Chapter 5

[Irene]

“Nara noona.” He greeted as soon as the call connected. Huh, a noona.

“She’s uhm, honestly, way older than we both are.” I remember him mentioning earlier. Is that his girlfriend he’s speaking to? I mean, not that it matters but… it’s kind of unsettling to me now as if it wasn’t right that Bogum and I are meeting right now. But maybe, that’s just me overthinking. Like always.

I pursed my lips as I settled my intertwined hands on my lap, directing my gaze outside the window. It starting to feel like I was invading Bogum’s privacy regardless of the circumstances.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I can’t make it today. I had to settle some matters,” I heard him utter, voice sounding absolutely deflated. I tried my best to not eavesdrop even if I really am meant to hear the gist of their conversation given our situation but no can do. It’s making me wish to make him excuse himself or maybe I should. I took a short sigh, I’m really going to start overthinking matters at this point,

“No. I just…” He stated after a while, the frustration becomingly too evident, “I’ll call you later.” He said after a while. I mustered all the distractions I can as I continuously watched the street right before me. The phone call, at least from my judgment didn’t sound like it went well but I had to keep my curiosity at bay.

“Sorry about that, Ir.. Irene-sshi.” He muttered awkwardly as soon as I heard him drop his phone down in the coffee table, unsure on how to address me. I just lightly chuckled and finally felt comfortable to stir my gaze into his direction,

“Noona is fine.” I told him sincerely with a soft smile. He just shook his head harder and proceeded to look at me. For short yet seemingly long while we just stared at each other. There was silence not because we ran out of words but because we had to tread lightly.

“Were you curious?” He asked after a while, brows raised as he played with the rim of his mug, he was looking down, at least there was not beating around the bush in between the two of us.

“I try not to be.” I answered him honestly. I think my reply caught his attention as he eventually looked straight in my eye just to say,

“It’s okay to ask, noona.” He said earnestly, “I honestly don’t mind. You deserve to know the things you want to know.” He continued as if willing me to ask him all I wanted to know.

I just shook my head, “No. I just don’t want to make you feel like I’m entitled to learn about your private life.” I answered him as I try to find my words, “I mean, I’m pretty sure your personal life is already in a turmoil. I don’t want to add to it.” I smiled lightly at him.

It must have been because of the silence but somehow, I heard him take a sharp breath “I just…” He strated, “How are you doing all of this?” He looked at me, expression jumbled up with gratitude, disbelief and confusion altogether.

“Do what?” I asked back,

“Be considerate to me.” He shot back instantly,

I just lightly scowled and replied, “I’m not.”

He shook his head even more, “You know this is making me feel like you think you have to take care of me or put me first. I know that’s it’s not your intention. You’re naturally kind, noona.” He started off, “I know that you are frustrated but you always think we both have it hard. So, you keep it in. But it’s okay to drag my head off…”

“Why would I?” I interrupted him quickly. He paused for a while as if willing me to speak further. So, I did. “You have it harder in between the both of us. You’re the one with an actual relationship. You have more variables than I do.” I went on, “If you’re waiting for me to bash your head off and curse on you like a neighborhood old lady treated unfairly, don’t. I won’t.” I said with finality, “None of us wanted this. This is not on you, Bogum.” I clenched my fist in my lap, I somehow felt like he thinks he’s the one to blame for everything, he’s baffled by how I am treating him normally and he needed someone to hate him, for what has happened, to tell him he’s been irresponsible but I just can’t do it, I had tons of things I want to tell him but I just settled for, “I’m a comrade, Bogum not a foe.” I guess I told him that because I felt like I needed to show him, I was stable and unfazed and that he should be too.

“Just because you think I have it harder doesn’t mean it’s not hard for you.” He stated softly, how is he not losing eye contact, I can’t begin to know, “I know you have a lot to say but I’ll settle with what you’re willing to tell.” He proceeded. It felt foreign to me, hearing someone acknowledge that they understand me a lot better than I think but won’t push because they respect me. It was both a confusion and a relief, “But at least for my sake, ask me two questions.” He proposed, brows raised. “If you were to refuse, I swear, noona. This is going to be a long talk.” He threatened softly with a chuckle,

I contemplated on his request, I do have questions I want to ask after all, “Oh yeah? What are you going to do?” I scoffed as took a sip of my drink,

“Follow you to the ends of the earth until you finally break and realize you’re doing this as if you’re the only one who can understand and no one is out there to help you but your own self.” He responded cheekily yet packed with a punch of truth. He took a short sigh before switching into a more somber tone, “I can understand too, you know. I see you too. You’re a big variable in my situation. Your feelings about this situation matters to me no matter how insignificant you think they are.” I looked at him and for a moment, I really don't know how does he want me to go into this with him. I’ve been trying my best but it feels like he’s asking for something from me apart from understanding,

“Maybe, we’re just way too over dramatic about this?” I lamely deadpanned while I saw him visually wince and I instantly felt guilty, “I’m sorry.” I added after a careless second. He just shook his head yet again as he pushed his hair backwards and cupped his neck, looking down. I can tell there were so many things going on inside his mind and I just stared at him. I can’t believe we were both here in my favorite café with both our thoughts all over the place. The Bogum whom I know to be always confident and