Annyong Seyong-hyung! It’s been a long time since my last letter. I’m sorry but I’ve been busy. Ever since you left, I have been working and studying with all my will. I miss you so much! I hope you are doing well. You know Gunwoo-hyung finally confessed to Insoo-hyung last week! Now they are so lovely-dovely and always together. We guessed with Joonkyu that when they would move in together. My guess is before this year ends while hyung guessed next year. Will see who will win.

You know hyung I promised myself to work harder and fulfill the rest of my dreams too, just like you told me to. I still want to go to France and see the Eiffel-tower, get a tan in Spain, see koalas in Australia and go to Finland to play in snow with a white dog. I’m still sad because of the fact that you can’t join me. I know that you are busy, but that you would want to come too. I’m happy about the feeling having someone who I can love and be loved by in my life. I’m so in love again always after looking at our pictures that we took together, listening to the songs that you always show me when we sat in the park at midnights, and when I look at the music videos we filmed with the rest of MYNAME. I have said this already many times in my letters but I miss you and I will always love you, forever.

I just got a phone call from the university I study in. They said that I got the highest score in my exams and that a famous acting and singing teacher offered me lesions for discount! I took the offer and tomorrow I’m going to meet her. Wish me luck!

It’s raining. I remember how we always used to go on a walk while it rained. You held my hand, keeping my fingers warm. I always looked at you admiring your beauty. When you always asked why I was staring, I always shook my head telling it was nothing. I always looked into your eyes, falling into their deepness. I always wished that the moment would last forever, but sadly it didn’t. You always kissed me when we stood alone outside, with clear raindrops falling on us. You held me close to you, not wanting to let go.

I still can’t believe what happened then, two years ago. I heard you were upset and then it happened. I still hate that guy… I tried many times to erase you from my mind, but you have taken all the space inside my head and my heart. I waited and waited in the dark night for you to come back. I didn’t return inside before Insoo-hyung carried me back to the dorm. I was weak. I didn’t believe that that could ever happen to you, to us. It broke my heart when I realized that you weren’t going to return, to come back to me.

Hyung just so you know, I never grow tired of you. I would never even think about having another guy instead of you. You know if I could choose I would rather argue with you than kiss someone else. Yes, they have tried. Do you remember Jihun who always bullied me because I was different because I’m gay and an idol? Well he confessed that he had really loved me and besides that he tried to kiss me. I’m happy that Joonkyu-hyung came between before he could do anything. Hyung knows that I couldn’t ever let you go. After all these years I still love you. I still remember it like yesterday when you asked me to be with you together. I cried then and you shed tears to. It’s amazing how a manly guy like you can be filled with emotion and just when people would think that you don’t have a heart you prove to them that they are wrong.

I still can’t believe that you aren’t here next to me. I feel myself like a puppy who can’t find its owner. But hyung I want to say thank you for our experiences and that I love you. I miss you so much. If I had a chance I would hold your hand and run away with you, away from everyone else and spent the rest of my life together with you. Saranghae.

With love from Chaejin Seok. Date: March 27^th, 2015.

He wrapped the piece of paper inside an envelope. He sighed as he stood up from his chair and walked to the door. He put on his sneakers and his coat. Stuffing the envelope in his pocket, he took a bouquet of lilies and opened the metallic door. Stepping outside he took a deep breath of the fresh air. A sad smile on his face, he made his way to the graveyard. Slowly he reached the destination and smiled to the dark stone.

“Annyong hyung.” a tear rolled down on his cheek. He thought that he would be stronger this time, but no. The tears rolled now already, just like a month ago.

“I brought you a letter and lilies again. If I remembered right you loved them.” he dried his tears with the back of his hand. He looked at the stone with watery eyes. He couldn’t take his eyes away from the engraving.Kim Seyong. He touched the stone carefully with his fingertips, as if he was afraid it would break. Wishing it all was just a dream, new tears rolled down on his cheeks. No, nothing happened. No difference from the minute before. The gravestone still stood high with the name and the numbers on it.

Curling into a ball, he let a small sob escape his mouth. It doesn’t matter if his clothes would be dirty after this. They were already soaking wet because of the weather. Flashbacks from that night few years before came into his mind.

Seyong had been upset about something. Chaejin had gone after him outside into the dark night to try to cheer the older up. He was about to catch the other by running to him, screaming his name so that he would wait for him. He succeeded, the older one stopped. But at the same time he failed. When he was about to run to hug his lover, he saw lights coming against the older one. He screamed for Seyong to watch out, but it was too late. The car hit the older one before Chaejin was close enough to push him out of the way. Tears streamed down on his face as he ran to the wounded one. He was bleeding, blood coloring the asphalt. The driver was unconscious.

He cried. Seyong had tried to hold his eyes open, but slowly the glimmer went away from his eyes. They were lifeless. Chaejin hugged his lover there, under the rain. He didn’t want to lose this person. An ambulance came soon, but still the minutes felt like hours to them. Seyong was rushed to hospital, the driver soon after him. The driver had been drunk as he got on the road. Chaejin had gone to the hospital together with Seyong, trying to hold him awake.

He waited and waited, s joining him. The doctors were trying their best to keep him alive. But the worst happened. Seyong had died, even thought he had fought against the death but in the end he lost. As the doctors told them the sad news, Chaejin felt like his world had disappeared. He screamed and cried his heart out, until he fainted on the floor.

Next day he woke up, still not believing what happened. He wanted to deny it all, thinking it all was a dream. But when Seyong’s funeral came, he knew it was all true. He stopped eating, and as time went by he got anorexia. He spent a half year in the same hospital where Seyong died in. He had found comfort in writing letters to Seyong, thinking that he may read them in the next world. Always after writing a new one, he went to the graveyard with the letter and a bouquet of lilies. Always when he came to the grave, his letter was gone, as if Seyong had took it and treasured it. So happened this time again.

Chaejin looked up at the stone again. His tears didn’t stop, not yet. He had survived anorexia, but still how come he couldn’t get over this heartbreak? He couldn’t even think about Seyong turning his back to him and walk away as if there was never anything like they were.

He felt someone standing behind him, but he didn’t care. He felt an umbrella over his head.

“Aren’t you cold?” That voice. He could recognize it anywhere.

“Hyung…?” his voice came out as a whisper. He turned around. There he was. Kim Seyong, smiling like an idiot. As if nothing ever had happened.

“Chaejin I’m back.” he said, tears forming in his eyes. Chaejin couldn’t believe what he saw. Was Seyong really there? That Seyong who had died in the hospital few years ago? He stood up and hugged his hyung. Yes, his hyung felt real. Was he dreaming?

“I’m sorry Chaejin. I had to be gone for these years. When I woke up I had amnesia. The doctors told me that I would get my memories back as the time went by. But they said that there are people outside who were worried about me. I saw your face. I told them to say that I died, so that I could gain my memories back in peace, without having you worrying anymore. Then I heard that you fainted and got anorexia. I started wondering if I did the right chose. I did what I had to. I spent time with my family, getting my memories back one by one. I remembered again how I fell in love with you. I’m sorry. I’m here now. Would you take me back?” tears rolled on his face too.

He had grown a few centimeters taller and his hair had grown longer and it was brown. He had become more muscular and his eyes had that beautiful glimmer that captured Chaejin’s eyes, each and single time they had eye-contact.

“Only if you promise that you won’t anymore just show me your back and walk away from me without a word.”

Seyong closed the space between their lips and kissed Chaejin sweetly under the rain.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Annyong! ^^ iheartchicken is back! Fistly happy new year to everyone! I wrote this in what? 4 hours? I got this idea from reading my friends oneshot about eunhae where Eunhyuk had died and Donghae went to his grave with his new love Hyukjae. In that oneshot was also about their history ^^

I'm going to say this now as a spoiler: next story will have a happy ending and the fift story propably is an anst again :P I wrote the beginning to it when I was depressed for few days... Yeah not gonna comment on that one anymore but the next story has already 897 words! YAY ^^

Amount of words: 1 765