The phone's ringing again. It's such a pain. I want to chuck the thing out the window. I even reach for it and draw my arm back in preparation. But the number blinking back at me isn't yours.

It's Ri In.

I don't want to answer. I don't want to talk to anyone.

But I've already missed job for a week and she’s my supervisor.

I might as well pick up. Her is on the line, too, and it would be wrong to get her fired over my personal problems.

My voice is hoarse and angry when I answer the phone. A week without proper sleep doesn't do much for a person.

"What."

There's a silence for a moment over the phone. Then Ri In, sounding startled and relieved, cries out, “Yeonhee!"

"Obviously," I snarl back. She called my number. Who the hell did she expect to pick up, the Tooth Fairy?

"I have starting to think…" she trails off. "Where have you been? Are you alright?"

Oh, so now she wants to chat. "What do you want." My tone is flat and hostile. I don't want to talk.

She hesitates again; finally, uncertain, she says, "We've been worried. Jaejoong oppa—"

That name. Your name. It's a knife in my chest, a rage burning through my soul. "What do you want?" I demand, cutting her off.

"I…" she trails off again. I don't think she knows what to say. Not surprising. I haven't been this rude to her since the early days, she’s one of the people that always there for me and thanks because of you now I treated her like a sh*t.

"Just tell me where you are and I'll come by to pick you up."

"NO! I don’t wanna come back to ‘that’ place."

“Yeonhee-ah~~~please don’t be such an egoistic person. I’m so worried of you,” the tone in her voice startled me a bit, it caught me off the guard. I started to sob, in these weeks I’ve turned into anti-social and look myself up. I didn’t know that one caring words from a friend made my pride reach the bottom and next thing I know, I cried, felt so lonely and hopeless.

"Alright,if you don’t wanna come home" she says hastily.

"Tell me where you live now and I'll drop by your place."
I'm sure she will come. What I'm concerned about is if she'll bring a certain blonde-haired betrayer along. She seems to have a soft spot for you. I don't know how you two got so friendly, but whenever we used to have fights she'd try to help you patch our relationship up. The last thing I need now is my best friend efforts to bring us back together.

"If you tell him where I am, if you bring him here, I swear I'll never ever speak with you again," I threaten.

There's a tiny pause. Then she replies, "I wouldn't think of it." I know that tone, though. I know she's got something up her sleeve.

"I'm serious," I growl. Hatred for you spills onto her. How can you reach out and touch so many people? How can you turn everyone against me like this! "Do you think I'm joking?"

She must hear something in my voice. "No. No, I don't," she replies, and her tone is serious now. "I won't tell Jaejoong where you are."

Alright. I give her the address and room number, and hang up on her when she tries to babble on about "being there soon." I'm exhausted. One little phone call can wipe me out so easily, now. Even calling for room service can make me tired. I sprawl out on the bed. For the last weeks, I've alternated between manic periods when I can't fall asleep for days on end, and periods when I feel like doing nothing but sleep. The familiar death-shroud of depression has settled on me, leaving me too worn to do much of anything.

And it's your fault.

Or maybe it's my fault.

I don't know anymore, Jaejoong. I had no right to be with you in the first place. Our relationship ruined you in more ways than just one.

I grind the heels of my hands into my eyes, forcing all thought of you from my mind. I'm so tired, Jaejoong. I'm tired of all these constant images I have of you, scrolling through my mind whenever I sit still for a moment.

I hate you….

… Jaejoong.

________________________________________

A knock on the door wakes me up. Groggily I turn my head just enough to peep at the alarm clock. It's only been an hour since Ri In called. I don't want to get up. If that's Ri In, then she can just dig a trench out there for all I care. I'm not getting up.

The knocking gets more intense.

I drag out of bed and head to the door, unlocking it. Leveling a hate-filled glare on whoever's out there the moment I open the door.

It is Ri In. She holds a bag of plastic full of I don’t know what it is up as a peace offering. I move back from the door without speaking, grabbing the plastic, now I know containing of food- from her hands. Without looking at her, I spin and collapse at the small table, rummaging the plastic and snatch a bread.

Ri In watches me eat, silent for the first ten minutes. I ignore her and snatch a bottle of water, almost chocked because I almost don’t eat for weeks.

Then, entirely expected, she says, "I met Jaejoong at your apartment."

That name again. I can't stand it. I say nothing.

"He's really worried about you."

I eat faster, to control the urge I have to punch something.
"He hasn't been to work for awhile."

And I'm supposed to care… why?

"He wants to talk to you, Yeonhee. He wants to explain, and settle things."

I can't control the sudden rage that swells through me. I snatch out the water bottle that sit still on the table and throw it across the room so hard that when it hits the wall, it cracks open and water leaks out. "Shut up!" I shout at her, lunging to my feet. "I don't remember ever asking you to be some kind of go-between in my personal life! It's none of your business!"

Ri In looks up at me with a surprising amount of calm, considering my over-the-top violent reaction. "Jaejoong did ask me, though. You won't speak to him, and I'm the only one you will talk to."

You manage to turn everyone against me, all the time, Jaejoong. I hate you so much for that, and yet I can't hate you.

"It's none of your business!" I scream at her. I really need to hit something now. I want to hit myself. I'd probably end up in an asylum then, wouldn't I. Ri In would think I'd gone insane.

"Jaejoong's miserable," she goes on. It's driving me crazy that she won't leave this alone, that she thinks I should care that you're miserable.

I couldn't care less, Jaejoong. I really couldn't care less. It's better for you this way, anyway. "I'm sure he is," I sneer sarcastically.

She looks at me with a surprisingly hard expression. "I don't know what happened between you, but surely you've punished him enough. You need to learn to forgive and forget, Yeonhee."

"No, you don't know what happened," I snap back. If she did, would she still be pressing me like this? Pressuring and pushing and torturing me with razor-sharp needles of truth? "It's none of your business to know." I step back, leaving her a clear path to the door.

"You know the way out, so use it."

Ri In actually glares at me "It is my business! How long have we known each other, Yeonhee? More than five years. Five years! I think that gives me some right to step in when I see you're ruining your life!"

Suddenly, I'm too exhausted to stand and yell and even think. I collapse onto the edge of the bed—closer than the chair—and bury my head in my hands, folding over dizzily. I feel like crying; there's that unmistakable ache behind my eyes.

"What happened, Yeonhee?" she asks then

"He moved on," I tell her with a mirthless smile. I want to cry, but I refuse to cry over you, you jerk.

"Jaejoong…?" she blurts, a note of astonished understanding glimmering in her tone now.
The truth spills out, even though I tried to stop it through this whole conversation.

"He cheated on me. I found them… together. On my bed." I bury my face in my hands again, my elbows on my knees, propping me up.

Ri In is silent, appalled. "I don't believe it!"

"I saw it," I whisper. "I saw…"

"It's just a mistake," she protests. "I'm sure! Jaejoong would never—"

"I saw them!" I cry out, glaring up at her. To my surprise, and hers as well, she blurs over in my vision and wet heat rolls down my cheeks.

Horrified, I scrub at my cheeks angrily. I'm not going to cry over this, dammit all! I swear! I'm not—

"Yeonhee…"

More tears well up, struggling to escape. I squeeze my eyes closed hard, willing them back.

"I'm sorry…" Ri In murmurs then, hesitant and worried. "If I'd known… I wouldn't have pressured you like that. I'm sorry, Yeonhee."
I don't acknowledge her. I'm so tired, and all my willpower is focused on regaining control.

An awkward silence descends. I keep my eyes screwed closed. Keep the tears back. I won't cry over you, Jaejoong. I refuse to. It's better this way, isn't it?

Ri In speaks again, and her voice comes from right beside me. "You're exhausted," she remarks softly. "Go to sleep."

I'm tired enough to actually listen to her this time. I bury my face in my arms, in the pillow, and hide in the blackness that swamps my senses and carries me away to blissful non-remembrance.

~~~*~~~~

A/N OH MY GOD!, winglin ate half of my chap, sory I just noticed it :'(