Title: (8/10)

Title: (8/10)

The title suited the story really well. I liked how it suggested the element of magic, and it linked directly to the plot. Also, it didn't reveal too much of the plot away and it wasn't too long. The only problem I had with it is that it is a bit too common, and it doesn't have the uniqueness of a powerful story title. It still catches the reader's eyes, but the impact of the title when you are scrolling through countless other story titles isn't that big. However, I can't really think of a better title either. Overall, it was a good choice.

Plot: (32.5/35)

Originality: (4.5/5)

The plot wasn't your typical fanfic, which is good, so I really enjoyed the story. It was about magic and curses, and although it wasn't the most unique storyline I have seen, it wasn't a story you would find often on Asianfanfics.

Believability: (10/10)

I have given this score based on how believable it would be in a world that does have magic.

I found that there weren't any moments when I was left wondering 'what just happened?' or thinking 'that is so not believable' which was pretty impressive, given that when authors have a theme of magic in there story, they often forget to keep the magic reasonable. 

I liked how Sooyoung didn't immediately fall in love with Taekwoon. Their love developed over a few months, which made the story a lot more realistic. I also liked how Sooyoung was originally a bit horrified by Taekwoon's blisters, as it would have been really wierd for her to immediately accept all his flaws, regardless of whether he can help it or not.

I found Sooyoung's character a bit too nice and accepting, however, it wasn't to a stage where she was too sweet, which would have also been a bit strange.

Narration: (9/10)

I found that the narration suited the story. Since your story is more on the angst side then fluff, it was good that your writing style(s) was/were leaning of the formal side.

I think that at times, it sounded a bit too passive, but given that the action isn't too extreme, it still worked.

Setting: (9/10)

I found that most of the time, I could create really vivid imaginations of what the village and manor woud have looked like. You included quite a lot of the description. The only times I couldn't really imagine what was going on was towards the end of the story, when the village seemed a little more modern. I couldn't picture what was happening in the ice scene where Taekwoon saves the child.

The setting fitted your story really well, and I liked how it reminded me almost of 'They Came on Viking Ships' by Jackie French.

Characterisation: (32/35) 

Development: (8/10)

I found that at some points, the story lacked character development. Although you gave plenty of information about the characters, I can't really place myself in their shoes. I'm going to cover the main two characters:

Sooyoung: I found that I can't really imagine what she is thinking. It was a bit strange since you did often mention her thoughts, however, there was this lack of connection between her and the reader that was a bit off-putting. I liked how she did mature though, from a young girl into a mature woman who is ready to face the world beyond who she knows.

Taekwoon: I found that he didn't change dramatically throughout the story. Sure, he became much more accepted by the villagers, but it wasn't that evident that his personality had also changed, after meeting Sooyoung. 

Presentation: (4/5)

In terms of how your characters were presented, I can't really imagine what they look like. I don't think there was much physical description of them throughout the text.

I liked how their personalities didn't change too much. None of their actions left me confused as to why they had done it, other than when Sooyoung tried making Taekwoon jealous, which was a little strange, and didn't seem to fit.

Diversity: (10/10)

I think that your characters were all very diverse, and none of them felt like copies of another character. I liked how Taekwoon was more soft inside and hard outside, whereas Sooyoung was more hard inside and soft outside. Although she was generally very sweet, she sometimes had a rebellious nature. This worked well, so that when they were together, their personalities were similar yet clashed, but moulded together as well. It was a bit like two pieces of jigsaw, they are both jigsaw pieces, yet both differnt, but they fit together perfectly.

Purpose: (10/10)

I'm glad that you didn't attempt throwing in extra characters to cover all of Red Velvet and VIXX, since your story didn't need them. I think that given it is a short story, the amount of characters you had was perfect.

Writing Style: (20/20)

Spelling/Grammar: (10/10)

This is usually where I start editing short sections of the story, but I found minimal mistakes (if any) so all I can say is, 'good job!' I was pretty impressed by how there weren't clear mistakes with tense or grammar.

Consistency: (5/5)

I'm not sure how you two co-authored this (was someone the main author and the other a beta-reader?, or was it you just split the parts) but there weren't any places that seemed strange or off.

Flow: (5/5)

I thinked that the flow of the story was good, and that although the beginning may have been dragged out a bit too quick, there weren't really any parts that threw me off. I liked how you had that time-jump from winter to spring instead of just making her fall in love with him immediately.

Total: (92.5/100)

NOTE FROM REVIEWER: Hey :) So I was actually already subscribed to your story when I started reviewing. I found your story really awesome and you guys did really well!