Why?" i asked her.

"I don't know, i wasn't feeling it anymore." she shrugged her shoulders. "I started having english classes last week." 

"Really? Thats nice." 

Silence again. 

"Solar?" i broke the silence.

She looked at me. "Yes?" 

"Is that one personal question a day thing still valid?" i asked.

"Hmm." 

"What's your job?" 

She started laughing out loud. Truth is, i never knew. Just like Hyejin i've never knew how she pays the bills.

"Well, i work with Eric. He owns a vintage shop. You know, clothes, books, insturments, all kinds of vintage stuff."

I nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like something you would do."

We smiled. God, this was turture, i could feel both of us were expecting the talk to happen at any time soon but the atmosphere was so good we were afraid to spoil it. I almost forgot why we were here, i almost wished we didn't have to talk. But we needed. 

If we were waiting for the right timing then it wouldn't happen, i know us. So i finally gathered my courage and asked once and for all.

"Can we talk about what happened between us?" 

Silence. She took a deep breath before answering me. Her eyes turning sad and guilty.

"I-" she started talking but couldn't finish her sentence.

I waited for her to talk, but nothing. She wasn't even looking at me.

"Hey." i called her. She looked at me. "It's just me." i said.

Her expression turned even more sad and i could see tears forming in her eyes. 

"That's why it's so difficult." she said softly sobbing. 

I fought the urge to hug her and stayed glued to my chair. I didn't say anything, waiting for her to continue but then again she didn't. I soundly sighed, feeling frustrated.

"It's not fair you know. You're not going to say anything?" she didn't answer. "Fine, i'll go. You broke my heart and that was the first for me. You know why? Because i never had the balls to chase after wat i wanted so i never allowed myself to get broken. But you, girl you changed that. I had you and just like that- dramatic finger snap - i lost you. It was painfull, it still is actually. I'm here sitting across you and it's breaking me, every part of me is hurting right now. You can't even talk, tell me something, give me some kind of answer before i go crazy, Solar. I'm not mad because you don't love me back, i'm mad because you walked out on me. You, out of all people walked out on me. And know i finally have the courage to look you in the eyes and ask you why and you just... You can't even say it. Just say it. You don't love me. Ok, i can handle that - Not really -. Just say something. If you won't take the love you're given at least let me go." 

I was crying, the tears were flowing but i was feeling as light as a feather, all those words and thoughts were finally out of my head and that was a relief. For now at least. 

I got up, took out my wallet and placed some money in the table. She was sobing, hard. I walked towards her and kneeled beside her. 

"Look at me." i said. She did as i told her, again her eyes filled with sadness. "I'll move on if you don't say anything." i said, almost choking on my own words. 

She looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry." was the only thing she said between all the sobbing.

 I got up and kissed her forehead. "I know, me too." and with those words i left. 

This was not easy to write. Damn. 
Well, hope you liked it ahaha what is your opinion about this? Would you give up on this love? I'm not sure i would, but that doesn't mean i won't. Got it? xD
Speak you mind dear readers! 


Thank you for the continuing support. You are the best <3