Well, maybe not. What I really hate is the way that Jaejoong lights up only for you. I hate the way that one word from you can make Jaejoong beam or make him cry. I hate it, that he doesn't see me as anything other than a close friend. He knows I love him, he knows why I kissed him that night… and he just wants you. He never even kissed me back. He was motionless under me only because he was too shocked to move, not because he was encouraging me… but you misunderstood and left him.

Are you happy? Jaejoong's been so depressed that he barely even moves from home. Are you glad that he's like this? I think somewhere you're probably laughing to yourself, that you can make him suffer. I know you know about it, because I was there when Ri In came to report back. Her face is serious and now she doesn't overly sympathize with Jaejoong. I think you've probably told her what happened.

It hurts to see how desperate Jaejoong is for information of you. He's jumping all over Ri In like an eager little puppy. I wish he could be that crazy over me, but you're the one he loves. And, because of a moment of recklessness, I screwed that up. But Jaejoong hasn't blamed me at all. He's focused all his attention on finding his beloved Yeonhee rather than yelling at me, and I think he blames himself anyway, which isn't how it should be but I'm too much the coward right now to force him to realize that the one he should be hating is me.

Ri In won't tell Jaejoong where you are. He begs and pleads and makes puppy-dog eyes at her, but she stands firm. "I promised him I wouldn't tell you," she says with a touch more sympathy.

Jaejoong slumps back onto the couch again. He's crestfallen, depressed again so easily. He was so hopeful all day since Ri In first told him she had contacted you, but now he's crushed again. You really like doing this to him, don't you? You like him to suffer.

Ri In's eyes are on me; her expression is mournful. "You're…?"

"Ayumi," I tell her.

I can almost see the light bulb turning on in her mind. Her eyes turn crafty. "Come with me," she orders, leading the way. I don't really know what to think, and I can't guess what she's planning, but I follow anyway, just because I don't want to see Jaejoong looking all depressed again right now.

She turns on me the instant the office door is closed. "Ayumi, right? I've heard a lot about you from Jaejoong."

"Yeah," I reply, simply because she looks like she's waiting for one.

"I promised that I wouldn't let Jaejoong know where Yeonhee is right now," she tells me," but I never said that I wouldn't tell anyone else. I'll tell you where she is, and you can go talk to her."

"Now hang on a moment!" I blurt out. No way. There's no way I'm going to do that, because I'm the reason this whole mess happened.

"I know that you’re the reason why the whole thing happen," she babbles on, carried away with her idea. "And Yeonhee knows it. She'll listen to your explanation."

Like you will. You never listen to anyone, not even Jaejoong who's supposed to be your boyfriend. Why in the world would you listen to me, the person whom you think Jaejoong's having an affair with? Besides, why would I want to talk you into getting back together with Jaejoong? He's better off without you! He's better off—

“I’m sure you don’t want Jaejoong to suffer like this, aren’t you?” Ri In said carefully.

The image of Jaejoong crumpled up on the couch and flipping through TV channels in blank despair flashes into my mind. I remember the way that Jaejoong screamed after you when you left, and chased you. And now he's shattered apart because he lost you.

Maybe… it's not better for him to be away from you.
I have every reason to want you guys to break up. You're cruel to Jaejoong, and I love him. I want to be his lover… but he's in so much pain right now, and it's my fault, and it hurts to see him like this. It hurts even more than seeing you two together.

"Alright," I finally give in. "Tell me where she is. I'll go talk to her."

Looking relieved, she gives me the address. I sigh, and head out without another word. I send only a short glance over to Jaejoong as I storm across the living room to the door. He's sprawled on the couch again, his eyes almost lifeless as he stares at the TV. A twinge runs through me, and even though I don't want to do this, it strengthens my resolve.

What an idiot I am. I'm going to go try to repair your relationship, when I love Jaejoong. I love Jaejoong so much that I'd rather put you two back together than try to pick up the Jaejoong-pieces you left behind when you left.
It's not hard to find the hotel, although it's quite a ways off the beaten path. It's a good distance by subway. I don't bother to announce myself at the desk. I sneak up and to your room, and pound on the door.

It takes five straight minutes of knocking to even get a response. Finally, the door flies open with hostile force, and you snarl, "What do you want, Ri—"

You realize who I am only then. We stare at each other. You're glaring at me with that same old indifferent expression… only it's not the same. Your expression is haunted rather than haughty. Your posture is slumped rather than straight and intimidating. And your eyes are red, as in weeping red.

"Yeonhee," I begin.
You slam the door in my face.

Well, you try to, but my reflexes are just barely quick enough. Without even thinking, I throw my hand out and get it in the crack between the door and the jamb right as you slam it.

“Argh!”

I suppose having my hand almost severed by a door was a successful way to get your attention, though, because you grab me up by my collar and drag me into the hotel room, slamming the door behind us. You don't want anyone to see you, it's clear. You don't like attention, Jaejoong's told me lots of times in the past.

You shove me down into the chair and storm out with the ice bucket in hand. I sit, wincing.

You stomp back into the room. Your face is set in an ill-tempered expression. You scoop ice from the bucket into a small towel, and throw it to me. I barely manage to catch it without falling off the chair or getting pelted by ice. I grit my teeth to contain my irritation, and gently apply it to my aching hand.

"Now get out," you demand.

"Yeonhee—"

"Get. Out."

I firm my resolve. "I'm here to talk to you."

"You mean, to gloat," you accuse.

"Gloat about what?" I snarl right back. "Nothing happened."

You pace to the other side of the room with quick agitated steps. I've never seen you upset by anything before, and it's a shocking change. "Don't try to lie to me. I've know—Jaejoong—that men—" You don't know what to call Jaejoong. For a second, you look almost flustered. You hesitate, and then finally pick a word. "I know that men asked you to come here to patch things up. But don't bother! You can have him. I don't want him anymore."

As though Jaejoong really is some kind of possession to be tossed out once he's worn out. I narrow my eyes at you. "I thought you cared about him a little more than that." Setting aside the fact that I'm not even sure you actually care in the first place.

You seem infuriated that I'd dare to make such a comment. "You don't know the first thing about me!"

"You're right." I roll my eyes. "And I really don't want to know any more. All I want to know is if you deserve him."

And you say again, "I don't want him! You can have him. You two seem to get along perfectly." A trace of your old sarcasm. But only a trace.

"Nothing happened," I repeat. "You misunderstood what you saw."

"Did I?" You seem completely disbelieving.

"I was drunk. I kissed him. Jaejoong didn't want it. You're the only one he cares about in that way, Yeonhee," I explain flatly. It hurts so much to say it, but it's the truth.

You honestly don't know what to say to that. You just stare at me.

"It's true," I say, more to break the awkward silence than to reassure you.

Your hand shakes so much, and you breathe in and out try to soothing yourself, and then attack again, "So that's the story you're going with. It's a bit clichéd, don't you think? The old drunken routine-"

"It's the truth," I snapped again.

"Get out," you order, stepping back to leave me a clear path to the door. "Get out."

"You're pathetic," I sneer, losing my patience. "You're a pathetic loser who loves to wallow in her own misery."

Your eyes flash. "Then why are you trying to put us back together, if you think that?"

Who knows. I wish someone would tell me the answer to that one. " You know Jaejoong! You know he can't lie worth anything! Jaejoong doesn't deserve to be ruined by someone as twisted and heartless as you." I shake my head angrily. "You're right. I give up on trying to repair this mess you caused. I hope you go off and die somewhere, and leave Jaejoong alone! He doesn't deserve someone like you!"

Your mouth opens. It's the second time I've made you speechless. For a long moment, you look weird. Then, finally, anger comes to save you. "You b*t—"
A cough interrupts you. You clap a hand over your mouth, wheezing into your palm. You pull your hand away, and I think I can see something red on your lip.

Grudgingly I ask, "You okay?" Trying to decide if I hope you are (for Jaejoong's sake) or if I hope you aren't.

You spin away from me, not even answering, and go into the bathroom. The door slams behind you.

"Yeonhee," I snarl at the door.

"Get! Out!" You grit out then. "Get out!"

"Gladly!" I've already got the hotel room door open.

But the sound of more coughing, violent coughing, chases me when I try to make my getaway. I hesitate in the doorway.
Reluctantly I close the door again and tap on the bathroom door. "Yeonhee."
"Go AWAY!" You scream. And immediately dissolve into another coughing fit. It sounds really painful, actually. Maybe you are dying in there. I'm sure that was blood I saw on your lip before.

"Yeonhee," I growl at him. "Are you okay?"
You don't answer. You just cough. It sounds almost like retching now, you're coughing so hard.

"Yeonhee." I try the doorknob, but you've locked the door behind you. "Yeonhee, open the door."
The coughing fit is dying down, but I can hear you wheezing for breath. Another moment, and then I hear the weak thud of a limp body hitting the ground.

"Yeonhee!" I pound on the bathroom door. What is wrong with you? "Open up!"

There's no response, not even a shout to go away. I think you've fainted, and the bathroom door's locked. "Yeonhee!" You might be really sick, especially if that was blood I saw… and Jaejoong's going to hate me if I brought this on.

But there's nothing, and in the end I have to go down and tell the landlord to open the door. Eventually after 20 minutes long we managed to open the door, and I stumble into the bathroom to find you crumpled on the ground, unconscious and covered with blood.

~~*~~
A/N: Thanks for the comment :)