bite mark
force of habitFun fact! Listen to Colbie Caillat's Realize while reading and you'll experience one of these feelings:
1) Utter heartbreak because OnStyle has the full cut of Seulgi & Wendy's cover sitting in their dungeon somewhere
2) Utter heartbreak because Noisy Thoughts. Nuff said. (and yes, I am an avid fan)
3) Utter heartbreak over the pure fluff that this represents AKA seuldy. wenseul?
4) All of the above.
Which one are you?
Hint: I am number four.
Anyway, bold is English and everything else is as usual. Enjoy!
Seulgi decides to make a note in her sketchbook some day in December, because other than the shoulder-leaning habit, there’s a whole list of other 'Seungwan things' that she can write down off the top of her head. One category in that would be the nervous ticks.
Namely that of chewing her thumb.
It makes sense that whereas Seulgi bites her lip too much, Seungwan tends to press her thumb between her teeth when she's anxious or deep in thought. Sometimes Joohyun chides them both for damaging their skin, but most of the time it's overlooked in favour of whining about Seulgi's joint-clicking habits or Seungwan's cringeworthy one-liners. Sometimes one of them will get carried away though, and the maknaes often take it upon themselves to point out a bleeding lip or finger, since their leader is the type to get queasy at the sight of blood.
And right now, Seulgi is pretty sure the main vocalist is just about to open up an old wound with how hard she's biting.
"Seungwan."
Her voice cuts softly through the comfortable silence between them, echoing quietly along the walls of the practice room as they sit side-by-side on the freshly polished floor.
"Mn?" The younger girl eventually replies, her thumb still caught between her teeth as she stares at nothing in particular, her brow furrowed and her eyes focused intently on some point along the far wall. Seulgi shifts her legs, bites her lip, and holds her tongue.
(Do you like girls?)
Seungwan glances over when she doesn't continue, her prominent frown remaining unfamiliar on her features. Seulgi squints slightly; reaches up to smooth the crease in her brow before stopping halfway and gestures to instead. “You’re biting your thumb again."
“Says the girl who bites her lip half the time.” Seungwan lowers her hand anyway, and a small smile is shared between them as Seulgi restrains the urge to take it into her own and thread their fingers together. “Sorry. Does it bother you?"
She shakes her head no, settling back against the mirror behind them with a hum. “I don’t want you to end up hurting yourself, or something."
Seungwan chuckles, jogging her elbow lightly. “Speak for yourself. We all thought you got into a fight the last time you bit your lip too hard."
Seulgi huffs and and nods pointedly at the hand that had been practically gnawed at moments prior. “Well you bite your thumb, which is just as harmful."
“And you bite your lip, which is really distrac—"
The door swings open then, and Yerim bursts in with impeccable timing, as per usual.
“We bought snacks!” she proclaims, and the main dancer almost fails to notice the pink dusting Seungwan's cheeks as she watches the maknae skip over to the duo sat at the end of the practice room.
“Did you get Pepero?” Seulgi asks, grinning as she sits down opposite them. The girl next to her doesn’t say anything, and out of the corner of her eye she spots her slipping her thumb between her teeth again. She doesn’t try to stop Seungwan this time.
“We got cookies and cream, strawberry…banana…” The maknae frowns to herself as she empties the bag, then turns to the door as it opens again. “I think Sooyoung’s got the chocolate ones?"
"Sooyoung ate all the chocolate ones," Joohyun grumbles as she enters, carefully cradling a cup of steaming ramyun in her hands with Sooyoung following soon after with an indignant expression.
"I chose them!" she protests, and Joohyun blows gently on her meal as she sits down at the table adjacent to the other three.
"I bought them," their leader points out, eyes catching on the slight air of awkwardness surrounding the 94-liners as she lifts a mouthful of noodles to her lips.
"She speaks the truth, Froggy-unnie," Yerim sing-songs as she opens a packet of banana Pepero, only to drop them for the strawberry ones instead. Seulgi reaches out to take the abandoned packet and offers it to her same-aged companion as Sooyoung sets her hands on her hips.
"Shut it, Tadpole Yerm," she threatens half-playfully, only to sigh and drop her arms in the next second. “Ugh, I can't be bothered to go back by myself though… "
Joohyun lets out a huff of laughter through her nose. "Then don't go."
Sooyoung remains adamant, searching her pocket for sufficient money as she grumbles, "But I ate them all…"
The eldest shrugs, sets her chopsticks down as she moves to get up. "Then I'll —"
"I'll go get them!"
Seungwan's taking a few Pepero sticks from the box as she stands up, an overly bright grin on her lips as she grabs her coat on her way to the door. "I need a few things from the convenient store. I forgot to ask you guys to get them earlier, so I'll buy it all together with the Pepero."
Sooyoung shrugs. "Well, if Olaf's offering then —"
"I'll come with you," Seulgi cuts in before she can process what she's saying, retrieving her snapback from the table beside Joohyun. "I just remembered I need to get a couple new pens for my sketches."
"I thought you got some the other day?" Yerim says with a curious lilt to her voice.
Seulgi glances suspiciously down at the faux-innocent expression on their maknae's face as she pulls the cap on top of her bun and takes her coat from its place on a nearby stool. "They ran out pretty quickly," she replies lightly, flashing Seungwan a smile as she goes to join her at the door.
"Right," Yerim giggles quietly at her phone screen, ignoring the questioning looks from the rest of her members sans Seulgi as she types away. "Oh and we need milk, by the way. Low fat, preferably."
"But don't take too long," Joohyun reminds them, waiting for the synchronised "Of course!" before returning her attention to her ramyun as the duo turns to leave.
"And remember to get the chocolate Pepero, else I’m leaking your derp and ugly crying photos on the net!" Sooyoung calls as the door shuts, sounding only half-joking as Seulgi begins leading the way down the stairs to the lobby. She makes sure to help her best friend with her coat before shrugging her own on, adjusting her cap and moving to hold the door open for her as they exit the building.
"How's your thumb?" she asks abruptly, shoving her hands into her pockets as Seungwan loops her arm around Seulgi’s elbow and does the same.
"Fine," she responds slowly, visibly startled by the question as they turn to walk down a familiar narrow street. "I didn't start bleeding, if that's what you're asking," she continues with a reassuring smile, her eyes flitting up to Seulgi's mouth with a raised eyebrow. "…So you should stop biting your lip now, hypocrite."
"Sorry," Seulgi says, looking not at all like she means it as she tilts her head and sticks her tongue out at the main vocalist. "Bad habit."
Seungwan just rolls her eyes, leaning into her with familiar ease as they cross a quiet road. "You'll injure it again if you keep doing that."
A car cruises past behind them, but it's not enough to drown out Seulgi's best aegyo as she turns to her friend. "You can kiss it better though," she says, taking the soft elbow to the ribs with a laugh as Seungwan pulls a face at her words.
"You know," she muses, bumping their hips together. "You are the single most cringeworthy bear I have ever met."
"Says Miss Son Cringeworthy," Seulgi snorts, nudging her in retaliation as they begin climbing a familiar path up a slight incline. "And I'm the best cringeworthy bear you'll ever meet, so treat me well."
"Yeah, yeah," the shorter vocalist replies, struggling to hide her smile as Seulgi pulls a black mask from her pocket and snaps one end over each ear. "And is this cringeworthy bear going to offer to pay for the shopping, or am I handling it myself?"
"You know the drill, Seung-Won," the older one says airily as they reach the doors of the convenience store, giggling as Seungwan makes a show of shuddering at the pun. She slips her arm away from her hold then, grabbing a basket before taking her hand with a beam. "Here. I'll carry, you pay."
Her companion snorts. "That definitely sounds fair."
Seulgi's grin grows even wider as she leads them down the cleaning aisle. "I know, right?"
All Seungwan answers her with is a warm smile hidden beneath a fond shake of her head as she chooses two bottles of fabric softener from a shelf. "If I carry these, then you can pay for part of it too."
"Or you can put them in the basket and let me carry them," the dancer suggests as she reaches out to take them from her hands, only for Seungwan to pull them out of her grasp just in time.
"No offence, but you have the upper body strength of a week old kitten."
Seulgi makes a show of gasping as she follows the girl to the drinks aisle. "Offence; because have you seen my biceps?"
"Yes I have, so your point is invalid," the younger girl shoots back, picking up a carton of low-fat milk with her free hand.
(Seulgi eyes the bottles of detergent occupying her other arm, and wonders if Sooyoung's weird "Do you even lift?" memes can be applied here.)
"Your point is invalid," she retorts childishly, but it takes only a second of Seungwan's deadpan look for the teddy bear to relent with a sigh. "Okay fine, you carry those and I'll carry the rest of the stuff. Including the milk."
Seungwan presses her lips together for a moment, then reluctantly places the carton in the basket. Seulgi smiles winsomely at her in response, so she scoffs and drags her towards the dry foods aisle to pick up her baking ingredients.
A few more minutes pass like that as they squabble quietly over different brands and prices, and eventually Seulgi’s whines of "Why didn't we just go to the supermarket?” has Seungwan pouting. She doesn't say anything in defence though, so Seulgi drops it easily as they finally make their way to the stationery aisle. Another round of bickering is spent picking out the cheapest fineliners they have, and it's as she picks out a second pen that she turns to see Seungwan bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet.
"I'm going to the toilet really quick, okay?" she utters then in a hurried jumble of words, and Seulgi chuckles.
"Just because the fans call you a squirrel doesn't mean you should actually have the bladder of a squirrel, Wan," she quips, and Seungwan dumps both bottles of Downy into her arms with a weak glower before turning and walking away at a pace bordering on a jog. The taller one yelps slightly at the sudden weight and carefully deposits them into the basket at her feet, grinning to herself all the while as she hoists it onto her right arm with a grunt.
There's a moment then as she stands there aimlessly, debating whether or not she should wait for Seungwan to return or to go hunting for anything else they might need. Maybe she should get a vitamin drink for Seungwan. Or maybe she should buy another pen, just in case. Maybe two bottles of Downy isn't enough for Joohyun. Two boxes of strawberry Pepero definitely isn't enough for Yerim.
Or maybe she should just go and pay now.
Nodding to herself, Seulgi double-checks the money in her pockets before ambling her way to the cashier and setting the basket on the counter with a huff. There, the middle-aged lady stays engrossed in her novel until she looks up, assessing Seulgi with a raise of her eyebrows at the masked face and cap sat low over her eyes. It's silent for a moment and Seulgi expects the woman to start quizzing her like some might, but the clerk says nothing in the end and simply begins scanning each item.
The anticipation passes quickly enough, and Seulgi finds herself harbouring a strange feeling of having forgotten something as the cashier finishes and rings up her total. She's handing over her cash as soon as she hears her say, "Eighteen thousand won, please," and waits with tapping feet as buttons are punched in and money is taken out while the till finishes printing her receipt.
"Thank you," she bows quickly and grabs the bags and change before making a beeline to the back of the store, mindful of the eyes still lingering on her back.
A sigh escapes her lips as she rounds the corner into the restrooms, relieved to be out of sight of the overly-scrutinising gaze for now. “Seungwan-ah, are you still here?” she calls as she shuts the door behind her, pocketing the receipt in her coat. “What’s taking you so long?
There's a rustle as she steps past the second cubicle, then:
"Seulgi? Oh, thank God."
The odd response immediately has her frowning as she moves closer. “What’s wrong?"
"I, uh…" Seungwan sounds like she's biting her thumb again, and Seulgi's pretty sure it's not just because of the tinny acoustic of the bathroom walls. "Have you got…well…"
Her frown grows ever deeper and more worried as she sets her bags beside the sink. "Seungwan…?"
"So I started today," Seungwan blurts, and Seulgi blinks.
"Started what?"
A pause.
"The thing,” Seungwan mumbles in a totally non-Seungwan manner before muttering something in English. "R-Red…"
"'The Red'?"
"Red wave. Shark week.” When Seulgi only continues to stand in blank silence, she lets out a sigh. "That time of the month."
Seulgi nods slowly. "…Uh-huh?"
Another silence, then Seungwan clears . "I, uh — I don't have any tampons with me…"
Tampons? Red…oh.
“Oh!”
“…Yeah… "
Seulgi salutes, realises Seungwan can't see her, and settles for a spirited, “I’m on it!"
She barely waits for a reply before she's out and in the hygiene aisle in a flash, grabbing the first pack of tampons that her eyes land on and hurrying to the counter. The lady greets her with a narrowed stare, taking the wad of bills that's at her then returning half of it to a blushing Seulgi.
"Thank you!” she rushes, not waiting for a receipt or an offer of a bag as she sprints back into the bathroom with the pack in hand. “Seungwan?" she calls, making her way up to the cubicle and thanking whatever powers up there that there's no one else in the bathroom. Or in the convenience store, for that matter.
“Still here," Seungwan answers flatly, and Seulgi chuckles.
“I’ll pass it under," she says, holding it beneath the door and waiting for Seungwan to take it from the other side before standing up to take the carrier bags in her hands once more.
“Thanks, Seul," Seungwan murmurs as the rustle and tear of material sounds off the walls of the small restroom.
"No problem," the girl returns, waiting patiently for the flush and the unlocking of the door as Seungwan emerges from the cubicle with the newly opened pack in hand. “I bet you’re grateful I tagged along, huh?” Seulgi grins then, laughing as the smaller vocalist lightly elbows past her on her way to the sink.
“Be quiet, Kang,” she mumbles with a slight smile, setting the tampons to the side before washing her hands. "Oh! And what happened with the groceries, did you…?"
"I've got them right here, don't worry,” she confirms, holding the bags up at her.
It’s silent for a few beats. “So you bought everything…” She shakes her head, reaching out as an offer to carry the bags instead. “Sorry, I should have given you my card or something."
Seulgi pulls them away from her hands, just as Seungwan had done earlier. “I didn’t wait for you, so don’t apologise,” she says firmly, a half-smirk on her lips. “Besides, I wanted to pay for you for a change."
There’s something in her voice that feels like she’s giving too much away, and she can see it reflecting in Seungwan’s eyes when she purses her lips slightly before reaching out to put a gentle hand on her back.
“Come on then,” she says, guiding her forward. “The others have probably started practice without us."
They head out of the restroom promptly, and Seulgi takes that moment to mentally kick herself for being so obvious as Seungwan lifts a hand up at the cashier.
“Thank you, Auntie!” she calls, and Seulgi gives a silent wave beside her when the woman looks up from her novel.
“Oh, you're welcome, dear!” the woman replies warmly, in a complete 180 from her previous demeanour. Seulgi’s caught off-guard to say the least, and the surprise is only doubled when the clerk beams at them.
“Oh, you're lucky to have a boyfriend like this one! Coming down with you and buying essentials so late at night," the lady titters, and Seulgi knows even without looking that Seungwan's growing progressively more pink beside her. Seulgi laughs nervously, adjusts her cap and mask and decides that now's a good a time as any.
"I'm a girl, actually."
A pregnant pause follows as the older woman furrows her eyebrows, squints slightly at Seulgi, and pulls back with a gasp. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I don't have my glasses on me, you see. I seem to have misplaced them somewhere in the back room…"
It feels like the perfect moment for Seungwan to hide behind Seulgi's shoulder then. Except she doesn't, and when Seulgi glimpses around at her she just sees the top of Seungwan's head, bowed in something like embarrassment beneath her cap.
"It's okay, people make mistakes," Seungwan says brightly, the flush of her cheeks betraying the shy lilt of her voice. "But we should be going now."
"Yes, we should," Seulgi agrees, covering her own awkwardness with a smile as she moves to open the door for Seungwan. "Thank you very much for your help, auntie!"
The woman nods and waves them off with a jovial grin. "Anytime, girls!"
Seungwan trails out with one last bow and another "Thank you," and Seulgi waves goodbye as they set off back up the way they came. The silence between them then is filled with the sound of their footsteps and the rustle of plastic bags, and there's a strange sort of tension that falls over their heads until they turn the corner and Seungwan stops.
"Hey, um.” She's pulling on the edge of her sleeves when Seulgi turns to her with a hum. "Let me carry that for you."
“Just this once,” the taller girl grins, making sure to hand the lighter bag to her before pausing with a thoughtful look. "Wait, aren't I supposed to be the boyfriend here though?"
Seungwan blushes slightly and gives her a soft but firm push to her shoulder. "I don't see how boyfriends have to do all the physical work."
"I'm not your typical boyfriend," Seulgi jests, laughing at the expression she receives as Seungwan starts walking ahead.
"Shut up, Kang,” the Canadian mutters through her grin, and all of a sudden they're side-by-side, hands tangling together thoughtlessly as they cross the road. "Come to think of it though, you probably could pass for a nice boyfriend."
It’s Seulgi’s turn to go bright red now, and she barely manages to cover it up by pulling her mask over her nose a little more. Seungwan only giggles as she walks a little closer, holds her hand a little tighter; and all too soon they’re arriving at the front doors of the SM building with twin smiles and laughter on their lips. Seungwan halts then, babbling about checking that she’s got the right fabric softener scents for their leader as she lets go of Seulgi’s hand to rifle through the bags.
The dancer holds her breath and stares at the spaces left by her fingers, her vision forming new bruises of blue and yellow in their absence. They’re indents that haven’t quite left her flesh from where Seungwan’s held them before, and Seulgi can only watch the way those smaller, colder hands leave hers to rummage carefully through their shopping for Joohyun's favourite fabric softeners. She feels her knuckles grow white with how hard they grip at the bag that she holds out for Seungwan, and only truly relaxes once the girl’s satisfied with her choice of detergent.
Seulgi makes sure to smile when she looks up at her again, but something in Seungwan's suddenly falling expression reminds her of her earlier feeling of having forgotten something in the convenience store. But they got Joohyun’s bottles of Downy, Seungwan’s baking ingredients, Seulgi’s pens, Yerim’s milk, and Sooyoung's —
The realisation hits her at the same time the front doors to the building open, and the duo exchange a single wide-eyed look just as Satan herself pokes her head out to complain about them taking their time.
Seulgi wonders then if the embarrassing photos are really that damaging to their image, but the thought of Sooyoung’s hidden folder of ‘Joyful member moments xoxo’ quickly erases any doubt she previously had.
(Really, the girl might as well be working for Dispatch with her skills.)
“The Pepero,” is all Seungwan murmurs, gripping her arm. "We forgot the chocolate Pepero."
There's no time to think of a viable excuse for themselves as Sooyoung bounds over, barraging them with inquiries of what took them so long, what did they get, how much was it altogether?
Seungwan gathers herself first and answers them promptly, skipping past anything to do with Pepero as she slides her hand down to twine with Seulgi's again. And that's when the warning signs and alarm bells start to sound once more. Maybe she should pull away; stop this before it gets too far. Logically she should keep her distance, because it would be a lot easier to pretend she doesn't have feelings for her groupmate if said groupmate wasn't so affectionate all the time. That said, maybe she should just leave it alone and wait for the feelings to go away themselves.
(And okay, maybe she's thinking about it too much.)
The hand held so softly in hers squeezes again as they follow Sooyoung inside, and Seungwan flashes her a smile over her shoulder. Seulgi manages to return the gesture, and ignores the warmth spreading in her chest as she concentrates on trying not to fall for her co-member. This is South Korea, after all. And this is her friend — her best friend — so there's no way she's going to do anything to ruin that, because this is all they'll ever be.
This is enough.
I find it simultaneously weird yet understandable that the act of going to the toilet is rarely ever mentioned in fiction. Like, characters just spend whole chapters not doing their business. But when you actually mention it as much as it happens in real life, everyone is suddenly a squirrel that constantly drinks too much water.
This is officially on hiatus until further notice! I'm sorry it took this long to make a statement, but after forcing myself to write and hating each and every word, I want to try and focus on other stuff for now. This will be finished, one day.
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