When All Seems Lost
I See Things (That No One Else Sees)Junghan gently tapped the dirt into place and wiped his eyes with the back of his wrist, careful of the dirt on his finger nails. He hated that he was crying, but it was hard not to. Having an animal, any animal, was hard for him because he just got so damn attached. Fish? Lizards? His cat? He loved them all like his children, and to have to put down his two oldest fish left him a mess. Dropsy, how could anyone fight the cancer of all fish? It was the king, queen and jester of diseases. It left his poor bettas with kidney failure, protruding scales and swollen gills. They had been looking awful, and he couldn't let his babies suffer.
Clove oil was the most humane way to do it. He hated the stuff. Cloves, the flower of dignity, were now meaning loss to him. The oil he used to end their pain was up his nose, in his sinuses and all over his hands. His bedroom stunk of the stupid flowers, and now as he looked up to try and stave off tears again he knew he'd have to open up his window to help. He hated crying.
Maybe thats why he asked Jihoon over, Jihoon never judged. He knew just how much Junghan cared for his animals, even the most fragile of them. He let Jihoon pull him into a hug and he let out a sob, his shoulders shaking.
"I didn't want them to die, those bettas were my babies.."
Jihoon was rubbing his back, whispering small soothing sounds into his ear and he just let himself cry. These fish had left him a crying mess for days as he made the decision and set the date to end the lives of his small fish babies. He knew he'd never be able to thank Jihoon enough for just being there, but god he appreciated it more than he could ever tell him. It was hard, knowing that his thirty gallon fish tank in his dining room wouldn't have his precious bettas in it anymore, but he liked the thought that they were in a big endless tank in the sky. He let Jihoon swaddle him in blankets an hour later and turn on Yu-Gi-Oh!, it was their favorite show to watch together. Jihoon didn't even complain about his sniffles, just rubbed his side and did his best to help him feel better. Honestly, Junghan couldn't think of a better way to mourn his loss.
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