The moment

Chapter 8

Donghyuk wants to kiss Bobby when Bobby stops him and shoves him away. “No!” He turns to the side and let go of him. “I can't do this...I am sorry...” Donghyuk looks at him and his body trembles more than before. “I...I see...of....of course you would say that...I am sorry...I am just so pathetic...” Bobby stares at Donghyuk and doesn't know what he should say now. Donghyuk clicks his tongue and wants to run away, the tears running down his face but Bobby stops him. “Where are you going?” Donghyuk stops and yells. “Somewhere....I don't know...I don't think I can look at you or anyone else's face in my current state...” His voice trembles and Bobby can hear how hurt he is. Donghyuk sighs and wipes his tears away with his free hand. He tries to control his voice and forces himself to smile. “I am fine...I just need some time for myself...then...then I will be back to the cheerful and happy guy I was before.” Bobby looks worried and hurt when he hears Donghyuk say that. He let go of Donghyuks hand, just to hug him from behind in the next moment. Donghyuk jolts when Bobby whispers apologetic and leans his head on Donghyuks shoulder. “I can't let you go out when you are like this...Donghyuk-ah...” Donghyuk sobs and shuts his eyes and holds on to Bobby's arm. “Let me go...” Bobby tightens his grip and Donghyuk starts to cry more. “Please let go...” Bobby shakes his head. “No...” Donghyuk sighs and let go of Bobby's hand and let his arms flop lifeless next to his body. “I can't stop being in love with Hanbin but that time...when you slept with me...I knew you did it out of pity...but I was happy you understood me...I was happy you didn't think I was disgusting for loving Hanbin...I ...I am sorry for making you his replacement ...but ...if...if I knew that this would make me want you... I wouldn't have suggested it...” Bobby widens his eyes when Donghyuk tells him he wants him but clicks his tongue and holds Donghyuk closer. “Never would I have thought that you are disgusting! Never! Donghyuk it is not your fault for loving Hanbin...and I am sorry I made things only more difficult for you...I am sorry...”

In the meantime Hanbin tells Chanwoo and Jinhwan that he wants to go to Bobby to ask him something and leaves their room. Hanbin walks down the hallway to the elevator and calls one to go to Bobby's floor. When he arrives on the right floor he looks for Bobby's room number and walks towards the door. He knocks gentle but then notices that the door swings open by itself. “Did they forget to close it?” He opens the door carefully and looks around. “Hello?” He shuts the door behind him and walks further towards the main room when he sees Bobby and Donghyuk with each other. He stops and listens to what they are talking about and his head starts to feel dizzy. He clutches his hand on his mouth and leans on the wall continuing to eavesdrop their conversation.

Donghyuk loses his strength in his legs and sinks to the floor while Bobby holds on to him. Bobby kneels down next to him while Donghyuk starts to cry bitterly. “I am sorry...Hyung...I am sorry...I am sorry being the selfish one...three years ago I should never had written Hanbin that letter, I should never had told you about my feeling towards Hanbin and I should never had asked you to sleep with me.” His lips tremble and his mouth tastes salty from his tears. Bobby Donghyuks back and looks at him. Seeing Donghyuk like this breaks his heart. Compared to his usually cheerful and happy nature, the Donghyuk now looks just too fragile and close to break any time. Bobby opens his mouth to say something but Donghyuk is faster. “...during 'Mix&Match' I once thought I should have been the one to leave...I thought it would have been the best for everyone...and right now I think it would have been really better....” His voice cracks and Bobby stares at him and just wants to say something when Hanbin suddenly walks into the room and stares at Donghyuk. He glares at him, his hands in a fist and trying to hold in his anger. Bobby notices Hanbin and his mouth drops open troubled about how he is supposed to explain this and worried how much Hanbin already heard. Hanbin looks at Bobby then turns to Donghyuk who didn't yet notice him. “Are you stupid?” Donghyuk stops crying and looks up in shock when he hears Hanbins voice. He sees Hanbin and his body gets numb. “Ha...Han...Hanbin-hyung...what ...what are you doing here? Why are you here...” Hanbin clicks his tongue and glares at him then walks closer and continues while he looks down on Donghyuk. “Is this important now? You want to leave our group?” Donghyuk almost relaxed thinking Hanbin only heard that part and lowers his face. “...I...I just ...” He can't answer him and Bobby looks up to Hanbin. “Hanbin-ah...since have you been her-” Hanbin interrupts Bobby and kneels down to Donghyuk. “What is with this story? What was between Bobby and you?” Donghyuk trembles and feels ashamed when Bobby clicks his tongue. “Hanbin-ah this ...it is complicated...it was before we started dating...I am....” Donghyuk grabs Bobby's hand and shows him to stop. Bobby stops and Donghyuk slowly turns to Hanbin but avoids to face him. “It was my fault...I am sorry...Bobby-Hyung isn't at fault...If you want to be angry with someone, then that would be me.” Hanbin stares at Donghyuk and talks coldly. “...So you think crying in the arms of my boyfriend behind my back about your unrequited love towards me would help you find ease?” Bobby shocked by Hanbins harsh words looks at him speechless and Donghyuk feels as if his heart was crushed this instant. Hanbin stares at Bobby and then back to Donghyuk, he sighs and reaches for Donghyuks face and lifts up his chin. “So your acting strange is because of this? Idiot...” Bobby looks at Hanbin as if he is asking him for help. Hanbin smiles at Bobby briefly then turns to Donghyuk. “...you know...I still don't know the whole story but why didn't you come to me?” Bobby looks at Hanbin and then at Donghyuk who don't seem like he can talk. “Hanbin-ah...I think I let you two alone...I will come back later...” Bobby wants to get up but Donghyuk clings on to him. “...wait...I...” He let go of Bobby and gulps, trying to sort his mind. Hanbin looks at Bobby and Bobby kneels down again. Donghyuk shuts his eyes and starts to explain. “...three years ago, during 'WIN' Yunhyeong-hyung and I wrote letters...” Hanbin nods. “Yes...you said you were grateful towards us.” Donghyuk nods and laughs bitter. “I actually meant to confess to you that day...when the cameras where gone...but...but you totally just saw me as your dongsaeng and didn't notice my feelings at all...and I was too afraid to tell you after you said you loved us as your brothers. When we went home later, Bobby noticed that something was bothering me but I meant to hide it but...in the end...I...I told him...about my feelings...and that I just want to forget them, so I can just stay your dongsaeng. I thought if I do something else then...then I can forget you...” He stops and Bobby looks at Donghyuk. “Donghyuk-ah...you...” Donghyuk interrupts Bobby and continues. “That night I got drunk when you were still at the studio to practice with the others. Bobby came home earlier than the rest of you and found me when I was drunk...” He looks up and turns to Hanbin. Hanbin looks at Donghyuk with mixed feelings between anger and curiosity. Bobby clicks his tongue and faces the floor when Donghyuk continues. “...I asked Bobby-Hyung to sleep with me...I was drunk but I was still in my right mind...I wanted just to forget it...I asked him to hold me...and after pleading he did it out of pity...when I woke up the next day I felt so ashamed and forced him to promise me to keep it a secret...” Bobby looks at Donghyuk and whispers. “.I would have kept it a secret even without you telling me...and it was not only pity...back then it was not only pity...I just couldn't see you being so miserable and I thought maybe I could really comfort you...” Hanbin breathes in and let this sink in before he opens his mouth. Bobby and Donghyuk stay quiet when Hanbin talks in a clam and normal voice, facing Bobby. “So when you said you had experience with men, the first time you slept with me...you meant Donghyuk?” Bobby looks at Hanbin and Donghyuk then nods. “Yes...” Hanbin sits back on the floor and breathes out and brushes through his hair.

For the next minutes no one says anything. The room is almost so quiet that you could be able to hear their heartbeats if the noise from outside wouldn't come through the windows.

Hanbins head feels dizzy, trying understand everything. So Donghyuk was in love with him for already three years and Bobby knew and comforted him and now Donghyuk still can't let go of him but what's more he also wants Bobby? Hanbin shakes his head and clicks his tongue. Bobby looks at Hanbin but lowers his head, feeling somewhat guilty for not telling Hanbin about Donghyuk but he didn't want to break his promise towards Donghyuk either. Hanbin coughs and lifts his head and looks at Donghyuk. “So you say you want to leave our group, because it is painful for you to see us together? Or because you think you are not worth it being part of this group? Is it that? You think you should have been eliminated?” He talks with his cold and serious leader voice and Donghyuk looks at Hanbin. “...No...no...I...I am just...this ...” Bobby frowns and leans to Hanbin reaching for his hand. “Hanbin-ah...” Hanbin turns to Bobby and holds on to his hand then continues. “...then you can't stand seeing Bobby and me together?” Donghyuk shakes his head instantly. “No, I am happy for you two...I am just...I just...” Hanbin clicks his tongue and turns to Bobby then to Donghyuk and let go of Bobby's hand and leans closer to Donghyuk. “Shut your eyes...” Donghyuk looks at Hanbin confused and Bobby frowns just as confused but Donghyuk sobs and shuts his eyes. Hanbin takes a deep breath then turns to Bobby and pulls him closer. Bobby crawls to him and Hanbin caresses his hair before he turns to Donghyuk and leans closer and shuts his eyes himself while he moves Bobby's hand to his crotch and starts to rub him while he leans in to kiss Donghyuk. Bobby stares at Hanbin and Donghyuk kissing and wants to pull away his hand from Hanbins crotch but Hanbin holds him tight. Donghyuk jolts and opens his eyes and wants to back away when Hanbin holds his neck and deepens his kiss. Donghyuks heart starts beating faster when Hanbin s his tongue inside his mouth and he leans back to support his body with his hands. Bobby his tongue when he sees Hanbin kiss with Donghyuk and moves behind Hanbin to start to caress Hanbins neck while he keeps his eyes open to watch them. Hanbin leans over Donghyuk and plays with his tongue while he feels Bobby's hands slide underneath his shirt and up to his s to tease Hanbin at the same time Bobby and nibbles on his neck.

to be continued...