It’s a brand new day and a new school. Standing in front of this gate makes me think of my future that never seems so clear. Will I graduate peacefully in this school? How long will I stay this time? Can I make it? Future makes me nervous but I only can hope for the best. Without much thought I step up into unknown.

Just like always I need to go to the office to takes my books, my class schedule and meet my homeclass teacher. Then he takes me to my class. Same old same old, I need to introduce myself to the class. I wish I can skip all this but like always I just obey with the tradition.

“That is your seat.” Mr. Taek point to the seat at the last row next to the window. Wow, at least he gave me a private and favorite seat. I walk to the table with my head stay low. I just don’t like to looks at the kids face. Somehow they makes me uncomfortable and feeling . I sit quietly and just focus on the learning. Day will pass by fast.

“It’s lunch time…..” The kids speak loudly as the teacher walk out from the class. I just stay on my table too lazy to move. I put my head on the table my hand as a pillow while looking at the clear blue sky. The sky is clear but the weather still cold now. Spring definitely is in the air. I heard a faint knock on my desk. I look up and saw couple of girl student. They look nice and pretty.

“Do you want to join us to lunch?” Shin Minah asked. I saw her name tag on her shirt.

“No, thank. I don’t feel to eat.” I said with smile. It’s not excuse and I rather to sleep.

“Ok….” They said and leave. I continue what I’m doing. The class so quiet and I like it. I still can hear the faint sound of other student talking at the hallway, their laugh too. I feel envy of other student. They seems don’t have any worry. Most of them may be have very simple worry such as what to wear? Which bag goes well with the outfit? What should they eat for dinner? Where to hang out? At least for once I want to have normal worry like that.

After the class end like always I go to my part time job. I had a long day every day since I was 14. I force myself to be an adult to take care my sick mother. My family was a mess since the beginning. I just don’t know how my mother can cope for so long but well that’s what happen to her finally.

4 years ago my mother and my father had a big fight. They always fight and it’s not new to me but that night it’s worse. My father keeps beating her nonstop while she protect me with her body. I saw my mother’s head bleeding. I keep pleading to make him stop. My heart hurt like hell. I push my mother aside and cover her with my body. I saw she become weak and I just follow my heart to fight him back. I just grab anything that my hand can. I used that long broom stick to beat him and knock him at the head. He lost his balance and fall. When he unconscious I’d takes that opportunity to run away with my mother.

I take her to the hospital and tell lies at doctor. Tell him that my mother fell from the stair. I don’t know why did I lied. When my mother a wake the next day, she totally forget what is actually happen. All that she remembers a night before that happen. She also develop a mental illness, anxiety disorder. Wherever I don’t pick up my phone she will become nervous. Afraid if something might happen to me.

Since then I keep telling her my scheduled for a day. I don’t want she worry about me. With her emotion not stable, it’s difficult for her to work. So, I take that responsibility. 4 years already pass by and this is my 4 schools since then. I thought I can start fresh and start all over again but after my second school, I don’t border to make friend anymore.

A week pass and I still alone lunch time. Other student saw that I rather be alone they also stop bother me. Half of my classmate I can remember their name now. In psychical education class I just seat at the corner, watching the other student playing around. The girls start cheering for the boys play basketball.

“Kim Jiwon!! Kim Jiwon!!!” They cheers. Kim Jiwon is one of my classmates. He seems so well known among the student. Anywhere he go people will greet him. The games bored me, so I go outside. P.E teacher don’t even know I was out from the gym. I take a seat under the sun. It feel good to feel the warm of the sun. I laid down on the grass and close my eyes.

I don’t know if I was sleeping or not but I get up when I heard the bell ring.

After a month go by in a blink of eyes. I get more used to the school and my new classmate now. Even though they don’t talk much with me but they just casually greet me such as smile. Sometime the girl asked me to hang out with them but I just declined nicely. It’s not that I don’t like to hang out with them but I don’t have time to play with them. Until one day.

“Yah, Kim Jiwon!!!” I heard someone scream Jiwon name. I look back. I was doing my part time job at the coffee shop. Weekdays like this a lot of students hang out at the coffee shop but I never met my school mate or my classmate.

When I saw Jiwon is the same Kim Jiwon in my class. I got curious. What is happening? I saw 2 other boys standing in front of him looks so mad and fierce. Other customer also looking at them and at that time Jiwon looks at me, straight to my eyes. I’m taken back, surprise. I don’t heard what did he said but he tries to settle the problem nicely. After a while they go outside. I’m trying to focus on my work but I’m worry. I’m follows my heart and asked my senior permission to allow me off from work early.

I’m walk around and looking every alley for them. Somehow I feel more nervous and afraid if they might fight. I’m walk to other direction and heard noise at the back of alley. Slowly I approach and saw 2 boys beat Jiwon and he fight back. I just grab whatever I can pick up and used it to help Jiwon. He seems surprise with my help.

“!!” The other boy said and try to beat me but Jiwon move fast to help me. When Jiwon saw both of them on the floor, he grab my hand and run away.

We stop running when we saw we lost them. Without talks we just seat at the park bench catching our breaths. I’m looks at him and saw he hurt his hand.

“Stay here.” I said and go to the nearest pharmacy store. When I’m come back, I saw Jiwon lean back and close his eyes.

“Here….” I said and hand him a bottle of water. He looks at me then to my hand. He gave me a faint smile. That was my first words I said to him.

“Thanks…..”

“Your hand…..” I said and he looks confused. I point to his hand and he looks at it. He nod and smile again. I know he likes to smile but tonight his smiles looks more sweet and charming. He put out his hand and I clean his wound first then put on handaplast.

“Why do you help me?” He asked after I treat his hand.

“Just think that I’m as a busy body person.”

“You never talks in class and always alone…..why?”

“I want to be mystery…..” I said and look at him. He know I’m not serious and he smile at my answer. I heard my hand phone ringing. It must be my mother.

“I got to go….” I said and answer my phone.

“Where are you, baby?” My mom said. I know I’m 18 in a few months but hear my mother call me baby always makes me feel safe and be love.

“I’m on my way home, mom. Are you done with your dinner?” That’s what I always ask her. For some teenager, getting phone call from their parent might make them feel annoying. For me, it’s more like I know my mother is safe and she care for me.

The next day, I saw something on my desk milk and a bun. I look around but no one making any eyes contact with me. I just put it in my desk and do my work like always. When lunch time, I take a nap while listening to the music. I guess that what my routine every day. Before the bell ring, I go to the bathroom to wash my face. When I’m come back to my desk I saw an apple with and yogurt. Do I have secret admire now? I put it in my desk again. I don’t have any plan to eat it since I don’t know it from who. Right before the class end, I put everything in dustbin.

The next day, it happens again. Since then it happen for every day. I try to find who did it but no one seems suspicious. My gut said it was from Jiwon but he never show any affection to me.In P.E class while the other playing around, I skip go outside for my sun bath. Suddenly I feel like someone cover the sunlight from my face. I open my eyes and saw it was Jiwon. He just standing there quietly.

“Why you not eat what I gave you?” He asked when he saw I’m aware of his presence.

“I don’t know where it came from. It’s dangerous.” I heard his faint laugh. He take a seat next to me. I also sit up and look around. I don’t know why I do it but I feel uncomfortable if other saw us there alone while the other in gym.

“Do people cheat you for your whole life? Why did you not trust me?”

“Because you a man too.” I said and stand up. I know not every man in this earth is same like my father but somehow trust is not come easy for me.

“Thanks for look at me as a man but somehow I feel offended.”

“Sorry if I offend you but trust is not easy for me.”

“You do very mystery girl, Young-ah.” He said. It was a first time I heard he spoke my name. But why did my heart flutter when he said my name. It seems so delicate and he cherish it. I walk away from him and go change my clothes.

Tonight I work late and my mother knows so she won’t freak out. I’m taking the trash out when I heard my phone ring. I answer it.

“Young-ah……” I heard my mother voice shivering.

“Eomma, what’s wrong?”

“Young-ah….your dad….”

“What…..? Did he beat you again?”

“Young-ah….he comes to you.” She said and I felt cold all over my body.

“Eomma, run. I will find you.” I said and go back inside. I speak to my senior to let me go early. I grab my bag and run out from the store but it too late. My father grabs my hand and slammed me on the wall. I knock my shoulder on the wall. At the same time he slap my face, hard. I can taste blood in my mouth. Hurt, anger and afraid all mix into one. I don’t even dare to looks into his eyes.

“If you are truly a man, you should fight someone the same level with you.” I heard his voice behind my father. I felt glad he was here but at the same time I’m feel embarrass.

“Just stay away. This is not your business.”

“This is my business. You beat someone on the road.”

“Maybe it does but she’s my daughter.” Jiwon smirk.

“If she your daughter then she is my girlfriend.” Jiwon answer making my heart stop a beat. What is he talking about. Is he really mean it or it just a play? He walks more closer but carefully. I look at him. Sending a message and hoping he can understand. I saw him nod slightly. I take my signal and kick my father leg hard. After so many years I spend looking at him beating my mother, I learn one or two trick. My father fall on the floor and I take that chance to run but I don’t know he grab my leg. So I fall too. Jiwon come and help me.

My father is a tall and big build body but he’s weaker now as he aging too. He also in drunk state. One hard kick like that make him take his time to stand up again. We run again and only stop when we far enough from him. We check our back a few time when we catching our breath. I take that chance to call my mother.

“Eomma, where were you?” I asked but she still silence.

“Eomma, do you hear me?”

“Young-ah, Eomma scared.” She finally said. I stop walking and listen properly. I can’t freak out right now. I hold my tears back. I take a few breath to calm myself.

“Eomma, do you trust me?” I asked in my cheerful voice.

“Hmm…”

“Can you tell me where you are so I can come and get you?”

“I don’t know where I am.” I bite my lips hard. I don’t want she hear my shaking voice. I need to be calm so she can calm herself too.

“Tell me what do you see. Don’t hang up on me ok?” I said and run again. Jiwon follow me but I don’t even remember. All I know is my mother have to be safe. When my mother come to my view, I stop for a while. I wiped my face with my hand I don’t she saw me in a mess. I fix my hair too.

“Eomma!!” I called. She smile relieve to see me.

“Are you ok my baby?” She asked worry. I just smile and nod.

“I’m fine…”

“Who is this?” My mom asked makes me remember Jiwon is still with me. I look at him and then he smiles. The sweetest smile he can gave.

“I’m Kim Jiwon, Young’s friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Jiwon. Young never bring her friend home before. You are the first one.” She said makes Jiwon smile again.

“Eomma, you have your dinner already?”

“Yes….let’s go home.” She said.

“Eomma, home is not safe for now.” I said carefully. I don’t want to trigger her panic.

“Where should we go then?”

“My home.” Jiwon answers. I look at him surprise with his answer. My mother looks at me, asking me to explain it.

“Eomma, you take a seat first. I talk with Jiwon for a minute.” I said and walk a few step away from my mother. Just far enough for her not hear our conversation.

“What do you mean?”

“You can stay at my home as long as you want.”

“Your parent?”

“They’re not here. I’m alone in Korea.”

“I will stay at your place just for tonight.” I said. Jiwon smile again. It seem it not a big deal for him. Most people I know try hard to avoid us. They sometimes just ignore us.

Jiwon open his home door. He opens it big and let my mother come in first then me. He has a huge house and his living room only as big as my house.

“Have a seat first while I’m check your room to sleep.” He said. My mother and I just seat still until he come back again.

“Eommoni, come with me. I will show you your room.” He said with sweet smile. I come with her too. The room Jiwon let my mother stay is all décor in white and warm brown color.

“Young-ah, this will be your room.” He said while he stand next to me. Tonight is the first time I saw my mother be so calm like her old self. Then Jiwon disappear behind the other room.

“Eomma, do you need anything?”

“No. I will wash myself before sleep.” She said.

“Sure.” I said and close the door for her. Jiwon come back again with a few clothes in his arms.

“This belongs to my mother. I hope your mother fit in it.” He said.

“Thank you.” I said without looking at him.

“Don’t mention it and this is for you.” He said. I look at the clothes he gave me. It boy clothes.

“Your?”

“Yup, I can’t give you my mother clothes. They all look too old for you.” He jokes. I smile at him.

“Have a good night rest.” He said and go to his room. Before sleep I take a warm shower and wear his clothes. It make me smile, it all look so baggy and oversize. Lucky his pajamas pant not so baggy. He gave me his basketball jersey, did he has a fantasy to see girl in his basketball jersey?

I go out to check on my mother. I hope she can sleep well tonight and forget all the bad things happen tonight. I fix her blanket and pull it until her chest. I want she stay warm and feel safe tonight.

“Good night…..” I whisper. I go out on my tip toe so I don’t wake her up. I go to the kitchen to drink water but saw Jiwon seat at the couch.

“Not sleeping yet?” I asked make him aware of my presence. I saw he smile in satisfaction and check on me from head to toes.

“Not yet. You?”

“After a glass of water.” I said. He walks to the kitchen and open the cupboard. He take out a cup and pour a water in it. I keep looking at him without I knowing. It’s seems so fascinating to see him outside of the class. He wear a black shirt with long black pant but his hair make he looks different from how he normally look at school. His hair a bit wet and curly which it make him looks so manly but y at the same time. Like a shampoo model walk on the runway.

“Do I look cool or y?” He asked with jokes. Smiles never leave his face. At first I don’t understand what he means with that but after I saw a cup of water in his hand. Then I understand. He waits for a while for me to take the cup from him.

“Take a seat here.” He said and pulls out the chair slowly and he opens up another cupboard. He put a box of first aid on the table.

“Your hand?” He said calmly with low voice.

“My hand? Why?” Jiwon hold my hand and pull the sleeve up.

“You do not notice you hurt yourself?” He asked.

“Aaaa….this. It’s nothing.” I said but Jiwon put the ointment on it and handaplast.

“Your shoulder, how was it?”

“Just bruise. It will be fine in couple day.” I said but once again Jiwon stand up and bring a small bag of ice. He put it on my shoulder.

“Is he your father?” He asked carefully. I just smirk. Finally he asked.

“Yes. He start lost himself in drink and gamble 10 years ago when he lost his job. Since then he become different person. My mother lost her memory 4 years ago when he beat her nonstop. Since then she has anxiety disorder.” I said and look at him. He shows no reaction but slowly look at me with his kind eyes. Without any words I can see he feel sorry.

“Your parent, where were they?” I asked change the topic.

“My mother in China while my father in US. My family will be complete only for Christmas and Chosuk.” He said with heavy breath. It’s look like he don’t even want to talk about them. He must be very lonely.

“Are they separate…?”

“No, they still together just they had different business to attend….. Weird, right?” He said and smiles again.

“Every family has their own story. Same with you and me…..It’s late now, we should go to sleep or else tomorrow we will be late to school.” I said and stand up.

“Good night, Young-ah.”

“Good night, Jiwon-nie.” I go to my room first and lay down on comfy bed. While I was lay down, I drag the shirt to my nose. It smells like Jiwon. I shake off any thought in my head and close my eyes. Wake up, Goo Ah Young. He just being nice because I’m one of his classmate. Pull yourself together and don’t even dream about it.