~ Alayna's POV ~

  The last few weeks felt like hell. It's been about a month and a half since Seventeen left for Japan. It was nice to have the other trainees comfort me during the past few weeks, but I still felt lonely and terrible about Joshua. I thought for once I found someone who was something special. It turns out I just hurt someone, again. I don't want to hurt anyone else. Maybe I should just move back home. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. Yes, I love singing and of course I love dancing, but what's the point of doing what you love if you don't actually feel happy. I've been behind in my studies and practices and I haven't been getting much sleep. I don't see any reason for me to be happy right now.

Knock knock

  I ignore the knocking.

Knock knock

  It’s 3AM why is anyone up this late? Why am I up this late?

Knock knock

  I get out of bed and look through the peep hole in the door. No. Why are you here? I open the door but Joshua pushes it open and embraces me in a warm hug. I feel his tears fall onto my shoulder. I miss his warm hug. “Don't ever leave me,” he whispers into my ear.

Knock knock

  Why do I hear knocking still? A faint voice calls my name. I slowly and hesitantly open my eyes. My heart is racing. “Why are you still sleeping? Get up before PD-nim gets mad!” Alexa says hurriedly.

It was all just a dream…

  “Al--” I stifle a yawn. “Ah-alright I’m getting up.” I throw on some clothes to wear for practice and I pack myself a quick lunch. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about that dream I had. Stop it, Alayna. You hurt him. You don't want to hurt him or anyone else anymore. Alexa and I get into the company car and I stare out the window.

  “Hey, you okay?” Alexa asks, “You seem a little down today. Is everything alright?” I don't know how to respond to be honest. Should I tell her about the dreams I've been having? Should I tell her now I still love Joshua? “Yeah, I’m fine,” I end up saying.

  “Okay. But if you really do need something or someone to talk to, just come to me. Or you can go to the others. But really, Alayna, it could be dangerous if you keep all your feelings kept inside.”

  “Yeah, okay. Thanks for the concern, Alexa.”

  “No problem, that’s what friends are for. Now, enough with the depressing attitude. We have a long day of practice.” Alexa grabs my hand and we run to the practice room. I hadn’t even noticed the car had been parked for a while now.

  “And a five, six, seven, eight. Cheer up, baby! Cheer up, baby! 좀 더 힘을 내~” The music pauses. “Alayna, are you alright?” Hyelim asks.

  My reaction time is a little slow. “Hmm? What did you say, unnie?” I ask.

  “I said, are you okay, Alayna?” I don't know if I’m okay. But I obviously don't look okay.

  “Yeah, I’m just, uh, little tired today.”

  Hyelim unnie looks suspiciously at me. “Hmm...alright then but tell me if you ever need anything. Everyone! Take five!” Everyone immediately uses their phone except me. I just need a little air so I step outside the practice room for a little bit. How do I feel today? All of a sudden I have a flashback to what happened last time I was by myself outside the practice room.

  “Since when have you guys started dating?” S.Coups asks.

  “Yesterday,” I respond.

  “But we’re not together anymore,” Joshua snaps coldly.

  Just like that day and that same moment, tears stream down my face, nonstop. I sit down on the bench, holding myself tight, trying to stifle my crying. “Hey, umm, are you o-okay?” A familiar voice asks. I look up to see who it is but I shield my face a little. It’s Luke. “Oh, hey Luke, I’m just a little down today.” I stare down at my shoes and I watch a couple tears drop on the rubber.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Luke asks.

  I don't know if I should tell him that I started dating Joshua because he could tell PD-nim. “Do you really want to know?” I know it sounded rude for me to say that but I can't tell him everything.

  “Sure, if it makes you feel better and if you’re okay telling me.”

  I tell him everything. About Mingyu, about Joshua, all of it. Except I leave all the names out. I don't know why but Luke looked so caring when I was telling him my story. I'm surprised he actually cared. Or maybe it was all apart of my imagination that he cared and he actually doesn't he's just trying to be nice.

  Luke looked up at me with slight amazement. “You went through a lot lately.”

  “Yeah, I tried to forget about it but I didn't realize how much I cared. So that's why I’m here. Crying. Like a stupid romantic.” Luke tries to comfort me by patting my back and telling me it's okay to let it all out.

  “Alayna it's time to--” Jordan pauses when she opens the door. “To...are you okay, Alayna?”

  “I’ll take to you later okay?” Luke whispers in my ear. I nod and he walks away to give me and Jordan some alone time.

  “Is this about…” Jordan takes a second to think about how she should phrase the last word. But I know who she’s talking about so I nod before she finishes her sentence. “I knew there was something up. You know, you can always talk to us.” A large crowd of male voices fill up the hallway.

It feels great to be back.

Who was that girl you met?

My...girlfriend.

Did she come with you?

Yeah.

Wow! Hyung has a girlfriend now!

What about…

The crowd of voices stop walking and the talking dies down. I look up. Everyone was staring at me and Jordan. “Come on, Alayna, let’s get back to practice.” Jordan whispers. “안녕하세요. 안녕하세요. 안녕하세요.” Jordan tells the group while bowing her head. I quietly copy her while still keeping my head down as we enter back into the practice room.

Leave me alone.