Topaz's POV

"Oh, Topaz. You're turning 17 soon. Any plans?" Mrs. Stewart asked.

I wonder what should I do this time. Should I ask my parents if I can go to Korea? That would be perfect! But I don't think I'm ready for that yet. Plus, I'm too young. I'm not even 18 yet. I'm sure my dad won't let me travel alone.

"I still have time to think Miss. It's just August. Do you have any idea though?" I said.

"After August is September, then October, then its November! Time flies so fast Topaz." Joy interrupted.

"That's why I'm asking for ideas. Miss Positive," I told Joy with sarcasm.

"Can we go to Korea?" Joy asked.

"I wonder if we're sisters, because I am thinking the same way." I joked and laughed.

"Hey you two, snap out of it. You know your dad can't let you do that," Mrs. Stewart added.

"Then, send someone with us. Someone who will take care of us and handle us when we get there like you Miss! Or all of us can go. And, my dad gave us a teacher in Korean. Doesn't that mean that he is somewhat supportive now?" I assumed.

"I'm sorry for being so negative dear, but don't expect too much. You know I always support you in everything you do, right? But not for this one. Also, what are you gonna do there?" Mrs. Stewart said.

"Find Rokhyun oppa?"

"How can you even meet an idol? They're stars! They're popular. They will not notice you, dear. I don't really know why you really want to see him. It's not like you two are gonna end up together. You are just turning seventeen and he is now twenty four like what you told me right? Topaz, listen to me, dear, if you are gonna fall in love, at least pick someone who will return the love you give. Someone at your age. I don't know what made you like this whole Korean thing and this idol guy but I've had enough. You've been dreaming for two years. I'm sorry," Mrs. Stewart said and hugged me.

Why do I feel like I was dumped by a person? My heart feels heavy. I feel like I'm going to cry any minute, but I tried my best to hold it in. I know that she is just concerned, but I feel like I was stabbed. I hate to admit it, but it's all true. But why does it hurt so much?

After Mrs. Stewart left, I locked myself in my room. I don't usually lock my door, but I don't want to talk to anyone now. I went straight to my bed and closed my eyes. I tried my best to sleep to ease the pain, but I can't. Since when did I start liking K-POP? Liking Rokhyun oppa? Oh, right. After that incident.

*Flashback*

"Hey, want to have lunch with me? You seem a little lonely," a guy asked.

I don't really want to have lunch with anyone but I guess I would be really mean if I will refuse this guy's offer.

"Yeah, sure."

What could happen? It's just a lunch. Eating food. Nothing else.

When lunch time came, the guy walked up to me. I see him often, but I don't know his name. Well, I have close friends, but just a few. I was surprised when he called my name. It would be really offensive if I will ask his name but I think that's the best option that I have.

"I'm really sorry, but what's your name again?"

There's a surprise and a sad look on his face. This is awkward.

"Ryan. I thought you knew my name because you.. I... Nothing. Let's eat," he said.

What is wrong with this guy? I am very sorry that I don't even know his name but I guess I can still make it up to him. I told him that I'd eat lunch again with him tomorrow to return the favor and for forgetting his name. Days, weeks, and months passed by and we grew really close. In fact, I think I already like him. He is a very nice guy.

We decided to go to the park one day. We're really close, but we never went to the point of being sweet or acting like a couple and I am thankful for that. It will just be awkward if that happened. As I was drinking my soda, I felt his warm hand hold the top of my hand. I looked at him and he is looking down, but I know that he is aware that he is touching my hand. I tried pulling it, but he held it tight.

"Topaz. I think I like you."

After a few weeks, we decided to make it official. I like him and he likes me too. He is my very first boyfriend and I want to make it really special. I'm glad that we started out as friends.

"Oh look at that flirty . Who does she think she is holding Ryan's hand? She must have used something to seduce Ryan. I bet they already made out or maybe she bought Ryan with her money," a girl said loud and clear enough for me to hear it.

I was bullied and called names by my classmates and my friends turned their backs on me. Some of my friends stayed by my side and they received harsh words too.

After a month of our relationship, I must say that we stayed strong. I am walking to the park where Ryan and I was suppose to meet. I decided to come an hour earlier than the planned time to surprise him, but it seems like I was the one surprised. I saw Ryan kissing another girl and the girl's arms were wrapped around his neck.

"Babe. Your girlfriend might see us," the girl said.

"Girlfriend? Who? You're my girl, you know that."

"Then why don't you just dump her?"

"Babe. You know that I need money now. I need money for us. That girl is freaking rich. I just need her money. That's the agenda from the start, right?"

*Flashback ends*

I wonder what happened to him. After that incident, my parents found out about the whole thing so they decided that I will be homeschooling the following school year. They sent bodyguards for me too, so Ryan won't come near me. I am not holding grudges anymore and I've moved on. Thanks to him I am now a K-POP fan. I started watching videos and dramas after that. K-POP was my healer during that time that I'm suffering from pain. During that time, 100% is a pretty new group but I showed my support for them. I felt joy when I was watching K-POP especially when I am watching 100%. When I saw Rokhyun oppa, I felt that my life sparked again. He brought back my smile. I grabbed the teddy bear and put it in front of me.

"Oppa, should I stop liking you? Is this bad? Mrs. Stewart is right. You are an idol. You're in Korea and I'm in America. I know that I can go there whenever I want. Money is not an issue, but even if I go there, nothing will change. I will still be a fan and will always be a fan," I said and hugged my teddy bear. A tear dropped from my eye and I can't stop it from falling.

"Saranghae Rokhyun oppa. I promise that I will not forget you. Maybe I will decide to forget you, but I want to see you first. Not in videos, not in my computer or my phone, but in real life."

I'm really an idiot because I'm talking to things, but this is my way of releasing my problems. I'm always talking to Rokhyun oppa or should I say, my teddy bear. I scanned my phone and found different recordings of my voice talking to the teddy bear.  I am only recording important things and things that I really want to tell him.

Days, weeks, and months passed by. Joy and I can speak and understand common or basic Korean sentences. We still need to practice with our speed and understanding. It's very hard to learn a language especially if you don't have the passion to do it. We're lucky because we really want to learn Korean. I also asked Ms. Park to learn some 100% songs and teach us the dance steps. Joy is asking for different groups. I focused on 100% so I can be proud of something. That I can do their dance and also sing their songs.

Joy is right. Time flies by so fast. It is just one week before my birthday. I didn't get what I want. Instead, my dad decided to have a party at our house with some common friends. Good thing it's not a pool party because I can't swim. I just have this fear that I might drown when the pool is getting deeper or above my height. I spend my time, sometimes at the pool, but I'm just doing a basic floating. That's all I can do.

Joy and I decided to go shopping to prepare for the party. I'm glad that my dad removed my bodyguards a year ago because I don't want them following us. It's like having no privacy. My dad offered CCTV Cameras in my room, but I refused it. He said that we should be alert as always. I told him I'll be fine and I'm just in my room so nothing bad will happen. He trusted my words and I am happy for that. Every part of our house has Cameras now, except for my room.

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Published: September 2015 (IN WATTPAD)

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