I realize that the tone of this chapter is a little different, but I want the tone to reflect Soonyoung's state of mind, so it will probably change a lot throughout the fic

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“I welcome you all to the 43rd entrance ceremony. I hope you will find yourself discovering great things here at our school, as well as discover yourself. High school is a time for great things...”

The chairman had a booming voice that reverberated through the air of the gymnasium. It made it hard to ignore his speech, but being that it was almost exactly the same speech as the year before, Soonyoung was able to drone out his words. He didn’t understand why he had to listen to this again. He internally groaned at the thought that he would have to hear it again the next year.

He started fanning his face. Even if the air conditioning was on, with so many people crowded in one place, it was bound to get hot. The heat was grabbing his attention much more easily than the chairman’s speech. Judging by how long the speech took the year before, Soonyoung estimated that he would have to stand there for another fifteen minutes. Ten if he was lucky. He looked around at the other students. Some seemed to be as distressed as he was. Others were giving their full attention to the chairman. A few were whispering and snickering amongst themselves.

Soonyoung longed for some kind of distraction at the moment. Something other than the chairman’s speech to take his mind off of the heat. It wasn’t much longer that such a distraction came.

There was a group of boys to the side of him, far enough that he couldn’t see them due to the mass of students in the way, but close enough that he can hear their playful banter. What he heard next was what made him turn his head.

“Hey, Lee Seokmin! Stop it!”

As much as he tried, Soonyoung still couldn’t see who these boys were. His heart felt hopeful, but at the same time, he couldn’t be sure. Was this the same Seokmin as he was thinking of? The Seokmin he had met also had the surname Lee, didn’t he?

A loud clearing of the throat amplified by the speakers made Soonyoung turn his head to the front again.

“And so, this concludes our opening ceremony. You may now go to your home rooms.”

With the chairman’s announcement, the perfectly lined up students dispersed in the direction of their respectful classes. Soonyoung used this opportunity to head in the direction he heard Seokmin’s name.

It can’t be… can it?

He was stopped when someone tapped his shoulder. He looked to see who it was.

“Oh, it’s you, Jihoon.”

“Nice seeing you, too. I’m glad we’re both so glad to see each other,” the smaller boy replied sarcastically.

Soonyoung smiled lightly.

“I missed you too.”

Soonyoung glanced back at where he was originally headed. There were so many students that looking for a particular person was hopeless. He kept his gaze in that direction for just a little longer.

“Hmm? Do you see someone you know?”

“What? No, it’s nothing. We should probably get going to homeroom.”

Jihoon was a friend he had made in middle school. On their first day of class, they sat next to each other near the back, neither acknowledging the other. When lunch break began, however, they were the only two not trying to socialize and make new friends. Out of curiosity, Soonyoung looked over at Jihoon, who was already staring back at Soonyoung. He could immediately recognize the pain concealed within his eyes. It was then that he realized that they were the same. Jihoon seemed to have realized it too, and ever since then, they shared a sort of silent understanding of each other. Neither of them ever asked the other what their problems were. They just accepted each other’s company. It was a relationship in which they could comfort each other without ever saying a word, and without ever having to expose their dark secrets.

Jihoon broke Soonyoung from his thoughts. “So you decided not to drop out?”

They were approaching their homeroom, and Soonyoung could see the students making their way inside. Most people he recognized, but never interacted with. He tended to not involve himself with others, but somehow Jihoon became an exception.

“I figured I could put up with another year. There are only two more years until we graduate. It’s easier to find a job when you’re a high school graduate and not a drop-out”

“Well, if you drop out, you can always work at a salon. With how often you dye your hair, I wonder why you haven’t looked into the profession already.”

Soonyoung pinched the ends of his blond, damaged hair that rested on his forehead. He strained his eyes to look up at it.

“Do you really think someone is going to trust me to dye their hair when mine is so obviously damaged?”

“Good point. You’re a hopeless case.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re not all prodigies at everything like you…”

They entered the classroom and were given assigned seats, and like almost every other year, they sat adjacent to each other. Somehow, it just always ended up that way. After they sat in their respective seats, the teacher, Ms. Kim, silenced the students and began her lesson.

Just like that, the day dragged on as usual. Jihoon beside him diligently took notes while Soonyoung just rested his head on his hand and let the information soak in. Although he had trouble with cooking and sports, he never had much of a problem with academics. He retained information well enough to pass his classes without trying. He seldom got full marks, but he didn’t ever feel the need to try hard enough to. His goal was to pass, not to be at the top of his class. Jihoon, on the other hand, did care. He took the effort to maintain first place in class rankings because unlike Soonyoung, his goal was to be accepted into a university with a scholarship.

Unlike Soonyoung, Jihoon had goals. What, then, did Soonyoung really want to do with his life?

Soon enough, the day was over. The students eagerly shuffled around to pack their belongings to leave. Soonyoung rested his head on his desk and watched as Jihoon packed his things as well. Jihoon neatly placed his notebooks and textbooks into his bag with care, organizing things in a very specific manner. Soonyoung was never able to tell if he was a neat-freak or a major perfectionist. Maybe he was both.

“I’m going to the library,” Jihoon said when he was finished packing. “Do you want to come with?”

The thought of voluntarily going to  library made Soonyoung scowl.

“Not really.”

“Just going to go home?”

“... Probably not.”

Jihoon nodded in understanding.

“Why don’t you join a club then? What happened to you and your taekwondo club?”

Soonyoung sighed, his head still on his desk.

“That was in middle school. And besides, it’s hard for me to be active now. You know…”

“Because of things?”

“Because of things.”

“What if you join the literature club or something?”

Soonyoung squinted.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”

“I’m not.”

“Then, no.”

“That was a quick answer.”

“I hate reading, why would I willingly join a club where you do nothing but read?”

“You wouldn’t have to move much.”

“Maybe if there was a fun club.”

“Join the drama club.”

“The drama club?”

“Hey, look, I want to help you, but I can’t be here all day. Someone’s expecting me in the library to tutor them, so I have to go. I don’t want to lose a client.”

“Yeah, I get it. You can go.”

Jihoon tapped Soonyoung’s shoulder blade as encouragement before he speed walked out of the classroom. As soon as he heard the door close and Jihoon’s footsteps fade away, Soonyoung rolled his head so that his forehead was touching the cool desk. He closed his eyes, intending to sleep. He wanted to let the time pass peacefully and painlessly.

He stayed in this position for at least 15 minutes, but sleep didn’t come. He opened his eyes and saw the blurred wood patterns of the desk up close. He swept his eyes along the pattern to occupy his mind somehow, since he wasn’t able to sleep. This wasn’t working. Time was passing too painfully slow.

Drama club it is.

He sat up and stuffed his belonging into his bag, but made sure not to crinkle any books. He didn’t want to pay for damages when he has to return them at the end of the year. He got up, slung his bag over his shoulder, and left the classroom, not bothering to push in his chair.

The hallways were relatively empty as he walked down them. Every so often there would be a couple of students roaming, but he didn’t give any of them a glance. He was searching for the particular classroom he was told the drama club held its meetings. After exploring the halls, he finally found it. He glanced up at the clock that hung just above the classroom name.

They’re probably about halfway done with their club activities by now.

He hesitantly placed his hand on the door. Even after coming all the way here, he wasn’t sure he really wanted to do this. But then, he thought about his other options and made up his mind. He slowly slid open the door, trying not to cause much noise. When he looked inside, he saw a handful of students inside, most of them in one corner. He wasn’t sure who he was supposed to talk to, or what he was supposed to be doing, so he stayed at the entrance, just watching.

His gaze was focused on the majority of the boys in the corner. They were facing away from him, so he couldn’t see any of their faces. They seemed to be joking around and having fun. Soonyoung wasn’t sure if this was the club for him, and seeing their high energy convinced him of that even more. He considered closing the door and leaving. No one had spotted him yet, so it would be like he never came in the first place.

Just then, one of the boys happened to turn and see Soonyoung standing at the door.

Great. There goes my chance at quietly escaping.

“Hey! Are you interested in joining?” He asked in a bubbly manner.

“I, uh…”

The boy quickly walked over to him and offered him hand.

“I’m Seungkwan. Boo Seungkwan.”

Soonyoung looked Seungkwan’s hand as if he didn’t know what a handshake was.

Do I really want to do this?

“Hey, Boo Seungkwan! What’s taking you so lo-”

Soonyoung made eye contact with the boy who made the outburst. Upon recognizing the boy, his body became weak for a moment, but he suddenly felt energy building up in his legs. He needed to run. And so he did.

He wasn’t exactly sure why he was running. Maybe it was that he didn’t expect to see Seokmin there. Even though he wanted to see him again, he didn’t have time to prepare himself for the possibility that he might actually see him. He hadn’t figured out what he would say to him if the small chance that he would meet him came true.

Soonyoung could feel his lungs burn. His breath was ragged, but his feet stepped in an even pace. His bag kept flopping, hitting his back with every step. He felt so loud at that moment. There was so much noise, from the harsh stomps of his feet, to the slight wheeze in every exhale. His running form felt all over the place. It had been too long since he last exercised properly.

He must have been so loud that he wasn’t able to hear the steps behind him, because the next thing he knew, his momentum was reversed by a sharp yank on his arm. The sudden change in direction made him disoriented, and he dropped his bag. He looked up at the owner of the hand that was his holding onto his arm.

Seokmin looked just as disheveled as Soonyoung did. He was leaning over trying to catch his breath, but his grip was strong. His head was down from fatigue, but Soonyoung could recognize his figure.

“Wait, Hoshi…”

Hoshi? Oh right.

“Soonyoung.”

Seokmin looked up. “Huh?”

“It’s Soonyoung.”

“Oh, right. Sorry… Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung liked the sound of his name when it was in Seokmin’s voice. It was sickeningly sweet, like honey. It was coaxing him to let his guard down, just like the last time. He almost gave into the beckoning.

“So you’re a second year?”

Soonyoung looked down at his tie, a silky light pink, indicating that he was a second year. He glanced over at Seokmin’s tie, and it was a dusty silver color, like all of the other first years. He remembered Seokmin telling him that he was a third year in middle school, but since that was in between the school session, it made sense that he was a first year in high school now.

“I am.”

“Weird, I thought you were younger,” Seokmin chuckled dryly.

“What is it?”

Seokmin took a deep breath, closing his eyes, as if he need to think carefully about what he wanted to say. He opened his eyes again, exposing sadness, or perhaps guilt.

“Can you answer something? If you want me to never show up in front of you again, that’s fine, but I just want to know.”

I should never have shown up in front of you. I’m the one in the wrong.

“What is it?”

“Why weren’t you there when I came back that day? Did I say something wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

You’re not supposed to pick up a stray just because you pity it. That stray might get false hopes.

“No.”

“Then why?”

Soonyoung looked down at his arm, still being held onto tightly. When Seokmin saw his where his gaze was, he immediately released his hold, muttering a quick apology.

“It wasn’t anything you said. Or anything you did.”

“Then?”

“I left because I didn’t want to be selfish.”

“It wouldn’t be selfish if I wanted you to stay, now would it?”

No, it would be selfish because I wouldn’t ever want to leave.

Soonyoung picked up his bag that was on the floor.

“I didn’t get to say this before, but thank you for everything you did.”

He turned around, half expecting Seokmin to pull him back again, but he didn’t.

“Does that mean you don’t want to see me again?”

Soonyoung walked forward. He didn’t answer Seokmin, because he didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t want Seokmin to have to be involved with him, but he wanted so badly to be comforted by him. He wanted to tell him everything, and for Seokmin to tell him that everything would be okay. If Seokmin were the one to tell him that, he might actually believe it. The more he imagined it, the more he desired those comforting words.

Was it okay for him to be selfish, just this once?