05. Person

Chanwoo had made some space for Yunhyeong who had ended up lying down beside him. And now, Yunhyeong lay near Chanwoo staring at him intently, singing softly a lullaby, caressing his cute chubby cheeks with the tips of his fingers and wishing him goodnight.

To that vision that was expressing a form of love like many others, something stirred deep within Junhoe, in the depths of his soul. He felt like he was drowning in an endless ocean made of what people used to call "love". If being in love was like that, then Junhoe didn't like it. Once again, he asked to himself a question of which he didn't yet know the answer.

Junhoe walked down the hallway until he reached Jinhwan's bedroom, the door had been left ajar. Inside, Junhoe glimpsed the silhouettes of two people but since their closeness they almost looked like one and only. They were Jinhwan and Hanbin. Jinhwan was lying in bed next to Hanbin who was holding him in a tight embrace. They both seemed to be asleep, tenderly close to each other.
So Junhoe walked away. He felt hurt, he was so angry and upset, too much jealousy was currently burning inside him. He was even more confused than he already was and decided to run away from everything that was going on, from those feelings, from Jinhwan, and perhaps even from himself.

After what he had just seen, Junhoe wasn't ready to face all this despite his initial intention to do so - he wasn't and maybe he never would be. He called Risa, agreed with her to meet up at the club where they met the first time and got dressed. Shortly before he could sneak out of the dorm, Jinhwan's voice made him jump in fright.

"Junhoe?" Jinhwan uttered his name, and Junhoe initially didn't have the strength nor the courage to turn around.

"Junhoe" Jinhwan called again but firmly, "where are you going?" he asked suspiciously.

"It's none of your business" Junhoe replied turning around and looking him straight in the eye.

"What does it mean?" Jinhwan was stunned, "of course it's my business!".

"Leave me alone!" Junhoe snapped no longer able to restrain himself.

"Where are you going?" Jinhwan already knew the answer to that question.

"I need to get out of here" Junhoe replied, "and I'm going to her" he added shortly after to make him feel bad on purpose.

"To her?" instinctively Jinhwan rested a hand on the heart, "is to her that you're going?" he asked as if he didn't believe those words could really match the truth.

"Yes" Junhoe confirmed pointing it out, "is to her that I am going to" Jinhwan's heart broke into a thousand pieces.

"And you'd be an adult?" the oldest member scoffed Junhoe. There were tears in his eyes that showed how madly, truly, deeply in love Jinhwan was with him.

“Yes, I am!” Junhoe affirmed proudly.

"You're just a silly boy playing to be an adult!" Jinhwan's eyes narrowed.

"Stop it, stop it right now" Junhoe warned grabbing him by the wrists, "you don't know anything about me!".

"I know you're not an adult, you're just a kid" Jinhwan grimaced, "why don't you learn how to face me, Junhoe, and why don't you learn how to face feelings?" he murmured a whisker away from Junhoe's face.

Despite their figures were hidden in the dim light, their shadows mingled among them reflected on the floor. Junhoe leaned over him, barely touched his lips and then suddenly withdraw denying that kiss that Jinhwan wanted so much. Junhoe decided not to kiss him: Jinhwan didn't deserve it, not even one of the many kisses that he would otherwise have wanted to give him.

"I can't" it was the only thing that Junhoe told him, as if he couldn't do otherwise.

"If you go away..." Jinhwan's way of speaking was very threatening, "if you go, if you go by yourself, if you leave me, I swear I will never ever forgive you" at one point he sounded almost desperate, like he was already defeated.

"What do you want from me?" Junhoe's hands moved on Jinhwan's shoulders, his nails digging into the flesh causing him a hint of pain, "I saw you, you were with him" Jinhwan tugged him clinging onto him to increase the nearness.

"I want you to choose me instead of her" Jinhwan was about to cry.

Junhoe ran his thumb down his cheeks erasing the first tears that streamed down his skin. Then before disappearing over the front door, Junhoe gave him a light kiss on the forehead. It was just a peck, nothing more. Jinhwan widened his eyes in the void, in the dark, and felt his heart tighten on a cold, deadly grip. He was gone. Junhoe was gone, his Junhoe was going to her and his worst nightmare was real.

Once arrived at the club, Junhoe saw her. She was dancing with one of her friends, they were dancing on their own as if they were the only ones. He approached her without being seen and when the proximity was enough she recognized him from the way he spoke to her, from his husky voice that made her shiver.

"Hey" Junhoe said when he was beside her tickling the exposed skin of the neck with his breath.

She immediately turned and gave him a radiant, bright smile.
"Hey" she caught him by the hem of his hoodie and pulled him toward herself, "how about we go to a more secluded little place?" she asked in a persuasive way knowing full well how to be sensual.

Together, Junhoe and Risa went away grad